SG: Mythosbusters!

[Frobozz]

    Welcome to Mythosbusters! The show where we put the myths about 
superheroes to the test! In tonight's episode, Jack and Boomer investigate 
the real mystery of the Mask Principle, while Avril and Angel dare to ask 
the question: does magic really exist? Or is it merely a hoax, hypnotism, 
mass-hysteria, auto-suggestion, trickery or an Imaginary Story that takes 
place on Earth-2? Finally, Juggernaut confronts the myth that there's a 
supervillain living in a peaceful residential area! You'll be surprised at 
what she discovers!

    Who are the Mythosbusters? Mythos is a Canadian superteam that has over 
ten years of superguy experience. Remember, these people have long since 
stopped caring about the extensive and debilitating injuries that they 
could receive in the course of their work. They also have the best health 
care possible available to them - and you don't - so please... don't try 
this at home!

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                Chris Angelini/Frobozz Magic Productions



                             -present-



                          A Mythos Special



                           Mythosbusters!



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    "So, Jack."
    "Yes Boomer?"
    "I understand that there's this thing that some people consider a 
cosmic law. It states that anyone who wears a mask with the intention of 
hiding his--"
    "Or her."
    "Or her -- sorry ladies! -- identity will become virtually 
unrecognizable to anyone who sees them, no matter how observant the people 
around them are."
    "Of course there is. We run into it every day. Why're you telling me 
things I don't--"
    CUT!

***

    "So, Jack."
    "Yes Boomer?"
    "I understand that there's this thing that some people consider a 
cosmic law. It states that anyone who wears a mask with the intention of 
hiding his--"
    "Or her."
    "Or her -- sorry ladies! -- identity will become virtually 
unrecognizable to anyone who sees them, no matter how observant the people 
around them are."
    "That's right, Boomer. It's called the Mask Principle and hundreds of 
heroes rely on it every day. But the question is, does the Mask Principle 
work or are everyone's Dependent non-player characters just too polite to 
say anything to them when they slap a piece of silk over their faces and 
pretend no one can tell that they're the same person?"
    "I think this bears looking into, Jack."
    "Well yeah, I mean obviously. Otherwise we'd have thirty minutes of 
dead air."
    "Jaaack..."
    "Sorry, sorry. You're right, Boomer. Let's look into this myth."

    You may think that the truth of the Mask Principle is pretty well 
covered. On the face of it, it's pretty cut and dried. Heroes... ah... 
hide their... eyes with... glasses, and... do things. But is it possible 
that the Mask Principle is really all wet?

    "That was lame. And that last bit wasn't even a mask pun! Can we fire 
the announcer?"
    "Sorry Jack, he's an institution amongst disembodied narrative voices. 
And has an iron-clad contract."
    "Damn it."

    It's good to be the disembodied king. Ahem, anyhow. Some people say 
that even if you were fifty-foot tall, had orange mottled skin and were on 
fire; if you just cover your face with a bit of cloth held on with a 
little spirit gum, people still won't be able to put two and two together 
and figure out that you just sat on their new Lincoln Town car. Wild 
theory? You betcha! And it's up to Jack and Boomer to prove or bust it!

    Still to come: magic. Truth or fiction? And also, Juggernaut looks for 
the supervillain in your backyard! Stick around!

***

    Check out our Mythosbusters website, now on-line. It's filled with 
puzzles, games, trivia, facts and a kid's club for you to join.
    This week's web-based challenge: we've hidden the secret identity of 
one major hero somewhere on our site. Unscramble the clues to discover it!

***

    Welcome back to Mythosbusters! Avril and Angel were going through our 
mailbag, when they came across an... interesting letter.

    "Well Avril. It seems that one of our viewers has written in with a 
question. It seems to be one that's right up your alley."
    "I... do not understand how we could have gotten mail. This is our 
first show..."
    "I suppose it's the magic of television. Which is--"
    "There is... no such thing... there is no magic which uses the 
television as either its focus or its power source..."
    "No, I meant... ah, never mind. But we've received a question. It reads 
as follows: Dear Mythosbusters. While people talk about magic all the 
time, I just honestly don't believe in it. It seems like something someone 
made up for an excuse to fight the Industrial Revolution to drive up the 
price of gasoline. So my question is... is magic real?"' And that's our 
assignment, Avril. We--"
    "Yes. It is. Magic is real."
    "No, I mean we have to prove whether or not magic exists for the 
viewers."
    "It does... ah, the myth is busted? I believe that is the phrase..."
    "But we have to prove it, Avril. Avril... please... stop giving me that 
look..."
    "I have studied magic since the moment I could walk. I have... learned 
to eat, sleep and breathe the arcane mysteries of the universe. I have 
sacrificed... years of my life for an understanding of the deeper levels 
of reality and... I can say with great authority to... may I have that 
paper? Ah thank you... to 'Kevin Nesbit' that magic is not only plausible, 
but a very real and tangible event and potential."
    "Of course. We just need to translate that knowledge into proof for our 
viewing audience."
    "Ah. Well... -here-."
    "Yes. That's... a very... beautiful spell-shape, Avril. But I'm not 
sure that constitutes a fully supported thesis--"
    "ARGH!"
    "Could... we perhaps call this myth 'Plausible', given that we now have 
empirical evidence? I think I need to go calm her down..."

    Well there you have it! Magic is clearly plausible, and we've also 
learned that magi have short, short fuses. Which of course supports the 
whole premise of the Industrial Revolution, if you ask me.

    "Are you SURE we can't fire him?"
    "I checked his contract, Jack. He's untouchable."
    "He dropped the twenty-letter-and-a-space bomb, Boomer! Surely we can 
at least... I don't know, impeach him!"
    "Sorry Jack. The myth of being able to budge someone in a union job 
is... busted."

    THE MYTH OF MAGIC: PLAUSIBLE
    AVRIL: VERY IRRITABLE
    PERHAPS SHOULD BE DEPORTED BACK TO WHERE SHE CAME FROM BEFORE SHE AND 
HER MAGIC CAN DESTROY YOU AND ALL YOU LOVE.

    When we return, I insult more of the Mythosbusters with impunity!

***

    Coming soon to the Discovery: Superguy Channel: It Takes a Superthief. 
Two 'reformed' meta-thieves rob the houses of rich, affluent people, 
install new security systems after the job, and don't break in later when 
the cameras have been turned off, we promise, really. Would they do that?

***

    "So, Boomer. I understand you have a way for us to test the Mask 
Principle."
    "That's right, Jack! It's elegant in its simplicity."
    "Simple. Just like all your plans, right Boomer?"
    "Jack, that hurt."
    "It's banter, Boomer."
    "Yeah, but... some things aren't called for."
    "Boomer, the cameras are rolling. Can we do this later?"
    "It's always later, Jack. When is it now? When, Jack, when?"
    "Pull yourself -together-, Boomer. The plan?"
    "Wha... oh yeah. The plan. Well, it's sim--it's pretty easy to do. 
You're going to put on this mask..."
    "That's a good start..."
    "And in three different locations, you're going to act like a 
chimpanzee. You're going to bound around, run through fountains, spit 
fruit at passing motorists and make challenging animal noises at anyone 
who gets too close. Then you're going to go back to those same places, 
this time with the mask off. Then we count the number of times you get 
slapped."
    "The HELL(tm)? I mean... the HELL(tm)? For the love of Elvis, why? And 
why me?"
    "Because you hurt my feelings, Jack. Because you hurt my feelings."
    "You are so getting tossed out a window tomorrow, Boomer."

    While Jack and Boomer get ready to go... ape in their little 
experiment, let's look in on Karen and see how she's doing with her myth!

    "Damn it, I said no names!"

    Sorry Miss Moire. I'll make sure to call you Juggernaut from now on.

    "Grrr... -anyway-. I'm here in Windsor, Ontario where the former Tribe 
of Behn used to hang out and do their thing. I'm investigating the myth of 
the Urban Supervillain. I--"

    Remember, that's -not- Karen Moire. 2160 South Street. Ottawa, Ontario. 
K1A 2W0. She's Juggernaut. No relation at all.

    "--you are -so- dead. When I get my hands on you, you are SO DEAD! 
You're going to be so dead that CARRION BIRDS will turn up their beaks at 
you!"

    You were talking about the myth?

    "DEAD, you hear me? DEAD! As dead as Dead Fred McDead, Deadest Man in 
Deadtown!"

    Karen. You're on television making death-threats. Do you really want to 
know what a little creative editing will do to your career? Because I'm 
good with the editing board. -I- was the one who made the public think 
that Superskunk bats for the other team.

    "...fine. I'll be good. Sigh. Anyway. There's a myth going around that 
somewhere in Windsor there's a supervillain who lives just like everybody 
else when he's not out doing his evil thing. It has a lotta people 
worried, so we're going to check it out and see if we can't put some folks 
at ease.
    "Luckily for us, this Internet myth had an address attached to it; but 
strangely, no code-name. So I have my doubts about how real this could 
possibly be. I mean c'mon, most supervillains can't go five minutes 
without ranting about their latest evil scheme... in the damned third 
person. So the odds that this is actually an abode of evil are pretty 
slim. Still... let's just knock and find out. Hm. Hmmm. Maybe no one's 
home... oh wait, here comes someone now. Hello old timer!"
    "Hello? Miss? Are you here with my pension cheque?"
    "Wow. Is this myth already totally busted or what?"
    "Miss? Do you have pudding? I -like- pudding."
    "Look. I'm sorry to bother you, old man, but I'm with Mythosbusters. 
We're on TV. And... you know, we should just edit this segment out. Maybe 
replace it with me doing the can-can..."
    "What? The can-can? I LIKE the can-can."
    "Of course you do. Sir, are you a supervillain?"
    "Supervillain? Why I remember the supervillains. Oh yes, that night at 
the Radio City Music Hall, decked out in their sequined clothes..."
    "No. -No-. Supervillain! Evil geniuses and powered fiends! Are you 
one?"
    "One? One is the looooneliest number. And I'm so lonely..."
    "Uhm. Right. I think we need to call this myth Busted."
    "Those supervillains and their gigantic busts, oh yes. They made a 
soldier just home from the war of 1812 feel -very- warm on a cold August 
night, with their singing and their dancing and their soft shoe routines 
involving rich, creamery cheese products..."
    "That's ENOUGH, old man! And turn off the cameras! This myth is Busted, 
you hear me? Busted!"
    "Myth? No, no, dear, I'm the myther and -you're- the myth. Oh dear me, 
I've never had someone be that confused before..."
    "ARGH! This sucks! This show stinks! I hate this town! And you're the 
DEVIL!"
    "..."
    "Old timer? Why are you... oh crap, why are you glowing black? How is 
it even possible to glow black?"
    "You are far cleverer than I gave you credit for, child. I thought none 
would pierce the veil of my disguise. But clearly you are a formidable and 
worthy adversary... for... AN INCARNATION OF THE UNHOLY HOST! AHAHAHAHA! 
Now git in mah belly!"
    "AAAAAAGGGH! GET HELP! GET ME HELP! HOLY CRIPES, GET JACK GET THE ARMY 
GET SANTA CLAUS GET SOMEBODY!!!"

    Hah hah hah. Well, it didn't seem possible, but Juggernaut's found that 
not only might a supervillan be living right next door to you, it could 
actually be a fiend from the pits of Hell(tm)! Better lock all your doors 
and windows and say your prayers tonight!

    THE MYTH OF THE URBAN SUPERVILLAIN: CONFIRMED

    "WHY ARE YOU STILL NARRATING! GET ME... AAAGH! DAMN YOU, TAKE THAT! AND 
THAT! AND THA- oh wow, you took that-... I'm gonna be running now..."

    When we come back, Jack and Boomer finally put the Mask Principle to 
the test! Also, we test the myth that Karen can fight a demon 
single-handedly and live!

    "I CURSE YOU AND ALL YOUR CHILDREN! EEEEK, DON'T MAKE WITH THE 
HELLFIRE!"

***

    Coming tomorrow to Discovery: Superguy - 'When Demons Attack... Karen'.

***

    Holy Lone Ranger, Superguy! Boomer and Jack have been trying to prove 
whether or not a flimsy strip of felt can stand between you and the 
endless peep-show that's the public life as a super hero. To test this 
theory, Jack's been running around Ottawa acting like a lower primate, 
trying to attract as much attention to himself as possible. Let's check in 
on the boys to see how they did!

    "I cannot BELIEVE the mask slipped off!"
    "Don't worry Jack, it only messed up the last test. We still have two 
good samples to work from!"
    "That's -not- my -point-. Defenestration, my friend. Defenestration..."
    "But I'm sure you're going to ask me about my results, aren't you 
Jack?"
    "Grrr."
    "Jack? Television. Cameras rolling... public image in jeopardy..."
    "Yes. Boomer. Tell me. About. The results."
    "Glad you asked! It turns out that in the two good test cases we had, 
acting like a chimp garnered you sixty-five angry glares, seven slaps in 
the face, and one invitation to join a Furry support group and Yiffing 
pile."
    "GRRRRR."
    "However, when you took the mask off and walked through the exact same 
areas, you received... no glares! No slaps! And only one invitation to 
join the Marijuana Party!"
    "To be fair, they'll ask anybody."
    "Trippy. But I think this proves it, Jack. In a random sample, every 
single time it's used the Mask Principle works."
    "Hey, I bet you didn't tie that mask on..."
    "What do we say? This myth is..."
    "You bastard!"
    "Ahem. Confirmed."
    "...sigh. Yes. This myth is confirmed. But I will defenestrate you. 
This I vow."


    And CUT!

    "Wow, that was fun. 'When is it now', indeed. You're such a ham, 
Boomer."
    "Hey, I was in the moment!"
    "I... hated it."
    "Oh Avril, I'm sure it wasn't that bad."
    "Magic is... -not- a myth... to even suggest the possibility is an 
insult..."
    "Tell you what. I'll get you an ice cream on the way home."
    "Ah..."
    "Double Dutch chocolate with chips."
    "...double scoop?"
    "Promise."
    "Hey guys."
    "Karen? Why're you all black and sooty--"
    "Don't ask."
    "But..."
    "DROP IT."
    "...right. We're getting ice cream."
    "I said DROP--ice cream? Yay! I want Tiger tail!"

    Next week on Mythosbusters... we open a can of Mythosbusting... on 
SPAM! Yes, tune in next time for our very first theme episode.
    The makers of Spam remind you not to allow Spam to come in contact with 
bare skin, clothed skin, armoured skin or furred skin. Spam has been 
linked to premature aging, temporal accidents, altiversal counterparting 
and four-hour erections. Do not take Spam internally or externally. Spam 
allows you to choose your time, but you have no chance. For the love of 
all that is holy, do not under any circumstances eat spam. If spam is 
eaten, do not induce vomiting -- it will be occurring on its own. The 
makers of Spam urge you to never purchase Spam. Store your Spam in a cool, 
dark environment, preferably the bowels of the Earth where it can't hurt 
anyone.

    This has been a Mythosbusters production, copyright 2006. Keep 
circulating the hurtage.

    The disembodied voice will return in The Narrator Mocks The World-Crime 
League.

***

This issue is mine, mine, mine and you can't have it. Nyah and copyright 
belongs to Frobozz/Chris Angelini, 2006. Mess with my legal rights and 
I'll send over Gggthstx to discuss 'fair use' with you. Email to 
frobozz at eyrie.org. Homepage at http://www.eyrie.org/~frobozz.

---
-Chris
frobozz at eyrie.org
http://www.eyrie.org/~frobozz

Geek Code
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