The Return of Ignorant Man, Part 2 - Ignorance Is Indeed Bliss
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prkadet at yahoo.com
Mon Jun 6 14:07:50 PDT 2005
The Return of Ignorant Man, Part 2 of 3
by Ken Kadet
Much later, when the ambulence had gone, Ignorant Man
turned on the television. "C-SPAN" was superimposed on
the lower right corner.
The man on TV wore a blue suit, red tie and a vague
smirk, and he spoke with a distinct Texas drawl. "I
think younger workersfirst of all, younger workers
have been promised benefits the governmentpromises
that have been promised, benefits that we can't keep.
That's just the way it is."
Ignorant Man's eyes widened and he leaned back. 'The
power is strong in this one,' he thought, and, taking
no more than a nanosecond to clear his mind
completely, turned off the television.
He then allowed himself to think, as he rarely did. He
thought about his encounter with the man who'd been
reduced to squirming mass of unanswerable questions
just hours earlier. The encounter was unsettling at
best, befuddling perhaps, and, at worst, would require
Ignorant Man to seek answers, an activity he tended to
actively avoid. He preferred his mind uncluttered, and
was particularly adept at keeping it that way.
But he allowed himself to think about when he looked
down at the man, who had worn a mask that covered his
head down to his nose with half-moon openings that
revealed coal-black eyes.
And, almost without thinking...no, entirely without
thinking...Ignorant Man removed the man's mask and
gasped with surprise. And, as one unaccustomed to
feeling any sort of surprise, he ruminated for a
moment on the uncomfortable fact that the man now
unmasked was none other than Billy Joe Bob-san, his
teacher, his guru, the one who, for a discounted rate
of no less than tens of thousands of dollars, revealed
to Ignorant Man the power of naievete, and set him on
the path to...being Ignorant Man, which as Ignorant
Man thought about it, raised a great number of
questions. As always, however, he was wary of turning
his power upon himself.
"Billy Joe Bob-san!" he cried. "Where have you been?
What are you doing here?"
"No more questions!"
"How can you say that?"
"Stop it! Send more cash! Here!" And his guru handed
Ignorant Man a card, on which was printed the name
"Dragon Bob: Equatorial Adventures" with a phone
number and an address in Montreal. Curious, Ignorant
Man turned the card over, and there was handwritten in
tiny script the words: "He must not know. Cash only!
Do not lick the badger!"
Ignorant Man turned back to his former mentor and
opened his mouth to speak, perhaps to ask a question,
but was silenced.
Billy Joe Bob screamed at the top of his lungs, over
and over and over again until the young couple with
the 2-year-old living just above Billy Joe Bob's
basement apartment could no longer stand the noise and
called an ambulance, which arrived to take Billy Joe
Bob away and leaving Ignorant Man with nothing to do
but watch TV and ponder what do do with this newfound
mystery and how to make it go away.
Finally, after sitting for four-and-a-half hours with
his chin resting firmly and resolutely against his
fist, Ignorant Man arose.
"If ignorance is indeed bliss," he said aloud, puffing
out his chest, "and, it is, then I must seek knowledge
to once again attain that blessed state." He paused,
and nodded his head to himself. "Yes. That's right.
And so, I will call this 'Dragon Bob', I will bring
cash, and, I will lick this badger. Or not.
Suddenly, the ceiling shook with a loud stomp.
"Dammit, shut up down there. The kid is napping!"
Smiling, Ignorant Man made for the door.
WHO IS DRAGON BOB?
WILL IGNORANT MAN BRING CASH? OR LICK THE BADGER?
WHAT IS THE BADGER? A METAPHOR FOR OUR DEEPEST FEARS?
OR A SHARP-TOOTH CREATURE OF THE CANADIAN WILDERNESS?
EITHER WAY, STAY TUNED FOR THE THRILLING CONCLUSION OF
THE RETURN OF IGNORANT MAN, NEXT WEEK. OR SO. WHEN I
Copyright by Ken Kadet 2005
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