Mason's Mazin' Mob Mosaic #6 -- TT EDR #1

Tue Sep 7 21:47:10 PDT 2004

    ____      ____               Issue #6
   / _  \    / _  \ ASON'S       Twisted Reflections Extended Dance Remix
  / / \  \  / / \  \ AZIN'       by Mason Kramer (masonlk at gmail.com)
 / /   \  \/ /   \  \ OB
/_/     \___/     \__\ OSAIC

	It has come to the Author's attention that it's been... two years,
nine months, and some-odd days since the last episode of Mason's
Mazin' Mob was posted. The way it came to his attention was this:
	He got carded at the Tavern.
	Yes, he's been so slack in his Authorial Duties that he was no longer
recognized at his favorite bar (where he only drinks Diet Dr. Pepper,
kids, don't drink and drive). So, he decided, he needed to get back to
work on his current storyline. Because nothing says loving like
picking up a series that was two years fallow after being four years
fallow.
	The Author is nothing if not consistant.
	Anyway, one of his characters was upset that she didn't get a mention
in the episode just posted, and after threatening to beat him up, was
instead hired for the duty of explaining everything that has gone on
in the "current" storyline, for those who don't feel like checking the
archives.
Before getting involved in superheroics, our guest had a steady career
in the television and film industry, with her first job in front of
the cameras at the tender age of eighteen weeks. She stole your heart
in Mermaids, was the original Goth Girl in the Addams' Family, and was
hauntingly beautiful in Casper. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a
warm welcome to Miss Christina Ricci.
	"Thanks, Narrator."
	No problem.
	"So okay. The first part of Twisted Reflections was posted on
November 14th, 1997. This followed #11, which was a megahuge thing
that the Author couldn't even write himself, he had to get help. Seems
like it's been that way for most of the Mazin' Mob's run, really...
Anyway, that one was on October 22, 1997, so there wasn't really a
huge gap there. The next thing he posted was a silly little thing in
commemoration of--what? Oh, right.
	"I've been informed that the Author wants me to stop talking about
the gaps and get to, like, the actual information in the posts. So.
Number twelve.
"Number twelve started, as many of the Author's works do, with an
extended rant about continuity and how it sucks. It's one of his
favorite things to rant about. Every time he visits the character's
lounge, he's ranting about how much continuity sucks. It's like, "Hi,
how are you? Continuity sucks.""
	Christina glanced to the side, rolled what might be her eyes, then
continued, "Apparently, I'm not allowed to talk about continuity,
either. Anyway, after that, the credits. The a quote that has nothing
to do with anything, followed by actual content!
	"Yes, we get into the part where my friend Maria is standing in front
of a mirror and lamenting the fact that, in essence, she's lost her
reflection, her ability to touch, and, most importantly, her
chocolate. Then a touch of irony as Alice, AKA Momentum, works on
making some cocoa for breakfast, which is quickly followed by everyone
entering the kitchen one at a time, randomly joining conversations as
they go. You know, normal stuff.
	"Then there's a subplot that was dropped for reasons never explained.
Who knows, maybe he'll pick it up again sometime. What? Oh, you're
kidding me. Right. Okay. Can't talk about subplot either. Anything
*else* I can't talk about, Mr. Author Guy?"
	There was a short pause as a new, less argumentative representative
of the Author's characters was searched for. Okay, not so short.
Actually, it took several days. He couldn't get any of the regulars,
who weren't speaking to him after the way he treated Hellfire. He
couldn't get any of the villains, who pointedly pointed out that he
stills owes them money for their last arcs. Finally, he found a couple
of bit players who fit the Author's main criteria--they worked cheap.
	"Hey! I, like, resent that!"
	"Yeah, dude!"
	Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the Sun Worshipers.
	"Oh! Like, we're on, dude."
	"Woah..."
	"Yeah, totally."
	"For sure."
	"Yeah."
	"Yeah."
	There was a long, uncomfortable pause.
	"What are we supposed to, like, be doing again?"
	"Um... dunno, dude."
	Sigh. You're supposed to pick up talking about Mason's 'Mazin' Mob,
issues twelve and thirteen.
	"Oh, yeah..."
	"Yeah, that's it, dude!"
	"Yeah, totally."
	"Woah."
	"Woah."
	"Have you read it?"
	"No, dude. You?"
	"Um... maybe?"
	"Cool! So what happened?"
	"Well, this dude Burt Ward is working on some boring stuff when,
like, an alarm goes off, and he rushes out to fight crime and stuff.
Then there's, like, this big black hole through the episode, you know?
Because, like, the subplot's totally gone, man."
	"Dude, we're not supposed to talk about the subplot."
	"Oh, right."
	"Yeah."
	"Yeah."
	There was another long, uncomfortable pause.
	"So, like, then what happened?"
	"Oh! Well, this Roger dude was playing with this ring thing, you
know, and he ran into his girlfriend and made a date, and thought that
life was all cool and stuff. Then he got a message from this Melody
chick to meet him."
	"Melody chick? Who's she?"
	"Dunno, dude."
	"Dude."
	"Dude, I dunno!"
	"Yeah."
	"Yeah.
	"So anyway, this Maria chick gets back to, like, this big mansion
from wherever she was, and decided to go for a walk. And she was
followed!"
	"Woah. She was?"
	"Yeah. But she didn't notice."
	"Bummer. Then what?"
	"Four year gap."
	"Dude, you're not--"
	"Oh, right. I mean, episode ended."
	"Dude."
	"And without any teaser questions."
	"Dude!"
	"And then, anyway... there's this out of continuity thing where the
characters talk about getting rehired, you know?"
	"Woah... so, he blew the fourth wall?"
	"Wide open, dude. Could drive a semi through the hole."
	"Woah."
	"Dude."
	"Woah."
	"Then he has a continuity note, where he says continuity sucks."
	"It does, you know."
	"Yeah, total suckage."
	"Yeah."
	"So then Maria makes it to a bar and starts ordering beers like
there's no tomorrow."
	"Dude. Isn't she, like, underage?"
	"Yeah, but she's cute and invulnerable, you know? Who's gonna stop her?"
	"True. True."
	"'Sides, it doesn't affect her."
	"No way."
	"Way, dude."
	"No way."
	"Way."
	"Way?"
	"I kid you not."
	"Woah."
	"Yeah."
	"Totally."
	"So then this guy sits down with her, and tells her he's a
supervillain, or, well, you know, working for one, but she doesn't
believe him, because, like, why would he tell her that, right?"
	"Woah. Dude?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Do you think that's the person that followed her in the last episode?"
	"Woah... I never thought about that...."
	"Dude."
	"Woah."
	"Woah."
	"Dude... you may be right! I mean, the guy does have powers, you know."
	"Yeah?"
	"Oh, totally. He tells her that he can make people feel things."
	"Woah. Even her?"
	"Apparently."
	"Woah."
	"Dude."
	"That's so wild."
	"Yeah. Almost as wild as what happened next."
	"What happened next?"
	"Well, we get back to that Roger dude and Melody chick. Turns out
Roger used to be a chick, you see, and Melody was the chick."
	"Dude, you're high."
	"I am not. Well, okay, I am, but that's what happened!"
	"Dude..."
	"Read it yourself if you don't believe me."
	"Okay, dude, okay, no need to be like that..."
	"Dude."
	"So what happened?"
	"Well, this Melody chick wants some help from Roger, you know? She
doesn't want people to know she's alive and stuff but also wants to
get her son away from, like, the orphanage or wherever he is. But they
don't know where he is."
	"Woah. Heavy."
	"Yeah."
	"Totally."
	"Then there's a nauseatingly cute interlude with this Tim Dude and
Samantha chick and that Burt dude as he explains that the subplot--"
	"Nuh-uh, dude!"
	"I mean, that he let the alien chicks go."
	"Right."
	"So then we get back to that Thomas and Maria thing, and he explains
how his powers work, and demonstrates a bit, and then, get this,
invites her back to his place."
	"Dude, score!"
	"Dude, she's invulnerable, remember?"
	"Oh, yeah."
	"But it's okay, because his powers totally work on her, and she can
feel things for the first time in years."
	"Cool."
	"Not cool."
	"No?"
	"Dude, remember, he told her he was a supervillain!"
	"Oh, yeah..."
	"Yeah."
	Then what?"
	"Well, there's more about Melody's kid, and then this Alice chick
does some running, and then we get back to Thomas's apartment, and he
gets her to take off her shirt."
	"Dude."
	"Dude."
	"Totally want a picture of that."
	"Dude."
	"Then what happened?"
	"Two year gap, then the episode that went out just a few hours ago."
	"Bogus."
	"Totally."
	"Man. You actually remembered all that from two years ago?"
	"Well, yeah, dude. I'm always reading the Author's stuff, hoping
he'll rehire us again, you know?"
	"Dude."
	"Dude."

***