LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #320: Deja Dude and Master Blaster Part One
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Mar 3 13:04:30 PST 2024
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find this and other MISC LNH stuff:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/
And now the debut of the LNH's Biggest Resident Bad Boy and
most likely to be cancelled when Me Too Movement gets going...
It's Master Blaster! Created by Robert Ramirez and Martin Phipps
this character first appeared in the Deja Dude and Master Blaster
Miniseries of which you'll see the first two issues.
Is it okay for WC character to create a vast harem of NWCs?! Does
the LNH have an HR Department?!! And will this mini end like that
Paul Schrader film Autofocus?!!!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
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| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #320
=====================
Deja Dude and Master Blaster Part One
=====================
THE DEJA DUDE / MASTER BLASTER TRADE ETHERBACK
They come from rec.arts.comics.xbooks. One seeks sexual fulfillment.
The other, well, also wants to keep the stories tasteful.
alt.comics.lnh presents ...
Deja Dude and Master Blaster #1
"Welcome to the Legion, Master Blaster!"
The splash page shows Deja Dude and Master Blaster entering through the
front door of Legion Headquarters.
"This is it," said Deja Dude.
"WOW!" said Master Blaster.
"Yeah, it's a pretty impressive looking place."
"No, I mean the receptionist! That's some BOO-TAY!"
Deja Dude considered Master Blaster's comment. "Gee, I didn't think she
was your type."
Master Blaster smiled. "You're right: I can do much better than her."
Deja Dude sighed. "Alright, Rob, this way."
Master Blaster follows Deja Dude into the Central Command Centre. Ultimate
Ninja is sitting down, has his feet up on the conference table and is
cleaning his ginsu blade.
"Hey, Deja Dude, who's your friend?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
"I'm Master Blaster!" said Master Blaster proudly.
Deja Dude nodded. "He's here to join the Legion."
"Is he a WC or a NWC?"
"He's a WC. He's based on Robert Ramirez."
Ultimate Ninja gave Deja Dude an accusing look. "Does Robert know
about this?"
Deja Dude sighed and nodded. "Well, yeah, UN: *I*, for one, don't use
people without their permission."
Ultimate Ninja smiled but there was a look in his eye that told Deja
Dude that he'd better lay off. "You'd better speak to RosterwReam then
and make it official."
Deja Dude and Master Blaster proceeded into the Monitoring Room.
RosterwReam was there with W.I.L.B.U.R. who was on monitor duty.
"Oh, I see Multi-Task has got W.I.L.B.U.R. up and running."
RosterwReam nodded. "Seems weird him not being in this room."
"Yeah. Oh, by the way, I've got a new Legionaire for you!"
RosterwReam sighed. "Another one?"
Deja Dude nodded. "'Fraid so."
RosterwReam threw his hands in the air. "Alright then." RosterwReam
handed Master Blaster an application form. "Fill this in."
Master Blaster quickly fills in the form and hands it back to
RosterwReam. He starts to read it.
"You want to be called Master Blaster?" RosterwReam asked.
Deja Dude nodded. "*I* wanted to call him 'Lustful Lad' but he wanted
to be called Master Blaster."
RosterwReam shrugged his shoulders. His eyes widdened as he read a
bit farther. He took a deep breath. "Your list of abilities -- I don't
think I want to use that."
Deja Dude looked at what RosterwReam was reading. "WHOA!" He
pondered for a moment. "Perhaps you could summarize it by saying 'likes
to socialize with people of the female gender'."
RosterwReam nodded. "Yeah, that'll do."
"So is that it?" Master Blaster asked.
"You're in," RosterwReam confirmed.
"Excellent!!!"
Just then, Pompous Lad entered with The Incredible-Man-With-No-Life and
Browsing Boy. Pompous Man pointed his finger at Deja Dude.
"Deja Dude, you've done ten Legion stories and fifteen Generic Man
(tm) stories --"
"Thanks for the plug!"
"-- and yet you haven't used any of us!"
Deja Dude shook his head. "That's not true: you were all in THE
LEADERSHIP CRISIS."
"I wasn't!" said Browing Boy.
"Oh, that's right! Sorry about that, Browsing Boy."
Browsing Boy remained angry.
"At any rate, Pompous Lad and The Incredible Man-With-No-Life *were*
in THE LEADERSHIP CRISIS."
Pompous Lad begged to differ. "That may be but we didn't get any
lines! We DEMAND you feature us in a story!"
Deja Dude smiled. "Well then, I've got good news for you: this *is* a
story! So go ahead: now's your chance; say something!"
The three of them were taken aback. "What should we say?" The
Incredible Man-With-No-Life asked.
"How's about you tell us what's going on in your life?" Deja Dude
suggested.
"Damn you, Deja Dude! You know very well that The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life has no life!"
Deja Dude shrugged his shoulders. "Well then, that doesn't give me a
lot to work with, does it?" He turned to Browsing Boy. "Browsing Boy,
I promise that whenever a story calls for someone to go out and buy
something, I'll use you, OK?"
Browsing Boy smiled and nodded.
"It seems to me Deja Dude's doing his best," The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life decided. "I guess I'll get back to ..." His voice
trailed off as he realised that he doesn't really do anything.
Pompous Lad was apologetic. "Yeah, I guess you are doing your best.
It's just that I hardly ever get used."
"Yeah, there are a lot of Legionaires with the same problem," agreed
Deja Dude, "and then when you *do* use them, somebody tells you that
their characters were 'a bit off'. It's *so* frustrating."
Pompous Lad nodded. "OK, guys, let's go."
They leave.
"That was just *too* weird," commented Master Blaster.
"Yeah, but, hey, that's the way things are around here."
Master Blaster looked concerned. "Aren't there any female
Legionaires?"
"Well, right now, I can just think of seven: Catalyst Lass, Organic Lass,
Sing-Along Lass, Bandwagon Chick, Panta, Sister State-the-Obvious and
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman."
"Compared to how many guys?"
"Gee ... RosterwReam?"
"How should I know? There are new people showing up all the time!"
Deja Dude nodded. "Well, there's seventy that I know of."
"What?! You mean guys outnumber girls ten-to-one!"
"'Fraid so."
"Aw, man!"
Deja Dude sighed. "Well, we could always make up a NWC and have her
be your girlfriend."
Master Blaster smiled. "Hey, better yet: we could create them on a
regular basis! Better yet, create two and the three of us can --"
"Well ... *you* can write that kind of story if you like although,
quite frankly, I think that sort of thing is best left to
rec.arts.erotica."
Master Blaster smiled.
"Not that I ever read that newsgroup."
"Suuure. Hey, Deja Dude, why don't you show me around?"
"I'll be glad to!"
They walk out.
Deja Dude and Master Blaster #2
"The Nature of the Looniverse"
The splash page shows Master Blaster in his quarters with Deja Dude.
"Hey, not bad," said Master Blaster, looking around.
Deja Dude nodded. "That's the great thing about the Looniverse: it
can be whatever you imagine it to be -- as long as what you imagine
doesn't interfere with established continuity."
Master Blaster took a moment to consider what Deja Dude had said.
"If established continuity puts a limit on what you can imagine then
why have it?"
Deja Dude shook his head. "Ah, but it *doesn't* place limits on
what you can imagine; on the contrary, being able to build on what other
people have written makes writing that much easier: you're able to
imagine far more than you could if you were a writer starting from
scratch. On the other hand, working with other people *is* a challenge."
"How so?"
"You don't always know what people have planned and, if you write
enough, eventually your plans are going to conflict with theirs or --
and this is what makes it fun -- somebody's going to come along and
do something you don't expect that will have to make you change your
own plans. I think being able to do that is a true test of character."
"It sounds like you're writing real comics."
"As far as we are concerned, WE ARE. We're just not getting paid for
it."
"Bummer."
"I know." Deja Dude sighed.
Master Blaster turns his attention to the TV.
"Does this thing get Cable TV?"
Deja Dude shrugged his shoulders. "You'll get NNN, the
Net.News.Network."
"How about the Playboy Channel?"
"Ah. That's the flipside to what I've just told you: seeing as how
anything is possible until it's established one way or another, we
can't say that this or that exists in the Looniverse until it has been
established and by 'established' I mean 'used in a story'."
Master Blaster nodded. "I think I've got you: you don't really know
until I actually turn the TV on during a story."
"Exactly."
Master Blaster turned the TV on and found the Playboy Channel.
"Aw, excellent!"
"Yeah," began Deja Dude, "but having you sit around watching the
Playboy Channel wouldn't make for a very good story."
"We could include gifs," Master Blaster suggested.
Deja Dude shook his head. "If people want to see gifs of naked women,
they can go to alt.sex.pictures."
Master Blaster laughed.
"Of course, personally, I think they're time would be better spent
reading alt.comics.lnh., assuming, of course, that there are stories
there for them to read."
Master Blaster sighed. "So you want me to get off my butt so we can
get on with the story, right?"
"Exactly."
Master Blaster reluctantly turns the TV off. The two of them proceed
out of the room and down to the cafeteria/reading room. There Sister
State-the-Obvious is brushing up on Legion history (which, as a NWC
created by wReam and not based on anyone in the real world, is the
only history that really matters to her).
"Hey, check out that fox!"
Deja Dude nodded. "That's Sister State-the-Obvious. I guess you can
call her 'Sis' for short."
"Excellent!"
Master Blaster smiles, walks over and sits down with Sister
State-the-Obvious.
"Hey, Sis, how's about the two of us get together?" Master Blaster
asked. "I promise you won't be disappointed."
Sister State-the-Obvious looked puzzled and then answered: "You're
hitting on me, right?"
Master Blaster was taken aback.
Deja Dude shook his head. "Look, I don't think this is a good idea:
Sis here is a NWC; she's a blank slate until somebody gives her a
personality and, so far, all we know is that she states things that, to
you and I, would be obvious."
Sister State-the-Obvious nodded. "I'm not really dumb: I'm just
written that way."
"So you see, it just wouldn't be right," Deja Dude concluded.
"Aw, man," said Master Blaster. "I guess you're right." Master
Blaster got up.
"Nice talking to you," said Sister State-the-Obvious.
"Oh, yeah, bye."
Deja Dude raised his eyebrows. "Well, how about that: we've just
established that she's polite. If she gets a few appearances, she
could be fully fleshed out."
"Great," said Master Blaster sarcasticly.
Deja Dude smiled. "Don't worry: you're going to love the next scene."
Master Blaster follows Deja Dude to the elevators. They enter and
proceed down to the basement. Once there, Deja Dude begins to point
everything out.
"OK, this is the gym. This here is a rec room, over there is reserved
for storage space, behind us is the Prisoner Holding Area and behind
that wall is a swimming pool."
"A swimming pool?"
Deja Dude nodded. "Yeah, want to take a look?"
"Sure!"
They proceeded through the men's locker room and out to the indoor
swimming pool. There Panta was, dressed in a red one-piece suit,
about dive into the water.
"Aw, man!" exclaimed Master Blaster.
"I knew you'd be pleased," observed Deja Dude.
"She's covered with fur!"
"Yeah."
"Aw, man, I could just imagine: the two of us and an electric razor!"
Master Blaster sighed and shook his head.
` '
Panta dives off the diving board and lands in the pool. SPLASH She
swims around and then gets out of the pool. ' `
"Aw, man, look at it all wet!"
Indeed, Deja Dude was moved by the sight.
"Hi guys!" Panta said.
Master Blaster walked up to her. "Hey, Babe, you look great!"
"Thanks."
"So how's about the two of us, you know, get together?"
Panta smiled. "Maybe later. I've got homework to do." Panta walked
off, waging her tail behind her.
"Aw, man, look at that tail! Do you know what she could do with that
tail?"
Deja Dude sighed and shook his head. "Let's go."
"I could tell you what she could do with her tail."
"Please don't."
Master Blaster laughed.
The two of them proceed back to the elevator and then up to the second
floor. They arrive in the sick bay and proceed out to the hallway.
"Here are the Laboratories: one for Doctor Stomper, one for Kid Kirby
and one for Organic Lass," Deja Dude informed Master Blaster.
Master Blaster raised his eyebrows. "Organic Lass, huh? What's she
like?"
Deja Dude smiled. "Why don't we go find out?"
They proceed into the Organic Chemistry Laboratory. Organic Lass is
there. She sees them.
"Oh, Deja Dude, hi!" said Organic Lass.
"Hello," responded Deja Dude.
"Not bad," observed Master Blaster.
"Organic Lass, Master Blaster here is a new Legionaire."
"Hi!"
"Hi," said Master Blaster raising his eyebrows.
"Oh, Deja Dude, thanks again for using me!"
Master Blaster laughed.
"She means in a story."
Master Blaster was cracking up. "Oh? I thought we weren't supposed
to show that sort of thing."
Organic Lass' mouth dropped. "Is this guy for real?" she asked.
"'Fraid so," answered Deja Dude. He turned to speak to Master Blaster.
"OK, Rob, Orgainic Lass has a lot of work to do. We should leave her to
it. Besides, the story's almost over."
Master Blaster nodded. He was beginning to calm down. "OK."
"Come on, I'll show you the way back to your quarters and then the
tour will be over."
"And then I can watch TV?"
"You can do anything you want. That's the beauty of the Looniverse."
==========
Next Week: Something classic and LNH!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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