LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #317: Leadership Crisis Part Five

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.


You'd think this would be in the Ultimate Ninja or LNH Series
folder, but nope -- it's here in Misc folder:

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Misc/

So, here's the Leadership Crisis crossover with Martin Phipps's
LNH Series and Raymond "wReam" Bingham's Ultimate Ninja series
(with some behind the scenes editing work by Todd "Scavenger"
Kogutt)!

And now LNH v1 (umm -- Giant-Sized #2?) by Martin Phipps!  What
type of black mail does the Ultimate Ninja have on Rebel Yell
and Sig.Lad?!  Is it time for Ballroom Assembly?!  And which
LNH'rs will laugh at the word Ballroom?!  And will The Serious
Writer finally attend an LNH meeting?!!!

Find out in...



              _
             | |      Classic
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #317



                         =====================
                      Leadership Crisis Part Five
                         =====================




      Legion of Net.Heroes -- THE LEADERSHIP CRISIS Part II

The splash page shows Deja Dude and Ultimate Ninja standing face to face
in the Central Command Centre of Legion Headquarters.

  "Alright, Deja Dude, I'm listening.  What do you want?

Two page spread: standing behind Deja Dude are Doctor Stomper,
Super-Apathy Lad, Procrastination Boy, Sidewinder, Bad-Timing Boy,
Irony Man, Old-Comics Man, Captain Clean-Up, Squid Boy, California Kid
and Bandwagon Chick; behind Ultimate Ninja, Rebel Yell, Lurking Girl,
Kid Kirby, Obscure Trivia Lad and Sig.Lad sit and List Lad, RosterwReam,
Allusion Lad, Typo Lad, Netiquette Lad and Plot King stand around the
conference table.

  Deja Dude shook his head.  "It isn't a question of what *I* want.
It's a question of what the majority of Legionaires want."
  "Oh and I suppose *you* know what they want," Ultimate Ninja said
sarcastically.
  Deja Dude smiled.  "Let's face it, UN, your style of leadership means
placing yourself far above the common Legionaire.  There are many who
think you've lost touch."
  Ultimate Ninja looked appalled.  He threw his arms out in a sweeping
gesture.  "Rebel Yell, Sig.Lad and the others *all* support me!"  They
all nodded.
  Deja Dude nodded.  "Yes but they're not the *entire* Legion.  They're
not even the majority."
  "What do you want then?  To have the *entire* Legion come down here?"
  "It could be done," RosterwReam informed him.  "You could call a
general assembly."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Yes but not here; there's not enough room in
the CCC for everybody!  We'd have to assemble in the Ballroom.  Would
*that* satisfy you?"
  Deja Dude turned to look at those who he was there to represent.  They
all nodded in support.  Bad-Timing Boy also shook his fist in defiance.
"Alright, UN, we'll meet you there."  They made their way out.
  Ultimate Ninja turned and made his way towards the Monitoring Room.
"You guys go on ahead while I make the announcement."

Multi-Tasking Man sits in the Monitoring Room working away, as always.
Ultimate Ninja arrives.

  "Multi-Task, I want to make a general announcement."
  Multi-Tasking Man continued his work with his right hand and activated
the intercomm with his left.  "Go ahead: you'll be heard throughout
Legion HQ."
  "Thanks!"  Ultimate Ninja picked up the microphone and spoke.
"Legionaires, this is Ultimate Ninja, *your leader*, speaking!  I humbly
request your presence in the Ballroom -- IMMEDIATELY!  There is an
urgent matter that requires the presence of *all* Legionaires.
Attendance is mandatory!"  He put the microphone down.
  "'humbly request'?  'Attendance is mandatory'?"
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "They know what I mean."  Ultimate Ninja
looked to the far side of the room at the door with the letters DRH
on it.  He frowned and walked over to it.  "Hey, Serious Writer, didn't
you hear?"
  Multi-Tasking Man stopped what he was doing and turned to warn
Ultimate Ninja away from the door.  "UN, leave him!  He doesn't want to
have anything to do with us, remember?"
  "What after we've given him our best room?"  Ultimate Ninja sneered.
"Alright, Serious Writer, have it your way but remember: this was your
chance to have a say as to how we do things around here!"  Ultimate
Ninja developed a self-satisfied smile and walked back towards where
Multi-Tasking Man was sitting.
  Multi-Tasking Man shook his head.  "I don't get it.  Why is it so
important that he be a Legionaire?"
  Ultimate Ninja raised an eyebrow.  "The truth?"  He bent over and
whispered to Multi-Tasking Man.  "Serious Writer is only the beginning.
Once I have him involved, my next target will be Peter David."
  Multi-Tasking Man's jaw dropped.
  "Anyway, it doesn't look like he's coming.  Let's go."
  Multi-Tasking Man looked hesitant.  "You want me to leave the
monitoring room."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Deja Dude is challenging my leadership.  I
honestly can't imagine how much support he has.  I'm going to need your
support."
  Multi-Tasking Man nodded.  "I suppose I could put the security systems
on automatic: anyone approaching with hostile intentions will activate
the general alarm."
  "Do it!"  He did.

Ultimate Ninja and Multi-Tasking Man leave the Monitoring Room and head
for the Ballroom.  Once in the lobby, Ultimate Ninja could see that
Rebel Yell and the others have been joined by Kid Anarky, Pliable Lad,
Panta, Curly, Parking Karma Kid, Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Cannon Fodder,
Sing-Along Lass and Contraption Man.  Ultimate Ninja smiles under his
mask.

  "I *knew* the Legion would support me."  Once they were in the
Ballroom, however, it was clear that Ultimate Ninja's worst fear was in
fact close to realisation: Catalyst Lass, Inacoustic Kid, Incredible
Unsleeping Man, Late-Night Lad, Mainstream Man, Marvel Zombie Boy,
Organic Lass, Spelling Boy, Time-Waster Lad and The Forgetting One were
*all* standing with Deja Dude and the others.  The remaining Legionaires
were scattered throughout the room.
  "Why, Bandwagon Chick?  Why have you sided with *them*?" Parking Karma
Kid asked in despair.
  Bandwagon Chick shrugged her shoulders.  "Well, I heard that a bunch
of people were going to get together and challenge UN's leadership and,
well, it sounded like fun!"
  Ultimate Ninja went to confront Deja Dude et al.  "Alright,
Legionaires, Deja Dude here seems to think that I'm not fit to lead!
Well, if I'm not fit to lead then who is?  Deja Dude?  Do you people
honestly see Deja Dude as the next leader of the Legion?"
  Deja Dude smiled.  "Perhaps it's a matter of you not being the sort of
leader they'd want.  As for me, I can be *whatever* type of leader they
*do* want.  I can be like Captain Kirk."

Deja Dude frowns, tilts his head to one side and gestures with his hands.

  "I can be like Captain Picard."

Deja Dude sighs, grimaces and gives everyone an accusing look.

  "I can be like Cyclops."

Deja Dude assumes a dramatic pose and looks up at the ceiling.  His
eyes appear to glow.

  "Nice touch," said Nit-Pick Lad.
  "I can be like Captain America."

Deja Dude sticks his chest out and smiles.

  "You'll have to imagine a shield, of --"
  "ENOUGH!" shouted Ultimate Ninja.  "Do you people really want a leader
who could be a different person from one moment to the next?"
  "Meanwhile, they know what to expect from you, don't they?"
  "Ohhh, good one!" noted Sardonic Boy.

Ultimate Ninja is fuming mad at this point but before he can say another
word, a voice is heard from off panel: "STOP!  You can't go in there!
It's a private meeting!"  It's the voice of the receptionist.
Apparently, the Legionaires have an uninvited guest.

  "It's McLaughlin Man!" noted RosterwReam.
  "Yes," said List Lad.  He quoted from the roster: "'Insidiously,
McLaughlin Man constantly politicizes everything.'"
  "How did you get in here?" Multi-Tasking Man asked.  "The alarm should
sound whenever someone with hostile intentions approaches!"
  McLaughlin Man smiled.  "Ah but I don't have hostile intentions!  I
understand you are seeking to settle the matter of who will lead the
Legion.  I'm here to help."
  "We don't *need* your help," Ultimate Ninja informed him.
  "Of course you do!  Now, first of all, let's consider the issues you
face: first of all there's the matter of pay."
  "Since when have we been paid?" Super-Apathy Lad asked.
  "Legionaires are not paid," Rebel Yell informed him.
  "YOU'RE NOT?!"  McLaughlin Man was appalled.  "Well then, you should
take this opportunity to unionize!"
  "We don't need a union," Deja Dude informed him, "if we have a dispute,
we can settle it like adults!  Can't we, UN?"
  McLaughlin Man laughed.  "Don't be naive!  Pay is one thing but what
about benifits like time off, free medical care --"
  "Legionaires come and go as they please," Doctor Stomper told him,
"and if they're hurt, we have a sick bay."
  "Oh?"  McLaughlin Man smiled.  "And are you a fully qualified
physician?"
  "WHY YOU DIRTY --!"
  "And why aren't there more female or physically challenged
Legionaires?  I've tell you why: YOUR NAME!  The name 'Net.Heroes'
conjures up the image of a fully capable, male individual.  It'd be
far better if you called yourselves 'Net.Persons'."
  "Say, I never thought about that," said Politically-Correct Person.
  "Enough!" said Deja Dude.  "You're WAY out of line!  What you don't
seem to realise is that we're proud to be 'Net.Heroes' and you have *no*
right to come here and tell *us* how to run things."
  McLaughlin Man looked puzzled.
  "He's telling you to go," Ultimate Ninja informed him.
  McLaughlin Man looked hurt.
  "BEGONE!" yelled Rebel Yell.
  McLaughlin Man looked angry.  "Alright, I'll go but next time you see
me I won't be so helpful!  Far from it!"  He stormed out.  The Legionaires
breathed a sigh of relief.
  "Well, good riddance!" said Self-Righteous Preacher.  "'Unionize'
indeed!  The only issue that we truly face is FAMILY VALUES!"
  "Oh no," said Deja Dude.
  "Consider: Ultimate Ninja allows one of us, namely Panta, to parade
around Legion HQ half naked!"
  "You should see her when her fur is wet," Pocket Man said under his
breath.  He then closed his eyes, shook his head and tried to think of
Organic Lass.
  "Are we going to allow this to continue?"  Self-Righteous Preacher's
words stirred up the Legionaires who looked at Panta with distain.
  "Not again," Panta said.
  "NO!" shouted Pliable Lad.  "You're wrong!  Panta is a loving, caring
human being!  Why if Lost-Cause Boy hadn't sacrificed himself to save us
all, he and Panta might have been married by now!  How dare you condemn
her?  Why can't you let her get on with her life?"  Pliable Lad's
gesturing caused his arms to spread across the room.  The Legionaires
turned on Self-Righteous Preacher.
  "It seems," began Deja Dude, "that we might have to make a choice:
either Panta goes ... or Self-Righteous Preacher does."
  The eyes of Self-Righteous Preacher widenned.  "Wait a minute, who
said anything about making anyone leave?"  Self-Righteous Preacher
smiled.  "Perhaps I was a bit quick to judge."
  "Riiight," said Sarcastic Lad.
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Well done, Deja Dude," he conceeded, "perhaps
your ability to handle these characters will prove useful but that
doesn't make you leadership material."  Ultimate Ninja looked around the
room.  There were a lot of uncertain faces.
  "Allow me, UN," Rebel Yell said.

Rebel Yell goes on to make a convincing, inspiring speech.  He manages
to convince ten more Legionaires to support Ultimate Ninja: Bibliography
Boy, Kid Frothing-at-the-Mouth, Lurker Lad, Pompous Lad, Sig.File Lad,
Trivia Master, Trivia King, Adamant Authority-on-Everything ("UN is the
best; that's all there is to it!"), Onomato-Puweeah Person and Myk-El.

  "Wait!" said Catalyst Lass.

Catalyst Lass goes on to make a speech of her own.  She describes what
the Legion could be like with a more democratic style of leadership.
She makes it sound ... interesting.  By the time she finishes, ten more
Legionaires have voiced their support for Deja Dude: Dada Dude ("Love the
name!"), Flameproof Lad ("Don't let UN get to you!"), Grammar Lad,
Nit-Pick Lad, Opinionated Lad ("Let's face it, UN, you SUCK as a
leader!"), Pocket Man, Sarcastic Lad, Sardonic Boy, Deductive Logic Man
and Kid Poetry.  Only fourteen Legionaires remain undecided.

  "Well, what about the rest of you?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  "*I* _don't_ KNOW!" LeTteRing Man said.
  "ME NEITHER!" said CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE.
  "That should be 'Neither do I'" said Grammar Lad.
  "Oh, go @#$% your own @#$ with a @#$%^!" said Innovative-Offense Boy.
  "That's not a very nice thing to say," said Netiquette Lad.
  "We have to get this settled!" Ultimate Ninja insisted.
  "Maybe we're putting too much pressure on them," Deja Dude suggested.
  "What do you mean?" Ultimate Ninja asked.
  Deja Dude turned to Pocket Man.  "Pocket Man, do you have some paper,
some pencils and some scissors?"
  Pocket Man checked his pockets and nodded.
  "Alright then, we could have the remaining Legionaires vote by secret
ballot, Captain Clean-Up could collect them and List Lad could count
them."
  "Sounds fair to me," Rebel Yell said.
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "Alright, go ahead."
  Captain Clean-Up made his way through the crowd.  "Alright everyone,
follow me!"

Captain Clean-Up, List Lad, Pocket Man and the undecided Legionaires
make their way through to the lobby.

  "OK, Sis, I'm going to need that desk."

The receptionist, Captain Clean-Up's sister, gets up and moves to one
side.  Captain Clean-Up sits down and retrieves a cardboard box from
underneath the desk.

  "Pocket Man, are the ballots ready?"
  "Ready!"
  "List Lad, check to see that each person gets one and only one ballot
and then we'll each watch them put the ballots in the box, OK?"
  List Lad nodded.  He watched Pocket Man distribute the ballots.
  "OK, now we want each of you to clearly write either DD or UN on the
ballot, fold it once and then put it in the box."

The Legionaires do so and then, one by one, put their ballot in the
box: first CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE, then Entropy Kid, Fuzzy,
Innovative-Offense Boy, LetTeRinG Man, Occultism Kid, The Incredible
Man-With-No-Life, The Invisable Incendiary, The Tygger,
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny Woman, Amorphous Lad, Comics
Speculater Lad, Politically Correct Person, Self-Righteous Preacher
and, finally, Sister State-the-Obvious.  When it is all over, List Lad
takes the ballots and pours them out over the desk.  He separates the
ballots according to the initials marked on them.  When he's finished,
he lets Captain Clean-Up do a recount.  The result is one that neither
of them want.  Captain Clean-Up sighs.

  "We better get back and let them know."

The Legionaires return to the Ballroom.

  "Well?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
  "Out of a total of fourteen votes cast, seven voted for Ultimate Ninja
and seven voted for Deja Dude," List Lad said.
  "THE LEGION IS SPLIT!" Captain Clean-Up confirmed and with that
proclamation, the previously undecided Legionaires made their way to
either side of the room.
  "Oh no!  What have we done?" whined
All-Knowing-Last-Chance-Whiner-Destiny
Woman.
  Ultimate Ninja placed his hand on his blade.  "In a moment, I could be
across the room," he thought.  "Deja Dude wouldn't know what hit him.
*That* would settle this leadership crisis once and for all!"

Just then Cliche Dude arrives having just returned from yet another
adventure with Halls Jordan.

  "Hey, Dudes, what's up?  The tension in this room is so thick, you
could cut it with a knife!"
  "You could say that," noted Irony Man.
  "Deja Dude is challenging Ultimate Ninja for leadership of the Legion,"
Rebel Yell informed him.
  "Is that so?"  Cliche Dude walked up to Deja Dude.  "You used to call
yourself Cliche Lad, didn't you?"
  Deja Dude nodded.
  "Even though my name was 'Cliche'?"
  "It's a good name."
  "It's *my* name."  Cliche Dude walked to the middle of the Ballroom.
"Didn't anyone have anything to say about this?"
  "Ultimate Ninja did," Sig.Lad informed him.  "We got him to change his
name to Deja Dude!"
  Cliche Dude smiled, said "Is that so?" and went to stand with Ultimate
Ninja.
  "I've done it!" Ultimate Ninja thought.  "I've got the support of the
majority of Legionaires!  But will Deja Dude be able to accept this?"

Ultimate Ninja remains poised, uncertain as to Deja Dude's motives as
he approaches.  Ultimate Ninja thinks of a vast assortment of ways to
kill Deja Dude.  Then, when Deja Dude is only a few feet away, he
reaches out his hand.

  "Congratulations, Ultimate Ninja.  You've won."

They shake hands.

  Ultimate Ninja was still unsure.  "What about the others?"
  Deja Dude turned to face those who had supported him.  "Well, what do
you say?"
  Sidewinder shrugged his shoulders.  "Yeah, it looks like he's won."
Bad-Timing Boy was appalled.  The others looked uncertain.
  Deja Dude nodded.  "It seems you're still going to have to give in a
little if you want to guarantee your support."
  "Alright," began Ultimate Ninja concilatorily, "what do you suggest."
  Deja Dude smiled.  "That you delegate more authority, thereby showing
people that you trust them and at the same time leaving yourself with
more time to get to know your fellow Legionaires."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded and looked around him.  "I suppose I could see
to it that those who supported me get rewarded."
  "Without punishing those who opposed you of course."
  Ultimate Ninja smiled.  "Of course."
  Deja Dude turned to speak to Bad-Timing Boy.  "Well?"
  "What about the Brotherhood of Net.Villains?" Bad-Timing Boy asked.
"We wouldn't lie about something like that, UN!"
  Ultimate Ninja looked into Deja Dude's eyes as he turned to face him.
"I ... believe you."
  Deja Dude nodded.  "We don't hate you, UN, but you do make mistakes
like everyone else."
  Ultimate Ninja nodded.  "I'll put Sig.Lad in charge of compiling all
we know about the Brotherhood.  What you have to say might be useful."
  Deja Dude smiled.
  "What about you?"
  "Me?"
  "You came that close to becoming the leader.  How do you expect me to
trust you anymore?"
  Deja Dude shook his head.  "Don't worry.  I don't have time for that
sort of thing.  I *really* should get to work on my thesis."
  "Then this whole leadership storyline ..."
  "Was designed to settle all the anger that was coming to the surface
during your traitor storyline, yes."
  Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "A moment ago, I considered killing
you.  Now I find myself thanking you.  You really made yourself to look
like a hero."
  Deja Dude smiled.  "That's the beauty of writing your own stories."
  "Yeah," said Rebel Yell, "it's a good thing for you that things did
work out!  I for one won't accept the Legion being split!"

Deja Dude and Ultimate Ninja both laugh.  The once split Legion is
reconciled.  Everyone is happy.  Or so it seems.

  Ultimate Ninja muttered under his breath.  "Hmm ... Contraption Man
thinks he's the traitor.  Why then did he side with me?  Was he trying
to divert suspicion or was there some other reason?"

Well, anyway, most people were happy.  Then Bad-Timing Boy speaks.

  "Say, Sing-Along Lass, do you know 'Love Can Move Mountains'?"

Meanwhile, in the corner sits Figment Lad.  He looks sad.

  "Darn!  I would have voted for Deja Dude.  Sometimes non-existance
can be a real pain!"

==========

Next Week:  Leadership Crisis The Conclusion!!!

==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/attachments/20240204/a3d571c5/attachment-0001.htm>