LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #301: Tales of the LNH #278-279

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive 
once again.


And here's where you can find most of the Tales of the LNH as well as 
other Panta comics: 


https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Tales.LNH/




And we begin the Hubert Bartels run on Tales of the LNH (which
okay -- there aren't really any other runs besides that one --
although Jeff McCoskey did a couple of issues in a flashback
for that Catalytic Conversions Crossover (LNH CP Special #5)

So we have Tales of the LNH #278-279!  How is Panta coping with
the death of her teammate Lost Cause Boy!?  Will the Ultimate
Ninja do some Real Ninja Stuff (like throwing Ninja Bushes and
tearing still beating hearts out of people's chests) or will he
instead be wondering whether or not Pocket Man has some panties
with a hole for a tail to go through and what color those
panties would indeed be?!  And will there be some very problematic
villain that wants to convert all of Net.ropolis back to the Golden
Age?!!




Find out in...



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                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #301


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                       Tales of the LNH #278-279
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Tales of the LNH #278-283 by Hubert

			TALES OF THE L.N.H. #278

	Panta, still dressed in the brief, V-cut tunic and high laced Roman
sandals that she wore in Panta #4, pushed her way through the LNH's new
revolving doors and into a huge marble-floored lobby. Standing here and
there were potted palms and soft chairs - the effect was of a very expensive
Art-Deco hotel.
	In fact, one never knew exactly how the LNH HQ would look after a
explosion and reconstruction; it had already resembled a London Gentleman's
Club, a late Renaissance Italian palace, the UN building. Now, it resembled
a rather shorter stubby version of the 1930's Empire State Building, complete
with an Airship mooring post. LNH'ers were never sure if they would be
hanging their spandex uniforms on brushed chrome, wood, or polished brass
stands after a reconstruction. A committee headed by Super-Apathy Lad,
Time-Wasting Lad and Procrastination Boy is looking into why this is so, but
they have yet to set an agenda to decide when to meet.

	"Hey, that outfit looks like something Diana Prince wore in the
first issues of Wonder Woman. I approve!" came a shout from Old-Comics Man
as Panta walked across the LNH lobby to a offical LNH reception desk. She
twisted her head to see Old-Comics Man and Browsing Boy admiring the way
she filled out the curves of her brief tunic. As their eyes met, the two
men returned unabashed to their comics.
	Panta walked past the lobby's small reflecting pool, smoothing the
wrinkles in her tunic; it was pretty tattered but she didn't have anything
else. The receptionist looked up at the leopard girl, her spotted fur and
tail, her leopard ears, her shock of blonde hair and furry human face.
	"Hi, I'm Panta. I used to stay here. Is there any messages for me?"
Panta smiled at the receptionist.
	"Let's see now. Lost Cause Boy left you his (tm) and his room," the
receptionist began, handing Panta a small box and a large brass key. "There
are several fan letters, and your share of the profits of sales of your LNH
action figure. Less storage costs for that." The receptionist pointed to
a middle-sized box under the desk  of the reception area.
	"Thanks, but I don't remember leaving anything in storage..." Panta
mused.
	"Actually, it's Curly," the receptionist added. He took out the box
and set it on end, exposing Curly's proto-Stimpy feet. "Opps. Wrong end up."
He flipped the box, revealing Curly's vacant stare. "After Kid Anarky left
and you took off and Lost Cause Boy died, no one knew what to do with him.
So they stuffed him a box until one of you Integrity Questers showed up. You
want him?"
	"I-I-I don't know what to do with him..." Panta stammered.
	"No problem," the receptionist said. "We'll just hold him here until
you pick him up." He picked up Curly's box, and with repeated blows, was
able to stuff it back underneath the desk again. "Welcome back to the LNH."
	"Thank you." Panta gathered up the letters and turned to walk away.
She stopped. Her eyes lit up with joy. A great big smile spread across her
face.
	"Kiiiid Aaannnaaarrrkkkyyyyy!!!!!" She shouted. She threw her letters
and stuff in the air and ran across the huge lobby toward a familar figure in
a trenchcoat.
	His face assumed a shocked look; his hands made warding off gestures.
All to no avail; Panta jumped into his lap to give him a big hug.
	"Nooooo. Whooa. Whoa. Arrggh-" Splash!
	The two of them fell backwards into the lobby's reflecting pool. When
the water crashed back onto the floor, Panta was sitting on Kid Anarky's
stomach, licking him in the face with a rough tongue.
	"Ya miss me?" Panta happily asked Kid Anarky.
	Kid Anarky struggled to sit up in the water of the reflecting pool.
"Yeah, I guess so." He looked at Panta's lithe shape, now slick with water,
and smiled. "Yeah, I missed you. Can we get up now?"
	"Um, yes. Sure." Panta stood up. Water ran off her fur, outlining
every curve of her body. The tunic was completely transparent. Browsing Boy
and Old Comics Man made no pretense of looking at anything but Panta. Kid
Anarky closed his eyes and thought of Lost Cause Boy, his own wife and two
children, of ancient economic textbooks and other boring mundane things. Then
he shook his head. "Panta... you're all wet."
	"Yes." Panta smiled at him.
	"Why don't you go upstairs and dry off and put on something - less
distracting - more comfortable."
	"Um, sure, Kid Anarky." As Panta left wet footsteps across the lobby
floor, Kid Anarky watched her shapely butt and tail disappear up the LNH
grand staircase.
	Panta passed CheeseCake-Eater Lad who turned to look and then dropped
his cheese cake in astonishment.

	On the third floor, Ultimate Ninja stepped out of yet another
LNH organizational meeting. "And I'm not coming back in until you guys
shut up and sit down!" he yelled back to the room of miscreants. He was
answered by a succession of cat-calls, Bronx cheers, and spitballs. The
Ultimate Ninja slammed the door shut and wondered just how he had inherited
the job of LNH temporary leader and who he could give the whole mess to next.
	"Hi?" came someone's voice from behind him. The Ultimate Ninja
whirled and faced Panta's wet figure. Behind her, splotches of water ran
down the hallway to the stairs. The Ultimate Ninja groaned and reminded
himself to call Captain Cleanup to mop the stairs and hallways before someone
slipped and fell. "Panta?"
	"Yes?"
	"Aren't you rather... wet?"
	"Yes."
	"Shouldn't you go change or something?"
	"Um, I haven't got anything to change into..."
	The Ultimate Ninja's mind toyed with the idea of Panta in a large
fuzzy bath towel. A second thought of giving Panta the LNH, shoving her into
the room behind him and running off to do real Ninja things like tossing
Shuriken and climbing walls, stayed around a little longer. Only problem there
was that the leopard girl deserved better... Maybe he could give the whole
mess to Pocket Man; he seemed to be able to pull solutions out of his coat
pockets.
	"Panta? Why don't you talk to Pocket Man? He can probably find you
something to wear."
	"OK" Panta said happily and walked off, leaving more wet spots on
the carpet.
	The Ultimate Ninja watched Panta walk off. He wondered if Pocket Man
would have panties in Panta's size with a opening for her tail. And if so,
what color panties would he have?

	In a dark underground cavern, lit by dim bare bulbs, someone was
watching the new LNH HQ. Behind him, machinery growled and hummed as a
Ford Taurus was converted into a 1930's Golden Age Waterfall grill sedan.
Bwhahahhahahahahahahhahahah", he laughed evilly. "Soon my plans will come
to fruitation. There no longer is a color television in all of Net.ropolis.
No aluminum beer cans, plastic Coke bottles, or cellular phones. Soon things
will be the way they used to be. In the Golden era! Buhahahahaha!!!!" He
returned to watching the LNH HQ on the Ming-the-Merciless-type screen.

[ Who is the hooded evil character with the Fu-Manchu whiskers cackling as
  Net.ropolis turns back the clock? What color will Panta's panties be? And
  will there be an opening for her tail? Join us next issue and find out.]


			TALES OF THE LNH: #279

[ In TOTL #278, Panta returns to LNH HQ. She falls into the LNH lobby
  reflecting pool while giving Kid Anarky a wild welcome-back. Ultimate
  Ninja suggests that she talk to Pocket Man and get something new to
  wear. ]

	The cover shows a wet Panta knocking at a door in a hallway somewhere
in the depths of the LNH HQ. A little puddle is collecting around her feet.
Fanboys will see that Panta's wet, tattered little tunic reveals almost
everything. Get this issue - the cover is sure to be pasted up inside gym
lockers from coast to coast.

	"Knock-knock-knock-knock-knock"
	Pocket Man sighed and put down the glossy 8 x 10 framed picture of
Organic Lass in her white lab coat and walked to his room's door. "Who's
there?"
	"Um, hi, it's me," came a feminine voice from the other side of the
door.
	"Just a sec."
	Pocket Man's heart raced wildy for a second. Thinking his greatest
desire was coming true, He reached into a pocket of his orange mechanic's
jumpsuit, pulled out a breath freshener, sprizted, and placed it on a
dresser. From another pocket, he pulled a comb and a large wall mirror. He
propped the mirror against the wall and adjusted his hair. Then he was
ready. Pocket Man slowly opened his door, a wide smile on his face. He
looked; then he looked down. His smile slowly vanished.
	"Um, hi..." repeated Panta, looking up at Pocket Man.
"Ultimate Ninja said you could help me..."
	Pocket Man ran his fingers through his hair. It wasn't the light of
his life, but she was cute and she seemed to need his help. "How may I be
of assistance, Panta?" He opened the door wider to let Panta inside.
	The leopard girl stepped inside. Pocket Man closed the door, studied
Panta's wet form for a second or two, then reached into a cargo pocket on his
left thigh and pulled out a huge towel marked 'Oahu Hilton'. "Here, I think
you could use this."
	"Thanks." Panta modestly turned her back, slipped out of her sodden
tunic, and  wrapped herself in the warm fuzzy towel. As a gentleman, Pocket
Man turned around and thought again of Organic Lass.
	"Now...." Pocket Man said when he thought it safe to look at Panta
again. "What can I do for you?"
	"Ultimate Ninja says that you might have something for me to wear."
Panta said, rubbing parts of the towel against her silky fur.
	"Oh, sure. I think so. Let's see now." First, he pulled out a Japanese
schoolgirl's sailor uniform, complete with a skirt and a red, white, and blue
blouse. He tossed it aside. "No, something else might be better."
	Pocket Man began producing outfit after outfit from various pockets and
handed them, one at a time, to Panta to try on.
			...
	Panta looked sadly at the sleeves draped over her hands. "Too big,"
she said. Extra cloth from the huge gown lay in folds around her feet.
			...
	"It's nice but..." Panta said softly, looking at Pocket Man as he
assessed her appearance in a Scottish skirt and blouse outfit.
	"I know what you mean. Plaids and stripes don't go with your leopard
spots." Pocket Man agreed.
			...
	"No. It's not me." Panta said firmly. She began pulling off the fiery
red Dragon Lady silks with the slit up the side to her waist.
	"Besides, that isn't a good color for your eyes," added Pocket Man.
	"Do you like my eyes?" Panta asked.
	"Umm ... well, yeah, sure," Pok said, caught slightly off-guard by
Panta's subject-change. "I think you have beautiful eyes. But let's get back
to finding you some decent clothes, okay?"
	"Anything you say," she chimed.
			...
	"It isn't very feminine, is it?" Panta said, adjusting the fedora
and twisting the sleeves of the oversized man's safari shirt.
	"True, but some designers really like that look. Let's see what else
is here."
			...
	"No, no, no." Panta protested.
	Without even giving them to Panta, Pocket Man tossed the bellbottom
suit aside. "Horrid," he agreed.
			...
	The floor of the apartment filled with discarded clothes. Panta sat
down on the largest pile to take a breath; she was tired. From the bottom
of the pile, something caught her eye; she turned the entire stack over and
pulled the sailor outfit out. "This's cute."
	"Oh, that. That's what Japanese schoolgirls wear." Pocket Man said.
	"Can I try it on?"
	"Sure. Here's some pink panties and stuff you'll need too," he added
pulling several packages of ladies underwear from another pocket.
	Panta disappeared for a moment in Pocket Man's bathroom. She peeked
around the doorpost a second later. "Err, the panties don't fit. My tail..."
	"Oh, right. Here you go," Pocket Man said, handing her a pair of
scissors and a pocket sewing machine he had produced from a sleeve pocket.
	Panta disappeared into the bathroom again. She reappeared, giddily
twirling the skirt as she spun. "Oh it's wonderful! Can I have it?"
	"Sure. You'll need two. Some changes of underwear, a fuzzy sweater,
an overcoat, some kneesocks, a blazer, sensible shoes, a hairband, a briefcase,
a wristwatch..." As Pocket Man said each item, he pulled the item from one
pocket or another. Finally, with a flourish, he pulled out a Saks Fifth Ave.
shopping bag and a dry-cleaning pressing machine and placed all the clothing
into the bag.
	"Here you go," he said, gladdened by Panta's reaction to her wardrobe.

	After thanking Pocket Man profusely, Panta opened the door to leave.
She stepped right into Self-Righteous Preacher's stomach. "Uff!"
	"Let's have a look at you." The Self-Righteous Preacher said, taking
hold of the tie on Panta's sailor outfit. "Ultimate Ninja says that you
are now offically a member of the LNH, so I cannot throw you out. But that
does not mean we must allow uneducated young hellions running around the LNH
HQ. So, I have taken the liberty of enrolling you in the prestigious Prof. X's
School for Gifted Youngsters." He yanked on Panta's tie, pulling her off
her feet. "You are going to be a good girl and go to school, right?"
	"Ugk, ya."
	"Good girl. Good mutant." With a smug smile, he dropped her, patted
her on her head and turned to Pocket Man. "Could you find her the textbooks
she'll need?"
	Pocket Man scowled at the Preacher, not enjoying in the least having
the LNH's Moral-Patrol on his doorstep. He didn't like the Preacher and
certainly didn't like his manhandling of young Panta. He thought it might
teach the preacher a lesson to stuff him into one of his vast, bottomless
pockets for awhile, but realized a display of violence between LNHers in
front of the highly impressionable Panta would serve no good purpose.
	"What is she going to need?" he asked, making certain the preacher
recognized the tone of disapproval in his voice.
	"Let's see now," said the preacher, pompously ignoring Pocket Man's
disdain. "I think we'll start with Organic Chemistry, Greek, Latin, French,
Calculus, Physics, English Literature. Ancient and Modern History, Philosophy,
Art,..."
	As the Preacher recited the courses, Pocket Man produced each required
textbook, workbook and notes. Panta sadly watched her arms fill with books.
	"And finally, Theology," the Self-Righteous Preacher finished. He
watched Pocket Man produce a hefty tome and add it to the top of Panta's
stack. "Good. The X-transport will pick you up at the corner every day at
7:35. Be on it everyday, or leave the LNH!" He turned and stared at the
pile of women's clothes on Pocket Man's floor. "I see I'd better keep my
eye on you as well!" he said to Pocket Man. Then he walked self-importantly
down the hallway.
	Pocket Man smiled at the overloaded leopard girl and pulled out a
sheaf of Cliff Notes. "I can't help you with your schoolwork too much, but..."
he said, placing them on top of the stack of textbooks.
	"Ugk", said Panta, slowly beginning to topple forward under the load.
	"Oh, I'd better take that from you," Pocket Man quickly said, grabbing
the load of books before Panta collapsed. "Come on," he said. "I'll walk you
up to your new quarters. This is quite a load you've got here, but I'm sure
you'll do fine. I have confidence in you."
	"Thanks," Panta said quietly. "Thanks for all this..." She looked
up at Pocket Man and gave him a small tenuous smile.
	"You know," he said, "I think I know someone who might be able to
really help you with that Organic Chemistry course ..."

[ Poor Panta! How is she going to fight crime and keep up a full class
  schedule. What is Pocket Man going to do with all those women's clothes?
  Is Panta going to make it into Cal-Tech or Harvard? All this and more
  will be seen in the next issues of Tales of the LNH!]

Panta(tm) Hubert Bartels, Pocket Man(tm) Saint (lawrence at express.ctron.com)




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Next Week:  Some more Net.Patroller Action!!!

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Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer