LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #304: The Bellerophon Gambit Part One

[Arthur Spitzer]

And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive 
once again.


And here's where you can find The Bellerophon Gambit (and other
MISC LNH tales):

https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/



 

And we have The Bellerophon Gambit by 'Dial "D" for' Dave Van Domelen!
Can Action Lord take time from his six-pack chugging and belching to
give us all an incredibly huge exposition dump?!  And is it time for
Acton Lord to ride the Pega.SYS to little place we call the REAL
WORLD?!!


Find out in...



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             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
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                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #304


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                    THE BELLEROPHON GAMBIT Part One
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THE BELLEROPHON GAMBIT TRADE ETHERBACK            Published by Coherent Comics
     Copyright 1993 Dave Van Domelen

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Part One                                            "Don't Touch That Dial"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

     From his new base in Andale Atoll, Acton Lord watched NNN (Net.News.
Network).
     "...and now for HeroNewsHour," said the announcer.  This was alternately
Acton Lord's favorite or least favorite show, the hour-long daily report on
Net.Hero activity.  "The leading story is the Death of Lost Cause Boy, who gave
his life to save Net.roplis from a rampaging beast...."
     Acton Lord mused as the story was retold [See Death of LCB LS if you 
haven't already! -Ed.] on NNN.  This was the kind of story he liked to hear, 
one where the story was corrupted into drivel by the lure of sales.  Even 
though he had no hand in that particular corruption, hearing about it made him 
feel all kind of warm inside.
     "...in a slightly related story, Writer-With-Integrity, the object of
LCB's first and greatest mission, was spotted today at a convenience store in 
Kirksville, Missouri...."
     'WHAT???' thought Acton Lord.  'He's still around?  I can't abide the 
mention of his name!  He stands for incorruptibility, and is more my arch 
nemesis than any other so-called "hero"!  How I wish I could....'
     Just then, Acton Lord's thoughts were interrupted by a beer can thrown 
with astounding force at the viewscreen and a voice saying, "Do dis ta da bum?"
     Acton Lord whirled to see a portly dark figure wearing a sweatsuit and 
carrying a six-pack.  His eyes glowed in the shadow formed by his beetling 
brow, and he cut loose a mighty belch.  "You are you?" demanded Acton Lord.
     "Ah, yez don't recogonize me?  Yer own typo-brother?  And afta I filled in
for ya in all dem stories ya couldn't make it ta."  The mysterious stranger 
scrathced his armpit.
     "Action Lord?"
     "In da flesh," said the armchair athlete, sinking into a plush chair that 
materialized behind him.
     "So, you have come to exact revenge for the atrocities I performed on your
person during Beige Noon?"
     "Shhhh!  We ain't supposed to talk about dat!  WE know what happened, and 
*maybe* some a' da writas know, but da readers don't," admonished the raging 
bull.
     "So, what is your purpose here?" asked Acton Lord as he pulled up a swivel
chair and sat down.
     "Well, I tell ya, I...say, I'm being rude.  Wanna brewski?  No?  Okay.  
Anywaze, we ain't got no quarrel anymore.  Dat's cus we don't have real origins
anymore, and our origins had the whaddyacall root of our disagreement.  Now 
don' get all slack-jawed like dat, ya look like me on New Year's Day.  Whaddya 
'member a yer origin?" asked Action Lord.
     "Well, I was originally Sig.Lad, but an aspect of that hero got caught in 
an infinite loop and re-emerged in an earlier time index with his eyes opened 
to the way things really were.  Then he, or rather *I*, named myself Acton Lord
and began to build my powerbase. [Ed. note: slightly biased recounting of 
"Sound of Clashing Metal" #3-4)]"
     "Tink back fudda.  D'ya 'member a guy called Dial "D" fer Dvandom?"
     "Why, yes, I do?  But it's all so hazy...like a waking dream."
     "Well, DAT'S yer real origin.  Bot' a us were whaddyacall 'dialed up' by 
dis cosmic dude who existed partially in da Real World.  But ya botched up, ya 
joik!"
     "WHAT?"
     "When ya tried ta get Sig.Lad outta yer hair by sticking him in that loop,
you gave anudder origin fer yerself.  And wit all dem Retcon Energies floating 
around afta Cry.Sig and the Beige Noon, dat became THE story.  Ya retconned 
Dial "D" fer Dvandom outta existence!  Now, if'n youse was da only guy dialed 
up by him, tings wouldn't be so bad.  But D"D"D made X-chequer, da guy that was
supposed to destroy RAC, and da X-Over Men, who featured prominently in da 
Electrocutioner's Song story.  You bin leaving plot holes all ovah.  And since 
he's kinda still needed to explain soitan plot elements, he kinda still exists.
And so we's is in a kinda whaddyacall limbo as origins go.  So if'n we's evah 
gonna existicate, we gotta get D"D"D back in the story, or replace 'im 
propahly.  So let's get on wit it.  Show me what ya got going on Project 
Bellerophon."
     Acton Lord, who thought his jaw had already dropped as far as it could 
without dislocating, found he was wrong as his jaw dropped fudda, er, further.
"How do you know about THAT?  It's Mega Top Secret!  Not even the Watchdog can 
see what I'm planning on that!"
     "Hey, dintya read part 10 of Electrocutioner's Song?  I'm an alt.voision 
of ya, so I can pick up summaya thoughts.  You bin screening dem from Sig.Lad, 
but not from me.  A course, I neva boddered much to read yer mind, it's kinda 
boring mosta da time, and usually only check in durin' commoicials.  So, what 
is it?"
     "Ahem.  Project Bellerophon is an attempt to capture the mythical 
Pega.SYS, a being able to fly freely among the net.worlds.  Not even the 
Crosspost Brothers have the kind of access to net.space that the Pega.SYS does.
With it I can corrupt stories around the world!  BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
     "You tink too small, my typo-brudda.  I caught a special on da Pega.SYS 
durin halftime of da Superbowl last year, and it is far more than a transient 
tool of international terrorism.  Wit it, we could actually whaddyacall 
transcend da net.worlds and reach da real woild half of Dial "D" fer Dvandom!  
We could bring him back inta da net, and remake da woild as we remember it!"

     Ominous closeup shot of a glowing technoharness on a pedastal.....

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Part Two of Four                                          "Fendetta"
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Acton Lord sat brooding in his control center.  Things were getting far too 
delayed.  It had been a mistake planning around Action Lord, considering the 
season.  They had been all ready to go on New Year's day, but noooooo!  Action 
Lord had to watch one network's Bowl games and tape the other's.  Then that 
poor gradgnome made the mistake of walking up to Action Lord while the 
couchspud was watching a taped game and saying, "So that is being the game Ohio
State lost?"  It took days to clean all the blood out of the rug and 
walls...and ceiling...and electrical outlets....
     He had tried to engineer a backup plan in case Action Lord permanently 
rooted to the couch, but that failed.  The armor that would have allowed him to
safely ride the Pega.SYS was destroyed by its creator before Acton Lord's agent
could collect it. [Ed. Note: see Multi-Tasking Man: Innocent Bystander LS for 
more on this]  So he had no alternative but wait for a day when there were no 
major sporting events on.  But with the Superbowl coming up, that day seemed 
more and more remote.  Maybe he could rig an accidental cut in the cable 
connection....

               *              *              *              *

     Panel showing a figure hunched over reading a massive tome with the words 
"Heterodyne Boys Big Book Of Rare and Collectible Artefacts" inscribed on the 
spine.  A figure enters from left carrying a baseball pennant of some sort and 
munching on a hot dog.
     "AHA!" shouts the reading figure, causing the other to do a spit take and 
drop the pennant.
     "Geez, boss, what's wit' da histrionics?" asked the one wiping mustard off
his nose.
     "Can the fake accent, DAMN YANKEE, and observe!" the other, still 
mysterious (but not very since we all know who Damn Yankee serves) figure 
pointed at a page of the open book.
     "Tri-Star pictures?  We're gonna steal a movie company?"
     "No, you imbecile!  This is the Pega.SYS!"
     "What does it do?"
     The figure, oh hell, you know already, the FAN.DOM OF THE ALT.RA shrugged 
and replied, "I have no idea.  But it's in this book, and I am destined to own 
everything in this book! BWAHAHAHA!  If it's collectible, I collect it!  It is 
mine by right!  Everything shown in this book is MINE!!!!!"

               *              *              *              *

     Acton Lord paced nervously in the anteroom (as opposed to the antiroom, 
which annihilated any rooms brought into contact with it, but that's another 
plot device altogether) outside the Demense of the Gradgnomes.  He had assigned
them the task of creating a device that could harness the power of the 
Pega.SYS, and it was nearing completion.  Judging by the number of pizza boxes 
and Indian Take-Out boxes piled in the trash, they had been hard at work at 
least a week.  He could command the little suckers, but never, *never* could he
understand how they could eat Gumby's pizza more than once in a week.  Then the
door creaked.
     "It is being finished, boss," ventured a small Engineering Gradgnome.
     "At last!  Let me see it!"
     The device to harness the Pega.SYS was brought out on a wheeled cart.
     It was a harness.
     Damn their literal minds, thought Acton Lord.  "I wanted more of a remote 
control apparatus, you dinks!"
     "To be humbly making apologies, but Singh did his Generals on the 
Pega.SYS, and it is not being able to be controlled by remoteness.  You have to
be putting the hands on approach." [Ed. Note: no, I am not slamming Indian grad
students, but fake Indian accents are funnier than any other IMO]
     Acton Lord brushed aside the editor's note and sighed.  "Very well, it 
will have to serve.  Now, does Singh know any way in which the Pega.SYS must 
be approached?"
     There was a muttering behind the doors, and the gradgnome poked his head 
back out.  "Apologizing, but Singh only did control, not capture.  Paper on 
capture is being in peer review in Germany, and not to be released for at least
two months."
     Acton Lord muttered a curse about the modern scientific process and
snatched up the harness.  He'd just have to get Nolan Chance to divert the
beast while he harnessed it, aided by Action Lord's power.

               *              *              *              *

     Meanwhile, at a large Midwestern university, Dial "D" for dvandom sat at a
computer terminal, blissfully unaware of the heinous plans his creations had
for him and of the huge tax bill he would be eating in a month....

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Next Week:  The Conclusion of The Bellerophon Gambit!

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Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer