LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #273: Integrity Quest Part Ten
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jan 29 13:02:34 PST 2023
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find the whole Integrity Quest and well as
Amabel Holland's very nice Integrity Quest Companion, which is
well worth a read:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/
And we're still in the Integrity Quest storyline! Stephane Savoie and Hubert
Bartels write episodes 17 and 18! Will we find out the dirt Kid Anarky has on
his writer?! And what does THUNDER-BLOT mean when he says FEEL MY POWER?! Does
THUNDER-BLOT really want everyone to feel his power?!
Find out in...
_
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| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #273
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Integrity Quest Part Ten
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From: 003695s at ace.acadiau.ca (STEPHANE ANDRE SAVOIE)
Subject: INTEGRITY QUEST:
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 17: HUH?
[ Last issue, Panta and Kid Anarky, on their way to stop Spitt (TM)
from destroying Metropolis, were captured in an undergroud universe which was
being Marvel-ized by Defacto and his fanboy-flunkies. They had been put to
work poly-bagging cards into Sliderman 2099 #1, but they come up with a plan
to set chaos into Defacto's plans...]
<<<In a protest against cover-gimmicks, the creator has insisted to
the publisher that this issue have no cover.>>>
"So, we're going to set fanboy against fanboy by only pre-bagging
some issues of Sliderman 2099 #1 with the card. But how do we get rid of
the rest of these cards?" queried Panta.
"Shhh. I can't say out loud while the audience is here." replied
Kid anarky.
"Oh. Why not?!" insisted Panta, her annoyance plainly visible.
"Because. When the audience knows the plan, it never works. Didn't
you ever watch Scooby-Doo?"
"Oh. Well, how're we gonna do it if they keep hanging around"
exclaimed Panta, pointing out of the panel at the reader.
"Simple. I threaten to let the readers know what a wimp the writer
is by telling them how he
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>INTERLUDE<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
"Boy, that took quite a while. Do you think it was worth it?" asked
Panta, a look of exaustion on her face.
"It will be if it works. All we can do know is wait."
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
"Yes! The entire multiverse shall be mine! And no issue shall
occure without a cross-over! And a death! And a cover gimmick!
And yea, all storylines will be forced to incure terrible changes
to the characters, which will be instantly reversed once the writer leaves
the title! And..."
"Umm, boss, Mr. Defacto, sir. I've got some bad news." stated a
shadowed figure in the doorway.
"Yes, my henchman, you who art not a Marvel Zombie, but simply a
reader of simply Marvel-ously selective taste, what is it? It had better
be very important. I hate being interupted in the middle of a good rant."
stated the dreaded Defacto.
"Sorry, sir. It would appear that Panta and Kid Anarky have escaped"
"What? But how?! I have them vastly outnumbered on this ship! I
have a Beserker Rage (TM) Inhibitor on board, and anyway, the door was
locked. HOW?!" spoke Defacto, striking a badly-drawn Kirby-rip-off pose.
"Well, apparantly they only released a few of those Sliderman 2099
issues with trading cards. In the ensuing chaos, they left."
"But how? HOW?!"
"Well, they was an announcement that the first 25 people who reached
the storage room would get a free issue w/card. During the confusion of
hundreds of Marvel-ites running into the room. They left." explained the
fanboy.
"But what happened to the rest of the cards??" screamed DeFacto.
"Well... they pre-bagged those free new-release thingies, the
'Marvel Requirerer', with them. Since that's free, and they didn't even
bother sealing it, the card's almost worthless..."
"What??!! Didn't you even get suspicious as it was being
shipped?!" raged DeFacto.
"Well, yeah, but, well, they said they were sorry, and, man, that
Panta..." A look a adolescent bliss crossed over the thug's face.
"Curses! We'll have to initiate Plan: Epsilon" continued Defacto,
still in that same pose.
"Oh no, master! Not that! Anything but that!" cringed the fanboy.
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Panta and Kid Anarky are sneaking around into the corridors of
The Machine-Thing. Panta suddenly stopped with a jingle of her bell to ask
something.
"So, where are we going?" queried Panta.
"You know, we've got to do something about that. So far, all you'
ve done this issue is ask me questions. You'd think the writer had
been watching too many episodes of Doctor Who lately, and was basing
you on a companion. But we all know he's too good to use a cheap
plot-device like that, DON'T WE? Anyhow, here's a copy of the script of
this issue. Just read the part before this is happening. The flunkie just
gave most of it away to Defacto!" pointed out Kid Anarky, as he hands a
copy of the script to this comic.
"What? But... where did you get this? More importantly, why don't
we read ahead to find out how the beat this power-maniac?!" exclaimed
Panta.
"Well, unfortunately, the writer has absolutely no idea what he's
doing. Having read the preceding part to this continuing saga, he
spontaneously decided to expand on the already existing information and
create his next foray into the unknown." explained Kid Anarky with patience.
"Huh?"
"He's making it up as he goes along."
"Oh... That means we're in trouble, doesn't it? That also
explains why so little get done in issues he's writing."
"Yeah. Anyhow we'd better get moving again"
The pair crept forwards another few feet until Panta stopped again
with a jingle (and a jiggle).
"Wait a minute! Like I said: here are we going? We don't know anything
about the layout to this place."
"Umm.." pondered Kid Anarky, "Well, look at it this way. We have a
better chance to something happening by wandering around that by remaining
stationary."
"You mean, like that?" exclaimed Panta as she pointed her clawed
finger at a crackling-energy effect on the wall.
A figure appeared in the energy field, which frizzled instantly
after he had walked through. The figure was a badly-drawn Kirby-esque
clone. He was dressed in what almost, but not completely, failed to look
anything like what a norse god would look like. He held an extremely large
fountain pen in his hand.
"I AM THUNDER-BLOT! FEEL MY POWER!"
[ Will our heroes ever defeat the vile forces of Defacto? Will there
ever exist a more pathetic cliff-hanger, yet alone a more pitiful issue of
Integrity Quest? Only the future will tell (but see if you can get it to
talk...:)]
Kid Anarky owned by Steph Savoie, Panta loaned by Hubert Bartels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hgb at catalina.opt-sci.arizona.edu (Hubert Bartels)
Subject: Integrity Quest: There Can Be Only One!
NET.PATROL: Net.Patrol - part 18: Panta - THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
[ Panta and Kid Anarky have been trapped inside Defacto's rolling superbase
`MachineThing'. Escaping their cell, they find themselves face to face
with a bad Thor-clone naming himself 'Thunder-Blot'. Rochester and Lost
Cause Boy have just fought Spitt(tm), a supervillian with a disgusting
habit. ]
The first page is a splash with Panta and Kid Anarky in the front,
on either side of the page. Between them in the middle distance is
Thunder-Blot, dressed in a tunic of blue and bearing a extremely large iron
fountain pen on his shoulder. Panta's face shows anger; Kid Anarky's face
shows worry.
"AND AGAIN, FEEL MY POWER, PUNY MORTALS!!" The god shouted. He raised
his fountain pen and threw it at Panta.
Panta launched herself sidewards as she saw the fountain pen coming.
She collided with Kid Anarky, pushing him into a corridor alcove.
The pen hit the corridor floor with a crash, splattering the walls
with a black smoking ink that obliterated everything it touched. The sound
of the fountain pen was a thunder that shook the walls and echoed from the
deeps. Panta's ears rang.
Panta grabbed Kid Anarky and pulled him to his feet. "We've got to
get out of here!" she said, her collar bell ringing madly. "I've never fought
a god before."
Kid Anarky groaned. Panta's leap into his stomach had taken all his
breath.
"DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HIDE FROM A GOD?" Thunder-Blot shouted. His
massive footsteps thudded on the metal floor as he came closer.
Panta grabbed Kid Anarky by his coat collar and yanked him back into
the corridor. Then she scampered down the corridor and jumped into an room.
Kid Anarky groaned again. The short trip had made him feel like a rag at the
end of a kite.
"Yoo Hoo, COME OUT, COME OUT, WHERE EVER YOU ARE!"
The thudding footsteps came closer.
Panta glanced around the room. It was a dead end.
Kid Anarky shook his head and leaned against a table. He could
start to think again.
"THUNDER-BLOT IS GETTING ANGRY. AND YOU WON'T LIKE IT WHEN I AM
ANGRY!"
Panta spun away from the table and slammed the door shut. With a
near-panic-like speed, she spun the latches shut and locked the door. The
thudding footsteps stopped on the other side of the door.
Kid Anarky scanned the room. Cabinets, table, wash bucket and mop.
No weapons, no tools, no way out. He glanced at Panta, her lithe sensual
form now backed against the heavy steel door. Her face fur was beaded with
sweat, her collar bell chiming as she breathed. He shook his head and looked
up.
Above his head was the intake of a airduct. Kid Anarky pulled himself
onto the table.
A crash made him turn toward the door. The door seemed to bulge from
its seal; there was smoke rising from the door's edges; Another crash. And then
the door crumpled, hurling Panta against the base of the table. She groaned.
"HA HA HA. HIDE AND SEEK IS OVER. AND THIS TIME! YOU'RE HIT!"
Kid Anarky jumped up, grabbed the airduct grill with his fingers, and
pulled.
Another crash and thunder and the crumpled door spun inwards, sweeping
Kid Anarky, Panta, and the table to the side. In the now shattered doorway,
Thunder-Blot stood, his tunic stained with black ink, his feathered helmet
slighty awry.
Panta rolled over and crouched on the floor.
"HASTA LA..." Thunder-Blot began. Then Panta leaped at his face, masking
his eyes with a furry chest. She tighted her arms around his huge head, trying
to hold on. His feathered helmet toppled to the steel floor.
"Help me, Kid!" she shouted.
The god began to raise one hand to pull the leopard girl off his face,
to squeeze her flat like a zit. His other hand raised the iron fountain pen.
The smell of ozone of extremely high voltage filled the tiny room.
"Help..." Panta got out as the god's hand grabbed her around the waist
and pulled her off his face.
"...VISTA..."
Panta started to scream, a thin voiceless scream. His hand closed.
"...BABY."
Panta's scream died in a sudden gasp of pain.
Suddenly Kid Anarky was standing in front of Thunder-Blot, who
contempted him with look he reserved for the lowest of the low. Kid
Anarky didn't seen to care, and had a strange maniac-type smile on his
face. He wa holding a large claymore in front of him, and was giggling.
The he stopped. He quickly looked down at sword, then at the
looming thunder-god. Then he did so again.
Kid Anarky panicked. Dropping the blade, he dove into a corner. Picking
up the closest object and threw it at the massive Kirby-quese figure.
Mop water splashed across Thunder-bolt's face as a plastic bucket
bounced against his chest. It dripped down his tunic and puddled on the floor.
Kid Anarky held his breath. It was truly a futile stupid gesture...
Then the fountain pen shorted to the steel floor. Black iridescent
lightning bolts stabbed from the iron pen along Thunder-Blot's skin. He
lit up from the inside, his bones showing darker in a red hot skin. Panta
was tossed across the room to slide in a bruised heap underneath a lab bench.
Kid Anarky stared.
"UUUUHGGHHARGGHHARRGGHHH(tm)" the god screamed as smoke poured from
his open mouth. His feet started to soften, then melt. "I'm MELTING, I'M
MELTING..." His features ran across his face like soft wax, dripping into
the growing puddle on the hot floor.
Kid Anarky backed away from the dying god. He sought out Panta
and pulled her from underneath the lab bench.
"ARRGHHH," the dying god repeated. "I'M MELTING. I'M ME..."
Kid Anarky gathered Panta's battered body into his arms. He carried
her from the ruined room out into the corridor. "Panta, Panta, Panta,"
he kept repeating. Behind him, there was nothing but a steaming puddle.
Panta's furry head lolled loosely in his arms. He could barely
feel her heartbeat through her thin bodysuit. Was the little leopard girl
dying?
"Panta!" Kid Anarky screamed.
The final panel of this issue is another spread, Kid Anarky kneeling
in a cold blue steel corridor, Panta lying across his lap in the standard
Pieta scene. A faint trickle of blood runs from Panta's open mouth, staining
her white face fur. Kid Anarky's head is raised up, his face showing horror,
his mouth open in a silent scream.
[ Shocking! Will Panta live? Will Kid Anarky escape 'MachineThing'? The next
issue of Integrity Quest will answer these questions. Maybe.]
Lost Cause Boy (tm) Douglas P. Wojtowicz Kid Anarky (tm) Stephane Savoie
Panta (probably never going to get a tm) Hubert Bartels.
Copyright 1994, Hubert Bartels
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Next Week: More Integrity Quest!
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Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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