LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #265: Claymore, the Sig.Warrior!

[Drew Nilium]

On 11/20/22 3:57 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>       "What's with all these asterisks?  Why, in my day, we had two ways of
> writing things:  normal and boldface!  And we LIKED it!  And what's with teh
> two part name?  'Claymore the Sig.Warrior'?  In the old days heroes had one
> name, and maybe a secret identity.  Which one is your real name?  Claymore's
> awfully stupid for a real name...unless you're an alien invader?  Naw, ya ain't
> got any z's or x's in your name...."
> 
>       Dave Van Domelen, sitting on the ice with Old Comics Man and perhaps
> regretting it....

Ahhhhh, this first part was also in the last post. X>

>       "And another thing!  That heated costume of yours!  In my day, we had
> three temperatures in comics:  Absolute Zero, Surface of Sun and Not Too Bad!
> Why, Swimming Man used to swim in Liquid Nitrogen with nothing but a pair of
> trunks (none of these Speedo things, neither) and whale blubber smeared on his
> skin!  And that's another thing!  Those damn environmentalists stopping us from
> getting good wholesome whale blubber...."

Oh my god. X3

>       The annoying voice thankfully faded as Claymore swam away from the island.
> Luckily Old Comics Man disdained mylar snugs, so couldn't enter the water to
> follow him.

X3;;;;

>       About three miles from US territorial waters, Claymore was roused from his
> game of shuffleboard by the sound of gunfire.  Since the skeet shooting
> competition wasn't until 4:30, the Sig.Warrior knew that trouble was afoot!
>       In fact, it was a very large foot!  A disembodied foot, leading a squad of
> terrorists, had seized the bridge!

Ah, I love this so much X3

>       "Men call me PEDERAST!"  shouted the foul foot.
>       "What? <snicker>  Do you know what that means?"  Claymore could hardly
> contain himself.
>       "What?  What do you mean?  It has to do with feet, right?  PED- being a
> root for foot!"  Despite his protestations, the foot seemed uneasy.  Had he
> made a mistake in not consulting a dictionary?

This is one that stuck in my mind as a kid. X> It was very on the level of 
Feeling Smart I had then.

> I haven't met such a stupidly named foe
> since 'Inferior the Nuclear Man'!"   Claymore proceeded to laugh so hard he
> broke all the furniture on the bridge.
>       Pederast, who was seriously thinking of changing his name, asked, puzzled,
> "What's wrong with Inferior?  'FER' means fire, right?"

heeheehee

>       Pederast got huffy.  "Well, what kind of name is 'Claymore', anyway?  You
> don't carry a longsword!"
>       "Heeheheheeehheee... Er, sorry.  Well, I can't show you why that's my
> name, this is a family strip.

X3

> Ahem.  Heh.  Anyway, I have to wrap this up, I'm
> due over in Electrocutioner's Song any time now.

Ah, yes, I see...

>       "Er, boss?
>       "WHAT!?!?!"
>       "Well, we found this dictionary, and we looked up your name...and, well,
> we ain't working for no pederast.

heeheehee
>       "That wasn't just *any* wet mop...I just used that mop in the LOCKER
> ROOMS!" exclaimed Claymore.
>       "No...not..!"
>       "YES!  Athlete's Foot fungus!  Surrender and we'll show you where they
> store the Micatin.  Resist, and we'll throw it all overboard!"

X3

>       Claymore turned to the Captain.  "Well, I have to be going now, I'm due in
> a crossover tomorrow, and I have to unmutate before then.  See ya."

X3

>       Claymore cast a glance over his shoulder as he stood at the railing.  "You
> can call me Sig.Lad," he said, then dove into the surf.
>       "What a stupid name," mused the Captain....

Heeheehee

>       A few hours later, Sig.Lad washed ashore.  He cursed the luck that had him
> unmutate right after hitting the water. 

D'oh

> His mutations had been stabilizing
> lately, which was good.  As long as no one did something heinous like infecting
> him with a TransMode virus, he might actually soon be rid of his cursed
> instability.

Eheheh, welllll...

> Next Week:  Is Thanksgiving so I'll probably be off on Vacation -- but maybe
>               two weeks from now there will be another LNH Classic!

Woo! :D

Drew "gives me a chance to catch up over the holiday" Nilium