LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #264: The Sound of Clashing Metal The Conclusion
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Nov 13 13:21:36 PST 2022
30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find The Sound of Clashing Metal as well as other
MISC LNH stories:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Misc/
And we've got concluding parts of The Sound of Clashing Metal by Mark Friedman
and Dave Van Domelen (And a summary of #4 of this mini because Dave thought that
it was lost forever). How far will Sig.Lad, undercover superhero, go to keep his
cover? Snorting coke? Kicking puppies?! Distributing barbies that say, 'Math
is hard!' to young impressionable girls?!! And more importantly is it --
A TRAP?!!!!!!
Find out in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #264
=====================
The Sound of Clashing Metal The Conclusion
=====================
* * * *
PART THREE: Written by Netlurker aka Mark Friedman
--------------------------------------------------
Last issue, Sig Lad was poking around Netlurker's domain for an
entrance to NAIVE (New And Improved Virtual Environment) in hopes of
learning the whereabouts of Acton Lord's secret base...
We find Sig Lad already logged into the Internet...
* * * * * * * *
cerebro2 11:01pm 69> telnet python.cis.ohio-state 4201
------------------------------------------------------
<connected>
Welcome to NAIVE - New And Improved Virtual Environment
To connect to your existing character, enter "connect <name> <password>"
To create a new character, enter "create <name> <password>"
To use the guest character, enter "connect guest guest"
Use the news command to get up-to-date news on program changes.
You can disconnect using the QUIT command, which must be capitalized as shown.
Use the WHO command to find out who is currently active.
connect Solarmax truthjustice [Dvandom's actual character on NAIVE]
========================================================================
========================================================================
Cyberhall
This is where all the Cyber-Portals are. These allow the crew to explore
virtual realities from a computer hook-up. Kinda far-fetched, huh?
Portals: Lambda, Castle, sd1112
Obvious Exits: east
>@think Hmmmmm...
You think, "Hmmmmm..."
>WHO
Player Name On For Idle
Solarmax 00:01 0s
Netlurker 01:08 29s
2 users are connected
>look at me
A gosh-honest superhero! Wow!
HP:100/100 Level: 1 XP: 0
Carrying:
Solar Sword
Skinsuit
>say Oooops!
You say, "Oooops!"
>@describe me=A low-down supervillain! Run away!!!
Description set.
>say That's better...
You say, "That's better..."
>page Netlurker=Hey, I'm a low-down supervillain, dedicated to the
eradication of the Legion of Net.Heroes!
Your message has been sent.
Netlurker pages: Oh? We might be able to use you, then...go east and
then north to the Lounge.
>@think A-ha: I'm in!
You think, "A-ha: I'm in!
>go east
Hallway 31
You are at the north (forward) end of a long north-south hallway. To
the north is the Lounge, to the west is the Cyberhall, and to the east
is the Cafeteria. Obvious Exits: west, east, south, north
>go north
Lounge
This is where everyone hangs out most of the time when they're not in
Cold Storage. Couches and chairs line the rooms. You can look out the
front of the starship to the north. A bar sits in one corner of the
room.
Obvious Exits: bar, chair, couch, south
Contents:
Netlurker (sitting on a couch)
RoboTender (defunct)
Lerxst (sitting at the bar)
Rawhide (in a reclining chair)
>say Hello there...
You say, "Hello there..."
>look at Netlurker
It's kinda hard to get a good look at him, being hidden in the shadows
and all...
HP:500/500 Level: 24 XP: 1234570050
Carrying:
shotgun
lined coat
Netlurker says, "So ya wanna be a net.villain, eh?"
Netlurker says, "Okay...in 20 words or less: how evil are you?"
>say I'm so evil that I distibute those talking Barbie dolls that
say 'Math is hard!' to young, impressionable girls!
You say, "I'm so evil that I distibute those talking Barbie dolls that
say 'Math is hard!' to young, impressionable girls!"
Netlurker grins, "Ohhh! That *is* evil...I *do* think we can use you!"
Netlurker scribbles a note.
Netlurker says, "Go see Acton Lord at this port. Tell him Netlurker sent you."
Netlurker gave note to you.
>look at note
The note says: Acton Lord's new mud.address is 127.0.0.1 port 7
>say Thanks! See you around...keep kicking those puppies!"
You say, "Thanks! See you around. Oh, and keep kicking those puppies!"
Netlurker grins: "Oh, I will..."
Netlurker laughs maniacally!
>:waves.
Solarmax waves.
>QUIT
<disconnected>
---------------------------------------
cerebro2 11:05pm 70> telnet 127.0.0.1 7
Trying 127.0.0.1 ...
Connected to 127.0.0.1.
Escape character is '^]'.
Hello?
Hello?
help
help
menu
menu
Uh-oh...
Uh-oh...
^]
^]
Bugger: it's a TRAP!!!!
Bugger: it's a TRAP!!!!
^]
^]
HELLLLPPPP!!!
HELLLLPPPP!!!
^]
^]
*whine...*
*whine...*
* * * * * * * *
Acton Lord picked up the ringing phone, "Revenge to Go: `We
Serve it Cold...'"
"Yo, Netlurker here..."
"Ahhh! So you've returned to our dimension?"
"Yeah, and I now have someone you may be interested in. Sig
Lad is now languishing in an echo-server under my control..."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, he tried disguising himself on my MUD as a villain
named 'Solarmax' in hopes of infiltrating our ranks and getting to
your hideout. However, I pulled a WHO and found he was logged in from
the 'net.heroes.legion.com' domian. Dead giveaway...."
"What a maroon..."
"Exactly. So, what do you want to do to him?"
Acton Lord thought for a second. Then it came to him. "I
have a plan. Here's what we are going to do..."
* * * *
SOUND OF CLASHING METAL #4 - The Annotated Version
copyright 1992, 1996 Dave Van Domelen
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Thanks to Tori for providing the archive disk which contained, among
other things, this lost part of the Sound of Clashing Metal. Since the
gags in here may be too obscure for newer readers to get (frankly, *I* don't
get them all anymore), explanations and other comments will be provided in
brackets.]
Article 223 of alt.comics.lnh: [Ah, the good old days!]
Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh
Path: news.columbia.edu!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!caen!uwm.edu!linac!
pacific.mps.ohio-state.edu!cis.ohio-state.edu!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!
dvandom
From: dva... at magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu (David VanDomelen)
Subject: Sig.Lad escapes!
Message-ID: <1992Oct16.1... at magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu>
Sender: ne... at magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu
Nntp-Posting-Host: top.magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu
Organization: The Ohio State University
Date: Fri, 16 Oct 1992 18:44:01 GMT [I feel old.]
Lines: 46 [Yep, posts were short in those days.]
Sig.Lad fought off the ravening hordes of random characters that trapped
him in port 19, but it was no use. The flood of meaningless data was too
strong to swim against, and soon he was overcome by it. [Netlurker, at
Acton Lord's behest, had trapped Sig.Lad in an echo server in part 3.]
For what seemed to be an eternity (or was it an antarctic press?)
[Ninja High School was published by both Antarctic Press and Eternity in
its run.] Sig.Lad was bombarded with contradictory falsehoods and general
garbage. He tried to surround himself in a cocoon of .sigs to protect
himself, but it was no use. The bombardment penetrated even his thickest
.sigs. He felt himself going raving mad. Then he got better, regaining his
silent lucidity. But he was no longer the same net.persona he had been. He
was evil, in an insane sort of way, and reveled in it. [There ya go, a
complete rip-off of the Warlock/Magus origin from the Jim Starlin Warlock
series.]
Using the power his insanity gave him access to, he easily broke free
of the loop he was trapped in, and found himself back in early July. He
was no longer Sig.Lad...he was now and forevermore,
*** ACTON LORD ***
* * * *
[Yep, even four years ago I was using that "three tabs and an asterisk,
repeat four times" separator.]
While Acton Lord began to use his memories to set in motion the complex
set of events that would lead to his creation (thereby retconning Dial "D"
for dvandom out of the post-Cry.Sig continuity), back in the present a
strange thing was happening. [Of course, this retcon would later lead to the
necessity of the Bellerophon Gambit to fix things.]
Sidewinder [remember, this was back when I thought Sidewinder was
public domain and had adopted him], having gotten into alt.fan.goons,
found a strange ragged idiot that bore a striking resemblance to Sig.Lad,
except that he seemed somehow...unstable. But before he could investigate
this further, he was distracted by a reference to marmalade and crossposted
to alt.breakfast.foods, leaving behind the ragged idiot. [Yes, I was
making Goon Show refs LOOONG before Crisis on Earth-Goon.]
The ragged idiot wandered the .goons group for a few days, until he
stumbled into a catchphrase and fell into the water.
"At last, my memory is restored! The contact with water broke the
memory block I suffered from! I am truly,
*** Claymore, the Sig.Warrior ***" [Namor, the Sub-Mariner. Yes, it
was a lame gag.]
Thus, Claymore immediately felt compelled to swim to the arctic and
hassle some eskimos (why are there eskimos in the Atlantic polar regions?
Ask Kirby.). Once he got there, he found a strange figure frozen in a
block of ice. Intrigued (hey, he's a good guy! He's not gonna just chuck
it in the ocean!), Claymore attached the heating unit from his outfit (how
else do you think he survived swimming in the Arctic?) to the block, and
melted it open to reveal
*** Old Comics Man ***! [I'd completely forgotten about this bit...
maybe Tony can work it into Challengers of the Abominable. Heh.]
"What's with all these asterisks? Why, in my day, we had two ways of
writing things: normal and boldface! And we LIKED it! And what's with
the two part name? 'Claymore the Sig.Warrior'? In the old days heroes
had one name, and maybe a secret identity. Which one is your real name?
Claymore's awfully stupid for a real name...unless you're an alien
invader? Naw, ya ain't got any z's or x's in your name...."
Dave Van Domelen, sitting on the ice with Old Comics Man and perhaps
regretting it....
[And thus ended the Sound of Clashing Metal. Not with a bang, but
with a segue into yet another gag. At least I didn't make any references
to Net the Giant Bouncing Eyeball in this one (I have NO idea where that
came from in the Netlurker piece...). This story led right into the
Claymore special, which led into Electrocutioner's Song.]
(And here's a Summary of Part Four that Dave wrote when he thought the
original had been lost for those summary lovers out there!)
SUMMARY OF PART FOUR:
Sig.Lad goes mad while trapped in the echo server, and his powers evolve
slowly over time. He eventually escapes at an earlier time index, with new
powers and a new attitude...he is Acton Lord! The original, the one killed in
the Kinda Big Darkness Saga. [A direct ripoff of Starlin's Warlock/Magus
origin] This retcons Dial "D" for Dvandom out of existence and sets up the
paradoxes that lead to the Bellerophon Gambit. Also, PrimeClone Acton Lord
advances his plots against the Sig.Lad who escaped from the net, but who is
dangerously unstable. This leads directly into the Claymore the Sig.Warrior
one-shot, which itself leads directly into the Electrocutioner's Song.
==========
Next Week: Some other LNH Classic!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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