LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #237: Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade that will Probably Never Have an Ending Part Three

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Mar 20 14:20:49 PDT 2022

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for this issue of JAMWCtwPNHaE.

Scott Eiler gives us 'Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will
Probably Never Have an Ending' chapter 5.  Will it be a Quacktastophy
now that Pschovant the Duck is involved with this cascade?

And is Drew Nilium bringing back the corn fields of the Omaha Project with
chapter 6?  Or will it just one of the many characters that had to endure
that crossover?

And now...

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #237

               Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade that will 
                  Probably Never Have an Ending Part Three

From: Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Date: Sat Feb 15 20:13:22 PST 2014

What Has Gone Before:

"OK, that's enough of that," said a voice from the distance. A pale, 
dark-haired woman appeared on stage. She wasn't dressed like a net.hero, 
but in this room full of gaudily dressed superbeings she held herself up 
like she owned the place.

"Who are you?" snarled Ultimate Ninja, drawing his sword.

"Simmer down, Pajama Man, I'm here to help. My name's Lydia Devin. 
God's close enough."

"Well, I guess it's been a while since we had a good crisis," said 
Fearless Leader. "What is it this time?"

"Well," said Lydia, "So there's this cosmic dictator wannabe called 
LAN.os, who's gathering an army of space mooks to ravage the universe. 
You know the kind."

Fearless Leader nodded. "Sounds like a typical one-note parody villain 
to me. We can take him easy."

"Yeah, but that's not the problem. The problem is he's going after the 
Kubrik's Kube.  That's spelled with a K. Don't ask me, I didn't make it. 
  It's an artifact that's as old as your universe, maybe older. It's a 
sort of puzzle box thing. If you can solve the puzzle, it gives you 
enlightenment, whatever the hell that is.  Basically, wherever it shows 
up, things go wrong. Even when they go right. I guess "enlightenment"'s 
just not for everyone."



Now: Psychovant the Duck makes his move!


"Hooray!  She's gone!"

"I can still see you, Duck."


"Oh, relax.  Unless you're going to destroy the universe, I just don't 

"Well then!  Have a nice day!"


The ultimate-powered Goth chick from the other universe disappeared. 
The cyborg demon duck from a *third* universe cheered.  "Yahoo!  Open 
season on LNH Cascades!"


The duck was Psychovant, known in his own manner across the universes. 
He stopped on a convenient asteroid, pulled out an impossibly large 
whiteboard from his satchel, pulled out a "Graduate" mortar cap, put it 
on, and started making notes and equations.

"Now, this Kube will be near some parody villain.  And the villain will 
be related to some Writer, whichever one is angstier and more likely to 
write now...  Got it!"

Psychovant pulled out a job application, put on a business suit, 
disappeared - and reappeared on the Looniverse Planet of Amateur 
Contract Law, inside an office.  "'Scuse me, this is important so your 
secretary passed me in.  I'd like the job of Kube Konsultant."

An amateur lawyer looked up.  "Okay, but you must first defeat...  the 
Amateur Lawyer!  What are your qualifications?"

"Well...  I know a Kube when I see one!"  The lawyer's desk had a sort 
of cube full of cubes sitting there.  Psychovant grabbed it.

"Okay...  Can you *solve* a Kube?"

"heh.  I being a highly qualified Kube Konsultant, I'll need you to tell 
me your ground rules first."

"We use *simple* rules here.  We're proud of that on our planet.  If you 
can put all the same color on each side, you win."

"Just that?"

"Just that."

"Well...  Yahoo!"   Psychovant grabbed the Kube with one wing, and with 
the other flourished a paintbrush coated with white paint from his 
satchel.  Swipe Swipe Swipe!  Toss!  Swipe Swipe Swipe!  "... I win!"

"Uh, that's nice.  But I'm afraid we never intended the rules to be 
*that* simple."

Psychovant put on some reading glasses.  "Well, please allow me to 
review the contract...  Oh, right, it's *verbal* so far!  So lemme 
$#@!ing verbalize...  Hey, Kube, whadda *you* think?"

Kubrik's Kube glowed.

Psychovant looked at the lawyer.  "So *why* the %^&! were *you* chosen 
as Kube Kuardians, err, guardians?"

"err, lowest bid."

"Well, all righty then.  Kosmik Kubrik Kube Powers, Activate!"


NEXT:  Has Psychovant become a Kosmik, err, Cosmic Power with the 
ability to destroy the endless cascades?  If so, let the LNH tremble!


Author's Note:  You asked for it.  Well, actually you dared it.  Almost 

Author Credits:

Lydia Devin is a character of Andrew Foltz.

Psychovant the Duck is copyright 2014 Eiler Technical Enterprises, but 
is available for public use in this cascade without limit.

The Planet of Amateur Contract Law and the Amateur Lawyer are Free For 
Use by the terms of the Legion of Net.Heroes.


(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.

From: Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Date: Fri Feb 21 04:04:40 PST 2014


               Omaha Project Twenty-Years-Later Annual #1
(AKA Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have An
Ending #6)


Foreshadowing Lad wandered the halls of the LNHQ, rubbing his forehead, 
looking down at the go-go-checkerboard tile floors and trying to 
remember. The Croissant Queen was going to attack their sandwiches? No, 
that wasn't it...

His head collided softly with someone. He flailed, stepping back and 
pinwheeling his arms. "Ah, s-sorry! I didn't see you there!"

"Oh, no, it's quite all right." He looked up, blushing, and saw a 
vision. She was tall, with perfect white hair, and a white eyepatch 
covering one eye. She extended a hand to him. "Hi! I'm Non-Judgmental 
Agnostic! What's your name?"


Merissa confidently lead her goth minions out of the mall towards the 
LNHQ. The rifts were emanating from there, so she'd probably find the 
most crossover energy in that direction. But first, her double-headed 
sonic screwdriver was telling her that there was a rift right nearby...

Right nearby, Cameo Gazonga of the Legion of Young.Heroes muttered and 
grumbled. "Aren't the rifts coming from the LNHQ? Shouldn't we be going 
in there?"

"Well yeah, if you want to deal with five at once," said the Green 
Knight. "But we should *maybe probably* figure out how to seal them 
before doing that?"

"Why don't--" started Jive Turkey.

"Because I have to get right up to one before I can get a good look 
inside it," said Lacuna.

"We can see the tear from one side, but not the other," pronounced 
Apostrophe. "The instruction manual is incomplete; we must translate 
the Mandarin."

"There." The Green Knight peered through their sensors. "That place 
holds a rift."

"That hole-in-the-wall store?" Cameo Gazonga looked dubious.

"Nah, man, I know this joint," said Jive Turkey. "Half oldschool 
arcade, half used book store."

Lacuna gasped. "In the future, this store will become one of the 
Community Pillars that will support Neo.tropolis during the Beigewar!"

"Good thing they're getting a lot of customers, then," said Cameo 
Gazonga, peering at the multitude of young ladies in dark clothing who 
were filing into the front door.

"The shades of outdated antivirus programs give warning," said 
Apostrophe, the cloud of UTF-8 characters swirling and buzzing around 
her head. "Melissa virus infection detected."

"Melissa-- that's Vector!" said the Green Knight, shifting to a battle-
ready pose, weapons flipping out.

"GK, chill!" said Cameo Gazonga, putting a hand on the rotary plasma 
buster. "We don't want to blow the place up. Look at those girls - they 
don't expect an attack."

"...hrm." The Green Knight flipped their panels back into place. "Okay, 
let's try and be cool about this. Everybody, act casual."

They shuffled into the store through the back entrance, between Super 
Street Fighter II Championship Edition and a shelf of well-loved RPG 
sourcebooks. The Green Knight, hidden by a hologram.thingy, narrowed 
their visual sensors at the girl turning her nose up at a rack of books 
that had been adapted into movies five years ago.

"That's her," they whispered, accessing records from the Legion's 
Rogues Gallery. "Individualized Vector clone #0057 - Merissa."

"How do we take her out without takin' the place out?" whispered Jive 

The Green Knight's plan-hatching processors whirred. "Apostrophe, do 
you think you can communicate with the short-lived Vector clones and--"

WHAM! The door was kicked down, and a woman in combat gear stepped 
through. "Sorry, folks, but this is necessary. My name is Agent Susan 
Susannah, and this place is now under the control of the LNH-Readers-
Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events Liberation 


There was a falling hum, and Masterplan Lad fuzzed into existence in 
the coat room just off the LNHQ lobby, left over from its days as the 
Net.ropolis Grand Hotel. After all, he told himself, no sense in 
stepping right in and perhaps running into someone he'd offended in 
some as-yet-untold story.

Masterplan Lad stuck his ear to the door. Hmmmm, there was definitely 
someone out there...

"Ah, thank you," said Irony Monger, accepting a clipboard from Kyoko 
the receptionist.

"No problem," said Kyoko. "Fill these out thoroughly and we'll see 
about getting you a Peril Room test - ah, sorry, that's the phone..." 
She walked off.

"Why are we just sitting here?" muttered Kid Remender, swinging his 
legs on the plastic chair. "I could take this place out by myself."

"The hell you could," said Penultimate Savior, rolling his eyes.

"Anyway," whispered Continuity's Champion, "destroying the LNHQ won't 
stop the rifts. We must not only destroy the planet itself, but 
collapse the space around it - create a spatial knot that the cracks 
can't unravel."

"Indeed," pronounced Irony Monger softly. "And for that, we will need 
access to one of the most powerful weapons the Legion of Net.Heroes 
ever had - the Mega-Ultra-BIGGUN."

"Reaching the weapons vault of the LNHQ seems a fearsome task, though," 
said Occultism Lord.

"It's not in the vault," said Irony Monger. "The Mega-Ultra-BIGGUN used 
to belong to an LNHer who has since disappeared from usability, leaving 
it undefended. All we have to do is reach room 58008 - and while the 
LNH is testing one of us as a 'new member', the rest can sneak off and 
reach it..."

Masterplan Lad frowned. 'Stop the rifts' - clearly there was a 
storyline going on already. But collapsing the planet? What kind of 
ends-justify-the-means characters *were* these?

Should he step out and confront them now? Or perhaps it'd be better to 
keep an eye on them and wait for the rest of his allies to get here. 
Admittedly, this sounded like a cosmic-level crisis, and they might 
perhaps be a little out of their depth... Maybe he should simply try 
talking to them, and see what the problem was. Hmmmm.

Suddenly, Masterplan Lad's umbrella began pulsing. There was a rift 
right in the coat room with him. It hadn't been there five minutes ago, 
but now it was expanding geometrically!

He could see it - a thin line of shifting green-blue light that twisted 
and snapped until it formed the shape of an L. He pointed his umbrella 
at the rift, analyzing the rays pouring out of it. Crossover energy...

Then he could see it - a form slipping through the crack, folding 
through the higher dimensions with an aggravating casualness. There was 
only one Hypertext Time-active being who had the style to do that and 
the lack of class to do it in a situation like this.

In a burst of chromatic light, Chaos Theory unfolded themself into the 
cramped room. "Mmmmh! Now that's a bit more comfortable. Whew." They 
dusted off the shifting fractals on their shoulders.

"Chaos Theory!" Masterplan Lad whisper-shouted. "What are you doing 

"Adding yet another character to an already-overstuffed cascade, 
apparently. You think anyone on RACC has ever heard the expression 
'less is more'?"

MPL scowled. "What's going on? Rifts and crossovers and grimdark 
warriors trying to destroy the world. Is this your doing?"

Chaos Theory affected an impressively hurt expression, considering lack 
of face. "Now is that any way to talk to someone who's bringing you a 
gift basket of helpful exposition?"

Masterplan Lad stuck out his tongue. "Fine. What've you got in your 
basket, then? Where are these rifts coming from?"

"Simple version: So many Writers have been starting stories and not 
finishing them that it's affecting reality."

"Phenomenal. And aren't you already *in* one of those unfinished 
stories?" MPL quirked a brow.

CT shrugged. "That's where I came from, posthaste. If this timeline is 
threatened, that affects me too."

"Please. You're from any timeline that'll have you, and several that 
specifically won't."

"It's a fair cop. But this is a point where multiple possible futures 
are converging, because it's no good for *any* of us if the Writers 
build up such a backlog that they decide they don't want to write for 
the LNH anymore. That's where the 'Saviors of the Net' out there are 
coming from."

"Hmmmm, very astute. Somehow, though, I don't think collapsing the 
planet is the right answer."

"Nope! There's only one thing that can close the rifts: Inspiration 

"We're embarking on a Pratchett ripoff, then."

"Just a bit. You have to flood a rift with enough inspiration to get 
the writer in question to move forward with their storyline - to get a 
new issue posted."

"Oh, wonderful. It'll be easy as pie to herd the feline fellowship that 
posts here."

"There's more. The more the rifts open, the more things will fall 
through them - things from the unfinished storylines. And the further 
they spread, the more possible futures you'll have to deal with."

Masterplan Lad rubbed his eyes. "How did you come upon this 
information, anyway?"

"Oh, I'm going to read this story after it gets posted. That's how I 
know this is where I leave." Chaos Theory's body began fading away, 
washed out by the light from the rift.

"What? No! Confound it! Chaos Theory, I-- I need you--"

But they were gone.

Masterplan Lad flopped on a chair and gave a deep sigh. Well, at least 
the situation couldn't get any worse.

He immediately regretted thinking that.

The shimmering light of the rift doubled, then tripled. Half-blind, 
Masterplan Lad threw his hand up in front of his face.

Outside, Penultimate Savior shifted in his seat. Favorite pudding 
flavor? Probably pistachio. Known allergies? Well, he did break out in 
hives when exposed to power ballads from the late '80s...

Then something caught his eye - there was some kind of weird light 
coming out from under the door to the coat room. He stood up, drawing 
the other Saviors' eye, and threw open the door.

The rift stretched, distending along the eleventh dimension, a humanoid 
form passing through it and spilling out onto the floor. As the light 
faded, Penultimate Savior could see that the being was wearing a black 
spandex suit with gray accessories, with a bright red power symbol, and 
holding a spoon in his hand...

"Killswitch?" PS whispered.


The world was shrouded in grey mist. He couldn't tell how long he'd 
been falling.

How many worlds had he passed through so far? How many more before he 
came home?

He could see something through the mists... a shifting line of green-
blue light...


Non-Judgmental Agnostic and Foreshadowing Lad were chatting, trying to 
figure out if their forgotten ultra-important missions were somehow 
related. So far, nothing was ringing a bell.

"You dated Slobbering Grue Jr.?" said Foreshadowing Lad. "I used to be 
in the original's comic. Wonder if there's some sort of cosmic 

"Maybe!" shrugged N-JA. "I'm not going to assume anything."

"Makes sense. I remember one time--" But Foreshadowing Lad was cut 
short as, with a crackle, a jagged line appeared on the wall, outlining 
itself in green-blue light.

"That looks... familiar..." frowned Non-Judgmental Agnostic.

"Wait... rifts... the rifts!" shouted Foreshadowing Lad.

"Of course! How could I have forgotten the rifts?"

"Wait a minute-- what's that coming through?"

Just like the other two times in this issue, a humanoid figure slipped 
out of the rift. It was a young man wearing a red bodysuit with a blue 
stripe going down the left-hand side of the chest and down the right 
leg, with a blue waistband, gloves, and boots. He shook himself out and 
looked around, silently, taking it all in.

Foreshadowing Lad and Non-Judgmental Agnostic looked at each other. 
N-JA stepped forward. "Hi! I'm Non-Judgmental Agnostic! What's your 

The man blinked. "Y-you can see me?" He reached out a hand and touched 
her lightly. "I'm really here! I can interact with things! I must be 
back home in the Looniverse!"

"You're definitely in the Looniverse," said Foreshadowing Lad 

"Whew. And this is LNHQ, right?" When FL nodded, the man slumped, 
relaxing. "Awesome. Oh, I'm sorry." He looked up at Non-Judgmental 
Agnostic. "I'm Pliable Lad. Are you guys new members?"

"Pliable Lad?" Non-Judgmental Agnostic thought back. "Wait, I 

It was then that Bad-Timing Boy stepped through a nearby door, holding 
an iPhone in one hand and a Vanilla Coke in the other and wearing a 
"Clerks 20th Anniversary" T-shirt. "Man, I love living in the year 
2014! Do you guys want to watch the trailer for the big-budget 
Hollywood movie they made of Guardians of the Galaxy?" Then he did a 
double-take. "Pliable Lad? Didn't you retire years ago?"


Pliable Lad put his face in his hand. "Oh, boy."


Yes, this is totally legit - Pliable Lad used with permission. This 
appearance actually takes place during Pli's world-hopping journey in 
Pliable Lad Annual #1, part of the original Omaha Project crossover - 
and yes, there is most definitely a reason for that.

And for that matter, I should probably confirm - Killswitch is an LNH20 
character, last seen in the Spoon of Destiny Saga. Yes, it's getting 
even more overcomplicated!

I meant to put the LNH3k in this issue, but there just wasn't room. Ah 

As far as I can tell, Saxon created Merissa (off of Rob's original 
concept of Vector, of course). Saxon, would you say she's Free For Use?

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, writing up a storm today

Next Week:  'Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That 
              Will Probably Never Have an Ending'  PART FOUR!!!!!!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer 

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