LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #251: Integrity Quest Part Four
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jul 17 14:20:50 PDT 2022
30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
Here's where you can find the whole Integrity Quest and well as
Amabel Holland's very nice Integrity Quest Companion, which is
well worth a read:
We have the some more Integrity Quest parts.
First off, Stepane Andre Savoie returns -- will Kid Anarky face
any criminal charges for stabbing Cannon Fodder to death with a
And next, we have Hubert Bartels -- Will there be some seedy man wearing
a fedora with a Press Pass that Lost Cause Boy can use to announce
to the world about the quest they're on?!
And finally another Hubert Bartels part -- And will Panta finally
pay for her crimes of running around the street while not having a collar
OR a license?!
Let's find out in...
| | Classic
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|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
|_| OF NET.HEROES
Integrity Quest Part Four
From: 003695s at ace.acadiau.ca (STEPHANE ANDRE SAVOIE)
Subject: Integrity Quest: part1
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 1
Scenario: Panta, Kid Anarky, and Lost-Cause Boy are in front of LNH
Headquarters, having just dispatched an angry anti-mutant mob; The rest of
the LNH are there too, although they were forgotten last episode...
Panta: "Umm, so now what?"
Lost-Cause Boy: "I don't know. I just felt a need to show off my
incredible reality-warping powers, but we seem to have lost any kind of
story we had. Hmmm... Hey, Anarky!"
Kid Anarky, looking in confusion at the claymore he seems to have aquired
from nowhere: "Err, yeah? Does anyone know WHY I'm holding a claymore? I've
never used a bladed weapon my life; at least, not in this version",
KA tosses the sword aside, which immediatly impales a LNH member.
KA: "Holy S**t! This terrible! I've killed someone! I'm a murderer, no
better than all those punisher-clones..."
LCB: "Chill, it's only Cannon Fodder, he'll be back next episode. So,
anyway, people seem to be experiencing difficulty chracterizing you, and
I was wondering what exactly you do, Anarky? I mean, I've used
my incredible abilities plentifully, and Panta, well... is Panta!
KA: "Well, for starter, it's Kid Anarky. My though process seem to have
been pretty messed up since I got here, and have been really acting out
of character since I got here. Weird...
Anyway, I have sonic abilities. Watch!!" prattled Kid Anarky happy to
get a chance to strut his stuff.
Suddenly, experienced LNHers (which had accumulated out of the woodwork
of the LNHQ to...um...'meet' Panta. Yeah. That's it...) started running for
the HQ and ducking for cover as they realized Cannon Fodder had already
been killed this episode, and would not be available for the Official Power
Display (tm). Kid Anarky snapped his fingers and ... BOOM!
Panta: "What the heck is that?
LCB: "Well, I'd say it looks a lot like very large letters hanging in mid-
air from no obvious means of suspension. Kind-of a useless power if you ask
KA: "Wait a minute here..."
Panta: "Well, I don't know. Maybe it could be used to block the sight of
someone. Hey! If it blocks light, maybe it could block light-based
weapons..." (At a loss, Panta sighs. Strangely, many LNHers, who are crowded
at the windows of the HQ, also sigh. Result of some dastatdly villian's
deeds, or cheap plot device? You decide)
LCB: "Still looks kinda stupid to me. How long is that gonna hang there?
It's getting kinda annoying" (Turns to Kid Anarky while saying so.)
KA: "STOPPIT! THAT WASN"T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! AAAAAARGH!" Kid Anarky
sit down on the ground, pouting.
Panta, bending over "It's all right. It'll be better. It's not such bad
character development, really. It could be worst." (Bizzarly, the huddled
ensemble of the LNH at the HQ windows inhale suddenly, wishing they could
see things from Kid Anarky's viewpoint... Kid Anarky notices he can see
Panta's belly-button from this angle...)
LCB: "Er, excuse me, but I'm being under-characterized this issue! I
demand to get to use my power at least once!"
KA: "Shut-up! You hogged the show last episode! I mean "Lost-Cause Boy
seeks Writer-With-Integrity!" or somesuch in a newspaper! Geeze!"
Turning to Panta, "Where were we? Oh yeah... *snf* How could things be
worst? How? What cosmically-endowed being have I insulted to deserve have
my power so reduced..."
Panta: "Well, I don't know, but you could be Cannon Fodder over there..."
KA: "Good point. So now what?
Good Question! KID ANARKY a.k.a. Steph Savoie Copyright, 1994, Hubert Bartels
I N T E G R I T Y Q U E S T
Reprinting the Integrity Quest books from 1993
In which Panta shows what she's good at, the search
for the missing writer starts, and the heroes and
heroine try to enter the Legion of Net.Heroes HQ.
From: hgb at catalina.edu (Hubert Bartels)
Subject: Integrity Quest, part 2
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 2
Panta sat down on her haunches, leaned over Kid Anarky and
gave him a good luck kiss on his face.
The masses of Legion of Net.Heros (tm) at the windows sighed. Kid
Anarky struggled - the kiss was the lick of a rough cat tongue across his
nose - it felt like sandpaper. His eyes dropped lower to where her skin
tight bodysuit sagged across her breasts, revealing... masses of white body
fur. He sighed as well and straightened his trenchcoat collar.
"Shame about the claymore. I've got a pretty wicked sword arm myself,
she whispered, licking him in the ear. Kid Anarky pushed himself away
and rubbed the soreness in his ear.
There was angry muttering from the windows overhead.
Panta turned her head to Lost Cause Boy and perked up her ears. Her
leopard tail was flicking back and forth in that way that cats have when
they are thinking. "But where should we start looking for your Writer-with-
Lost Cause Boy put his chin in his hand and thought. The wind sprung
up from somewhere and ruffled the end of his cloak/tunic/trenchcoat/cape/...
/whatever his costume was at the second. Panta looked away - the changes
were making her feel giddy. She scanned the edges of the former mob, now
reducing to arguing - 'Bob, I know I exist in some existentialist fashion,
but..', 'The problem is a failure to recognize the role of Marxist-Leninist
economic theory in 4 color worlds.' 'Revisionistic deconstructionist!'
Suddenly she spotted someone at the edge of the crowd. But before she
could point him out, he was gone.
"You!" Lost Cause Boy shouted. "You with the camera and flash. Come
A seedy man in an old coat and a fedora approached the steps of the
Hall. His fedora reeked of stale whiskey and sported a Press pass. Panta
stood up and edged away from him as he ogled her shape.
He dropped a cigarette stub and took out a crumpled notepad. "Yeah?"
Lost Cause Boy resumed a dramatic stance and tone of voice. His
costume glowed in red, white, and blue. "You may tell your readers that the
forces of good will prevail as they undertake the daring rescue of that most
misused man, the Writer-with-Integrity. I, at no little risk, will be
assembling the most powerful superhero team ever for this difficult task and
ask any heros seeking to join me to come to the Legion of Net.Heros." He
continued his announcement, adding that the Writer-with-Integrity was being
held by an evil force or forces as yet unknown, but that they would be
brought to Justice and the American way. Kid Anarky chuckled upon hearing
the expression "american way".
The reporter scribbled like crazy until Lost Cause Boy stopped
speaking. Then he pocketed his cigarette and the notebook and slung the
heavy camera in front of his face. "Strike a pose now. Miss Cat or Leopard,
could you stand a little bit further in front. Mr. A, over there. Good.
Panta rubbed her eyes - the flash had temporarily blinded her. She
turned to look for the foul-smelling reporter, but he had scurried of in
search of a telephone booth, shouting, "Hold the presses, hold the presses!"
Lost Cause Boy watched the reporter go and smiled. Kid Anarky and
Panta leaned closer, questions on their lips.
"Why did you..."
"How will that help..."
Lost Cause Boy looked at them. "The news will flush out our enemy
and force him to move - thereby revealing himself. Once we see him, he's
Panta thought about this a moment, and then hugged herself, pushing
up her firm breasts. She gasped as she suddenly remembered.
"I thought someone in the crowd. Someone who looked familar. Kind
of... like you described, Kid Anarky!" She whirled around to point a
shapely finger and claw at Kid Anarky. "An editor!"
Her tail twitched wildly.
[Will Kid Anarky ever enjoy a kiss from Panta? Will Lost Cause Boy's
Plan work? Who was the nast vicious man in the mob? Read the next issue of
LNH: Panta's Story.]
Lost Cause Boy (tm) Douglas P. Wojtowicz
Kid Anarky (tm) Stephane Savoie
Panta (hoping to get a tm) Hubert Bartels.
From: hgb at catalina.edu (Hubert Bartels)
Subject: LNH: Why I hate being a mutant: Integrity Quest
[Panta has just remembered seeing someone vaguely familiar at the
edges of the former mob. Someone she thought she might have seen somewhere
before. From Kid Anarky's description, it looked like an editor of comic
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 3: WHY I HATE BEING A MUTANT
The little group stood at the front steps of the Legion of Net
Heros, as others watched from second and third story windows. Lost Cause
Boy and Kid Anarky watched Panta as she tried to remember where she had
last seen that horrid face, that sneering expression, that air of I-know
A shiny white van pulled to a stop in front of the Legion's steps.
It had rounded corners, white sidewalls, and the look of a 1940's delivery
van. The look of a Dick Tracy comic. Big red letters read 'City Pound'.
Panta's back was to the van as it arrived, so she did not see the portly
gentleman leave the van and huff up the few steps to the little group.
"Gentlemen," he said, still blowing hard. "Good afternoon." He
tipped his fedora.
Kid Anarky nodded his head. Lost Cause Boy acquired the look of
a Golden Age superhero and raised an eyebrow. Panta turned to look; her
light green eyes narrowed. Her cat ears flattened.
"I... have the honor to represent this fair city," he said, opening
his jacket and pulling out a business card. "Recently, I... was given
word that... someone at this address was in violation of one of our...
important laws." He pressed his card into Kid Anarky's hand and pulled
a large hankerchief from another pocket. "Seeing that those of the Legion
of Net.Heros always encouraged the... upholding of the law and justice,
I... immediately came up to correct this misunderstanding." He mopped the
brow and top of his balding head with his red hankerchief.
"Certainly," Lost Cause Boy began, "I stand forth to assist in
any way possible."
"Boy, he paused a lot..." mumbled Kid Anarky
The portly man pointed a finger at Panta. "Whose pet is that?"
"It is in violation of City Regulation R13.454.5, paragraph 7,
in which all cats must wear a collar and a license." The portly man
fumbled in his coat and pulled out a leather collar with a bell and
a license. "Without this, I will need to collect that cat for the City
Lost Cause Boy stood in shock. Panta's tail flicked back and
forth more quickly; she looked to be crouching for an attack. He stepped
forward, in front of Panta, and blocked her leap. "Surely there has
been a mistake, somewhere."
"And he just made it," Panta snarled. "Grrr, let me at him."
Lost Cause Boy put his hand on her shoulder. "I think there
is another way. It might be more than it seems. Bear with us, please."
Kid Anarky leaned closer to the portly man and pulled a sawbuck
from a pocket of his trenchcoat. "This is for you if we get her collared
and... let's say the paperwork is in order." He pressed the crumpled
sawbuck into the portly man's hand. With the other hand, he lifted the
collar and bell out of the man's hand.
The portly man lifted his fedora again and puffed his way down
the steps. The van hesitated only a moment before disappearing around
the corner in a cloud of exhaust.
Panta buckled the collar around her neck. "I know, I know,"
she said sadly. "If I don't, I could get picked up at anytime by the
pound." The bell rang softly as she adjusted the fit.
"Methinks, I see the first move of our evil enemy in this,"
Lost Cause Boy said solemnly. "A pathetic attempt to hinder our
movements. This requires further thought..."
"How much did you give him, Anarky?" LCB inquired.
"Ummm, I'm not sure. I don't have any money on me." he
explained, inverting the pockets on his coat to demonstrate.
"It just kinda seemed appropriate and..well, there it was. Seems
kinda strange to me..."
"Why does everyone we meet have the look of a Golden Age
comic?" Kid Anarky suddenly asked. "That reporter, that guy,
"I don't know," Panta answered. "Why?" Her bell rang softly
as she turned to enter the Hall of Legion Net.Heroes.
[Who ratted on our heroine? Why does everything look like it came out
of Golden Age comic book? Now that the cat's been belled, will the
mice come out and play? And who is the mysterious man that is speaking
even now with the remainder of the crowd... Pick up the next issue as
the DC Zombie Superman meets Marvel's Wolverine in battle.]
Lost Cause Boy (tm) Douglas P. Wojtowicz
Kid Anarky (tm) Stephane Savoie
Panta (belled and collared) Hubert Bartels.
Next Week: Some more Integrity Quest!!!!
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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