LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #229: LNH vII #53-54

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jan 16 13:50:54 PST 2022

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for the issues of LNH vII.

And this week we have a Drew Nilium two parter: issues #53-54
of LNH vII!  Is Kid Enthusiastic about to ruin the LNH -- FOREVER?!!!
But -- wait!  Is this the Legion of Net.Heroes -- LNH we're talking
about -- or is perhaps one those other teams that shares the same
Letters?  Maybe this is the League of Nutty Hopscotchers that's going
to be ruined forever -- so we shouldn't get to worked up about it?


             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #229

                            LNH vII #53-54

From:  Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Date:  Mon Feb 25 07:41:00 PST 2013

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \                  #53
| |-| []                        /    'Kid Enthusiastic Ruins The LNH
| | | [] egion of               \               Forever!'
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / (Part of High Concept Challenge #35)
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /      Written by and copyright
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \        Andrew Perron, 2013
| |-|___________________________/
| |
| | [ The cover shows Kid Enthusiastic ripping apart a copy of The 
| | Might Of Capt'n Quaalude #52. In a spiky speech bubble, he says, 
| | "I'm coming for YOUR comics next!" ]


[A Silver Age-style roster of characters in the form of a series of mug 
shots in little circles runs down the side of the title page:]

Roll call for this issue:
 o Kid Enthusiastic! Preteen scientific wonder with an eternally sunny 
   disposition and way too much energy!
 o Footnote Girl! 19th-century schoolgirl with the power to create 
   helpful pointers!
 o Masterplan Lad! Posthuman protector of time and space!


"Man," said Kid Enthusiastic, "after we found out how the Actual Very 
First Case of the LNH went down[*], I want to visit some of those 
long-ago founders!"

[* - see LNH v2 #50, true believers! - Footnote Girl]

"Hey, Footnote Girl!" waved Kid E. "You want to come with?"

"Oh! Sure." Petina tossed the footnote over her shoulder.

"Kid Enthusiastic... you know I'm standing right here." Masterplan Lad 
crossed his arms.

"Oh hi! Did you want to come too?"

"No!" He put his hands on his hips. "I'm going to stop you from causing 
damage to the timeline!"

"What?" Kid Enthusiastic flailed like a Muppet! "Oh come on! I may be 
eleven but I know enough about temporal mechanics to--"

"This issue is titled 'Kid Enthusiastic Ruins The LNH Forever!'!"

"...well, I'm sure it'll all work out in the end!"

Masterplan Lad posed dramatically with his umbrella. "I'm sorry, but I 
can't take that chance. Even though the Knights Temporal no longer 
exist, it is my duty to defend the timestream of the Looniverse. 
History must be protected, and you can't just go gallivanting around 

Masterplan Lad suddenly realized he was talking to thin air.


"You know, I'm reasonably certain that was a bad idea," said Footnote 

"So why..." *pant* "...are you still following me?" panted Kid E.

She shrugged. "Half of me wants to minimize collateral damage, half 
wants to see the fireworks."

"Good answer!" He leapt, punching the air, and flew thru the open 
doorway into the LNH Plot Device Room, making a perfect three-point 
landing before skidding on the Banana Peel of Destiny and crashing into 
a rack of Stuff, which, naturally, buried him.

"Oh <expletive appropriate for a character whose roots lie in 19th-
century school adventure>!" Footnote Girl dug frantically at the pile 
of Stuff before Kid E popped out, completely unharmed and holding a 
pair of armbands.

"Here we go!" he said, putting them on.

"What are those?" FG said, looking askance at the fashion accessories.

"The Bands of Timeslide! As you know, in many works of fiction that 
maintain a coherent cast of characters for long enough (such as the 
universe we live in), there's a sliding timescale that adjusts for the 
fact that the amount of time that's passed since the work began in the 
real world isn't the same amount of time that's passed in-story. These 
bands allow one to use that effect as a way of traveling in time - 
essentially, instead of traveling into the past, you can bring the past 
to you!"

Footnote Girl reached up and pulled the Goggles of Extraneous 
Exposition off Kid Enthusiastic's face. "Okay, so how do they work?"

"Hmmmm... looks like you tweak this knob to pick an event in LNH 
history... Beige Midnight... Retcon Hour... the Valentine's Day Ball... 
that time Carmen Sanfrancisco stole the LNHQ... the day Cheesecake-Eater 
Lad served pop-rocks-and-coke flavor... Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-
Better Lad's bar mitzvah... Young Americans..."

"That's Omega."

"Right, sorry.... Here we go! Shortly Before The Cosmic Plot Device 
Caper!" He raised the bands in the air dramatically.

"WAIT!" Masterplan Lad skidded in, covered in honey and feathers.


"Um, you've got a little..."

"Never mind that!" He pointed at the bands. "If you use those to bring 
the founding LNHers into the year of this story's publication--"


"Yes, that-- you'll sap them of their powers that are based on the 
early Internet and 1990s comics fandom!"

Kid E's eyes widened. "Oh <expletive appropriate for a character whose 
roots lie in anime and post-Dark Age comics, which I guess would just 
be 'crap' or something>! Get 'em off get 'em off!"

"Okay, yes, let me just--"

"But first, get this open box of Sneezing Powder That Works Even On 
Cosmic Beings out of my hand!"

Masterplan Lad squinted. He sniffed. His face screwed up, he took a 
deep breath, and...

"Haaaaa-CHOO!" CLANGG! His fingers slipped, the bands crashed together, 
and there was a violent burst of light...

When it cleared, they were still in the Plot Device Room of the LNHQ, 
but the rack of Stuff had hopped back up on the wall, and was filled 
with unfamiliar items.

Masterplan Lad blinked, clearing his eyes. He looked up... "The Push-
Button Doomsday Weapon? The VW Scarab? The amulet of the Feminine 
Mystic? Oh, no..."

"Hey," said Kid Enthusiastic, "I think maybe you tweaked the knob a 
little-- why are those plot devices going all shimmery?"

"That's the effect of time catching up with us!" said Masterplan Lad. 
"Fifty years of time, to be precise! Look!"

They looked out the open doorway into the hall. There were net.heroes 
there, wearing long beards, psychedelic clothing, and symbols of love 
and peace - and they were shimmering, changing...

"These are backstory characters, created specifically to be tied to 
this one time period! Dragging them into the present shouldn't even be 
possible, but you've done it!"

Footnote Girl held the band up to her face. The indicator above the 
knob just read "1963". "Oh, no..."




Author's Note: Oddly enough, this issue started with an image that 
didn't make it in: the characters meeting the pre-CPDC LNH, where 
members were popping in and out of existence all the time, as later 
writers changed things to fit the needs of later stories. I'll give 
that one up to whoever wants it.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, jumpin' jet age!

From:  Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Date:  Sun Mar 3 23:12:47 PST 2013

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \                #54
| |-| []                        /             'Fix Fic'
| | | [] egion of               \ (Kinda Sorta Part of High Concept
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / Challenge #35)
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /      Written by and copyright
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \        Andrew Perron, 2013
| |-|___________________________/
| |
| | [ The cover is Kid Enthusiastic carefully taping The Might of
| | Cap'n Quaalude #52 back together. At the left and right edges,
| | Masterplan Lad and Footnote Girl can be seen from the chest down;
| | their arms are crossed, and their poses are stern. A tiny speech
| | bubble says, "heh... sorry..." ]


In Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #53, Masterplan Lad convinced Kid 
Enthusiastic not to bring the founding members of the LNH into the 
present so that he and Footnote Girl could meet them. Instead, by 
accident, they've brought the LNH of 1963 into the present day!



"You probably shouldn't say that when they're standing right there," 
noted Kid Enthusiastic, looking at the hallway full of hippie 
net.heroes who were now staring at them.

Petina Witherington-Brown, not-so-secretly the astounding Footnote 
Girl, rolled her eyes. "Right, I almost forgot I was on a team full of 
goofballs for a minute."

"Hey, man, don't worry about it," said Make Love Not War Lad, placing a 
companionable hand on Masterplan Lad's shoulder. "You'll be fine--" His 
image shifted, his costume becoming covered with extraneous lines and 
gradient filters. "--once I put you under my brainwash-and-rinse Love 

Masterplan Lad skidded back across the floor, though whether it was 
from the prospect of being brainwashed or from the uncomfortable 
intrusion into his personal space, none could say. "Hey!" He flipped 
his umbrella into what he obviously considered a cool fighting stance. 
"That's simply not how it's done!"

"He's right!" said a woman who didn't seem to notice that her chest was 
on fire.

Make Love Not War Lad stood, stiffly posed. "What do you mean, Burning 
Bra Lass?"

"We have to--" She shifted, suddenly becoming on fire all over in a way 
less interesting way. "--have a seven-hour debate about it first!"

"Oh, that's just what you *would* think."

"Yeah! And furthermore..."

Kid Enthusiastic and Masterplan Lad looked at each other. Then they 
looked up at Petina, who was already sneaking out and gesturing 
frantically at them to follow.

Soon thereafter, they ended up in the Underpants Storage Room. Footnote 
Girl sat down on a stack of boxers. "So. Why don't you big smart men 
explain exactly what the <expletive definitely NOT appropriate for a 
character whose roots lie in 19th-century school adventure, and 
probably not allowed in a PG-rated story such as this> is going on 

Masterplan Lad said, "It's the Bands of Timeslide. The Net.Hippies are 
almost entirely *composed* of 1960s cultural tropes, so when you bring 
them up to the modern age, you've got nothing left but a shallow 
modernization, composed entirely of the most simplistic way you could 
update those tropes."

"Oh. Well, why don't we just put everything back where it came from?"

"I suppose you're right. I was a bit hasty in saying it was ruined 

Kid Enthusiastic stared at his wrist, the little "1963" in the 
indicator above the knob. "...hey, guys?"



"...we should *do* something about this."

"Well, certainly," said Masterplan Lad. "You just spin the knob to 
'Present', and--"

"Nah, nah, no, nah." Kid E shook his head vigorously. "I mean, like, we 
need to do something about these people. Something to *help* them."

"Oh, lordy. Look, Kid--"

"Wait," said Footnote Girl, holding up a hand. "We should hear him out 

Masterplan Lad raised an eyebrow. "Well... all right." He shifted, 
folding his hands and giving Kid Enthusiastic his full attention.

"Awesome! Now, basically, we need to totally interfere and/or meddle 
with history, changing the course of the past to fit our personal 
ethical codes!"



"Great, you agree!" Kid Enthusiastic hopped off the cabinet labeled 
"Panties [Cotton to Lacy]" and ran out the door. Well, halfway out the 
door. His legs worked furiously but there was no motion, as Masterplan 
Lad had caught him by the belt-loops with his umbrella.

"I think not." The Lad lifted the Kid and placed him back on his seat. 
"That's an innately irresponsible idea. History shouldn't be rewritten - 
not one line."

"But what if it wasn't written well in the first place!?" Kid 
Enthusiastic vibrated with passionate energy. "Arthur Spitzer disowned 
the Net.Hippies a long time ago. They're an easy gag, and both the past 
of the LNH and the hippie movement deserve more than that! It's our 
responsibility to give them a better story!"

"And who are you to decide that your story is better? Would you be 
willing to play Writer?"

"Always! Your reach should exceed your grasp!"

"You would declare yourself the Net.Hero Triumphant!"

"That's what net.heroes *do!*"

"You're usurping a responsibility that doesn't belong to you!"

"It isn't hubris if you really are doing the right thing!"

"GUYS!" Footnote Girl slammed her fist down on the Legendary Lead-Lined 
Briefs of Kid Gamma. "Can I *maybe* say something?"

Kid Enthusiastic and Masterplan Lad, faces about half an inch apart, 
turned to look at the third member of their group. "Oh, sure!" 
"Of course."

"Thank you. Now, James," she said, using Kid E's Western given name, 
"you wanted to give these people deeper characterization, right?"


"Okay. How were you going to do that?"

"I haven't figured that part out yet, of course!"

"Of course." Masterplan Lad rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"All right. Well... if it's a question of responsiblity..." Petina 
chose her words carefully, walking through the problem. "...aren't the 
ones who should be taking responsibility for these people... the... 
people... themselves?"

"...OF COURSE!" Kid Enthusiastic leapt up and punched the air. "Petina, 
you're brilliant!"

"Care to fill in those of us who aren't constantly two steps ahead?" 
Masterplan Lad quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh, don't worry, you'll catch up someday. But it's simple!" Kid E ran 
out the door and down the hall, ignoring the "Hey!" and "Who--" from 
various blandly updated Net.Hippies. Masterplan Lad and Footnote Girl 
followed behind, making excuses and begging pardons. Some tried to 
follow them, but swiftly got caught up in decompression and self-doubt.

Soon he found a conveniently blank wall at the end of a corridor. 
"Thanks, LNHQ!" he called out. He pulled out a jar of paint, and 
brushed long, opalescent streaks on the wall in the form of a great 
arch. He painted in a nicely-shaded doorknob and the words "Rabbit 
Hole" around the edge.

MPLad slid around the corner, FGirl close behind. "What exactly is..."

Kid Enthusiastic looked over his shoulder and grinned. "Watch!" He spun 
the dial on the Bands of Timeslide back to 'Present'. "One place, two 
time periods..."

Masterplan Lad's eyes went wide. "Wait--"

Kid E struck the bands against the wall with a CLANGG! A violent burst 
of light broke across the room, and when it cleared, there was a door, 
thick and solid. "Two time periods, one place!"

"Is that a time door. DID YOU MAKE A TIME DOOR."

"Yep! I transferred the entire plot device energy of the Bands of 
Timeslide into this Rabbit Hole!" The bands fell off his arms, drifting 
lazily to the floor.

"So..." Petina poked cautiously at the frame. "If you step through 
this, you end up in the '60s?"

"Yep! And more importantly, if you step through this in the '60s, you 
end up here!"

"So, basically, an easy way for the characters to step out of the 
backstory and show up in a modern-day story. Hmmmm." Masterplan Lad 
shook his head. "I see what you did there, but I can't say I approve. 
Of course, since it's been here for fifty years now, I can't *un*do it 
without causing much greater damage to the timeline."

"Gee, really?" Kid Enthusiastic smiled, and it seemed to Footnote Girl 
that it was just a bit impish.

"But wait," she said, a sudden realization poking out in her mind. "If 
it's been here for the entire fifty years, what happens if you walked 
through it in the '70s, or the '90s?"

"Let's not worry about that!" said Kid E. "Instead, let's go back to 
whatever you were doing before we decided to do this!"

"...THE SOUFFLE!" Masterplan Lad ran towards the LNHQ's kitchen, Kid 
Enthusiastic skipping along behind. Footnote Girl rolled her eyes and 
followed them.

None of the three saw the door open, and a figure peek their head 
through. The first step was taken...

...or it would have been, if the figure wasn't Procrastination Boy, who 
looked around and decided to investigate right after he was done with 
the latest Danny Dunn paperback.


Author's Note: This one was written basically for the purpose of 
representations of two extremes of time travel ethics. Comparisons to 
certain long-running British TV shows are not at all out of place, and 
I note that the only LNHer who fits the companion role nearly as well 
as Footnote Girl is Cynical Lass.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, open door policy.

Next Week:  Something LNH related -- I suppose?

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer 

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