LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #268: Sieze Dangerous!! Part Two and Integrity Quest Part Seven
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Dec 18 13:40:15 PST 2022
30 Years of Legion of Net.Heroes (1992-2022)!
And we're back in the past and can check the eyrie archive
once again.
Here's where you can find the whole Integrity Quest and well as
Amabel Holland's very nice Integrity Quest Companion, which is
well worth a read:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Crossovers/
And here's where the whole Sieze Dangerous Story is at:
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/Series/Ultimate.Ninja/
And finally we have made it to the second part of Sieze Dangerous! by Raymond
"wReam" Bingham! Can you even remember what happened in the first part, which
I posted in like I dunno June? I guess it was probably something involving
Acton Lord scheming and Contraption Man building a Peril Room or something
like that. Anyway, Will Acton Lord continue to scheme and will he get the
Pizza that he truly deserves?! Will Rebel Yell's plan to stop people from
ever using the Peril Room work out well?! And was this story wReam's clever
way of making his job with the Roster a lot easier?!
And we're also back in the Integrity Quest storyline! Doug Wojtowicz and
Stephane Savoie return with episodes 10 to 12! And we've entered the Woody
Scandal part of the Integrity Quest.
Here's footnote from Drizzt about the Woody Scandal from the History of the
LNH:
Doug threw in a semi-explicit sex scene in the
middle of what had been a good story with no warning.
I wrote him a heated letter about it, he posted to get
the general feeling of the LNH on it. Basically, most
other people-- wReam being the only exception that
springs to mind-- didn't care. Hubert objected on the
grounds that Panta should be unattainable, the story
was retconned away, and the advisement about [labeling
mature content] was added to the proto-FAQ: Doug and I
made peace, everyone went away happy as far as I know.
Dunno why... certain people have to harp on this
piece of LNH history that was really nothing more than
private email.
Is the version in the TEB the version that caused all the
fuss or is there an even more explicit version that caused
the heated debate (I do half remember some e-mail exchange
with Hubert that seemed to imply that there was a more
extreme version -- but its been along time ago since that
conversation -- so who knows. If anyone here has that
more extreme version be sure to chime in!)
I suppose the biggest problem was that Hubert wasn't consulted
before Doug wrote whatever he wrote. Anyways, it's a different
world now days -- and I guess there are probably different
reasons why Integrity Quest would be problematic with some
people in this day and age. :)
Anyways all that aside, let's all read...
_
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| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
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|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #268
=====================
Sieze Dangerous!! Part Two and Integrity Quest Part Seven
=====================
Sieze Dangerous... episode 2...
Here it is! When I should be doing the roster or my stupid
homework I write another episode! Is there something wrong with me!!!
* I think so * Don't write into this story, since it will really screw
up the continuity with the other stories going on... I would suggest
that even if you notice your character die in an episode that you NOT
bring them back. At least ask me about it!
wReam...
* * * * * * * * *
"The fools! " Acton Lord raged. "They thought this pizza was
for me!?"
Netlurker stood blankly not making a sound.
"No! It is a special pizza to appease the guardian of the
gateway to the Sieze Dangerous. No one in their right mind would
actually even to pretend to like this infernal combination on their
pizza!" Acton Lord sneered at the thought of him eating it. "That is
right, Netlurker! I am ACTON LORD! The REAL one!"
Netlurker just shrugged. "Whatever ya say boss. FAKE, REAL,
POLYETHELENE, I am behind you a 110%!"
"That's ridiculous! No one can have more than 100%!" He
turned and then looking at the surroundings he continued. "We are
hear!"
The backgound had changed to a slightly darker more ominous
shape. The cieling Vaulted high into the darkness, at the end of the
wide room was a very large door and a very large statue. The eyes of
the statue followed the two tiny figures as they advanced to the large
door.
"WHO APPROACHES THE GUARDIAN!?" The statue roared.
"Pizza delivery." Acton Lord said acting as insignificant as
he could. "Did a Mr. Guardian of the Gate to the Sieze Dangerous
order a Extra Large pizza with Pepperoni and Pineapple?"
"P-P-P-PIIIIIZZZZZZZAAAAAAA????" The voice said anxiously.
"Yeah, here I will just slide it under this big door." Acton
Lord slid it under the gate before the Statue could tell him not to.
"Why did you do that! I want it!" The statue turned to the
great gate and opened it. Acton Lord ran in and grabbed the Sieze
Dangerous Amulet.
"Get us out of here, Netlurker." Acton Lord yelled!
"You put that back..." FOOOSH. Netlurker had transwarped the
two away.
"Well, At least they left the pizza." the large statue sat
down and began to eat. "Ahhhhhhhh... Deliver me..."
* * * * * * * * *
Net.limbo had become a really creepy and evil place since
Netlurker had used it last. Gee, thought Netlurker, this place is
much more evil and creepy than I remember.
"Where are we? This place is really evil and creepy!" Acton
Lord asked.
"Its supposed to be Net.limbo. When I need to make a fast
teleport I just shift to this dimension and then jump to whereever."
Netlurker said. "And yes, you are correct, this place is more creepy
and evil than I remember..."
"Well can we teleport directly to the LNH.HQ? I need to
attach the Sieze Dangerous to Contraption Man's creation... with my
special powers." Acton Lord exposed his plan to Netlurker in the
middle of the dark dimension. "You see, this will allow me to harness
the entire power and life of the LNH and by the time they realize they
are in a trap. It will be too late..."
In the darkest corner glowing eyes opened upon the two
villainous plotters.
"OK. Here we go!" Zammmmmm! They were gone.
... LEGION DEATH DOOOOOOM ...
* * * * * * * * *
Contraption Man Beamed at the recognition of having completed
his very first PerilRoom. He thought of how he had to occasionally
improvise but it would work well in the end. He left the machine to
go report to Ultimate Ninja the results of his genius. As he left the
room he hardly even recognized a slight ZAMMMM sound that echoed as
the door closed. As he walked back through the halls he saw Rebel
Yell and Ultimate Ninja yelling at each other.
"The way this place is being run is disgraceful!" Ultimate
Ninja protested. "Everyone is running Everywhere and in reality no
one is getting anything done! It's time we got this place organized
and we got leadership established in the ranks."
"Why you ingrate usurper! Who are you to criticize me when I
am so... Umm. Well gosh darn it! I am right!" Rebel Yell said.
"I finished the Perilroom, UN" Contraption Man busted in.
"You did what!?" Rebel Yell turned to Contraption Man. "Are
you working for this commie, backstabber! You of all people should
realize he is the TRAITOR that you are looking for!"
"Oh. Of that I have no doubt, however, I have decided that
the future really isn't all that bad without you guys so I have given
up on trying to interfere with it." Contraption Man smiled with
satisfaction.
"I will stop your infernal plan , if it's the "
"Last thing you do?" Cliche Dude passed by smiling, as he
interrupted Rebel Yell's Cliche. "So what earth shattering news have
you got for us fearless leader?"
"This member here" Rebel Yell pointed to Ultimate Ninja, "Says
that I am not doing a good job as leader! Now he has tricked
Contraption Man into helping destroy us all! I am a good leader,
aren't I?"
"Well, you're pretty good, if you let us do our own thing.
That's great. I mean this place would be quite different if we had a
real leader, but I would vote for you." Cliche Dude said not thinking
much. "Besides, aren't you running for president or something? Why
would you want to be leader of both!"
Rebel Yell fumed down the hall toward the Perilroom. "That
does it! I will see that you never use this Perilroom thingy!"
Contraption Man and Ultimate Ninja ran behind him trying to keep him
from doing anything to their new toy. Rebel Yell opened the door.
ZAMMMMMM! The room was empty, but it did look pretty darn
sofisticated. "How does this thing work?" Reb asked getting a bit
more interested.
Contraption Man went over to the panel of different switches
and gadgets and smiling he started up the machine. It hummed lightly
and a door opened revealing a large open room resembling a metal
walled gymnasium. Rebel Yell entered. Just then the door slammed
behind him. Ultimate Ninja and Cliche Dude ran to the control panel
and asked, "What are you doing?" Rebel Yell pounded on the door. His
voice could be heard over an intercom. "You Let me out! Now! Do you
hear me!?" Just then a large gun like cannon descended from the
cieling. It aimed at the pounding Rebel Yell. Rebel Yell turned to
see it and his eyes went as wide as saucers. "AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" He
yelled in panic. Ultimate Ninja grabbed his Ginsu DoorCutter and
headed for the locked portal...
"FFFFFFFFFZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTT!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!" The gun discharged. The locked portal sliced in two
fell only to reveal a bit of ash in the air. The Gun lifted back into
the cieling with a calm whirr.
"He's dead Jim." said Cliche Dude.
"I guess this solves the leadership dispute, huh?" said
Badtiming Boy and then he exited and headed for Rebel Yell's
collection of Comics.
Ultimate Ninja ran to Contraption Man. All Contraption Man
could say was...
"Gee, It never did that before."
* * * * * * * * *
Be here next time when the action shifts to unbearable purportions!
Yes, the quest for leadership continues! The LNH is thrown into
Chaos! Be here for also for the funeral of REBEL YELL... And maybe
some more! As Acton Lord enacts another aspect of his master plan of
revenge on Ultimate Ninja!!!
wReam...
Ultimate Ninja of the LNH!
P.S. You know, if I post the Sieze Dangerous BEFORE the roster, I
will have a much easier job! (A lot fewer members!!! :)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I N T E G R I T Y Q U E S T
Reprinting the Integrity Quest books from 1993
Vol 2.2
In which the infamous "Woody Scandal" occurs. Then
there is a lot of retconning and fast rewriting. Finally,
wholesale violence and mayhem breaks out.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: U16244 at uicvm.uic.edu
Subject: Integrity Quest: The Editor Blues
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 10: THE EDITOR BLUES
[Note - These following chapters takes place during Seize Dangerous]
Lost Cause Boy rolled over. The dull patter of rain against his window was
too much for him to sleep. Not with this mystery. Not with his recent battle
with Peter-Out-Son. And not with a gorgeous piece of meat like Panta in the
basement wearing only her fur. He looked under the covers at his woody.
"Damn, I never could resist catwomen, except the Chris Mazucceli version with
the big ears and the skintight jumpsuit. I liked the old purple costume
personally."
Rambling on, LCB discovered he was already at the door, which had been pushed
open, despite the fact that he hadn't used his hands. "Oh migod, I'm turning
into a Billy Crystal skit. I hope there aren't any doorbells down there."
LCB stepped down towards the heavy steel door of the basement when his ears
picked up whispering. He crouched, pressing his ear to the door. "Maybe if
I concentrate, I can use the hearing from the Frank Miller Wolverine to
listen in. I wonder who..."
His spine suddenly went cold. He recognized the voice. The voice that
turned what could have been a promising young character into a lame
ham... yes, the one who made Eric Masterton yet another of his lost causes,
it was none other than.... DeFacto. And he was seducing Panta. He sat down,
shocked.
"No, she came to the LNH to help us. And why would DeFacto show up here?
He's not a vampire. He could pop in on anyone in a moment of weakness," he
said. He looked at a cockroach crawling along the wall, then several large
pitbulls, no wait, they were only rats, gnawing on a small child that had
been dragged down. "And anyone would be weak here."
LCB sneered. "That's why he changed history. I do remember stopping Panta
from killing those mobbies, at least once. The trouble is, I have two
different outcomes. The time I remember best, I nearly slashed Panta to
ribbons. All my Suicide Squads got turned into issues of Suicide Squid.
(Gotta remember to thank Typo Lad. Those are major collectors items.)"
He turned to the door, listening to Panta, sitting alone, sobbing quietly.
"She may have betrayed us, but it's hard to resist an editor when you're
only a character instead of a reader. But I've still got a beef that won't
go down. Maybe she'll talk to me about it."
LCB opened the door, looking at Panta, curled up on the bed. He was kind of
in a quandry. He rarely got into a situation where he actually got the
girl. "Listen, I've got this huge suite upstairs, and I there aren't enough
pillows for the way I sleep," he said.
Panta looked at him. "You mean all wrapped up and bundled?"
"Yup. You like sleeping that way too?"
Panta nodded.
LCB smiled to himself. Maybe she'd tell him sometime during the night. But
he did know that he'd better do something fast, or...
* * * * *
LCB woke up the next morning, the first time ever he woke up without the
morning woody. Panta was already dressed, sort of like Elli May, but with
lush, silken fur. Oh well, it was fun waking up without sleeping on a log
for a few moments.
"Lost Cause Boy..." Panta began.
"Call me LC," LCB said.
Panta nodded. "Uh.... about yesterday LC..."
LCB nodded. "Yes?"
"Thanks for helping me back from the edge," Panta said. She rushed
through the door out into the corridor.
LCB chewed his lower lip. He'd seen this so many times before. She wanted to
say something, but was unwilling to speak, maybe out of fear.
Or, maybe she was just so jammed in completely by a plot device that only
someone with a warped and twisted mind could break her out. He knew of the
man, and his powers were legendary. Superhero-Bashing-Dude. The voice of
Sam Kinnison, the genius of Matt Howrath, and the ability to brow-beat some
goof into intelligent action with enough brutality to make the LAPD look
like a kindergarden squad.
And he knew full well that SBD would also be willing to come on this quest for
two reasons. To find Writer-With-Integrity, and to find out for sure if he
really did make time with that piece of tail with a tail.
The summons went out as he dialed on the phone...
Lost Cause Boy was portrayed by Douglas P Wojtowicz
Panta is Hubert Bartels' character.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: 003695s at ace.acadiau.ca (STEPHANE ANDRE SAVOIE)
Subject: INTEGRITY QUEST: Interlude
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 11: retcons galor!
"Aaaaaaargh!"
Kid Anarky woke up screaming. Wew! Yup. Here he was, still in bed.
"What a nightmare!" he pondered. "Geeze! Lost Cause Boy, and Panta!
And a..a "woody"! That was digusting! It'll teach me to eat
CheeseCake before I go to bed. Last time I hang out with CheeseCake-Eater Lad'
Putting on his costume, he thought "Hmm. Maybe I'll go see how LCB's
doing. Just to be sure he, like, hasn't been kidnapped by aliens or
anything. Yeah, that's it..."
He stepped out into the hallway just in time to meet Panta stepping out
of LCB's room.
"Oh, hi Kid Anarky. Sleep well?"
"You... you... you and Lost Cause Boy... you guys didn't..."
"What? No... no! You insensitive moron! No, we 'didn't'! Is that
the first thing that comes to your mind?! He invited me to his room and we
cuddled. Is that alright by your moral standards, Mr. Self-Righteous
Preacher Wannabe?! WE CUDDLED! At least someone had the kindness to get
me out of those dreadful 'mutant-guest-quarter'! Hmmph!"
Panta lift her nose to KA, stepping around him to get to the bathroom
across the hall.
"Boy she looks good in the morning." pondered Kid Anarky. "Of course,
she looks good anytime...". Kid Anarky was having trouble concentrating.
He did have enough sense to know she was right, though. "What an idiot I am
for assuming...that. What an idiot I am for not helping her myself. Of
course, I'me happily married, and... NO! I NOT! What am I
thinking? Good lord!"
A few minutes later, as Kid Anarky angsted, Panta stepped out of the
bathroom, a distrought look on her face.
"Hey Panta, I'm really really sorry. Um, is something wrong?"
"Hmm? Oh no! No, not at all. It's not as if, oh... an editor had
visited me during the night and had manipulated me into his clutches or
anything like that... Definitely not. I'm a bit upset because... Rebel
Yell just died, and the funeral's today. Yeah, that's it!" explained
Panta, with a look resembling that of a small child who was wondering if
her parents had realized he had broken something and was lying about it.
"Oh, good. Gee do you think going to the funeral is a good idea?
Who knows what could happen." pondered KA.
"Oh sure." explained Panta,"It's not as if, oh I don't know, as a
result of it, LNHer will be set against LNHer, resulting in all our deaths
except for Cheese-Cake Eater Lad, and possibly Ultimate Ninja, who'd doubtlessly
fake his own death. I mean, what are the odds?"
"Good point!" exclaimed Kid Anarky, with a look of relief on his face.
"Well, you go get dressed, and we'll all go to the funeral together."
Nodding, Panta turned and went into some free guest quarters room stealthily,
her bell jingling along as she crept. "Gee, what a sweet kid. So sensitive
for the death of some guy she never met..." Kid Anarky thought out loud as
he headed downstairs. On the way down he met Graves heading upstairs,
with what resembled incredibly like a Liefeld-esque gun not-so-well-hidden
behind his back. "Umm, Rats in the basement, sirrr." mumbled Graves as he
pushed past KA, continuing upstairs.
In the living-room, Lost Cause Boy was pondering what he had seen a few
moments ago. Graves had been sneaking upstairs carrying a ridiculously
large gun, shouting "You'll never escape my grasp! I'll get you, Panta, if
it's the Last Thing I Ever Do! Bwaahahahahaha!"
Looks like it was time to take the situation into his own hands...
----
Lost Cause Boy was created by Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
Kid Anarky was inflated by Stephane Savoie
Panta was paper-plated by Hubert Bartels
and Graves is hated by everybody.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: U16244 at uicvm.uic.edu
Subject: INTEGRITY QUEST: WHO R-RATED LCB? (Rated PG)
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest- part 12: Who R-Rated LCB?! (Rated PG)
(Last Issue, Lost Cause Boy's honest and truely affectionate feelings for
Panta suddenly got nearly perverted into a low grade sex-farce. However-
nothing happened by way of intercourse- yet, as he reaches to the phone to
brag, a realization hit him...)
"WAIT A MINNIT!" Lost Cause Boy threw down the phone receiver. "I'm not the
kind of guy to go bragging to everyone about making time with some girl."
He rubbed his chin, rebooting the old listing of what occurred before, frowning
as he looked at it. Kid Anarky walked in and nearly dropped his jaw as he
saw what was going on.
"You wrote that!?!?!" Anarky yelled.
LCB waved KA's voice down. "Ssshhhhhh!! Something's seriously wrong here.
When I first saw her, I admit some sexual arousal, but I got won over with
sympathy for the poor thing. And now..."
"But who could have done this?" Anarky asked. "And could you ask him to do
this for me?"
LCB jammed the Power Girl mini-series into Anarky's mouth, shutting him up for
a few moments as he looked at the printout. "Hmmmm. Seeing as how DeFacto got
in, he must have had some inside contact..."
LCB looked up, hearing someone enter the room. It was Ultimate Ninja,
tired, brow-beaten, in general not feeling well due to the death of Rebell
Yell. Yet, he still kept his heroic pose. "Listen, the LNH is going into
action. We'll need someone to watch LNH HQ. Could you have your butler..."
"Our butler? But I thought he was your..." Anarky began. He froze. "Yeah,
sure, we'll let him watch the HQ. Go ahead. We'll make sure everything's
alright."
Ultimate Ninja's voice held a renewed timbre as he shook the hands of the two
young Net.heroes. "Fine. Just make sure nothing like that 'woody'
thing happens again. Ever. Comprende?" Ultimate Ninja's hand tensed on
his Ginsu Katana's hilt while stressing that last part. LCB and KA both
nodded vigourously.
Ultimate Ninja grabbed LCB by the collar and pulled him a little closer.
"You say the 'W'-word one more time without referring to that actor from
cheers or a certain Walter Lance Woodpecker and.."
"I know. I know. Everything's under control right now," LCB said, shaken.
Ultimate Ninja left the room, leaving the newest LNHers to wish Rebel Yell
were still around.
Anarky looked at Lost Cause Boy. "Now what?"
Lost Cause Boy's constantly changing outfit suddenly stabilized. A leather
biker's jacket, a sharp cornered fu manchu mustache, and a flat top haircut
styled so sharply it could cut shoe leather three inches thick. One eye was
huge and dialated, the other squinted, and a gleeful smile the one gets when
one punts infants twenty-five yards crossed his face.
"Now we're going after Graves. Bugtown style..."
Lost Cause Boy was steamed by Graves and raised by Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
Kid Anarky was awed by Panta, and dazed by Stephane Savoie.
Ultimate amazed LCB, and was phased by wReam. Copyright 1994, Hubert Bartels
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I N T E G R I T Y Q U E S T
Reprinting the Integrity Quest books from 1993
Vol 2.3
In which Integrity Quest looks much like a Homage
Studio production - with tiny bits of character
development between all the senseless violence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: U16244 at uicvm.uic.edu
Subject: INTEGRITY QUEST GETS BLOODY
NET.PATROL: Integrity Quest - part 12: I.Q. gets Bloody!
Warning, the following material may not be suitable for some adults,
young children, many farm animals, most household appliances, and the
Bugtown impared.
(Last installment, LCB and Kid Anarky discoverred that they were duped by
Graves into thinking he was a member of the LNH staff. Now, as the Legion
flies off into Danger, the spirit of Ron Post has visitied upon Lost Cause
Boy as Graves prepares for his attack.)
Panta reclined in LCB's quarters. She was glad that he was so kind as to
allow her to sleep in somewhere other than a sewage pit that Graves put her
in. She didn't like the Butler very much, but she attributed that to
anti-mutant prejudice (tm), even though she wasn't a trademarked mutant.
She lifted her head, her acute animal senses picking up something moving
in the hall. It was Graves. She tensed. She wondered what he would do if
he found that Lost Cause Boy allowed her out of the Mutant Quarters. Would
he get LCB's charter revoked?
Graves kicked open the door, smirking, carrying a Liefeld #1 SUPERBIGGUN,
sneering at Panta. "Awww, LCB isn't in his room. CHECKOUT TIME!"
Panta rabbited, dodging as a beam of some cheesy energy slashed open the bed,
a shell casing impossibly flying from the breech of the weapon, which struck
her as odd, since she thought only projectile weapons ejected cases. She dove
into the bathroom and looked around. The only exit was the Dumb Waiter.
"Saint MacGyver, Patron Saint of Lifesaving Plot Devices, I thank you,"
Panta panted as she dove in, her slender form sliding down the empty Dumb
Waiter as a hole the size of a medicine ball was blown in the wall above her.
"Come back little mutant! You're not going to let LCB know I was going to off
him and that twerp Kid Anarky," Graves chuckled.
"Who're you calling a twerp?"
Graves went pale. Then he looked at the huge Liefeld. It was a beautiful
cannon. It was a true superhero's gun. He turned, and noticed Anarky and
Lost Cause Boy (who now looked exactly like Ron Post) standing there, armed
with more realistically drawn weapons. "B-b-b-but, what about your powers?"
"I'm not wasting any comic books on you buddy," LCB snarled. "And by the way,
I am using my powers. I've drawn out Ron Post's psychotic abilities, and
all the real world equipment from Chuck Dixon's comic books. I got enough
fire power even to help Anarky out with his flailing powers."
Graves smiled. "Well that's nothing compared to this Liefeld #1 SUPERBIGGUN."
He opened fire, blazing away as Anarky took a step forwards, smirking with
glee. Blasts glanced harmlessly off him.
Anarky's lips curled up. "Awwww, come on. Everyone except a Marvel mutant
knows Cable's weapons are not only shitty looking, but impossible! I mean,
there's not even a pistol grip on that thing. And where are the sights?"
Anarky turned over the shotgun in his two hands, smiling. "Now this. This is
a piece of work. 12 gauge, full pistol grip, eight rounds of buckshot, ghost
ring sights, choate shoulder stock for aim and control during rapid fire.
Now this is a real and very impressive weapon."
Graves bolted as Anarky spun the weapon around, shouldering it and blowing
off Grave's foot.
Graves hopped down the hall, tumbling down a flight of steps that some little
girl had been playing jacks on. Graves howled as the jacks poked into him.
He got up, favoring his dismembered leg when he heard a low growl. He looked
up. It was Panta, and she was smiling as well.
"You'd be surprised what a little Frank Miller reading does for us claw
wielding types," she purred.
Graves whirled, feeling his ear go flying off. He hopped furiously now,
just wanting to get back to ERNIE and not have to deal with three very
pissed off people. Then he slammed into LCB.
Graves let out a shriek and nearly fainted, but LCB grabbed him up.
"What are you gonna do to me?" Graves screeched.
LCB smiled, chewing gum. "I've already done it. First, I put fleet sheets
of plastic explosive in all your Marvel trading card binders so that when you
open them, you'll be sliced to ribbons by flying trading cards. Then I took
all your Michael Bolton and George Michael CD's and turned them into a
nutritious shake which you'll have for lunch. And then, since I'm feeling
in an extremely foul mood, I'll have you bitten by a vampire and pour
holy water down your throat until you melt like velveeta cheese in a
microwave."
Graves let out another shriek. "Please! Please! I'll plea bargain! I'll
plea bargain! What do you want?"
"Who messed with my little intimate encounter with Panta last night? And just
what the hell did happen?" LCB snarled.
"It was Harrass. He wanted to get rid of you guys by bringing you up on
charges of sexual harrassment! The whole Panta wanting to be a spy thing
was a red herring! Honest! Honest!"
"How do I know you're not lying to save your Michael Bolton CD's?"
Graves tugged at his tie. "Honestly. Do even I look stupid enough to risk
having to drink Michael Bolton music?"
Anarky and Panta both nodded in unison. "He's got a point."
"Alright. Soooo. Defacto thinks that he can edit around our lives this way.
I think not."
"He knows that you know. Honest, he does!"
"That's okay. Because now, first I'm editing you out. And then, we're
having Roy Thomas edit our memories so that while everyone reading knows this
happened, none of us will have a clue."
Graves got to his knees (which was easy, because he only had to bend one leg.
"What will you do to me?"
LCB smirked. A strange young man walked out with a pencil and eraser. With
several sharp rubs, Graves was erased and drawn in as a walrus. Graves looked
himself over. "What... what did you do to me?"
"Thanks Mr. Kricfalusi. He's all yours," LCB said.
"Kric... walrus... Ren and Stimpy... and..."
"Come now Mr. Walrus. Mr. Horse wants very much to meet you."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Kid Anarky looked at LCB. "Isn't it a risk having Roy Thomas work on our
memories?"
"It's a safer bet than having Marv Wolfman touch us. Come on, before DeFacto
finds out," LCB enjoindered.
"You're a pretty good shot with that gun. (Not that anyone could have
missed from that range). Where d'ya learn to shoot?" asked LCB as they
headed down into the LNHQ sub-sub-subbasement.
"Ummm, never. It just felt right at the time. I'm not even sure how to
hold even anymore." explained Kid Anarky as he handed it to Lost Cause Boy
awkwardly.
"Kid, sometimes you worry me." said LCB as he decreated the gun.
* * * * * *
"I don't know. These new kids. They're talented and all. And they've
done some good jobs against creeps like Graves and Peter-Out-Son, but there's
something missing. They need someone in charge," he said, hiding in the
shadows. "I know. They need a musclebound goof with legendary status to be
in charge of them. Maybe Superman. No, he's taken by the JL, and he's dying
anyway. The Avengers have Cap. Heavy Metal has Supreme. Wait a minute.
Doesn't Supreme have a cousin?"
He opened a voluminous time to the proper page, smiling. "Yesssssss. This
will do nicely. Come on out... Rochester."
A tall, muscular, white haired man stepped out, grumpy and angst ridden because
his brother got the cool Motown name, and he just got Top. What was it with
Liefeld giving white heroes black names anyways? Supreme, Shaft.
And now him... Rochester!
DeFacto merely burst out cackling as Rochester went to meet the newest
Legionaires.
Lost Cause Boy was (Ron) Posted by Douglas P. Wojtowicz.
Kid Anarky was ghosted by Stephane Savoie
Panta was boasted by Hubert Bartels
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
==========
Next Week: Guess I'll be off for X-mas and will I also take New Years Off too?
We'll See!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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