RACCCafe: The 30th Anniversary of the LNH Bash!

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Thu Apr 28 20:53:03 PDT 2022

                        The 30th Anniversary of the LNH Bash!

"Hmm," said Arthur Spitzer as he stepped over a number of corpses littering the floor 
(from that time Kieran M. O'Callaghan killed everyone -- is this floor ever going to 
be cleaned!?)  "Seems kind of dead in here.  Am I early?  Late?  This is where the 
30th Anniversary of the LNH Bash is taking place -- right?"  Wearing his best 
'Please!  For the Love God!  Read Ripping Off King Arthur' tuxedo -- he made his way 
towards the bar.

Tippy O'Tipp cleaning a filthy glass with an even more filthy rag nodded his head.  
"Aye, this is the place.  Ye're probably early -- it tis not quite the 29th yet.  
Then again..." he gave a shrug.  "What tis yeer poison?"

"Hmm," mused Arthur Spitzer looking at the menu.  "How about a glass of your most 
expensive champagne?  You do take crypto?"

Tippy O'Tipp nodded and then reached down below the bar and pulled up a can.  A can 
of 'Mr. Paprika's Incredibly Expensive Champagne In A Can' and poured it in the 
filthy glass he'd been cleaning.  ('Now That's a Man's -- Incredibly Expensive 
Champagne In A Can!')

"That's -- your most expensive champagne?!"

Tippy O'Tipp nodded as he gave a finger gun to the words 'Incredibly Expensive' on 
the can.

Arthur took a sip and just as quickly spat it out.  "Bleeahhgrr!"

"That will be a zillion dollars in TippyCoin.  Or -- ten dollars in real money."

Arthur made a grimace as he pulled out his wallet and pulled out a zillion 

"So.  Am I ever going to be doing anything interesting in that webcomic of yeers?"

"Oh, that's right -- you're a character in my... ummm..."

"I've got loads and loads of ideas and jotted down some notes," Tippy O'Tipp grabbed 
a big stack of papers he had from under the bar.  "Got some ideas for love interests 
for me -- and also some exciting chainsaw action scenes -- and some exciting chainsaw 
love scenes!  I mean if yee've got the time..."

"Oh, I see," said Arthur staring at the huge stack of paper.  "Yeah... I uhh..." he 
glanced around the RACCCafe hoping that maybe someone would start screaming so he 
could get out of this conversation.

And then someone started screaming.  Yes! Arthur silently thought to himself.

It was a woman who was screaming.  Does she have name?  Oh, let's just call her Loud 
Screaming Woman Lass.  That should do.  "Oh, god!  The LNH -- is dying!  Please!  
Someone!  Do something!!  You've got to save The LNH!  Please!!!"

"Hmm," said Arthur Spitzer as he stepped dramatically up from his barstool.  "The LNH 
-- is dying?!  I probably should do something about that -- seeing as I'm a -- LNH 
Writer!  Hmm.  But what?" he rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  "What can one writer do?"

"I've got an idea, folks!" said another mysterious stranger with an idea.  Let's call 
this person uhhh -- Mysterious Stranger Person With At Least One Idea Guy.  Yeah -- I 
rock at this naming characters stuff!  "How about if everyone starts, like, giving, 
like, feedback!?  Feedback to everyone else's stories?!  And that will start a HUGE 
chain reaction that causes more people to write stories -- which will cause even more 
feedback!  And all these stories and feedback will save the LNH from dying!  And it 
will live FOREVER!!"

"Uhuh... feedback, yeah..." Arthur Spitzer said very awkwardly taking a quick glance 
at the RACCCafe exit sign.  "That's an idea.  Umm.  I mean -- sure... I'd like to 
give umm feedback.  But... ummm... you know.  Heh.  Got all these -- you know -- 
smutty webcomics I need to draw and... And you know -- when you think about it... 30 
years -- is a very long time.  A Very, Very Long Time.  I mean does any superhero 
shared universe really need to live to -- say 31 years?  I mean really?  Isn't that 
asking a bit too much?  I mean... oh, look at the time," said Arthur staring at a non 
existent watch that was clearly not on his wrist as he started to back himself slowly 
towards the exit.

Meanwhile, The LNH (Leaping Nacho Hurter!) -- still choking on a pretzel and gasping 
for air mouthed the words, "Just give me the Heimlich!  Or whatever they do now 
days?!!  Do they still do the Heimlich?!!"  Why did he never learn how to nachocise 
foods that weren't nachos?!  Why, oh why!? This 30th birthday of his was really 
starting to suck.

But would it be his -- LAST?!


To Be Continued...?!!!

Will Someone Save The LNH?!!

Will They Ever Clean Up All Those Dead Bodies On The RACCCafe's Floor?!!

Will Kieran M. O'Callaghan Ever Pay For All His Crimes?!!

Will I Regret Investing All of My Life Savings Into TippyCoin?!!

Writer's Notes:  Happy 30th, Legion of Net.Heroes!

Arthur "Almost to the exit door.." Spitzer

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