LNH/NTB: Classic LNH Adventures #193: Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Nine

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Mar 21 14:19:37 PDT 2021

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for the twenty-ninth part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the last third of issue #9 -- PLANET
MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!! 'Mite Lite of the Gods' by me (Arthur Spitzer).
And the battle of all battles continues!  Will Ultimate Ninja defeat Satan?
Will Mynabird easily defeat a team-up of the Ultimate Ninja, Kid Kirby, and
Captain Continuity?  Will the Shaquille O'Neal song '(I Know I Got) Skillz'
be referenced for some reason?

Find out in...

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #193

                   Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Nine

Date: Mon Oct 10 17:41:44 PDT 2011

Part III

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Okay, here's what I'm thinking," said Master Blaster as he looked at 
WikiBoy.  "I know I can't use you as a Deus ex Machina because of that 
stupid rule that some stupid Writer came up with about not using you as 
a Deus ex Machina.  But that being said I figure I could turn you into 
something that could beat nearly every villain out there leaving a few 
villains for yours truly to take down.  What do think?  Great idea or 
Greatest Idea?"

"How about if I just shoot you?" said WikiBoy pointing a gun at Master 

"Whoah there!  Someone messing with your editing?  You love Master 
Blaster!  You worship Master Blaster!  You'd never hurt Master Blaster 
ever!  You'd love to have Master Blaster's babies and are horribly 
depressed that that will never happen!  Understand!?"

WikiBoy just laughed still pointing the gun at Master Blaster.  "I'm not 
WikiBoy, you moron.  WikiBoy's been neutralized by others already.  I'm 
some one that wants you dead -- so much so that I got plastic surgery to 
look like WikiBoy and even had this beaver tail surgically attached to 
myself to look like him!"

"Man, how freakin' lame can you get?"

"Actually that's Frik N Lem!  But you should know that since you stole 
your catchphrase from my name!"

"Stole it?  That's a laugh!  Sounds more like you stole your name from 
my catchphrase!"

"My parents named me this!!"

"Then they stole it from my catchphrase."

"How could they do that since they named me way before you came up with 
your stupid catchphrase?"

"I dunno.  Time travel I guess."

Frik N Lem shook his head.  "It doesn't matter.  You don't remember me, 
do you?"

"Should I?"

"We went to high school together."

"Yeah?  Not ringing any bells."

"Well, I remember.  Oh, do I remember you.  I wake up every night with 
nightmares of what you did to me."

"Yeah?  What did I do?"

"You remember prom night?"


"Do you remember this nerdy kid who was elected Prom King by everyone?"

"Really?  I'm pretty sure I was Prom King."

"No, it was a nerdy kid.  And it was your idea -- to pick the lamest kid 
in school to be Prom King."

"If you say so."

"And you know what happened next?"


"Right at the moment this nerdy kid was being crowned King right next to 
the hottest girl in school who was being crowned Queen something 
happened?  You know what?  You know what happened next?  I'll tell you 
what happened.  There was a big bucket filled with pig's blood and right 
as the hottest girl in school backed away the entire bucket spilled on 
this nerdy kid.  And then as if that insult was not huge enough -- you 
know what happened?  They pantsed the kid -- yeah they pantsed him -- 
right there!  And to make matters worse -- they pantsed his underwear too!!"

"Oh Yeah!  Hah!  I remember that!  That was pretty hilarious!!"

"Do you remember who that nerdy kid was?  Do you!!?"

"I guess he was you?"

"Yes!!  He was me!!  That nerdy kid was me!!!  And today is the day I 
finally get revenge on you -- the ringleader -- for the most humiliating 
experience in my entire life!!!"

"Hey, man.  What can I say?  I was just a stupid kid back then -- not 
the paragon of maturity and sensitivity I am now days.  Kids do stupid 
things for fun when they're kids.  And you have to admit -- it was 
pretty funny.  I remember everyone at the prom having a good laugh."

"I wasn't laughing!!!!  I was covered in blood!!  With no pants or 
underwear!!  I had to have years of therapy after that!!"

"I take it the therapy didn't do much good?"

"I wouldn't say that.  No, it made me realize that I would never get 
past that traumatic experience till I had gotten closure with every 
single person who laughed at me at that prom.  So I devoted my life to 
getting rich and using that money to destroy all you bastards.  I have 
spent the last 15 years hunting and killing every student and faculty 
member that was at that prom.  And now you Rob -- or as you call 
yourself now days -- Master Blaster -- you are the last one.  The very 
last one!!"

"Whoahh!  Are you saying you've managed to kill every single one that 
was at that prom?  Wait!  I'm remembering something!  Say you're that 
guy -- that guy that was killing all of my old classmates!  That guy! 
You're him!!"

                   **** <<--FLASHBACK-->> ****

1993 --

Two heroes in grunge style clothes sat in the LNH Cafeteria sipping 
crystal clear Bolo Colas while the hit Shaquille O'Neal song '(I Know I 
Got) Skillz' played away on the speakers.

Master Blaster flipped through the Mid.Net Star looking over the racier 
pictures and then he spotted something.  "Hey, Sarc!  Some chick I went 
to highschool with -- looks like she's dead.  Damn.  I remember doing 
her a few times.  She could do some incredible things with her tongue." 
  Master Blaster reflected about this.  "And now she's dead.  That's not 
right.  And this isn't the first one.  There have been other classmates 
that have died recently.  It's like someone out there is killing old 
classmates of mine.  Someone has to stop this.  Someone has got to 
figure this out.  Hey, I know!  How about me?  I'll find out who this 
person is using my master detective skills.  I'll figure this thing out!"

Sarcastic Lad snorted crystal clear Bolo Cola out of his nose.  "Yeah, 
that's going to happen."

"No, really.  A steak dinner -- I bet you a steak dinner that I solve 
this case.  I'm going to totally solve this case someday -- and everyone 
is going to bow down to my massive detective skills.  I'll probably get 
a medal or something too."

"I'm sure Deductive Logic Man is shaking in his booties at that 
prospect, Rob."

"A steak dinner, Sarc.  A steak dinner!"

                   **** <<--FLASHBACK-->> ****

15 years later...

"Hah, looks like Sarc owes me a steak dinner!  Another case solved by 
Dum-de-de-dum-dum -- Master "Detective" Blaster!  I Got Skillz!"  Master 
Blaster did a little case solved dance.

"Case solved?" said Frik N Lem in disbelief.  "You solved nothing!  I 
told you I did it!  And for the past 15 years I've been killing every 
single person who was at our prom!  And I've killed everyone except for 
you!  And you were totally clueless!  If I hadn't told you just now you 
still wouldn't have clue!  Solved?!"

"Mere technicalities," said Master Blaster pointing his BigGun TM at 
Frik N Lem.  "In my book this is a case solved.  A case solved by -- 
Master "Detective" Blaster.  So, you ready to surrender?  Or am I going 
to have to blast you away?"

"Blast me away?  True, you do have a much bigger gun than I do.  On the 
other hand, I should tell you that I also used my vast money and 
resources to give myself two super powers.  Watch this!"  And with the 
blink of an eye, Master Blaster's BigGun TM shrank away into nothingness.

"What the hell?" said a confused Master Blaster.  "Where's my gun?"

"It's become the size of an atom.  I have the power to shrink any gun to 
microscopic size."

"Yeah?  That's a stupid power.  I don't need my gun to defeat you 
anyways.  I've got master combat skills.  I personally taught the 
Ultimate Ninja everything he knows about fighting!  You'd better just 
give up now if you know what's good for you."

"Maybe.  But I still haven't told you what my second power is.  Go on -- 
ask me.  Ask me what my second power is."

"Okay.  I'll bite.  What's your second power?"

"I can also shrink a certain male organ -- to microscopic sizes.  Wanna 

"Wait!  Wait!  Did I mention how really sorry I am about that whole pig 
blood prom incident?  Because I'm really, really, very, very sorry. 
Very Sorry!  Really!"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

And the Ultimate Ninja stood over the dead body of Satan.  He examined 
the black cold shriveled heart in his hand.  Satan's heart.  He had 
killed so many this day.  Various galaxy eaters, apocalypse beasts, 
Crossover Personifications (at least Four of the Flame Wars), The 
Midgard Serpent, Net.hulhu, The Reanimated Corpse of Davy Crockett, Lord 
MUD (Again!) [See Ultimate Ninja #11.5 For the First Time -- Footnote 
Girl], two popcorn eating RACCelestials, and various other god like 
beings -- like they were flies.  And now Satan.

He looked at a scar that the Midgard Serpent had given him.  He had 
tried to suck out all of the venom, but there was still some swimming 
inside him.  Spreading throughout his body.  He could hear the venom 
speaking to his mind.  It was telling him -- that it was his time 
finally.  That he had fought the good fight -- but it was time to lie 
down.  Time to finally rest.  It was time for someone else to be -- The 
Ultimate Ninja.

No, thought the Ultimate Ninja defiantly.  He wasn't going to be brought 
down like some wimpy Norse God.  He might die today -- but if he did it 
would be a very bloody and gruesome death.

And he looked and saw the moron that had caused this whole stupid 
battle.  There was Mynabird heading his way.  The Ultimate Ninja dropped 
Satan's heart on the ground and grabbed a Ninja Bush.

One more turkey to carve, thought the Ultimate Ninja.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Ah, ninja!" said Mynabird.  The computerized image on his face lit a 
smug smile.  "Finally, we meet!  Ah, but I guess I'm a bit too much for 
you.  You apparently need help to defeat me.  I understand!"

The Ultimate Ninja could feel the shadows of Kid Kirby and Captain 
Continuity touch the grass.  He turned his head slightly and waved them 
away.  "I can handle this bozo by myself.  Go and help someone..."

"Wait!" shouted Captain Continuity.  "He's got something!  He's..."

The Ultimate Ninja turned his head and watched something drop from 
Mynabird's hand.  Maybe if the venom weren't messing with his reflexes, 
he could have stopped it.  But he didn't -- he just watched it hit the 
ground.  And as it hit the ground it burst into a purplish tornado that 
swallowed him and everyone close by inside it.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

 >From: Mynabird <edmlitesux at lnfl.org>
 >Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh
 >Subject: LNH/ELSEWHIRL:  What if Myabird had been so Bad Ass during 
Beige Midnight that he had killed Ultimate Ninja, Captain Continuity, 
and Kid Kirby without even trying?

This is a story about a mite.  An ordinary god fearing patriotic mite. 
A mite that never wanted to be a hero or save the world.  A Bran Mite. 
He just wanted a simple life.  A house in a good Bran Flake 
neighborhood, where he could he raise his kids and pay as low a tax rate 
as possible.  But fate, alas, would have other plans.

And it all began on the day he lost everything.  When he lost the love 
of his life.  When he lost his world.  When he lost everything to a 
cowardly evil mad man.

The act of genocide that had murdered everyone he had ever known or 
loved didn't kill him.  It gave him powers and increased his life span 
considerably.  And made him easily-detectable.  But these powers weren't 
enough to drown the sorrow within him.  In order to do that he would 
have to destroy the monster that had killed Arachne and everyone else 
that had ever mattered to him.

He spent the next 13 years of his new life with a human called George 
Johnson plotting the destruction of the genocidal maniac known as 
Easily-Discovered Man Lite.  It was fruitless 13 years as George Johnson 
was convinced that EDM Lite was actually Al Gore (this would turn out 
not to be the case).  During this 13 year period, the more 
Easily-Discovered Bran Mite (which is what he would call himself for tax 
reasons) discovered the full evil machinations of EDM Lites influence on 
the world, the thought of ever defeating such a powerful villain became 
distressing.  EDM Lite's reach seemed to extend every part of the 
government.  He needed something more than these powers he was given.

His first break came with the death of his human friend, George Johnson. 
  George had belonged to some religious organization called the Church 
of the Fourth Wall.  It was during the funeral that he came into contact 
with them.  There was apparently some passage within one of the Church's 
religious texts that spoke of him.

     "...And the might that glows shall rise and
      become the Mynabird.  And he shall drown the
      light..." -- Epilogues 58.5:12

And if this Church wanted to believe that he was this Mynabird, well, 
who was he to argue?  The Church bought a powered armor suit from some 
source and gave it to him to aid in his quest to destroy EDM Lite.  The 
mite in his new guise as Mynabird recruited a number of EDM Lite enemies 
and created a team called the Surreptitious Seven to help him finally 
rid the world of this evil.  They failed at that as the cowardly 
Marxist-Nazi was hiding in some other dimension, but they did rescue a 
number of unfairly trapped superbeings in the LNH's gulag.

And everything after that led to this day.  This day when he would 
finally destroy the Ultimate Evil and right all of the wrongs in the 
world.  This day when he would finally destroy Easily-Discovered Man Lite.

And he was so close.  Three of EDM Lite's most powerful henchmen were 
blocking his way.  Kid Kirby.  Captain Continuity.  And the chief 
henchmen -- The Ultimate Ninja.

The Ultimate Ninja threw one of his Ninja Bushes at him.  And Mynabird 
easily deflected with a swat of the hand.

"What the...?" said a shocked Ultimate Ninja, "That's impossible!"  That 
throw should have easily knocked off his head.  Was the venom affecting 
him that much?

"There's something wrong here," said Captain Continuity using his 
Continuity vision to gaze into the story.  "Ah, that's why.  We're no 
longer in Continuity."

"What are you talking about?" said the Ultimate Ninja throwing another 
Ninja Bush, which Mynabird easily deflected too.  Kid Kirby blasted a 
cosmic beam at Mynabird, which seemed to do absolutely nothing except 
make Mynabird even smugger.

"What he's talking about Ultimate Ninja," said Mynabird returning blasts 
at Kid Kirby and the Ultimate Ninja, "Is that you're in a Elsewhirl.  My 
Elsewhirl!  And I make the rules here!"

"The Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant!" exclaimed Kid Kirby remembering some 
arcane bit of knowledge he had learned a long time ago.

"Correct," nodded Mynabird yawning a bit at the ineffective attacks from 
the Ultimate Ninja and Kid Kirby.  "It was back during my ill-fated trip 
to the Ultimate Blackhole.  On the return back to the Loonivearth, the 
assassin called Arthur E. L. Presence told me about this world that only 
exists in Continuity during a few days of the year.  Every other day of 
year it's just an Elsewhirl."

"Elsewhirleden!" said Kid Kirby.

"Exactly," said Mynabird.  "Fortunately, it existed within our 
Continuity on the trip back and so I landed on it and obtained a few 
seeds from the Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant and inscripted a story within 
one of those seeds.  This story.  The story all of us are inside right 
this moment.  This story where I kill all three of you."

The Ultimate Ninja made another ineffective attack and noticed that 
Captain Continuity was convulsing.  "What's wrong, Captain?  Your head!"

Captain Continuity's head was now an itty bitty ant head on his normal 
superhero body.  "Yes.  The Elsewhirl is warping me.  Can feel different 
elsewhirls trying to take over my past!  Memories changing!  In one 
version I was raised by Jack the Ripper!  And another I was raised by 
Gandhi!  And in another I was raised by ants!!  Feel conflicted!  Can't 
decide whether to fight Mynabird with a hunger strike -- kill 
prostitutes -- or go and collect leaves for my ant hill!!!"  Captain 
Continuity began to warp into even more strange versions of himself.

The Ultimate Ninja leaped at Mynabird.  Mynabird blasted the ninja and 
flung him down on the ground.  "Well, we should probably end this now. 
No point in delaying the inevitable, right?"  Mynabird attacked Kid 
Kirby with some beam that completely drained Kid Kirby's powers and then 
blasted him into oblivion.  And then he blasted Captain Continuity into 
oblivion.  And lastly he destroyed the Ultimate Ninja.

He looked at their dead bodies.  "It's okay.  You're not really dead. 
This is just an Elsewhirl.  When the Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant ends its 
life cycle a half hour or so from now, you'll be back in continuity -- 
and back alive.  Of course by that time I'll have destroyed your LNH -- 
and had my revenge on Easily-Discovered Man Lite."

"You'll be alive.  Wish I could say the same thing about the only one 
who ever mattered to me."  Mynabird paused for a moment as he thought 
about Arachne.  "But that actually happened."

And with that Mynabird exited out of the Elsewhirl and back into continuity.


     ( )    "They drew first blood.  Not me." -- Rambo
  \(     )/      Mynabird <edmlitesux at lnfl.org>
    (   )
   /// \\\    If you hate Easily-Discovered Man Lite
               please e-mail me!  We can be friends!

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Deep in a bunker in Web.Surf.City --

The President looked at the strange salad he had been given.  Carrots, 
Lettuce, Artichoke Hearts, and a lot of Cabbage.  And no dressing.  He 
hated cabbage!  Where the hell was the Chef salad he had ordered?

The President, who had just a few days ago been Hex Luthor's Vice 
President, sighed.  He supposed it didn't really matter.  He couldn't 
really eat anything at a time like this.

According to his various advisors and news reports on TV, there was a 
war going on in Net.ropolis.  A war between the LNH and a vast army of 
supervillains.  And the odds weren't looking good that the LNH would 
win.  And that's why he was here.  Deep in a bunker on the other side of 
the Loonited States.  He looked at the Nuclear Football that was on his 
desk near the salad.  He had a big choice to make.  A very big choice.

The President looked at one of his advisors.  "What's the situation now?"

"The war has been going on for about an hour.  We estimate about 70 
casualties on the LNH's side and 99,000 on the LNFL's side."

"So, that's good, right?  That means the LNH is going to win?"

"No.  Unfortunately, since we calculate the size of the LNFL as being 3 
million and the LNH as being only 700 at the most -- if these numbers 
keep going the way they're heading -- within nine hours the LNH will be 
finished and there will still be 2 million or so members of the LNFL. 
The odds of the LNH beating the LNFL are very unlikely at this point."

"Christ," said the President holding his hands near his mouth.  "Can we 
make a deal with this Mynabird?  Some kind of arrangement?  If it comes 
to that?"

"It's difficult to say.  He's too much of a wild card.  There are some 
members like Mr. Homage that we could probably deal with, but if the 
LNFL wins we might not have much to bargain with because if the LNH 
can't stop them-- then what can we do?  I think we need to seriously 
consider the nuclear option."

"You're talking about nuking Net.ropolis!  There are millions of people 
there!  We can't do that!  This is insane!"

The advisor nodded.  "Yes, millions will die.  But if we do nothing -- 
and the LNFL wins -- it could be much -- much worse.  We could all 
become slaves -- and billions of lives might be in jeopardy."

The President shook his head.  "I need to think about this.  Look if we 
do this -- some will survive.  What are those survivor superbeings going 
to do?"

"We're hoping that the surviving LNH'rs will be able to stop the 
surviving LNFL'rs."

The President laughed.  "That's your hope?  You don't expect them to 
team up together to kill the people who were stupid enough to nuke them? 
  You don't think?"

"Even if they do that -- the number of superbeings will still be low 
enough that we could handle them -- and stop them from taking over the 
world.  We do have a super team waiting by."

"Super team?  Who?"

"They're called the -- Last Resorters!  They're a team we use on only 
impossible jobs.  Their team leader is an ex-LNH'r who had philosophical 
differences with the LNH."

"The Last Resorters?  Why have I never heard of them?"

"It's all heavily classified, sir.  Here's what you can know," the 
advisor said handing over a folder.

"Are they good?"

"They have a 10% success rate."

"Only Ten Percent!"

"Actually since we only ever use them for missions that are completely 
and utterly hopeless -- it's actually pretty good."

"I need a drink," said the President looking across the room.  "Do we 
have any liquor in this goddamn place?"

One of the advisors nodded, and went over to a cabinet and poured a 
beige like drink into a glass.

The President downed the drink.  Why did he have to make this decision? 
  It was going oh so well just a few weeks ago.  Hex Luthor was the most 
popular President ever.  And then it all just went to hell.  He wished 
Hex were here.  The guy was a horrible bastard, oh yes -- but he 
excelled at these sort of decisions.  Hex would have no problem killing 
millions people.  Hell, he'd probably do it with a grin.  Where did that 
bastard go to?  Probably France or someplace like that.

He didn't want to make this decision.  Whichever way he went, he'd sure 
he'd regret it.  He was going to have to pay for Hex's sins.  "They're 
going to crucify me for this."

"Not necessarily.  We can blame the nuclear strike on terrorists.  Maybe 
invade some oil rich country like Iran.  This could all turn out well 
for us."

"Jesus," said the President shaking his head.

"Mr. President!  We've just got word in -- Mynabird has just neutralized 
Kid Kirby, Captain Continuity, and the Ultimate Ninja.  It's just been 

"Then that's it, isn't it?  Without them the LNH really doesn't stand a 
chance, does it?"

"I'm afraid it doesn't look good."

The President looked at the nuclear football.  "How long before I need 
to make a choice?"

"The sooner the better.  Right now the war is pretty much contained in 
Net.ropolis.  But it could start spreading any minute."

"God.  Well, guess we might as well get this over with.  Okay.  We'll do 
it."  The President looked at the Secretary of Defense who nodded and 
took out a plastic card.  The Secretary slid his code card into the 
football.  And then the President did likewise.

And silence filled the room.  Everyone looked at the football and the 
beige button on the football.

The President put his hand over the button.  "We should probably pray." 
  And the President took one last look at the salad near the football. 
Filled with shredded cabbage.  Beige shredded cabbage.

Please, God.  Forgive me.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

LNHHQ Sub-Sub Basement 58.5 --

Occultism Kid looked with rage at the Crossover Gem whose power was 
beaming right into the ceiling.  Who the hell was doing this?  How were 
they doing it?  Was it that damn invisible force?  He was going to 
destroy it!  He was going to...

++Calm yourself, young one.++

Someone in his mind.  The August One.

++The Ring and Device feed on your emotions and desires -- and use them 
to control you.  You must calm yourself.++

Yes.  Calm.  Calm self.  I need to be calm before I lose it completely. 
  August One.  I'm sorry.

++Don't apologize.  You need to be in control.++

It's hard.  Have so much power.  But -- can't do anything with it. 
Don't know if I can handle the Insanity Gauntlet.  Afraid.

++Yes.  You should be.  But you have no choice.  You have taken this 
path.  And now you must keep going on it.  For if you don't then all 
this was for nothing.++

But what if this is all wrong?  Maybe this is what the Bryttles want? 
For me to put on the Gauntlet.

++You can't doubt yourself.  You must be strong.  You must be in 
control.  Only then can you beat the Bryttles.++

I guess.  Okay.  Thanks.

++Good luck, young one.++

Yeah, good luck.  Occultism Kid focused his attention on the Gauntlet, 
which was still bleeding power.  Have to put it on.

The juke box changed its song.  It was now playing, 'They're Coming To 
Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!' by Napoleon XIV.  Occultism Kid ignored the song 
and grabbed the Gauntlet.

And then he took a deep breath.  And he put it on.

There was a massive burst of colors that flashed across the room.  And 
when the flash cleared, Occultism Kid, The Cosmic Plot Device, The Ring 
of Retconn, and the Book of Deus ex Machinas were gone.  Vanished.

The only thing that was left was the Insanity Gauntlet.  It landed with 
a thud right in the middle of the pentagram made of Jello.

Kid Anarky looked at the Gauntlet and then at the Dvandom Stranger. 
"Okay.  Was that supposed to happen?"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

And in the background, the Invisible Force silently switched all three 
bombs back on and began to work on disabling the Peril Room safeties.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

As Mynabird entered back into Continuity, he looked at his watch.  Damn! 
  The issue was almost over.  Not enough time to kill Easily-Discovered 
Man Lite in the proper gruesome manner that he had fantasized about.

Well, just have to wait till next issue.  Next Issue!  Yes, Lite!  The 
Next Issue!!!  It will definitely happen!!  Yes!!! Next Issue!!!  I 

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Occultism Kid opened his eyes.  He looked down.  He was wearing some 
kind of straightjacket.  He looked around.  Where was he?  Some kind of 
mental hospital?

And then he saw a face that he recognized.  Oh hell.

It was Bart.  Bart the Dark Receptionist.

"Ah, finally.  You made it.  I was wondering if you'd ever get here." 
Bart clapped his hands.

"Welcome," said Bart with a smile.  "Welcome to my Final Trap."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

NEXT:            Ripping Dancer's Final FATE!

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins, 
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...

Thanks to Andrew Perron and Martin Phipps for their comments and 
corrections in the LNH Author's Group.

Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger" 
Kogutt, used with permission...

Mynabird suit (Rob Rogers)
          Mite (Arthur Spitzer)


Boy - Marc Singer
Bad Judgment Boy - Arthur Spitzer
Boy Lad - David R Henry
Building Suspense Lad - Arthur Spitzer
California Kid - Dan'l Danehy-Oakes
Captain Continuity - Mystic Mongoose
Easily-Discovered Man and Lite - Rob Rogers
Footnote Girl - Saxon Brenton
Frat Boy - uplink
Occultism Kid - Josh Geurick
Parking Karma Kid - Steve Simmons
Sarcastic Lad - Saint
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Wikiboy - Tom Russell
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Master Blaster - Martin Phipps & Rob Ramirez
Kid Anarky - Stephan Savoie
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
Fuzzy - Connie Hirsch
You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad
Retcon Lad - Saxon Brenton
Fourth Wall Lass - Saxon Brenton
Kid Not Appearing In Any Beige Midnight Story - Matt Rossi
Limp Asparagus Lad - Saxon Brenton & wReam
Cannon Fodder - wReam
Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Man - Arthur Spitzer
Lass - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Can-Beat-Any-Supervillain-Except-for-Mynabird - Arthur Spitzer
Ubiquitous Boy - Rob Rogers
Ubiquitous Lass - Arthur Spitzer

LNH Receptionist staff -

Kyoko Ishikawa - Ken Schmidt
Lester O'Brien - Ken Schmidt
Fred - Ken Schmidt
Buddy the Hard-Drinking-Liquored-Up LNH Receptionist - Arthur Spitzer


Arizona Kid - Arthur Spitzer
The Bear Killer - Arthur Spitzer
Billy's Idolaters - Arthur Spitzer
Chuggernaut - Arthur Spitzer
Color-Error Man's Brother-in-Law - Arthur Spitzer
Continuity Porn Star - Arthur Spitzer
Crossover Queen - Drizzt
Dr. Get-On-With-the-Damn-Story - Arthur Spitzer
FIN FANFIC FOOM - Saxon Brenton
Fourth Wallower - Arthur Spitzer
Frik N Lem - Arthur Spitzer
Kaiser Krowd Zene - Arthur Spitzer
Looniversal Answering Machine - Russ Allbery
MIND-O-Saurus - Arthur Spitzer
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Slobbering Grue! - Arthur Spitzer
- Arthur Spitzer
Thread Bear - Timothy Toner
Guy - Saxon Brenton
wReamicus Maximus - wReam

LNFL Receptionist staff - Arthur Spitzer

Hitlerinna Hitlerella
Fester O'Crying
Dewey S Job
Dead the Receptionist


Dvandom Stranger - Dave Van Domelen
The August One - August Paul Yang

Others -

Bart the Dark Receptionist - Ken Schmidt
Dev-Null - Jim Cowling
Dr. Killfile - Steve Librande
J. Random Kiwi - Jaelle
Kirbybots - Jameel Al Khavitz
Kiwis - Ian Porell
Oozlefinches - Ted Brock
Superguy - Chris Wilcox
Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions - Tarq
Twitter - Rob Rogers

Characters that don't actually appear in this issue (but are being 
impersonated by robo-duplicates, alien shapeshifters -- and so on...)

Drifter - David Anastasion
Windrider - Russ Allbery
Pliable Lad - Mike Escutia
Tour Guide Girl - Mike Escutia
R-Men - Chris Sypal
Pister Maprika - Arthur Spitzer
K.Oss - Stephan Savoie

Writer's Notes:

For those who are confused by this...


Probably won't help.

Writer's Notes:

Another issue done.  Three more to go.

When I was a kid my favorite superhero stories were the ones that had 
tons of heroes and villains slugging it out and that's what I was going 
for here.

It's not really the ideal Ragnarok tale as I can't really kill off 
anyone who isn't my own character.  Dev-Null isn't dead -- just 
swallowed into a whale creature -- which I'm sure he'll survive.  I see 
Dev-Null as the Ultimate Survivor.  No matter what horrible place you 
put him -- he'll find a way out of it.  Satan and Net.hulhu and the rest 
of those god like beings that the Ultimate Ninja killed -- I'm sure 
they'll be back too.

I'll try to get the next issue out before this year ends.  Hopefully, 
I'll have it finished by the end of November.

Arthur "Death to Beige Midnight..." Spitzer

Next Week:  Beige Midnight Part XXX!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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