LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths #40: "Hypothesis vs. Deduction: GMK"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Mar 5 13:08:49 PST 2021
HUNGRY, HUNGRY SABERTOOTHS!
Issue #40: "Hypothesis vs. Deduction: GMK"
A tale of doing the right thing because of the wrong interpretation
Doctor Stomper and Sister State-the-Obvious lay, panting, on the ground, near
where Multi-Tasking Man, unconscious from exertion, had expelled a possessing
spirit from his body. They sat and watched for a few minutes, as the battle
"...it looks like the being possessing Multi-Tasking Man was UltraKiwi
Wondersock, and now some LNHers are fighting him, along with UltraKiwi, and
Ultra6pi..." Doctor Stomper shaded his eyes and squinted. "He just summoned
some giant monsters, as you do... but I'm afraid I still don't know what he was
trying to accomplish here."
Sister State-the-Obvious sat up. "I'm not feeling so strange anymore," she said.
"Yes, it seems like it was just a minor continuity hiccup," said Doctor Stomper,
sitting up himself. His eyes were downcast, and his fingers curled in the green
grass. "I... I have to admit, I feel like a fool. I don't know when Multi-
Tasking Man was possessed, but for days, possibly even *weeks*, one of my
closest friends has been Not Himself, and I didn't even notice."
"You don't always see what's in front of you." Sister State-the-Obvious placed
her hand on his and squeezed it. "But you see a lot of other things."
"You *always* see what's in front of you." Doctor Stomper looked up, into her
eyes. "You knew there was something wrong with him, didn't you?"
"I had some kind of idea." Sister State-the-Obvious shrugged. "It wasn't
clear... if it had been, we could have stopped this before it happened."
Just then, a whole bunch of net.villains ran past them, towards the Net.ropolis
"You know," said Doctor Stomper, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, "that appeared
to be a large chunk of the rosters of both the West Coast and East Coast
Brotherhoods of Net.Villains. I wonder why they were running so quickly."
"It would take something really dangerous to make them run away," said Sister
Suddenly, a great shadow rose up by LNHQ. It - she - threw her head back and
roared, "VECTOR OVINE!"
"Something like that," said Sister State-the-Obvious.
Doctor Stomper's head whipped back and forth, looking at the shadow (in fact a
giant green wooly humanoid with glowing red eyes and horns), then at the battle
against UltraKiwi Wondersock. "Everyone's tied up fighting *those* monsters -
there's nobody left to fight *these* monsters!"
"Maybe that was his plan!" said Sister State-the-Obvious.
"Oh, #$^@, and I let him get away with it!" Doctor Stomper stood up just so he
could fall to his knees in anguish! "I'm an absolute fool, a terrible friend
and a terrible Legionnaire!"
"..." Sister State-the-Obvious stood up, walked over, and grabbed Doctor Stomper
by the shoulder and the chin, making him look up at her. "You are *not* a fool,
you are *not* a terrible friend, and you are *not* a terrible Legionnaire. You
are an incredibly intelligent and incredibly kind human being, and you need to
remove your head from your rear long enough to realize it!"
Doctor Stomper blinked, his cheeks coloring. "Ah... oh... well..." He swallowed.
"I suppose that much is obvious, isn't it?"
She smiled, letting go of his chin and falling to her knees, wrapping him in a
tight hug. "It is." She let go and looked him in the eyes. "You can figure this
out. You can figure out *anything*."
"..." He turned away, slipped his fingers under his glasses and rubbed his
eyes. In a voice choked with emotion, he said, "...I guess it must be true."
They stood up, and Doctor Stomper looked at the giant sheep-monster, rubbing
his chin. He let go (as best he could) of all his fear, all his guilt, and
allowed his mind to expand into beautiful whorls of logic and association...
"Wait!" He snapped his fingers. "When we were in the Deep Omnilooniverse, there
was an alternate version of myself, Deus Ex Stomper, that gave me a cryptic
"Those are usually meant to be figured out when you need it." Sister State-the-
Obvious looked up at Vector Ovine. "We really need something now."
"Right. He said..." Doctor Stomper summoned up the odd, poetic cadence of the
words... "There is a third, and a third, a fourth, and a fourth, the third is
the fourth, the fourth is the one who will destroy the many..."
And then everything clicked into place, pieces of a beautiful puzzle falling
"Of course! The giant LNHers and the UltraKiwis are one force, and UltraKiwi
Wondersock and his monsters are another. But Vector Ovine, and whoever's behind
her, are a third. So we need a fourth force to balance them out. In the net.
hero paradigm, there are three primary types of person involved - net.heroes,
net.villains, and civilians. So we need to draw this fourth force from a fourth
kind of role, outside that trinary." Doctor Stomper pointed up at the fighting
giants. "Now, look at this battle from a different perspective. You can sort it
into a different three, if you want. There are giant robots, giant monsters,
and *kiwis*. The third, the kiwis, *are* the fourth, beings outside the net.
hero trinary who are part of the LNH's affairs, who will destroy the many
Vector-troll-sheep made one!"
Sister State-the-Obvious blinked rapidly, trying to absorb the rapidfire
exposition. "If this is what Deus Ex Stomper meant, it certainly is excessively
"Well, yes - he *is* a version of me, after all."
She laughed so hard she snorted. "He *is*!"
Just then, on Looniverse-Dantalion...
Deus Ex Stomper looked out thru the dimensional barriers and frowned. "That's
not what I meant at all!"
"I know," said Heaven Catalyst, and patted him on the arm.
"I was talking about the three Brotherhoods," said Deus Ex Stomper, "and the
third Vector involved, Time Crapper VI. And she was one of the fourths, because
VI, and Simplicity was the other..."
"I know, I know," said Heaven Catalyst. "But it's still good you gave that
warning - they got something useful out of it!"
"I *suppose*." Deus Ex Stomper sighed. "That's the trouble with narratives -
like children, they grow where they will, willfully ignoring all orders and
requests to the contrary..."
"So," said Tara Gill, at whose bar they were sitting, "you gonna order a drink
Back on Looniverse-A...
Doctor Stomper pulled out his phone.thingy and scrolled thru the contacts until
he found Team Science Kiwi, then dialed.
"You might not be able to understand them over the phone," said Sister State-
"Don't worry, I have a built-in Kiwi-to-English translation app," said Doctor
Stomper. "Hello? Ah They've been watching the battle, not surprising..." He
nodded, listening. "Yes, I was actually just about to ask you for some help.
You remember the prototype biodata fusion device we developed? I know, I know,
I was the one who insisted it was too dangerous, but I think now's the time.
All right. Okay. Thanks!" He hung up.
"I have no idea what a biodata fusion device is or what it does," said Sister
Doctor Stomper nodded. "Well, it was an idea I'd been toying with to help
Mashup Laq store powers for later use. It didn't do anything like we needed it
to, though - it took at least three people to use, and instead of simply copying
their powers, it fused them bodily. That seemed far too dangerous, so I put it
away, but if this is what Deus Ex Stomper meant..."
"It isn't," mumbled Deus Ex Stomper, sucking morosely on a piña colada.
At Team Science Kiwi's rooftop headquarters, Charlotte the Kiwi looked at
Evelyn the Kiwi, who looked at Penelope the Kiwi. The three of them were
sisters in spirit, sisters in arms. They knew the risks, and quietly, secretly,
they'd been dreaming of the moment when they got to take those risks, got to
share in a brilliant and strange experience and fight the good fight together!
Together, they reached out, and touched the biodata fusion device...
A great light burst from the roof of LNHQ. Vector Ovine turned to confront it -
and was knocked back as an enormous form plowed into her!
Her feathers glowing with golden energy! Her wings, grown huge and strong
enough to create gale-force winds! Her three heads, eyes crackling with a
fierce energy! She threw back her beaks and yelled, "QUEEN KIWIDORAH!"
Sister State-the-Obvious leaned against Doctor Stomper as they watched the
"Deus Ex Stomper told me a couple other things, too," said Doctor Stomper,
wrapping his arm around her. "He said... There are two spies in your
headquarters. One knowing and one unknowing. Beware the machine, and beware the
one who came back. And... she's not from here. She's the 'real' one, the one
from your world."
Sister State-the-Obvious straightened in surprise. "There was a spy in LNHQ who
was a machine - Ven-Dorr!"
"Oh, that's *true*. But... who is 'the one who came back'? And who is 'she'?"
They turned. It was a figure, feminine and slight, but giving off an aura of
control and authority. She wore a silver labcoat, and beneath, royal blue
medical scrubs, with a silver necklace that had an amulet hanging from it
shaped like a fist crushing a piece of paper. She wore a pair of impressive
techno-gauntlets, and a featureless silver mask - featureless but for her eyes,
which burned with fearsome focus and a curiosity which was, perhaps, even more
Behind her, a puddle of silver metal was rising up from the ground, forming
into the shape of a confused young man in a yellow costume with brown and
Doctor Stomper recognized them both - one an old friend, the other a new foe.
"Obscure Trivia Lad, and-- Doctor Killfile!?"
Author's Note: From private conversations, I can tell you that Deus Ex Stomper's
meaning for his words was what Jeanne originally meant. But the story moved way
past that, so I found a new meaning! :D
Drew "the difference between knowledge obtained thru experience and knowledge
obtained by deduction" Nilium
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