REVIEW: Kid Review's Mega-Replies: Classic LNH Adventures: LNH v2 #22-23

[Drew Nilium]

Hey all! So, there's a whole bunch of stuff that I've wanted to respond to that
I've fallen off on. So rather than post a bunch of replies to years-old posts,
I figured it'd be a good idea to just bundle together stuff all in one place.
Thusly!

LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #146: Legion of Net.Heroes volume 2 #22

On 4/5/20 5:18 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
 > Here's an issue of LNH vII #22 by Jamie Rosen that takes place in between
 > the events of Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig and Beige Countdown.  It stars
 > Ebonics Lad and it's quite possible that Jamie if he were around wouldn't
 > have wanted this issue ever posted again, but it's also possible that he
 > would've been very happy about it being posted again...

I've definitely always thought it was an excellent one.

 > The man stood up. "Fine, fine, no need to get tetschy," he said,
 > walking backward. "I'm leaving. Jeez, some people." Ebonics Lad was
 > about to warn him he was going to back into the mirror, but slowly the
 > stranger simply faded away, until nothing was left but the memory of
 > his presence in the room.

That's so well-put.

 > The false-faced fashionista [I'm warning you -- ed.]

 >:D

 > Ebonics Lad was reading Ralph Ellison's _Invisible Man_ when his door
 > opened and three people in white sheets came into his room. "Ebonics
 > Lad," said their leader, "we have come for you."

Welp.

 > "Aight. I tried to ax you politely, but now you done p!$$ed me off, @
 > %@*@. Looks like we gon' do this the hard way." He put down the gun
 > and the bottle, placed a bookmark in his book, and drew himself up to
 > his full height.
 >
 > "Caeco Coloris, known as Colourblind," he said, "demon of the eighth
 > circle, sower of discord and bringer of strife, I compel you in your
 > name and the the name of your maker and your ruler to manifest
 > yourself."

*Excellent* moment.

 > "Cyril," he said. "My name is Cyril King. My grandfather's name was
 > Cyril too -- but do you think any of the Wireless Heroes called him
 > that? He was 'Jungle Jim, Noble African Savage.'" He shook his head.
 > "He was from Sig.ago! He was from Sig.ago and his name was Cyril and
 > he had to wear a loincloth and run around with a spear if he wanted to
 > get into the hero business."

Haha oof @-@

 > "He started
 > out as Token Black Man, then when the 70s rolled around he was just
 > Black Man because there was a rule that you had to be 'Black'
 > something if you were gonna be an Af.rec.an-Ame.rec.an hero back
 > then." He laughed bitterly. "Then he went by Angry Black Man, and then
 > when he got to finally drop it and try being just 'The Man', you
 > should have seen the Net.Villains he wound up fighting. You ever heard
 > of Black Face? The Minstrel? The Silver Slaver?" He shook his head.
 > "One day he made a deal with the demon Caeco Coloris so that people
 > would never again judge him by the colour of his skin. Coloris flayed
 > him alive, driving him mad and leaving him with all of his muscles and
 > tendons exposed. He went on a two-week rampage as the Visible Man
 > before the cops brought him down.

*Chirst* yeah this feels appropriately weighted. I was afraid that coming back
to this it would feel kind of Well-Intentioned Liberal, but from my admittedly
non-personal-experience-bearing perspective, it definitely resonates with the
kind of painful generation ache that's hopefully become visible to us all in
recent years.

 > "You bet, Token Girl! Check this out -- it's the team portrait from
 > when the LNH and the NHL traded jobs for a day."

Heeheehee

 > "And what about this one, Time-Waster Lad? The pages are all stuck
 > together."
 >
 > "That's from when Self-Righteous Preacher was hit with an inversion
 > ray by the diabolical Mirrori Mage."
 >
 > "Eww -- tell me it's not..."
 >
 > "Oh no! He was turned into Walk-All-Over-Me Lady, and Cheesecake-Eater
 > Lad had her fetch him a cheesecake-flavoured chocolate bar. The
 > wrapper's just a little sticky. See?"

That one may be past the bounds of good taste, tho. X3

LNH/ACRA: Classic LNH Adventures #147: Legion of Net.Heroes volume 2 #23

On 4/19/20 5:10 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
 > And now it's time for Classic LNH Adventures: AFTER DARK edition.  Yes, the
 > young people probably shouldn't read this one (but really does RACC have
 > anyone below the age of 30 that still reads it?  Does it?).

Aha well... (Tho really, it's not like teenagers aren't reading this stuff *all
the time*. They're the ones who write it the most, after all.)

 > These are just some of the super-powered do-gooders who belong to an
 > organisation that thinks that running around with your underwear on
 > the outside is acceptable as a fashion statement.  They are: the
 > Legion of Net.Heroes!

I have always loved this blurb so much. <3

 >       =( ' "Say nothing, Toony-san," said Ultimate Ninja, and with but a
 > single deft movement removed his one-piece costume, revealing to all
 > the world that he too was aroused.  "The Zen perfection of this moment
 > needs no words." '
 >       =( 'They took each other in their arms, and their mouths met in a
 > passionate kiss...' )=

Yeah, I can see it.

 >       That was not what drew their gaze.  In fact she was cheating a bit,
 > and was deliberately if lightly using her powers to alter perceptions
 > to catch their attention.  She said, "That was a psychic broadcast,
 > possibly it was an attack.  Don't let it rattle you.  If it *was* an
 > attack then becoming unbalanced is what our enemies want."  Then she
 > coughed nervously because she wasn't really used to public speaking
 > yet.  She turned off her powers and left.

I like Senses Lass a lot and wish Saxon would write more stories with her. <3

 >       She landed on a rooftop to think.  She was now on the far side of
 > Mutant Town, the area that some called a net.ahuman community and others
 > a net.ahuman ghetto.  Both descriptions were true, but both were also
 > vast oversimplifications.  Mutant Town understood difference, so, for
 > example, it was little wonder that when extraterrestrial youngsters came
 > to study on Earth, Net.ropolis was a favoured destination.  Many aliens
 > settled down in and around the Mutant Town area.  This was because it's
 > always a good thing to live in a community which automatically understood
 > about alternate biologies and was prepared to cater to diets that used
 > a different biochemical base.

It's well-put. A complex thing, always.

 >       =( '"In truth there are some bodily functions that I have chosen
 > *not* to transcend," declaimed Kid Kirby.

That's a good line. X3

 >       "You know how most of the Legion is convinced that it... they...
 > may be a deliberate supervillain attack?  I'm not so sure about that.
 > I may not be a full telepath, but my empathy is strong enough to have
 > felt the emotions attached to the broadcast.  I didn't feel any malice
 > during the incident."
 >       "None at all?" said Psionic Lad, intrigued.  He hadn't been paying
 > attention to that aspect.  "So was there any emotional content?"
 >       "Yes," said Special Bonding Boy.  "Lust."

I like when Special Bonding Boy's powers are useful. :>

 >       "Mary-Anne.  Good to see you again," said John Goodberries as he
 > shook Senses Lass's hand.  He was tall, thin and purple, and although he
 > spoke fluent English his speech was lightly flavoured with the literally
 > alien accent of the Inhilators.

Yaaaaay, I like the Inhilators! :D

 >       "I think I can agree we that," she said, at the same time taking
 > note of his use of the phrase 'your people'.  She felt comfortable with
 > it, and she realised that she liked the way it made her feel like she
 > was included among humans rather than as a human-shaped construct built
 > to infiltrate the Legion and destroy it with sexual wiles.

Turns out she's actually a klaxosaur, who knew!

 > The Inhilators had come
 > in their garishly coloured mobile planet to telekinetically tear apart
 > the Looniearth and snort it up to get a psychic high.

I still love that. X3

 > However, when the rogue planet had been teleported away
 > sans its world-sized plot device engine, it had left behind a few tens
 > of thousands of aliens from the Inhilator underclass for no reason
 > that anyone had been able to adequately explain.

Possibly the Writers going "hey, wiping out an entire alien race because their
imperial masters are bad guys is not ethically neutral, maybe we should explore
what happens if we don't do that".

 > Some of them, like Goodberries and Fishwoods, had even
 > worked to develop their mental abilities for themselves rather than as
 > psychic batteries for others.  But even they had not yet discovered the
 > psychic trigger that controlled their breeding cycle.  Unless they could
 > find it, then the current generation of Inhilators on Earth would be the
 > only generation of Inhilators on Earth.

Oh, I should *definitely* use this in a story.

 >       "True, and to be fair that's only what a minority are saying.  The
 > main complaint as far as I can tell is that the Responsibility Act
 > might be a backdoor for superhuman conscription.  After what happened at
 > STUFF.org people seem to be happy enough with the idea that powerful
 > superhumans who dress up as net.heroes and go looking to solve problems
 > with fight scenes be put on a leash.  They're less keen on the idea that
 > someone who wakes up one day with minor powers and just wants to learn
 > enough that they don't risk accidentally burning their house down has to
 > register in order to learn control and by doing that making themselves
 > vulnerable to being drafted.  A lot of people have dropped out of
 > classes here since the passage of the Act, and the number of people who
 > enrol for basic training in the first place is down."

*Just* this paragraph is a better explanation of what the stakes are than
anything in the comic book version of Civil War and most of the movie version.

 >       "I know for a fact that the sales of self-help psychic training
 > books are up.  I have anecdotal evidence about unregistered teachers
 > who operate in the black economy, running classes of varying sizes."
 > He shrugged.  "I suspect that most of the paper trails are being hidden
 > as 'home schooling' or as 'faith based learning'.  There are some cults
 > that teach mental disciplines and the government is less likely to
 > interfere in religious organisations without solid evidence of misdoings
 > in case there's a political backlash."

Makes sense. Hell, "mental discipline" is something a lot of branches of
religion teach.

 > He
 > had come from a culture where the rulers controlled people ruthlessly to
 > the rulers' benefit, and there was no way that he would be part of that
 > again.  He was carefully monitoring how the administration of the Act
 > was progressing.  And if things went too far...  Well, John Goodberries
 > wasn't sure whether there would be a tragic fire that gutted the school
 > in the middle of the night and destroyed all the school's records, or
 > whether the records would be confiscated by what looked for all the
 > world like a government conspiracy no matter how much the government
 > denied it, but he was certain that the paperwork in his files would be
 > lost forever.

Fuck yeah.

 >       =( 'WikiBoy snuggled up against the equally naked Master Blaster.
 > They were alone at last, with just the well-stoked fireplace and a
 > bottle of Dom Perignon.  He buried his face in the luxurious chest hair
 > of his Daddy Bear and made a sound of contentment...' )=

oh my god. X3

 >       and MegaChurch Man could tell that WikiBoy was not longer cool.
 >       "I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!"
 >       It was Master Blaster's voice.  WikiBoy turned pale.  He could see
 > the future fast approaching, and it had worlds of hurt in it.
 >       MegaChruch Man looked at the Legionnaire That Anyone Can Edit and
 > said, "You know, I think you were planning on going on vacation starting
 > a few days ago, and as I recall you were going to keep the location a
 > secret so no-one could contact you and spoil your rest.  You'd better
 > skedaddle."

This is funny but also is why I'm kinda glad Master Blaster isn't around
anymore. @-@

 > An SUV
 > chunkily mounted with armour plating and a giant tuning fork on the
 > front was using sonic vibrations to shake apart the doors of bank.
 > Five costumed goons (it actually said 'Goon' on the fronts and backs
 > of their green and purple coveralls) armed with small tuning fork guns
 > and apparently protected by their headgear were swarming into the bank.

Love it, love it.

 > As she suspected there was a sixth goon there, and
 > with relative ease she befuddled him with a sense of doubt and confusion
 > as to how well the tuning fork was working.  He adjusted the controls to
 > make the sonic weapon work properly, but in fact was deactivating it.
 > In the seconds before his compatriots realised that their main defensive
 > cover had been shut down she sprinted up to the driver, wrenched him out
 > of the driver's seat and shut down his sense of self, then left him
 > lying on the road in a temporary fugue state.

Very nice. :> <3

 >       The other goons returned.  After all the fruitless searching of
 > the past few hours Senses Lass felt a moment of grim satisfaction at
 > being able to take out her frustrations on this lot.  She shouldn't
 > have, of course.  If nothing else she worried that she might become
 > addicted to violent emotions and backslide into supervillainy.

Definitely work on getting that out sustainably in the Peril Room.

 > She could have simply rendered
 > them unconscious with any number of mental feats, but the pictures of a
 > net.heroine taking down criminals on the evening news would help with
 > the Legion's reputation after Infinite April, and the media liked
 > action shots.

Gosh there's a lot of good politicking in this.

 >       - Leaving goon five, who panics and fires wildly, hitting Senses
 >    Lass by pure luck rather than good aim.
 >       In that instant the momentum of her assault fell apart.  The sonic
 > attack was the infamous Brown Note, and Senses Lass staggered and lost
 > control of her bowls and her grip on bullet time.

Oh dear. ^^;

 >       "So, if whoever's doing this is so emotionally involved in them,
 > then maybe they're affecting her dreams."
 >       Senses Lass's face lit up.  "Rotanna, the Dvandom Force member!
 > That's right, she's a Dreamqueen...  Hold up, 'her dreams'?"
 >       "Working hypothesis.  All three of the stories were slash fiction
 > pairing up male characters.  Supposedly most gay slash is written by
 > women.  If they're private fantasies rather than something being sent
 > to embarrass the Legion, then there's a better than even chance that
 > our telepath is female."
<snip>
 >       Senses Lass stepped into the room and looked around in
 > astonishment.  .oO( Goodness, ) she thought.
 >       =( What is it? )= asked Psionic Lad, who was outside.
 >       Once Rotanna had identified the dreamer as an adolescent boy...
 >       ["Most gay slash fiction is written by women, huh?" Senses Lass had
 > smirked.  "Oh, shut up," Psionic Lad had said.]

I've long thought such statistics are going to have a significant inherent bias,
simply because of the social pressure not to out oneself.

 >       .oO( Dolls, ) thought Senses Lass as she looked at a shelf of
 > sculpted figurines.  .oO( He must have every singe LNH doll in the
 > series.  He even has the Limp-Asparagus Lad doll!  Do you know how low
 > the sales of that one are? )

Oooooo, that means I can pick one up for cheap... >.>c

 >       She could feel Psionic Lad's amusement.  =( I don't think it was
 > malice.  I think it was an accident.  I've done a light mind scan of
 > Mr Boltner.  He definitely wrote those stories all right.  Take a look
 > in the folder with the blue cover wedged into the bottom shelf. )=
 >       Sense Lass followed his directions and flipped though the folder,
 > quickly scanning what was printed and then stored in its plastic insert
 > sleeves.  .oO( There must be months' worth of stories here, ) she thought.
 >       =( There are years' worth of fan fiction in his other folders.
 > Most of it featuring the Legion, but there are stories featuring other
 > heroes.  Even fictional heroes.  And more than half of them are
 > male/male romance.  That folder just has the newest stuff.  Now take a
 > look at the most recent entries.  )=

Cuuuuute. <3

 >       He actually listened to that, which mildly impressed Senses Lass.
 > His anger didn't cause him to block out what someone else was saying
 > or twist the meaning into something else, and Senses Lass hadn't had to
 > nudge his curiosity to get him to listen to her.  He flushed red in
 > embarrassment as the implications of what she was saying sunk in.
 >       "Aw crap," he said, and banged his head on his desk.  "What, the
 > *whole* Legion?"
 >       "Anyone who was in the Legion headquarters at the time."  She gave
 > him a second or two to grapple with this notion, then added.  "Listen,
 > this is probably a bit embarrassing..."
 >       "A *BIT*" he exclaimed melodramatically.  "I've just made a
 > spectacle of myself in front of the whole Legion of Net.Heroes!"

That itself is pretty kinky, I must say.

 >       Rather, this is the first in a short arc of stories that are meant
 > to be running roughly in parallel to the _Beige Countdown_ limited
 > series.  That is, it falls between the period of the 'Infinite Leadership
 > Crisis' Event depicted in _LNH Comics Presents_ #35-501 and the _58.5_
 > limited series on the one hand, and the 'Beige Midnight' Event due in
 > 2008 on the other.  This, incidentally, is why I borrowed from Dvandom's
 > Transformers stories the description 'Intermezzo' ("a short movement
 > separating the major sections of a symphonic work").  Most of these
 > stories will not have directly connecting plots, but instead are
 > thematically related in that somewhere in the story they will touch upon
 > the various political and social topics (both internal to the Legion and
 > national in scope) that are swirling around the LNH in this period.

I really love this concept, BTW. <3

Drew "has tried to play with it a few times" Nilium