LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! #38: "All Monsters Attack"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Jan 22 15:48:28 PST 2021
HUNGRY, HUNGRY SABERTOOTHS!
Issue #38: "All Monsters Attack"
A tale of exhausted relief and the battles to come, by Drew Nilium
The heroes had come together on a giant scale! UltraKiwi, in her full majestic
form! Ultimate Ninja, in the machine god Ninjaguar! And Merissa and Toony Stork,
in Great Queen Merissakaiser Z!
And UltraKiwi Wondersock, in the form of MechaKiwi Wondersock, threw his head
back and laughed!
"Uh-oh," murmured Ultimate Ninja.
"FOOLS!" He raised his claws in the air and bolts of nega-ultra-lighting zapped
all three, making them shake in paralyzed pain!
Yessss, this would work! He could draw endlessly on the pain and depression of
quarantine, those feelings of helplessness like this chaotically boring era
would never end!
A tension that had been holding in the air since long ago - all at once, it
broke. And a wave of relief swept over the world, and the pain and depression
and helplessness dissolved.
It wouldn't last forever. There was so much more work to be done to fix things,
and even the saviors of the moment could easily become the villains of the day,
a day or a week or a month from now. The quarantine was far from over.
But in this moment, everyone let out a breath they'd been holding for the last
And the nega-ultra-lighting fizzled out, and UltraKiwi Wondersock reached for
more of the terrible feelings - reached, and felt them dissolving like dew.
"No..." He shook his head. "No!"
And far below within the LNHQ, the Time Door's wild glitching suddenly snapped
into stability. And a figure walked thru - a gray-feathered kiwi, who rose up
thru the walls and thru the ceiling and into the air, a tiny speck of light
rising up between the titans.
And the tiny speck shouted, "ULTRA-KIWI!" And it grew into a silver-and-red
form, the equal of the other Ultras, with a grave, yet kindly expression etched
into his armored face, a great red cape flaring out behind him.
"No! No, you can't be here!' screamed UltraKiwi Wondersock, stumbling backward.
"Who *is* that?" said Merissa.
"I think... I've heard of him," said Toony. "The original Kiwi of Light, who
defended Earth in the 1960s... UltraSixpi!"
"Father!" UltraKiwi stretched out her hand, and UltraSixpi took it and squeezed
"What are you *doing* here?" UltraKiwi Wondersock clacked his mechanical claws
in rage. "Aren't you the universe's greatest monster-killer, out there
exterminating every last one!?"
"Son..." UltraSixpi turned to him, spreading his hands in a gesture of peace.
"I have had much time to think since you left us. And much has changed in the
Aviary of Light. I..." He shook his head. "Back then... you held out for mercy,
and I for ruthlessness... and you were absolutely correct, and I was absolutely
wrong." He held out his hand. "Can you forgive an old man his foolishness?"
UltraKiwi Wondersock was completely taken aback. "I... I don't..." He looked to
his sister's face, but there was nothing but love and concern there. Looked to
the others, and they stood, warily, waiting for his answer.
His wall of rage cracked. He cast down inside himself for what to do...
...and found a deep well of resentment, trauma, rage and pain. "No!" He had
suffered for so long, taken too much, to give it all up so easily, in the face
of one tiny admission of guilt. "It's too late, father!" Someone had to pay for
He reached down, into his own well of pain and negative feelings, and drew an
enormous charge of nega-ultra-energy; and he reached out, into the cosmos, and
found monsters whose rage matched his own!
Four great circles of shimmering shadow energy appeared in the sky, and all the
humongous heroes took a step back.
"They come!" said UltraKiwi Wondersock, panting with exertion. "From Looniverse-
Dantalion, Charbar, the Slammer!"
Through one of the circles fell an enormous figure in red-and-white armor. He
landed on his feet, and held out one hand; and a flaming basketball appeared in
"From Looniverse-Murmur, CollectionTitan, the MiniCity MegaMicroMAC!"
Through another fell an enormous robot, bipedal but with reptilian claws and
snout, with tiny roads running over its surface and a spine made of miniature
skyscrapers. It roared, electricity sparking from its mouth.
"From Looniverse-Orobas, Smashup Laq!"
Through another fell an enormous humanoid, who seemed to be split down the
middle, made of ice on their left half and stone on their right. They punched
their ice fist into their stone hand, and their dynamite eyeshadow shimmered in
"And finally, the Queen Beast Monster from the shadow side of this world - the
Looniversal Answering Machine!"
Through the last circle fell the Looniversal Answering Machine, concrete and
dirt flying up as her claws crashed into the ground. She threw back her head
and shouted, "Quite simply, we've moved!"
All four of them were connected by shadowy bonds of nega-ultra-energy to
UltraKiwi Wondersock, who laughed and pointed at a tiny metal object, slowly
rising into the air. "When that little machine reaches the apex of the Super
Quarantine Field, it will release a serum infused with ultra-nega-energy!
Instead of curing the sabertooth virus, it will supercharge it, turning everyone
in Net.ropolis into a sabertooth tiger - forever!"
Ultimate Ninja and Merissa and Toony Stork and UltraKiwi and UltraSixpi gasped
UltraKiwi Wondersock gestured grandly. "Monster Legion of the Deep
Omnilooniverse - DESTROY THEM!"
Author's Notes: Dark Horse, whose comics Looniverse-Dantalion is based on, also
published a "Godzilla vs. Charles Barkley" one-shot. UltraSixpi is inspired, of
course, by Ultraseven, one of the original '60s Ultra-heroes and father to
Drew "which means that UltraKiwi Wondersock draws both from Ultraman Belial and
from his greatest enemy" Nilium
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