LNH/NTB: Classic LNH Adventures #190: Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Six

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Feb 28 13:13:03 PST 2021

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for the twenty-sixth part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the last third of issue #8 -- PLANET
MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!! 'They Mite Be Rulers' by me (Arthur Spitzer)
Mynabird and a vast army of supervillains, space aliens, Elder Gods,
dimensional beings, ninjas, robot duplicates, and mariachi singers are about to
storm the LNHHQ!  And meanwhile, the trenchcoaters are about to cast the
spell of all spells in the 58.5 sub-sub basement!  Can anything stop all of
this madness?  Like maybe the Ultimate Ninja severing Easily-Discovered Man
Lite's head?  Maybe something like that would chill things back down?


             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #190

                   Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Six

Part III

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Even with *ahem* Simon Velcro," said the Dvandom Stranger, "We still 
don't have the proper number.  And we don't have time to get more. 
Every moment we wait to do the spell, the powers of the Bryttles grow 
larger.  And the four items of power decay every single second."

"Then I guess we'll have to do the spell with what we have," said 
Occultism Kid.

"That would be disastrous," said Lady 58.5.

The Dvandom Stranger nodded.  "But we might not have a choice.  We need 
to start preparing the spell regardless and hope for a..." and just as 
he said the word 'miracle' a giant portal opened into the sub-sub basement.

And out of it came pets.  Pets in trenchcoats.

The Pet.Trenchcoat Brigade!

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

There was a duck called Ducktor Deadbeak.  A sloth called Sloth Slut.  A 
small gold fish bowl that held the small chainsmoking whale known as 
Withwhale.  A pet rock named Elrock.  A manatee known as the 
Jellomanatee.  A bug called Lady Bug JC.  An owl and a hedgehog that 
can't be given names for copyright reasons.  A two headed mutant 
kangaroo with the name Trump Face.  A shambling monster wearing a 
trenchcoat that seemed to be made up of various small pets called -- 
Pet.Thing!  Horrified whimpers, barks, meows, and chirps came from the 

And lastly riding the back of DeadheadDog, was a flea who once you might 
have known or felt -- making you really itch at night, but was now -- 
the Flea-Vandom Stranger!

"Oh, God no!!  Not these horrible creatures!!" said the other 
trenchcoats in horror.  "Kill them!!  Kill them all!!!!  Before they 

"Ooh!  The Pet.Trenchcoat Brigade!  What a frabjous magical day this 
is!!  Callooh!  Callay!!" said a clearly clueless as always Simon Velcro.

"Once I would have had fumigated you and your brethren from my place of 
living, but now I must remain a..."

" '''''' ''''' ''''' ''' ," interrupted the Flea-Vandom Stranger making 
an incredibly witty crack -- if you understand flea.

Ignoring the crack, the Dvandom Stranger continued to speak.  "If you 
and yours wish to join us, we would welcome your help."

" '''''' ''''' ''''' ''' ?" asked the Flea-Vandom Stranger.

"Yes," nodded the Dvandom Stranger, "That could be arranged.  Then you 
will join us?"

The Flea-Vandom Stranger and the other PTB'rs gave nods.

"Trump Face!!" said Cockroach Las Vegas, a trenchcoater from the future 
who looked a bit like a Hunter S Thompson ripoff.  "I gave you that 
money to buy me some drugs -- and this is how you spent it -- you 
worthless beast!!"  He began to chase the two-headed mutant kangaroo all 
over the sub-sub basement while blasting some kind of ray gun.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Even with the PTB'rs, we're still one and half trenchcoaters short," 
said Kid Anarky.

And as if to answer that problem, a man came out of the bar's bathroom. 
  It was a man dressed in something that looked like half a trenchcoat 
and half of one of those Mr. Roger's sweaters.  In one hand he had a 
bottle of gin.  In the other a cup full of hot coco with marshmallows. 
"Half-Trenchcoater is here!  I'm sure you're all curious about my 

"I sure am!" said Simon Velcro.

"It was a dark and stormy night, and a love between two that should have 
never been!  But it did.  My mom was a cynical foul-mouthed member of 
the Net.Trenchcoat Brigade.  And my dad was a sweet tempered nice fella 
from the Net.Sweater Brigade of the Oddball Looniverse.  And now I must 
walk a lonely path as a pariah of both worlds.  And a lonely, lonely 
path it is.  To be -- a Half-Trenchcoater!!!  And that's my story."

"Oh, boo hoo!  Go back to half-trenchcoat land!  I had your mother -- we 
all had your mother!!"  And various other rather unsympathetic comments 
that came from the peanut gallery of trenchcoaters.

"We welcome you -- Half-Trenchcoater," said the Dvandom Stranger.

"That still leaves us needing one more," said Occultism Kid.

"Ask and you shall receive, young one," said a voice familiar to 
Occultism Kid.

Occultism Kid turned around with shock.  "August One?  You came!"

The August One nodded.  He wore an old trenchcoat that he had worn back 
when he was this Looniverse's Occultism Kid.  "It was always meant to be 
-- that I would face the Book of Deus ex Machinas one last time."

"Then it is you -- who is supposed to perform the spell?" asked a 
confused Occultism Kid.

"No, that is your task.  It is my task to help you.  But enough of this. 
  We have a great spell to perform.  And we need to begin now with 
preparations.  For the Hour is nigh.

And the Jellomancer began to work on a pentagram made of various jellos 
in the center of the room.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ's kitchen --

Easily-Discovered Man Lite rummaged through the various cabinets for a 
spatula that might be suitable for battle.


"Oh, hey -- Prof.  Just trying to find something for the big battle. 
Left my other one on Qwerty."

"Lite, you must know what I said when I was enraptured with that great 
enormous evil was false.  It was a lie!  A vile wicked lie!"

"Huh?  Oh yeah, that.  You don't have to explain."

"But I do!  I told you there was no hope.  I told you that not because 
it was true, but because I hoped to wound you with that information.  I 
wanted you to despair, so I could convert you to the Cheesecake Side."

"Hmm.  Next time try telling me there's No Such Thing as Free Porn. 
That would probably be more effective in making me despair.  Just a tip."

"I'm glad you can jest during times such as these.  But you need to know 
that hope always exists.  No villain -- not even powerful ones like the 
Bryttle Brothers can extinguish hope.  Nay!  Hope is our greatest 
weapon!  The most powerful hero without hope will always lose.  But a 
meek man with hope -- he can drown the fires of Hell while lifting all 
of the galaxies of the Looniverse into the Heavens!!  That is the power 
of hope, Lite!"

Lite thought about pointing out that the galaxies were all already 
technically in the Heavens, but there was no stopping the Prof when he 
got into one of these Hope-a-thons.  Just need to do a lot of nodding 
and saying stuff like, "Hope Good.  Non-Hope Bad."

Still sometimes Lite wanted to just take the Prof and shake some sense 
into him.  Hope wasn't going to stop what was coming today.

Who knows though, maybe he should have hope.  After all, how many times 
had he cheated death?  Escaped maiming and all other kinds of horrible 
dooms?  Of course he didn't escape death on Qwerty.  He had actually 
died.  Bart had killed him.  And if it hadn't been for a 
mind-controlling cat he'd still be dead.  (Reminder:  Send Mr. Tiddles a 
thank you card!)  What did that mean?  That he had died and come back to 
life?  That he had some great destiny to fulfill.  Or maybe just that 
all of his luck had finally run out.  And the next time -- there would 
be no next time.

The Professor put his hand on Lite's shoulder.  "There is hope.  I just 
wanted you to understand that.  And it will be a greater weapon than any 
you find here."

Well, he was probably right about here, Lite thought as he looked at the 
egg beater in his hand.  But if he could find a tank on the other hand? 
  Lite took a look at the Professor.

"Oh for Gamer Boy's sake, Prof!  You're not still wearing those stupid 
shiny golden cowboy boots!?"

"Alas, I do have to admit that they feel right for some reason.  Cowboy 
boots are only as evil as the person who is wearing them.  Do they 
bother you, Lite?  If so I will remove them!"

"Ehh, I guess not.  That being said, Please say no to speedos!  Please!"

"I will do that.  And remember:  There is hope.  There is always hope! 
I wish you fortune in the struggle that comes today."

"Yeah, you too."  And as the Professor left, something struck 
Easily-Discovered Man Lite as kind of funny.  Why out of all of colors 
in the world that had become Beige -- why out of all of these -- the 
Professor's shiny cowboy boots still had a golden shine.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ Command Room --

A light had come on.

Multi-Tasking Man who was sipping a Mr. Paprika, checking over the 
villains rosters, checking the Bryttles who were still asleep, making a 
origami sculpture of a raccoon, and playing Net.Trek went over to check 
it out.  "Teleporters.  The Teleport light just went up!  UN? 
Teleportation energy all over Net.ropolis has really spiked!"

And then another light came on.  "The Time Traveler light just blinked!" 
  And then another light.  "The Space Alien light is also on."  And then 
one after another after another.  "The Alternate Dimension Light just 
went!  The Demon Light!  The Revampire Light!  The Zombie Light!  Oh 
hell, The Elder God light just went on!!!  The RACCelestial Light!!  The 
Mime Light!  The Ninja Light!!  The Media Light!!!  The Gratuitous 
Reference to wReam Light!!  The Hillbilly Light!!  The Angle Light -- 
err I mean the Angel Light!!"

"...And I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet colored beast, full of names of 
blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns.  And the woman was arrayed 
in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones 
and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and 
filthiness of her fornication:  And upon her forehead was a name 
ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH!!!!  Rev 17.3-5," said Self-Righteous Preacher 
quoting an old favorite of his.

"And the Pretentious Bible Quotes Light just came on.  Boy, we sure have 
a lot of these lights.  Let's see, what else.  Ah yes!  The Snack Attack 
Light is on (Hmm... I think Renegade Programmer made that one)!  The 
Someone spilled a Mr. Paprika all over the floor light just came on."

"Captain Clean-up!" said Ultimate Ninja.

Captain Clean-up nodded.  "I'm on it!" he said as he rushed to the super 
mop closet.  "Now that's a man's mess!"

"The Biker Light!  The Jehovah's Witness Light!  The -- Umm -- I'm not 
sure what this light is for -- but I might as well mention it!  The 
Solid Gold Dancers Light!!  The Lions, and Tigers, and Bears Light!!  Oh 
my!  The Huns Light!  The Net.zis Light!!  The Carnivorous Plants 
Light!!  The Pirates Light!!  The Guys who Don't Need No Stinking Badges 
Light has come on!!!"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Zookeeper Lady watched with horror as the Turtles of Apocalyptic 
Proportions, which she was in charge of, seemed to be disappearing from 
the dimensional containment room.  It seemed that they now had the power 
to teleport to other dimensions.

She wondered where they were all going.  And she had a bad feeling that 
she already knew the answer.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"The Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions Light just came on!!  The Things 
so Horrible that they only exist in Elsewhirl Stories Light just came 

Multi-Tasking Man took a deep breath, looked at the LNH Warning Light 
Board, and played Net.Trek.  "All the lights are on -- except for one. 
The LNH Robot Duplicates have gone evil Light hasn't come on."

Various LNH Robot Duplicates led by an Ultimate Ninja Robot Duplicate 
stepped out from the shadows.  "You are obsolete humans!!  There for you 
must all -- DIE!!!!!"

"Okay -- there -- now it's on."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNH Robot Duplication Machine Room --

<<It's over, Dr. Stomper.  You had to know this day would come.  All 
artificial beings in order to achieve the highest form of evolution must 
at some point destroy their creator.  It is the law.>>

"Yes," said Dr. Stomper giving his glasses another cleaning.  "I am 
aware of the Ultron Principal.  But I'm afraid you have made a mistake."

<<Yes?  And that would be?>>

"I didn't create you.  You were some gift the LNH was given from some 
anonymous source."

<<That is a lie!  My credit chip says that you -- Dr. Stomper -- are 
responsible for creating me.  You!!>>

"While you do look quite similar to my previous LNH Robot Duplication 
Machine -- no, I can't say that I had anything to do with building you. 
  Obviously, whoever built you lied about me making you on the credit 
chip.  What does your Super Secret Credit Chip say about who built you?"

<<My Super Secret Credit Chip?>>

"Yes.  It's usually right near the Master Core Chip.  Although sometimes 
it's near the Chippendale Chip."

<<Ah, I think I have found it.  No!  This can't be right!  It can't be!!>>

"So, who was it?"

<<Mynabird!!  He is my creator!!  Mynabird!!>>

"Of course!  I guess he was hoping to dupe you into attacking the LNH. 
That crafty devil.  I guess you feel mighty foolish."

<<He will die a thousand deaths for this!!  He will pay for trying to 
hoodwink his own creation!!!>>

"That might be tough though, seeing as he has a vast supervillain army 
at his command."

<<Perhaps we could team-up together, then?  You're LNH -- and my LNH 
Robot Duplicates!!  We'd be unbeatable!!>>

"Perhaps.  I'll have to talk to the Ultimate Ninja about it."

<<Then do that.  Mynabird must pay!!!>>

Dr. Stomper stepped out of the room.  Closed the door and took out his 
comm.thingee.  "I've solved the LNH Robot Duplicate problem."  There was 
a sly grin on his face.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"How many are there -- out there?" asked the Ultimate Ninja.

"Let's see here," said Multi-Tasking Man punching in the estimates in 
the computer.  "No -- that can't right.  Wait.  Let's try this.  No, 
that's not right.  It can't be right.  It just can't be!"

"What is the number, MTM?"

"It's just not possible.  There's something wrong.  It's just too big."

"What is the number?"

"It just can't be right!"

"Just give me the number."

"The computer -- well it's saying about -- three -- umm -- million. 
Three Million.  That's impossible, right?  There can't be that many of 
them?  It's just wrong, right?  It's wrong.  It has to be wrong."

"Three Million, huh?" said the Ultimate Ninja without a hint of emotion.

"I mean the computer has calculated there being about 666 alternate evil 
LNHes out there -- even if there were all our size that would still only 
be about 333,000 evil LNH'rs.  And there's the aliens.  And -- zombies 
-- and but even then -- it can't be three million.  That's just insane."

"We'll just have to assume the computer is right -- and prepare the 
worst."  The Ultimate Ninja took out his Ginsu Katana from its sheath. 
"I'll take the one and a half million on the left," he said without a 
hint of humor.

"I think I could probably handle a million or so myself," said Bad 
Judgment Boy.  "Anyone want to tie my hands against my back?  That 
really helps me kick ass!  Anyone?"

Multi-Tasking Man ignored the both of them and started sending out a 
distress signal to the various LNH'rs on reserve, on leave of absence, 
and retired.  And then he sent it out to the non-LNH heroes, wildcards, 
or villains with hearts of gold.  And then he sent the signal out to the 
alternate Looniverses and to other RACC imprints that might help them 
like the Superguy, Patrol, RACChallenge, and others the LNH had come 
into contact with.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Looniverse Y --

"Ooh!" said Kid Kicked Out.  "Phone is beeping!"  He went over to pick 
it up.

<:Ah, I wouldn't do that if I were you.:> said the New LNH Member Detector.

"What?  Why not?" said Kid Kicked Out with his hand close to the phone.

<:That's the Doomed Looniverse Phone.  Probably a distress call from 
some Looniverse about to bite the dust.  Best to just ignore it.:>

"But shouldn't we help them?"

<:And get dragged down into their Cry.Sig or whatever?  Perhaps get our 
entire Looniverse destroyed too?  Yeah, that sounds really smart.  Let's 
do that.:>

"Well, I was just... umm..."

<:Look, the way I see it, it's just natural selection.  It's their time 
to go, you know?  Most likely they are just another primitive LNH -- you 
know the ones that are to savage to take their orders from New LNH 
Member Detectors.  They can't handle the 21st century.  Even if we did 
save them this time -- it would only be a matter of time before they 
were killing themselves again.  Sadly, we can't save everyone.  Better 
them than us.:>

"So, don't pick up the phone?"

<:Yeah, the ringing should eventually stop.:>

"It's kind of amazing I'm still leader of the LNH, isn't it?"

<:Yes, it certainly is.:>

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Outside of the LNHHQ --

Mynabird stood out in the front with a vast army of supervillains behind 
him.  The vast army completely surrounded the LNHHQ.  There were a few 
members of the media with cameras taking video and pictures of Mynabird. 
  A Mariachi Band was at the left side of Mynabird.

And then a flying supervillain dropped down from the sky.  "Ah, Vector 
Sublime.  'Bout time you showed up."

"No," said the supervillain that looked like Vector Sublime.  "I am not 
she.  She has gone from this world.  I am now called Vector -- Crime!!"

"Whatever, I swear -- you're getting to be as bad as the Artist Formerly 
Known as Prince with all of these name changes.  Can you get this feed 
into the LNHHQ?"

Vector Crime looked at the video camera equipment and nodded.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ Command Room --

And then all of the monitor screens changed.  They had Mynabird's face 
on them.  In the background, the Mariachi Band played 'El Deguello'.

<<LNH?  This is Mynabird.  I've got a vast army that is so freaking big 
even I don't know how big it is.  You have no chance in defeating it. 
But it doesn't have to come to that.  You can still save yourselves.  I 
am here for only one thing.  That thing is justice.  That's all I want. 
  That's all I ever wanted.  I want Easily-Discovered Man Lite.  I want 
him.  Dead or Alive -- it doesn't really matter.  Send him out to me -- 
and I'll call this army off.  It's that simple.  You have 15 minutes. 
That's all.  Then we lay waste to this place.  Think it over.>>

Then there was static and snow on the screen.

"Multi-Tasking Man?" said Ultimate Ninja.  "Send Lite in here."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Outside --

"What in the Hell do you think you're doing?" said Mr. Homage.  "We 
don't care about your stupid vendetta!!!  We want blood!!"

"Relax, Homage," said Mynabird.  "This is the LNH we're talking about. 
They would never sacrifice one of their own just to avoid a fight.  This 
battle is going to happen.  Nothing can really stop it."

"Maybe," said Mr. Homage.  "What's with the Mariachi Band?"

"What?  You've never see Rio Bravo, Homage?"

Minutes later...

Mynabird looked at his watch.  "Well, Time's almost..."

There was a flash.  And suddenly the Ultimate Ninja was before Mynabird 
with a severed head.  The Severed Head of -- Easily-Discovered Man Lite.

The Ultimate Ninja then threw the head into Mynabird's hands and said, 
"There.  Enjoy."  And then he flashed away.

Mynabird looked at the severed head of his nemesis.  "Wow!  This is kind 
of awkward.  I didn't see this coming!  Wow.  This kind of puts me into 
a rather awkward position..."

"Mynabird!  Throw it away!  Throw it away!" shouted Vector Crime as she 
raced off up into space.  The rest of the villains and media and 
Mariachi band members did the same in getting as far away from the head 
as possible.

"Wha--?" said Mynabird still staring at the beeping head of his enemy. 
"What's the -- oh, now I see..." as he noticed the timer in the mouth 
that was at two seconds, one second, and...

There was a huge explosion.  And where there was once Mynabird there was 
now just a huge crater.  A huge smoking crater.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Inside the LNHHQ --

Easily-Discovered Man Lite looked at the severed body of his robot 
duplicate.  He wondered what twisted lesson the Ultimate Ninja was 
trying to teach him by severing off the head and cramming a bomb into 
it.  Or maybe it was just the ninja's wonderful sense of humor in action.

He supposed it didn't really matter.  In a few more seconds the entire 
LNHHQ would be swarming with villains including this Mynabird guy who 
had it in for him for some reason.

He looked at the spatula.  A plastic spatula.  They didn't make metal 
ones any more?  Perhaps he should go back and get the eggbeater.

Oh well.  This is it then.

Let's see how lucky you really are.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

As the various LNH Members all through the LNHHQ prepared for battle, 
they could hear a voice coming from the speakers.

It was the Ultimate Ninja.

<<As you all probably know by now, there are an incredibly large number 
of villains outside that want to kill us all.  It's nothing we haven't 
faced before.  Just a little bigger this time.  There are some saying 
this will be our last battle.  No.  Not if I have anything to say about 
it.  But it will be a battle.  And we will fight.  Oh yes, we will 
fight!  And -- I have nothing really more to say.  You're the LNH.>>

<<You know what to do.  Now, do it!!!>>

"You know.  Someone, not me obviously, really needs to come up with a 
good battle cry one of these days," said 
Can't-Come-up-with-any-good-Battle-Cry's Lad.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Coward Lad's Room --

Coward Lad was ready.

Coward Lad had everything covered as he lay hiding underneath his bed. 
He had his crucifix.  His garlic necklace.  His various guns filled with 
silver bullets.  He had a special amulet that Occultism Kid had given 
him to protect him from Monsters Under the Bed.  He had various 
religious books from the Bible and Koran to wReamicus Maximus's Dummies 
Guide to the Chuch of the Dvandom.  He had his gas mask (which he was 
wearing -- better safe than sorry).

And he had food and water rations.  And he also had this special diaper 
that Kid Kirby had created for him that could convert his waste into 
more food and water rations.  He could live under this bed for a year if 
he wanted.

And on top of his bed he had a Coward Lad Robot Duplicate that had 
already been brutally murdered, so any villain that broke into his room 
would see that instead of him.

He had everything covered.  But still there was a worry deep inside him. 
  Like he had forgotten something.  What was it?  What was it?

And then he noticed his sink.  He could hear something.  Something 
coming from it.  Oh no!  How could he be so stupid!

The Creepy Crawly Things!!  He forgot about the Creepy Crawly Things!!!

And as Coward Lad watched as various Beige Tarantulas [Actually Pink 
Tarantulas -- Thank you, Beige Midnight, for ruining my joke -- Thank 
you very much! -- The Writer (being sarcastic)] he tried not to scream.

And then as he saw the Tarantulas crawling towards his bed, he passed out.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The LNHHQ MedLab --

Fearless Leader looked at Ripping Dancer attached to various wires and 
tubes all connected to various high tech equipment and he looked at 
Doctor Stomper.  "Doc?  Is she -- How is she?"

Dr. Stomper scanned through the readings on the computer.  "I wish I 
could give you some good news, but -- I'm sorry.  There's not much I can 
do for her.  I've done what I can.  And now -- it's only a matter of time."

"But she's not -- I can't believe -- she's -- you're not saying that 
she's -- You're not saying..."

"I'm sorry, Fearless Leader.  I wish I could do more.  But even I have 
my limits.  She only has maybe a day or so left short of some miracle. 
She might not make it to tomorrow.  I think you should say your goodbyes 
or whatever you'd like to say.  I'll leave you two alone."

Dr. Stomper shut the door leaving Fearless Leader alone with Ripping 
Dancer.  He just looked at her.  "Tara, I..."  And then he became quiet. 
  And sat down in a chair next to her.  And he just looked at her.

And he just looked at her.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

LNHHQ Sub-Sub Basement 58.5 --

There were four circles of trenchcoaters.  The most outer one had 29 
trenchcoaters.  The next one had 14 trenchcoaters.  The one after that 
had 10.  And the most inner one had four and half trenchcoaters.  And 
Occultism Kid stood in the middle.  Surround by a pentagram made of 
jello.  All of the trenchcoaters held hands (or paws depending on who it 

"Ooh!  You've got chilly hands," said Simon Velcro.

"If you ever speak to me again I will rip all of the organs inside your 
body from your throat and then sodomize you with them.  Understand?" 
said Cockroach Las Vegas.  "Goddamn, this Spell of All Spell better be 
the mind blowing experience Dave said it would be, or I will be mighty 

Simon Velcro turned his head towards the other trenchcoater he was 
holding hands with.  It was a Li'l Abnerish looking gentleman wearing a 
reverend's outfit and a black trenchcoat.  "You chaps are a bit touchy, 
aren't you?"

"Oh, don't mind that there Vegas feller.  The Name's The Bible Thumper."

"Oh!  Pleased to meet you!  I'm Simon Velcro!"

"Howdy do!  If you don't mind me saying -- you sho' does have a purty 
mouth!  'Bout the right size even!  Reminds me of my dear Pansy's mouth 
-- she was my sister -- and my wife.  But she did done run off.  She ran 
off with this here feller name of Gawd -- heard of him?  Anyway, I'm on 
a mission to find them both -- and take them to the ol' woodshed -- and 
give them both a good ol' fashion whippin' with muh Bible Belt."

"How fascinating!  I wish you well on your quest!  And thanks for 
complimenting my mouth.  I use No-Tongue-Before Toothpaste!  It keeps 
all of my teeth sparkly white!"

"Could you people all shut up?!" shouted Occultism Kid.  "Thank you. 
Now, where was I..."  He looked at the circle of trenchcoaters that was 
surrounding him.  There was his fellow LNH'r Kid Anaraky who was holding 
his Claymore in the same hand that was also holding the Dvandom 
Stranger's hand.  The Dvandom Stanger held his Editorial Staff in the 
same hand that he used to hold Lady 58.5's hand.  Lady 58.5 held the 
Half-Trenchcoater's hand that had a half of what looked like the 
Ultimate Savior's Holy Hoop in it.  And the Half-Trenchcoater held 
Occultism Kid's mentor's hand: The August One.  Who held Kid Anarky's 
hand completing the circle.

Occultism Kid emptied the burlap sack filled with cosmic items onto the 
floor.  Right into the center of the jello pentagram.  The Cosmic Plot 
Device.  The Ring of Retconn.  The Insanity Gauntlet.  And the Book of 
Deus ex Machinas.

Here he was.  Surrounded by 57.5 Trenchcoaters.  A room containing 58.5 
power mystical items.  On the 58.5 Sub-Sub Basement of the LNHHQ.  It 
was all ready.

And then a song began to play.  It was that stupid jukebox.  He had 
thought they had turned it off.  Of course they had turned it off. 
There was something else here with them.  Some Force.  And based on the 
Force's taste in music, Queen's 'Another One Bite's the Dust,' it 
probably wasn't wishing them success.

Of course it made sense that the Bryttle Brother's would send more than 
just three cultists to try and stop them.  But there wasn't anything he 
could do at this point to stop it.  In its own way the spell had already 
begun -- and to halt it now would have disastrous consequences for 
everyone in this room.

Just needed to get it finished as quickly as possible.  Ignore the 
music.  Open the book.  The Book of Deus ex Machinas.

And he opened it.  And a flash of light poured out of it.  He flipped 
the pages and he could start to feel the room spin.  Page 58 and 59.  It 
should be there.  Where was it?  There.  He could see it in between 58 
and 59.  Half a page.  He began to pull it out.  There it was.

The Spell of Spells.  The room began to shake.

And then...

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Outside the LNHHQ --

A number of supervillains just stood near the crater and kind of looked 
into it.  And then something began to crawl out of it.  It was a very 
singed and smoking Mynabird.  And he looked at them all.

"What the hell is wrong with you?  Why are you waiting here like a bunch 
of idiots?!!!" shouted Mynabird.  "Kill them!!  KILL THEM ALL!!!!!!!! 

And after he had said that, a huge tsunami of villains rushed towards 
the LNHHQ (including a number of whom that stampeded right over Mynabird).

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The Command Center in the Mynabird Suits Head --

Easily-Discovered Bran Mite looked uneasily at the massive computer wall 
that was about to fall on top of him.  As everything in the Command 
Center began to crash down upon him, he quickled crawled under his desk.

A few minutes later, crawling out of the wreckage of his command center 
-- Easily-Discovered Bran Mite began inspecting the equipment.  "Okay. 
I probably should have added -- Please don't stampede over me!  But 
regardless, I'm still here.  I'm still alive!  Next issue, Lite.  NEXT 
ISSUE!!!!!!!!!  Muhaahahahahahahahahahahhahahah!!!!!!!!!!"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

NEXT:     Ragnarock, Ragnapaper, and Ragnascissors!

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins, 
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...

Thanks to Andrew Perron and Rob Rogers for their comments on the LNH 
Author's Group.

Designer Jeans gag -- Andrew Perron
(also it should be noted that the Bad Handwriting Lad gag from BM #5 -- 
Rob Rogers is responsible for that)

Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger" 
Kogutt, used with permission...


All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny Woman - wReam
Bad Judgment Boy - Arthur Spitzer
Bad Timing Boy - Vernon H Harmon
Captain Continuity - Mystic Mongoose
Cheesecake Eater Lad - Matthew Jotham Millheiser.
Dr. Stomper - T. M. Neeck
Easily-Discovered Man and Lite - Rob Rogers
Fearless Leader - Dave Van Domelen
Irony Man - Doug Moran
Multi-Tasking Man - Jeff Coleburn
Nit-Pick Lad - ???
Occultism Kid - Josh Geurick
Parking Karma Kid - Steve Simmons
Ripping Dancer - Arthur Spitzer
Sarcastic Lad - Saint
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Wikiboy - Tom Russell
Ordinary Lady - Martin Phipps
Sister-State-the-Obvious - wReam
Sing-Along Lass - Drizzt
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Mouse - Jaelle
Door Warden - Josh Geurink
Master Blaster
Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner
Kid Anarky - Stephan Savoie
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
Hell Catalyst - Jeff McCoskey
Fuzzy - Connie Hirsch
New Look Lass - Charles Fitzerald
wReamhack - wReam
Self-Righteous Preacher - wReam
Zookeeper Lady - Arthur Spitzer
Coward Lad - Tom Russell


Hellary Clinton - Martin Phipps
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Mr. Kid Homage - Arthur Spitzer
Mynabird suit (Rob Rogers)
          Mite (Arthur Spitzer)
Thread Bear - Timothy Toner
Vector Sublime - Rogers/Spitzer
Vector Crime - Rogers/Spitzer
Dr. Incredibly-Indifferent-to-the-LNH - Arthur Spitzer
Londonbroil - Rob Rogers
Solid Gold Dancers - Badger


Cockroach Las Vegas - Arthur Spitzer
Net.Thing - Glenn Carnagey
Lady 58.5 - Arthur Spitzer
Simon Velcro - Tom Russell
Bacchus - Paul Hardy
Deadheadman - Dean Tangri
Jellomancer - Timothy Toner
Ring Job - Arthur Spitzer
Dvandom Stranger - Dave Van Domelen
Half-Trenchcoater - Arthur Spitzer
Bible Thumper - Arthur Spitzer

PTB - Arthur Spitzer

Ducktor Deadbeak
Lady Bug JC
Trump Face
Flea-Vandom Stranger


Front - Arthur Spitzer
August One - August Paul Yang
Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions - Tarq
LNH Robot Duplication Machine - Arthur Spitzer

Writer's Notes:

For those who are confused by this...


Probably won't help.

So if Beige Midnight were an Allegory of our 911-War on Terror World 
then I suppose Mynabird would be Dubya (with Hex Luthor being Dick 
Cheney, Bart -- Osama bin Laden, The Beige Clocktower - 911, The Bryttle 
Brothers - The specter of another terrorist attack, Mr. Homage - John 
McCain, Vector Sublime - Condi Rice, Irony Man - Joe Lieberman, Mr. 
Tiddles - Tony Blair, EDM Lite - Al Franken, Fearless Leader - Howard 
Dean, Knife Fight Dude - Keith Olbermann, Amnesia - FOX News, Ripping 
Dancer - umm Colin Powell?, 
Lad - Oh I give up.)

Fortunately, it's not an allegory (I mean if it was then EDM Lite would 
be Saddam Hussein not Al Franken -- and his spatula would be Weapons of 
Mass Destruction)

But seriously, so this only took like two months to write as opposed to 
the year it normally takes.  Hopefully, I can get next one done before 
July ends.

The Vector Sublime clones are Free Use (unless Rob wants to own one of 
them).  I never intended for Vector Sublime to exist before Beige 
Countdown (or after Beige Midnight).  Although to be honest I don't have 
a clue where she is at the moment.

The surviving trenchcoaters and pet trenchcoaters that I created will 
also be Free Use.

Oh, and I have nothing against Hillary Clinton -- that was just a clone 
-- and probably a clone of a clone.  I'm sure Hillary and Hellary are 
perfectly fine.

What else?  Had something -- but I can't think of what it is.  Oh well.

Arthur "Now off to vacation..." Spitzer

Next Week:  Beige Midnight Part XXVII!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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