LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #187: Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Three

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Feb 7 13:10:46 PST 2021

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for the twenty-third part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the last quarter of issue #7 -- 'The Mountain Top' by me (Arthur
Spitzer).  It's Major Poossee vs The Ultimate Ninja!  WHO WILL WIN?! (Okay,
obviously the Ultimate Ninja)  And the LNH has Bart safely locked away -- so
it should be smooth sailings back to the Loonivearth.  (I mean as long as they
don't do something very foolish like have Bad Timing Boy in charge of guarding 


             | |      Classic			
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             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #187

                   Beige Midnight Part Twenty-Three

Beginning of Part IV

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

A crowd of LNH'rs and Dvorakians surrounded the two fighters.  "No 
Shirts!" said Major Poossee as he tore the shirt off his very muscled chest.

"No Shirts," said the Ultimate Ninja in agreement also tearing his shirt 

"Oh, god.  If they start taking off their pants, I'm out of here," said 
Sarcastic Lad shaking his head.  "Why can't they be chicks?"

Major Poossee smacked his fist into his hand.  "There will be no rules. 
  No holds barred.  Everything goes.  Do you agree?"

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head.

"Then let us begin.  You can have first blow.  I've always wanted to 
watch the Mighty Ultimate Ninja in action."

"If you insist."  The Ultimate Ninja cautiously moved close to Major 
Poossee, pinched Major Poossee's neck, and then quickly somersaulted 
away from him.

"What the hell?  What was that?" snorted Major Poossee.  "This is a blow 
from the Mighty Ultimate Ninja -- the greatest fighter the Looniverse 
has ever seen??  A neck pinch??  A freaking neck pinch?!!!  This has to 
be a joke!!"

"Just wait," said the Ultimate Ninja who was looking at his watch.

"What do you mean wait?  What did you--?"  And suddenly a horrified 
expression appeared on Major Poossee's face.  He felt all of the blood 
in his body start to rush towards his head.  Normally, all of that blood 
would usually cause the person in question to have their head explode. 
But since Major Poossee had invulnerable veins, the veins kept expanding 
and expanding until Major Poossee had an enormous swelled head full of 
blood that kept getting bigger and bigger.  The rest of Major Poossee's 
body was completely numb and collapsed under the weight of the head.

"Interesting," said the Ultimate Ninja.  And then he turned his 
attention toward the remaining 24 Dvorakians.  "So what about the rest 
of you -- want to try me?"

The Dvorakians backed away with their hands in the air.  "We're cool. 
We're cool," they said in unison with terror in their voices.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"So, is everyone accounted for?" said the Ultimate Ninja looking at Kid 

"Hmm.  I think so -- oh, wait!"  Kid Recap slapped his head.  "Where's 

"Oh, perfect," said the Ultimate Ninja shaking his head.  "People!! 
Dev-Null is missing!!  Find him!  Quickly!"

A number of heroes started to look around for Dev-Null.  Bad Judgment 
Boy spotted Ripping Dancer throwing up behind one of the Starships. 
"You okay, Ripping Dancer?"

"I -- yeah -- I feel -- feel..."  And then Ripping Dancer's eyes glazed 
over and she collapsed to the ground.

Bad Judgment Boy quickly rushed over to see if she was all right.  And 
then he looked at her face.  Her lifeless face.  "She's dead.  Oh god. 
Ripping Dancer is dead."  A tear streamed down Bad Judgment Boy's face.

Dr. Stomper walked over and checked Ripping Dancer's pulse.  "She still 
has a pulse, Bad Judgment Boy -- that means she's still alive."

"Hey," said Bad Judgment Boy with his hands up, "Never said I was a doctor."

Ignoring that, Dr. Stomper continued to perform some medical tests. 
"She's in bad shape.  We have to get her back to the LNHHQ as soon as 

"How about Qwertian medical facilities?  Would they help?" asked the 
Ultimate Ninja.

"No.  The biological differences between Qwertians and humans are much 
too vast.  We're going to have to get her to the LNHHQ.  If we put her 
in suspended animation during the trip that might buy her some time."

A couple of heroes put Ripping Dancer on a stretcher and Dr. Stomper 
followed them.

The Ultimate Ninja saw Kid Recap approaching him.  "Well, did you find 

Kid Recap shook his head.  "We're still looking.  I did remember another 
problem though."


"We only have enough time gas for three ships to make the jump back to 
the present.  We're probably going to have to leave, maybe 70 or so 
people here."

"Is that right?  Contraption Man?"

Contraption Man nodded.  "Those figures are pretty accurate.  We can at 
a later date come back and pick everyone that we left up.  But we're 
going to have to leave 70 people for now."

"Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad!?"

"Yes?" said PPOoH Lad making his way towards the conversing heroes.

The Ultimate Ninja handed him the list of LNH'rs.  "I need you to pick 
70 people from this.  Quickly."

Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad gave a long sigh.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"Assuming we manage to beat the Bryttle Brothers, we'll return and pick 
you people up in a week or so," said the Ultimate Ninja addressing the 
70 heroes that would be staying.  "I want you to use this week to find 
and apprehend Dev-Null."

"And if you don't beat the Bryttles?" asked Captain Sacrificial Lamb Boy 

"Well, then get ready for a long stay.  Try not to create any time 
paradoxes.  That will be all."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Dev-Null watched the 70 remaining heroes wave goodbye to the three LNH 
Starships that were traveling to the future.  He then stuck his hand 
into a bag.  A bag filled with 665 LNH dice.

"Hush, brothers and sisters.  I know your pain.  But soon -- soon, we 
will all be singing songs of freedom and revenge.  Soon."  Dev-Null 
looked at the LNH time pack he had stolen and began unscrewing the back.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The Starship Continuity Champ --
The Qwerty System --
April 2008 AD --

Bart whistled a tune as he scanned the room he was trapped in.  He arms 
and legs were restrained to the chair he was sitting on.  It was a 
heavy-duty chair designed to imprison Planet busting type supervillains. 
  Without his powers, Bart couldn't possibly think of breaking out -- at 
least in the conventional way.

While Mr. Tiddles had taken away all his powers, Bart still had his 
costume.  The material in his costume was made from a very special sort 
of cloth.  It was called Christicanthinkupagoodnameforthiscloth.  He had 
obtained it from a Christicanthinkupagoodnamian.  The cloth was a highly 
advanced fabric that could be mentally controlled by the individual 
wearing it.  Not only that, it could also hook itself up to various 
computer networks.  Like the network to this Starship.

Bart manipulated the fabric till he got it to hook up to the chair he 
was shackled to.  Using some hacking skills he had acquired during his 
LNH receptionist days, he managed to break into the system.  From there 
he had access to everything.

Now, he just needed to think up a plan to get off this ship.  As he 
looked through the info, a sparkle hit his eyes.  Ah, yes -- Contraption 
Man's timepacks.  And they were on this very ship!

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"What do you mean there's no wormhole?" said the Ultimate Ninja as he 
looked at the monitor screen.

"Ah, that.  Well, we kind of destroyed it," replied Irony Man.  "Hey, 
wasn't my plan!"

"And whose plan was it?" said the Ultimate Ninja as he gazed a little 
more intensely at Irony Man.

"Umm, guys?  I think we have a much bigger problem!" said Bad-Timing Boy 
who had a gun held to his head.  A gun being held by Bart.

The Ultimate Ninja sighed.  "We really are going to have to work on your 
not-getting-taken-hostage skills when we get back to Headquarters, 
aren't we?"

"*Ahem* Greetings again, LNH.  Now I don't want to stay long here, all I 
want is a simple trade.  I want Contraption Man to give me the codes to 
run this time pack and I'll let Bad-Timing Boy live.  Sound good?"

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "I can think of a thousand ways to 
disarm you (most of them involve you dying a gruesome death) that will 
leave Bad-Timing Boy mostly okay."

"I'm sure you're probably right," said Bart inching his gun even closer 
to Bad-Timing Boy's head.  "But even if you do that -- that still leaves 
you with your core problem."

"Core Problem?"

"Yes, your warp core for this Starship, which will rupture -- unless I 
give you the various codes I changed.  But you've got a minute or so 
before that happens.  Your move."

"Captain Continuity!" said the Ultimate Ninja still gazing intensely at 

"Gotcha," said Captain Continuity as he blasted out of the room and 
towards the Warp Core Container Room.

"Oh good.  You're going to have Captain Continuity use his powers to 
contain the warp core.  That should do the trick."  And then a twisted 
smile emerged on Bart's face.  "But wait.  Maybe that's exactly what I 
wanted you to do.  God, you people are so predictable."

"Bart," said the Ultimate Ninja gripping his katana tighter.

"You know I'm beginning to think that I didn't really need all of those 
Rings of Retconn, Insanity Gauntlets to defeat you people.  I could have 
just walked into the LNHHQ.  That's how easy you people are.  How does 
it feel, Ultimate Ninja?  Knowing that you're going to lose again.  How 
does it...?"

And before Bart could finish that taunt, Contraption Man put the 
Ultimate Ninja in a neck hold and shouted, "04QWERTY!!!!"  The timepack 
that Bart was wearing started to hum.  A second later Bart was gone.

The Ultimate Ninja slammed Contraption Man against the wall.  "What the 
hell did you just do?"

"Uhhg," said Contraption Man in a great amount of pain.  "Relax, UN!  I 
took care of it."

"You took care of what?"

"The Bart problem."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

A Qwertian Spacecraft --
April 29, 1992 BC --

Bart with his gun still in hand could smell something burning.  The 
timepack!!  He quickly took off the malfunctioning machine.  Where the 
hell was he?  An alarm started to sound.

As he made his way through the ship, he began to attract some unwanted 

"Halt!  Intruder!"  The language was Qwertian.  Bart dropped his gun and 
smiled, This could work out.

The two soldiers escorted him to the bridge of the ship.  There seemed 
to be quite a lot of chaos.  Something was happening.

"Captain!  This is the intruder we caught."

The Captain turned around and looked straight at Bart.  "Who are you? 
Did the Dvorakians send you?!!  Answer me!!"

"Why -- you know who I am.  I'm your king.  I am King Qwert-El.  I have 
returned.  I am here to save you."

"The legend!  What the Elders spoke of!" shouted a soldier.

"Yes, I know the legend.  But it can't be -- it's impossible."  The 
Captain rummaged through a pouch he had and took out some Qwertian 
money.  "My, god!  It looks like him.  It is him!  It is King Qwert-El."

God, this was too easy, thought Bart.  Still something was bugging him 
about all of this.

"He will lead us to victory against the Dvorakian Devils!!"

Bart then noticed a huge fleet of ships on the monitor screen.  They 
didn't look Qwertian.  "Umm -- might I inquire about today's date?"

"Why this is the day -- the Elders spoke of -- the day of your return -- 
the day of CVBN in the month of GHJK in the year of RTYU.  It has come 

Hmm, that date sounded very familiar.  Of course!  That was the day that 
King Qwert-El made his last... Oh hell.

Bart watched the Dvorakian ships on the Monitor Screen start to fire.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The Starship Continuity Champ --
The Qwerty System --
April 2008 AD--

"I guess we could always pick him up after Beige Midnight.  There's at 
least five minutes or so before the Dvorakians blow the ship up.  If we 
want to do that," explained Contraption Man.

"You could have warned me," said the Ultimate Ninja.

"Not really.  We've got bigger problems anyway -- assuming we can get 
back to the Loonivearth.  I have to admit, I haven't been completely 
truthful.  There are things I know about Beige Midnight that I haven't 
said up till now.  But now I can finally reveal the truth about..."  And 
then Contraption Man disappeared.

"Contraption Man?" said The Ultimate Ninja.  And then he had a puzzled 
expression on his face.

"Who are you talking to?" asked Irony Man.

"I don't know.  Wasn't there someone here that was -- never mind," said 
the Ultimate Ninja shaking his head.

"Wait!  You were talking to Contraption Man!  Don't you remember?" said 
Kid Recap.

"Who?" said the Ultimate Ninja.  The other LNH'rs were equally puzzled.

"Contraption Man!  A time traveler from a future LNH who can make 
gadgets and stuff!!  Don't you people remember him??  Am I the only one??"

"Apparently," said Dr. Stomper whipping out his calculator.thingee. 
"You say he's a time traveler -- from some alternate future?  That might 
explain things."

"Explain what?" said the Ultimate Ninja.

"If his timeline disappeared, that might explain why we can't remember 
him," said Dr. Stomper punching some more numbers into his 

"And what could cause that?"

"A number of things.  Although my best bet would be some catastrophic 
event -- like the Bryttle Brothers destroying the Looniverse."

"I see.  Well, we can't worry about that now.  We've got other 
problems."  The Ultimate Ninja switched his comm.thingee on.  "Captain 
Continuity?  Is it contained?"

<<Yeah.  The core is stable.  Still, I'll probably have to stabilize it 
for the whole trip.>>

"Understood.  Out."  The Ultimate Ninja switched his comm.thingee off. 
"And now -- about this Wormhole problem."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Dr. Stomper punched in some more numbers.  "Well, at best it will 
probably take us two years to get back to the Loonivearth.  That's 
assuming we don't have other problems."

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "That's not going to cut it.  We 
need to get home faster.  Can't we bring back that wormhole?"

"Technically, we could," said Dr. Stomper while wiping his glasses. 
"The wormhole still exists.  It's just incredibly thin.  It would take 
something smaller than a hydrogen atom to get through it.  I suppose if 
Captain Continuity weren't busy stabilizing the warp core, he'd have the 
power to stretch the wormhole so that we could get through."

"Hey, people!" piped up Bad Judgment Boy.  "I've got it!  We all get 
very drunk and dress up in Furry Animal costumes.  And then we all cheat 
on our significant others and text them about it afterwards.  And then I 
use the Insanity Gauntlet to stretch the wormhole!!  Is this a great 
plan or what??"  Bad Judgment Boy waited for a high five.

"Why not just give you the Insanity Gauntlet?" said the Ultimate Ninja.

Bad Judgment Boy nodded his head.  "Hey.  That could work too."

The Ultimate Ninja pressed his fingers tightly on his forehead, while 
his teeth gritted.  "Someone!!  Anyone!!  Come up with a damn plan 
before I do give Bad Judgment Boy the Insanity Gauntlet!!"

"Umm, UN.  I might have something.  It's a plan, but it's kind of wild. 
  I don't know," said Parking Karma Kid a bit hesitantly.

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head.  "Speak."

"Well, my powers give me the power to park anywhere -- anyplace.  I 
think I might be able to park us within the wormhole.  And if we hook up 
the drive system of all three ships, I could fly all of them at the same 
time.  I know it sounds crazy, but I think I can do this."

The Ultimate Ninja turned his attention towards Dr. Stomper.  "Doctor, 
is it possible?  Can Parking Karma Kid park into something smaller than 
an atom?"

"I don't know.  Quantum Silly String theory does suggest the most absurd 
solution might be in fact the best solution -- at least on a quantum 
level.  On the other hand, Parking Karma Kid's powers have always 
baffled me.  It does sound incredibly dangerous.  But who knows.  I do 
suggest though if we do take this course of action that we don't think 
about it -- thinking about it could be very, very dangerous."

"And how about you, Bad Judgment Boy?  What do you think of Parking 
Karma Kid's plan?"

"Oh, yeah -- that sounds great -- If you want to kill us all!!!  Come 
on, people!!  Just give me the Insanity Gauntlet!!  I can do this!!"

The Ultimate Ninja slapped Parking Karma Kid on the back.  "Okay, PKK. 
Let's do it.  We'd better tell the other two ships.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Parking Karma Kid looked at the three monitor screens in front of him. 
A screen for each different ship.  He was driving them all.  He took a 
deep breath and closed his eyes.  He then emptied his mind and focused 
on the parking space energy of the wormhole.  And then he hit the star 

And space and time began to bend.

And a whole lot of LNH'rs began to scream.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Inside the wormhole --

Parking Karma Kid opened his eyes.  It worked!  Well, either that or 
this was the afterlife.  "Ultimate Ninja?  You there?"


"Good to know.  Everyone else fine?"  There were various groans from the 
assorted LNH'rs.

"Okay, PKK.  Get us out of here."

"Can't quite do that just yet."


"I sense a parking meter.  A Dvorakian parking meter.  We have to put 
some change in it.  Dvorakian change!"

"Oh for Pete's sake!" growled Sarcastic Lad.  "Just skip it and get us 
out of here!"

"Can't do that.  My powers are tied to my choices and if I start 
breaking the rules it could do horrible things to my Karma.  And if we 
want to get out of here alive, I'm going to need some very good Karma. 
So does anyone have any Dvorakian change?"

"I knew we shouldn't have left those Dvorakians back on Qwerty!" said 
Bad Judgment Boy.

"Oh for the love of God!" said Procrastination Boy who tore off his mask 
to reveal himself as -- another one of those members of the 
Front [Continuity Error fixed - Ed].  "Do I have to save you people 
every time??" he said handing Parking Karma Kid a bunch of Dvorakian 
coins.  "Christ!!  It's 2011 and this stupid miniseries is still not 

"We're getting there," said the Ultimate Ninja.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

On the other side of the wormhole --

The three LNH Starships emerged.  "Okay.  I'm returning control to you 
guys," said Parking Karma Kid speaking to the other Starship pilots. 
"Oh, oh.  Looks like we've got Dvorakians.  50 Fully Powered ones!  And 
the Space Station is trying to contact us."

The Ultimate Ninja nodded his head.  "Put them on."

The face of General Honiboni appeared.  <<Well, we meet again, Ultimate 
Ninja.  I suggest if you know what's good for you and your ships, you 
surrender immediately.>>

"Okay.  You're right.  You have us outmatched.  But we'll need ten 
minutes or so to get our affairs in order."

There was a bit of disbelief on General Honiboni's face.  <<Okay?  Yes! 
  I guess we can give you 10 minutes -- But no tricks!!>>

"Right."  The Ultimate Ninja turned off the communication.thingee.

"Umm -- we're not really surrendering, are we?" asked Parking Karma Kid.

"Do you have to even ask?"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Halumglobtrroturem, while waiting for the go ahead to destroy the LNH 
ships, passed his time by spinning a moon on his finger like a 
basketball.  Of course you'd need the vision of the likes of Captain 
Continuity to truly appreciate it.  Otherwise, it would just look like 
some guy standing on his finger while spinning.

This was amazing being able to do this.  The power he had in just his 
finger and every single other part of his body.  But it was a power that 
wasn't going to last.  He had a week left.  It just made him think.  A 
week left.  That's all he had.

There had been cases of Dvorakians not dying from the Glory Virus, but 
the last case of something like that had been over 5000 sun cycles ago 
[500 earth years - Ed].  It was a trillion to one shot.

He was going to have to tell his parents.  His family.  His girlfriend. 
  And it would kill them.  Maybe he could avoid it.  Let the Core tell 
them after he had passed.  No.  He couldn't do that.  He was going to 
have to go see them.  Go to his home planet one more time.

He let the moon go and watched it fly away.  Why did he join the Space 
Core?  That was easy.  The economy on his home planet was horrible.  He 
had no choice, but to join.  But still -- he could have joined one of 
the lesser branches.  It was pride that made him join the most elite 
branch of the Space Core.  The one branch that still used the Glory 
Virus.  The odds of being called to use the virus were very slim -- 
10,000 to 1.  And he was that lucky one.

In a few months he would have asked his girl to marry him.  Who knows 
what would have happened after that.  But that was never going to happen 
now.  Now his girl would have to find someone else.  Find happiness 

He looked at the LNH Starships.  They were responsible for all of this. 
  If they had never showed up, it would have all been different.  They 
robbed it all.

Well, there was no point in wondering what if -- he was here now.  He 
had a job to do.

Someone was coming out of the ship.  A guy in a spacesuit flying towards 
him.  He wondered, which one it was.  Maybe the Ultimate Ninja.  He had 
heard rumors about what had happened to Major Poossee.  He'd have to be 
careful.  Who knows what these super humans could do to him.  The guy 
was still far away.  He'd better go and face him.  And take him down.

As he got closer to the human in the spacesuit, he could hear a voice. 
The guy was using radio waves to communicate with him.

<<Hiya!!  It's a wonderful day, isn't it??  It's kind of lonely out here 
though, isn't it?  You look a little sad.  You look like you could use a 
friend to cheer you up!  We all can use friends.  Friends are important! 
  Heck, when it gets down to it they might be the most important thing 
we can have.  And the more friends we have, the better we feel, don't 
you think?  You can never have too many friends.  Would you like to be 
my friend?  It would mean a whole lot to me to be your friend.  Please?>>

A smile broke on Halumglobtrroturem's face.  For the first time since 
he'd taken the Glory Virus, he felt okay.  It seemed almost absurd that 
this human wanted to be his friend.  And he should hate this human.  But 
he couldn't.  It felt absurd trying to hate this human who wanted to be 
his friend.  And why couldn't he be a friend with this human?  Why 
couldn't he?  Because his superiors had told him that this was the 
enemy?  This silly human who couldn't hurt a fly?  This was the enemy? 
It didn't make sense.  Why couldn't they be friends?  Halumglobtrroturem 
couldn't think of any reason why that would be wrong.  There was no good 
reason.  And Halumglobtrroturem made a choice.

"I think you're right -- I do need a...  It seems so cold out here and I 
could use someone to talk to.  Anyone.  All those choices I made in 
life.  Every single one seems so -- it was all wrong.  And all I've got 
is -- all I've got is this.  This damn... And now -- and now... Yes, 
human.  Yes.  I will.  I will be your friend, human.  I will.  Please, 
stay and -- listen.  Please.  I have so much to say."  And a tear ran 
down Halumglobtrroturem's cheek and froze in the coldness of space.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

General Honiboni had a bad feeling inside him.  He had tried to contact 
his various Super Dvorakians and he couldn't get anyone of them.  And 
the LNH ships had shut off all communication.

"Dlue Leader!!  Dlue Leader!!  Come in!!"

<<Oh, hey General!!>>

"What the hell is going on out there?  I've been trying to contact you 
for ages!!  What is the situation??"

<<Oh nothing, except we met this really nice fella.  He's shown us that 
there's something more powerful than the Dvorakian Empire.  The Power of 
Friendship.  The Power of Happiness.  The Power of Caring.  The Power of 
Sharing.  The Power of Niceness.  Did you know that there is no problem 
so big that it can't be solved with hug??  It's true!>>

"What the hell?  What the hell??  Have you people lost your freaking 
minds?!!!  Dlue Leader??!!"

<<Hey, General Honiboni!!  We just want to tell you how much we care 
about you!!  We really do!!  We all wish we could give you a big hug 
right now because you're the best!!>>

General Honiboni saw the line for communication with the LNH Ships was 
blinking again.  He clicked it on and saw the Ultimate Ninja's face on 
the screen.

"What the hell did you do to my men?!!"

<<Oh, nothing.  I just had them meet up with one of my weaker LNH'rs -- 
Special Bonding Boy.  It looks like this is over.  Better let us go.>>

"Never!!"  General Honiboni slammed his fist on the console.  "This is 
not over!!  Not Over!!!"

<<You done?  We're going to leave now.  We're going to go back to the 
Loonivearth.  We're going to save the Looniverse one more time.  Like we 
always do.  And when we do, you know what you could do?  You could send 
us a thank you card.  That would be nice.  We'd really appreciate that. 
  Got that?  Good.  Have a nice day, Honey Bunny.>>

General Honiboni gazed at the monitor screen that showed the three LNH 
ships flying away.  And then he pulled a vial that was chained around 
his neck.  A vial that contained the Glory Virus.  A virus that would 
give him God like powers for a week -- and then kill him.  He could take 
it and go down in one last blaze of suicidal glory.  Or -- he could 
write a report about this day from Hell and send it to the Command World.

He stared at the vial for the longest time and then he tucked it back 
into his shirt and began to type a report.

There would be a next time.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Net.ropolis --
The LNHHQ --
April 2008 AD --

The Ultimate Ninja looked at his watch.  "Okay -- your 30 minute 
headstart begins -- NOW!"

Mr. Tiddles looked up with an annoyed expression.

"Hey -- if you want to nap there for the next 30 minutes -- fine by me. 
  That will make hunting you down and locking you away forever all the 
much easier."

Mr. Tiddles yawned, stretched his body, and then sauntered his way out 
of the LNH Starship.

Stupid Stinky Humans.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Captain Continuity continued to focus all of his Continuity power energy 
on stabilizing the LNH Starship's Warp Core.  Layers upon layers of a 
Continuity Cocoon wrapped themselves around the Core.

"How's it going?" said the Ultimate Ninja entering the room.

"Not good.  The moment I let go -- the whole thing is going to blow.  I 
think the best course of action would be to fly this ship on autopilot 
straight into the Sun.  There it can safely detonate."

"You're going to fly this thing into the Sun?"

"It's okay.  I'll be perfectly fine.  I've walked on the Sun before."

"I wasn't worried about that.  You know this ship costs 50 billion.  I 
repeat -- Fifty Billion.  Isn't there some way to detonate the Warp Core 
without destroying the entire ship?  I'm just asking."

"Umm -- okay.  There might be.  I'll have to see when I get into space."

"I hope so.  Well, good luck.  See you in an hour or so.  Hopefully, 
back with this ship.  This 50 billion dollar ship."

"Umm -- yeah.  See you, UN."

"Fifty Billion."

"Right.  Gotcha."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Dr. Stomper examined Ripping Dancer's state -- frozen in perfect 
hibernation in the suspended animation.thingee.  The easiest method to 
transfer her would probably be through teleportation.  He clicked on his 
comm.thingee.  "Multi-Tasking Man?  I need a TP transport.  I've got a 
suspended animation pod that contains Ripping Dancer.  I need it sent to 
the emergency med center.  Pronto.  You should probably tp me with it."

Dr. Stomper heard a strange sound.  It sounded like giggling.  Obscene 
giggling.  Then dead silence.  "Multi-Tasking Man?  Are you there?  Is 
something wrong?  MTM?  wReamhack?  Anyone?"  Nothing.

He didn't like this.  He supposed he could use the cargo.thingee to move 
Ripping Dancer.  But first he'd notify Ultimate Ninja, he thought to 
himself.  There was something wrong here and it needed to be checked.

However, just as he was about to contact the Ultimate Ninja on his 
comm.thingee he could see teleportation energy start to crackle around 
the suspended animation.thingee.  And it began to crackle around his 
body too.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

And they were home.

After days in space, the LNH'rs made there way into the LNH lobby.  No 
one, however, was there to greet them.  The lobby was completely empty, 
which was very strange for an afternoon.  Not even the receptionist desk 
was being manned.  There was, however, a very big banquet table filled 
with goodies and drinks.  And in the middle of it a gigantic cheesecake 
with the words, 'Welcome back, Legion of Net.Heroes!' written boldly 
across it.

"Oh man, I can't believe I'm saying this, but -- Thank God for 
Cheesecake Eater Lad!" said Easily-Discovered Man Lite as he rushed 
towards it to cut himself a big slab.  "After all that weird astronaut 
tang flavored cheesecake we had to eat on the spaceship, finally -- real 
cheesecake!  Real luscious mouth watering..." he said as he stabbed a 
big chunk of cheesecake with his fork and prepared to put it in his mouth.

"LITE!!!!!!  NO!!!!!!!!!!" shouted the Ultimate Ninja as he threw his 
Ginsu Katana right at the table.  The katana struck Lite's fork and sent 
both objects toward and into the wall.

Easily-Discovered Man Lite backed away slowly from the cheesecake with 
both arms in the air.  "Okay.  Okay.  I know I could stand to lose a 
couple of pounds, but really UN don't you think you're overreacting just 
a tad.  I mean just a little.  I'll hit the gym tomorrow.  Promise!"

"No, it's not that -- although yes, you could stand to lose a few 
pounds.  No.  There's something wrong with that cheesecake.  There's 
something wrong with all of this.  People -- we're on red alert status 
as of now.  You twenty -- follow me!  The rest of you, split yourself 
into teams -- and start to scout around."

The Ultimate Ninja and his team started to make there way down the 
hallway.  The hallway had the phrase, 'Bryttle is the Future' plastered 
a number of times over it.  Flies and other winged insects covered the 

The Ultimate Ninja could hear music playing and followed the sound. 
There.  Through that door.  He cautiously turned the knob and prepared 
himself for almost anything.

But even that didn't prepare him for this.  Behind the door was a dimly 
lit room except for the center where mult-colored lights shined on a 
large platform with various poles.  And various LNH heroines (and some 
male ones too) were sliding, dancing, and straddling the poles.  The 
R.E.M. song 'Losing My Religion' was playing away.

"Ah, sweet.  Finally looks like someone got to my suggestions in the 
suggestion box."  Bad Judgment Boy took out his wallet and began to look 
for singles and fives.

The Ultimate Ninja scanned the room and looked up at the balcony.  He 
could see someone that looked very much like Cheesecake Eater Lad with 
both hands on the rail looking right down at him.  But he was dressed in 
a Tony Soprano style suit, had a goatee, and was smoking a big cigar. 
Standing next to him was a very grim looking Fearless Leader (also with 
a goatee) and Wikiboy with a purple mohawk haircut, a chainsaw hand, a 
flame thrower, a beaver tail (courtesy Master Blaster), and also a goatee.

The Cheesecake Eater Ladish looking man took the cigar out of his mouth 
and began to speak.  "Hey, UN.  Glad to see you made it back safe and 
sound.  Was it a good trip?  Hope so.  Get the Insanity Gauntlet and 
Ring of Retconn?  I think you did.  That's good.  As you can see there 
have been some changes since you've been away.  But I'll fill you in 
about those a little later.  First things first though -- you should 
probably hand the gauntlet and ring over here.  And after that -- 
well..."  He took another puff from his cigar.  "Well, then you can all 
kneel down to your new head honcho.  Me."

A twisted grin lit up on Cheesecake Eater Lad's face.  "Then again -- 
why wait?   How about some kneeling right now!"

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins, 
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...

Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger" 
Kogutt, used with permission...

Bart the Dark Receptionist - Ken Schmidt

Qwerty and the Dvorakians - Drizzt
Various Dvorakians with names -- Arthur Spitzer


Bad Judgment Boy - Arthur Spitzer
Bad Timing Boy - Vernon H Harmon
Captain Continuity - Mystic Mongoose
Cheesecake Eater Lad - Matthew Jotham Millheiser.
Easily-Discovered Man Lite - Rob Rogers
Fearless Leader - Dave Van Domelen
Kid Recap - Josh Geurick
Multi-Tasking Man - Jeff Coleburn
Nit-Pick Lad - ???
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Parking Karma Kid - Steve Simmons
Sarcastic Lad - Saint
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Wikiboy - Tom Russell

Secret Retcon Hour Team:

Contraption Man - Drizzt
Dr. Stomper - T. M. Neeck
Irony Man - Doug Moran
Occultism Kid - Josh Geurick
Ripping Dancer - Arthur Spitzer


Dev-Null - Jim "Scowling" Cowling

Kid Kampers

Captain Kid - Rob Rogers
Billy the Butterfly Magic Kid - Arthur Spitzer
Marvin the Kid Macaw - Tarq
Kid Ding - Jamas Enright
Kid E. Porn - Rob Rogers
Kid-I-Kid-You-Not - Arthur Spitzer
Nay Kid - Lalo Martins

Writer's Notes:

For those who are confused by this...


Probably won't help.

Did I say last time that I was giving myself an ultimate deadline of 
April, 29th, 2011 to finish Beige Midnight?  Well, that's not going to 
happen.  So, I guess I'll just have to give myself another ultimate 
deadline.  :)  Well, I'll try my best to finish all of this before 2011 

At 23,000 words this is incredibly long.  Not as long as #4, which was 
25,000 words (although since Saxon wrote at least 4000 words for that 
issue -- it means I did more writing for this issue than for #4)

Here's the word count for those that are curious.

13918 -- #1
12465 -- #2
15264 -- #3
25253 -- #4
13095 -- #5
13273 -- #6
23101 -- #7

116,369 in total so far.

Beige Countdown (of the 8 issues that have been posted) --

6202    -- #12
5590    -- #11
12661   -- #10
4968    -- #7
7226    -- #6
1930    -- #5
9452    -- #1
14992   -- #0

63,021 in total so far.

179,390 for both works so far.  Not quite War and Peace yet.

Someone else can do the word count for all of the ILC stories.

Do I have anything else to say about this issue.  Yeah, but I'm too lazy 
to type it.  So five more issues to go.

Arthur "Death to Beige Midnight" Spitzer

Next Week:  Beige Midnight Part XXIV!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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