LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #226: LNH vII #51, 52, and some add-ons

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Dec 20 20:19:05 PST 2021

On 12/19/21 4:30 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Okay.  And here are the final two issues of the Martin Phipps' Burns All
> His Bridges Trilogy.

And then we never had to deal with him again! <3 And I plan to continue that streak.

> Next we have Saxon Brenton on #52 -- Will this issue lead to another flame
> way? (Yes!)

Oh yeah, I vaguely remember that. X3 God, what nonsense. I'd love to see a 
follow-up on this someday, tho. <3

> Kid Enthusiastic burst into the cafeteria.
> "Guys, we have a problem!"
> "What is it?", asked WikiBoy.
> "I have no idea."

This was great. X3

> "It was just a feeling. Like, I don't know. Reality being rewritten, or a flamewar collapsing 
> somewhere, stories dying, or a lot of characters blinking out of... well, if not existence, at 
> least general usability."

I love what we did with that! :>

> "Wikiboy", Masterplan Lad said, "you have the ability figure out what happened."
> "All right." He blinked and immediately blushed. "Yeah. I think we'd better just leave it alone.
> It seems to be over, in any case. Plus, I'm not a frog. Which is good."

Accurate. X3 <3

> Sarcastic Lad walked into the cafeteria. "Hey WikiBoy, you're a frog!"
> WikiBoy tried to sight, but all he could do was croak.

I love this gag. X3

> "By the way," said Kid Enthusiastic, "have you guys met my friend, Fairy
> Princess Lad?"
> He stepped to the side to reveal a twelve-year-old boy wearing a pink
> leotard, a tutu, and a domino mask, holding a sparkly magic wand. He had
> iridescent dragonfly wings growing out of his back, and looked distinctly
> ill-at-ease. "Er, hi..."

FUCK YEAH. One of my first *really* gender-nonconforming characters. :3

> "Well, I can fly, and I have this fairy dust that calms people down..."
> Sarcastic Lad, expression gleeful, opened his mouth. "What a--"
> Masterplan Lad levitated him out the window and into the recycling bins.

Love it. X3

> | |  The cover shows Kid Enthusiastic and Fairy Princess Lad bouncing up
> | |  and down in excitement while older Legionnaires look on, bemused.

I'm so happy Saxon took my new character and immediately ran with him. :3

> Roll call for this issue:
>    o  Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II!
>    o  Cynical Lass!
>    o  Fairy Princess Lad!
>    o  Kid Enthusiastic!
>    o  Masterplan Lad!
>    o  You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad!

I really enjoy this period where the "core LNH" was defined by #50 and included 
Masterplan Lad. X3 He's the kind of character that has a lot of crossover appeal.

> These are just some of the super-powered do-gooders who belong to an
> organisation that thinks that running around with your underwear on
> the outside is acceptable as a fashion statement.  They are: the
> Legion of Net.Heroes!

I also love this summary Saxon came up with.

>       "No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! Lad."
>       And in response Fred thought .oO( That's going to cause trouble. )


>       "But isn't the word 'kids' gender neutral?" asked Fairy Princess Lad.
>       "Mmmm," went Kid Enthusiastic, sounding doubtful.  "Maybe in the
> sense that 'man' was supposed to be a gender neutral, but now everyone
> realises that that's just handwaving."

Now, personally, I super disagree, "Kid" is super gender neutral in my book. 
However, I also enjoy what this leads to. n.n

>       " 'Kid' is also the description for all young goats, male or female,"
> suggested Fairy Princess Lad.
>       "I'm not a goat!" exclaimed Kid Enthusiastic.  He pointed at Anal-
> Retentive Archive Kid II, who was sitting at the other end of the table,
> "And he's not a goat!"

I love this X3 <3

>       "Ooo! Ooo!" went Kid Enthusiastic, bouncing up and down in his seat
> as he suddenly got an idea.  "The word 'kinder' means 'children', and
> that's gender neutral.  ARA Kinder!" he speculated in rather sloppy
> German.
>       "Ooo! Ooo!" went Fairy Princess Lad, echoing his friend.  "And that
> can be turned into an internet pun: ARA Kindles!"  The two boys high
> fived each other.

See? Super cute!
> She was sitting a table over from them, and had a
> look on her face which he completely misinterpreted as, 'They're
> children.  Let them play their games while they've still got the
> energy.'  Actually what she was thinking was, 'You poor schmuck.  If
> you think I'm going to explain to you that we're all fictional
> characters in an imaginary world then you've got another thing coming.'


>       "I'm No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! Lad."
>       A hush fell across the cafeteria as various LNHers just *stared* at
>       Except for Cynical Lass, who face palmed as it occurred to her that
> it wasn't just saying things out loud that counted as tempting fate.
> Some days that you just couldn't risk an ironic thought even in the
> privacy of your own head.

X3 X3 X3

>       You could practically hear all the eyeballs squeak

Love it

> "I just don't know who he *is*.  I've never
> seen a library catalog entry for anything he's written.  What does he
> write?  Science fiction?  Romance?  Neo-Edwardian comedies of manners?"
>       "Superhero parody," said Masterplan Lad.  "We're in one of them at
> the moment."
>       "Oh yeah," said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, glancing
> upwards towards the from: line among the headers at the start of the
> posting.  "I hadn't noticed the email address."
>       "Forged address," said No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead!
> Lad with a grim earnestness.  "Someone's pretending to be him.  Identity
> theft of a dead man.  Pretty ghoulish, really."

Astounding. X3

>       The look on ARAK's face went from irritation, to surprise, then on
> to utter horror.  The turn around time in convincing the young orc of
> the truthfulness of their claims was astonishingly quick, but Masterplan
> Lad was one of the Knights Temporal, and there were few other LNHers who
> were as familiar with continuity and fictionality as he was.  In any
> case, within less than sixty seconds he had ARAK II accepting the
> notion.  At which point Anal-Retentive Archive Kid burst into angry
> tears.

Aw bby. ;.;

>        He frowned at her.  "It's an overview of the mechanics of a multi-
> species society, based on how all the mutants and aliens have integrated
> here in Net.ropolis.  Going by how other groups have developed, at
> *some* point in the next few centuries my people," and here he thumped a
> fist on his chest for emphasis, "are probably going to start giving up
> tribalism and move towards settled urban living.  If I can produce a
> working blueprint then the chances of conflict, and especially of them
> being slaughtered by a technologically superior civilisation, will be
> reduced."  He started pacing about in a small circle.  "But if this
> world is fictional, then that all goes out the window.  I shouldn't be
> worrying about politics and social dynamics, because those aren't the
> elements that will ensure their survival.  Convincing everyone else that
> orcs are interesting characters who they'll want to have around is what
> I'll need to do,

Ah, a newbie to fictionality who doesn't realize that, if you're doing something 
like that, it's because your writer, at least, thinks it's interesting, and 
probably has an audience who does too. o3o

>       "There's at least one of the Legion Writers who takes absolute
> delight in exploring the nature of a multi-species society in a
> superhuman world," said Masterplan Lad, pedantically.
>       "Well, that sounds great," said ARAK.  "Who is it?"
>       "Your Writer."
>       "Ah," breathed ARAK, knowingly.  "Ask not for divine intervention,
> lest you discover that you yourself are the instrument that enacts that
> intervention.  How very C.S. Lewis."

But that's such an amazing way to respond to that revelation. X3

>       "Plus," said N!ICBSB!HD!Lad, raising a finger to stave off further
> protests.  "The cheque hasn't been cashed."
>       "What cheque?" asked Cynical lass.
>       "During RACC-Con Arthur Spitzer stayed in the same hotel room with
> Saxon Brenton," explain N!ICBSB!HD!Lad.  "When Arthur went home he wrote
> a cheque to cover the cost of the days he was sharing.  That cheque
> still hasn't been cashed.  That's not what you'd expect from someone who
> has to cover costs from an overseas vacation."
>       Masterplan Lad had been listening carefully to this, and now he
> identified what had been troubling him.  "No," he said.  "That is
> factually incorrect.  On the evening Arthur arrived at the Benicia Best
> Western Saxon hadn't made proper preparations with the front desk for
> him to check in while the others were at the barbeque at Rob Roger's
> household, and Arthur had had to book into another room for one night
> - a room booking that was only covered by Scott Eiler's blanket offer to
> subsidise RACC-Con attendees.  The cheque has gone uncashed not because
> of inability, but because of a sense of guilt!"

This is so fucking wonderful. X3 <3 <3 <3 Such a good meta.

>       You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad leapt forward with his battle
> cry, "No, you villain!  Hit *me*!"

The best battlecry!

>       Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II threw one of the balls at him.  The
> blue one.  The one with the solid steel centre under the thin rubber
> outer covering.  It hit No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! Lad
> square in the face, where it made a 'bonnggg!' sound effect of metal on
> metal.  "Killer robot!" ARAK yelled,

Love it love it :3

>       The other Legionnaires were manoeuvring for their own counter-
> attacks.  The first, perhaps surprisingly, was Fairy Princess Lad, who
> promptly went Sailor Moon on N!ICBSB!HD!Lad.  He glowed and sparkled and
> yelled,  "Villain!  In the name of Queen Titania and Lord Oberon, I will
> punish you!"
>       And then Fairy Princess Lad unleashed a power blast from his hands
> that slammed N!ICBSB!HD!Lad back across the cafeteria and through a wall
> of solid strongstuffium with an enormous WHHAMMM!!!, pulverising the
> trouble-making robot and leaving a large hole in its wake.
>       The Legionnaires all stared at the hole in the wall.  The only
> sound was the occasional light 'ping' as the metal started to cool.
>       "Huh," went Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II.
>       "I didn't know he could do that," said Kid Enthusiastic.

Me either but I absolutely love it. X3 <3 <3 <3

>       Fairy Princess Lad came over to ARAK II and gave him a big hug.
> ARAK looked at him.  "What was that for?"
>       Fairy Princess Lad gave him a serious expression and said, "Big
> scary orcs who are secure enough with themselves that they don't need to
> take it out on others when they're upset deserve hugs."
>       "Really?  I don't remember that rule.  Did I miss a memo?"
>       "I just made it up."
>       "Ah.  Well, that explains it then," said ARAK II, patting Fairy
> Princess Lad on the back.


>       Cynical Lass rolled her eyes.  "Oh please.  How are we supposed to
> get recurring villains if you go around acting responsibly, securing
> defeated bad guys and tidying up dangerous messes?"
>       And the scary thing was, ARAK II didn't have enough experience with
> the whole 'recognising the cliches of a superhero parody story' to tell
> whether her protest was serious or not.


> - I'm reasonably sure that the issue number of 52 hasn't been claimed
> yet...  What's that?  A phone call from DC Comics complaining that
> they've copyrighted the number 52?  Awww, man...

x3 <3

> "These 'no-nonsense' solutions of yours just don't hold water in a complex
> world of jet-powered apes and time-travel." - Superman, JLA Classified #3

Such an appropriate quote.

Drew "love the LNH" Nilium

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