LNH: WikiLull: Pre-Final Epilogue, AKA President Evil #6: A-Pack-O-Lies Now [2/2]
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Oct 31 20:39:24 PDT 2020
On 10/31/20 8:37 PM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> He grabbed ahold of his book--which I realized was what he was channeling his
> power through, just like Masterplan Lad had his umbrella--
> But then Masterplan Lad stretched out his umbrella and, in a
> burst of blue light, summoned another hero. I was relieved I had help fighting
> the zombie Valkyries, but kinda ticked off that yet *another* new character had
> been dragged into this storyline.
XD XD XD
> He was, I swear to god, a giant rabbit in a superhero cape. It was Atomic Rabbit
> from the Tooniverse, from before his appearance in Just Another Cascade, I
> *think*. Don't quote me on that.
X3 X3 X3 Of course!!
> "All right, you Nazi zombies, how about a nice atomic punch!" He socked some of
> the Valkyries but they gave as good as they got with their spears. "Kill the
> Rabbit, Kill the Rabbit, Kill the Rabbit, Kill the Rabbit!" they sang, and I
> realized with growing horror that that whole plotline had been brought in just
> for the sake of a really silly joke.
oh my ducking god XD <3 I love you
> But they were being mobbed by the zombie senior citizens,
> who were also still fighting it out with the Random Villains, who were trying to
> explain why they were just a scapegoat for what went wrong with the 2000
> presidential election and the real problem was systemic voter suppression, but
> they were zombies and no one could understand them.
X3 <3 <3 <3
"You cannot--No! No, I can't do this!" He got off his bike and started
> gesticulating wildly. "I'm a real actor! A real actor! I didn't come back from
> the dead just to fight z-list net.heroes in a zombie parody! We need to rewrite
> this storyline so it has emotion! Drama!" A zombie senior citizen started
> gnawing on his motorcycle while Zombie Marlon Brando's zombie PA desperately
> tried to rein him in.
XD XD XD oh my GOD
> "So wait," I said to Masterplan Lad as we dodged zombie valkyrie spears and
> laser blasts, "you're telling me that... this storyline has a character who is
> like, named after Marlon Brando, and the actual undead Marlon Brando, and
> they're not even connected?"
> "Yes." Masterplan Lad somehow buried his face deep in his palm while he was
> duelling a zombie valkyrie with his umbrella. "Yes."
XD XD XD
> "The Writers may seem foolish, and indeed are,
I mean... yeah fair. X3
> but they are conduits for a
> divine power of inspiration even they don't fully understand--wait, 'they're'?"
> I shrugged.
> "Well, the fact is that this ridiculous narrative overcomplication might be the
> only thing that could save us," he said. "Daniel Marlon is trying to cause a
> collapse in the metanarrative of the LNH, so we have ot avert it by causing a
> collapse in the local narrative. The only thing to do is to keep drawing in
> random characters until this plot becomes so overloaded that it collapses. Then
> it will be retconned out of existence, and we'll all be returned to where we were."
This is... so incredibly you. X3 <3
> "Your powers and memories were stripped
> from you, but I can see the truth. You are not actually Ralph Nadir. You are
> someone wearing an oddly realistic Zombie Ralph Nadir mask. Now take it off"
oh my god
> He did so. Masterplan Lad stretched out his umbrella thing, bathing him in
> cosmic light. He saw a white silhouette filled with sound effects, similar to
> the background images of the legendary Lee's Useless Superhero Generator
> website, long may it reign. "Of course!" the new being said. "I am--Lee, the
> Cosmic Being of Useless Random Hero Generation!
Oh my god XD XD XD THIS IS AMAZING
. Patron power of all random
> heroes created to fill spots in short appearances, who sometimes stick around
> and become major characters when they have a Writer who will never let go of a
> plotline or an idea, like the current one!"
*raises hand* Yes me too
> Lee, the Cosmic Being of Useless Random Hero Generation, stood out and stretched
> out their arms like Rick Jones at the end of the Kree-Skrull War.
> They summoned
> up five random heroes--Vector Racer (a Vector clone who was kind of a Tron-y
> version of Speed Racer, who rode on a lightcycle), Dream Paladin (a blue-armored
> magical girl type with a thought balloon shield), Megahammer (a blue-haired girl
> who looked kind of like a Rumiko Takahashi heroine who pulled Thor-like hammers
> out of hammerspace), Blonde Ninja (an extremely girly valley-girl-like ninja),
> and Sir Woman (some kind of genderqueer knight).
I'm absolutely going to use some of these characters, fair warning
> The winds unleashed by the narrative warp blew the book out of Daniel Marlon's
> hand. "The horror! The horror!" he shouted, and then he faded away.
> Masterplan Lad and I were standing alone in the desert, where the bunker had
> never been. "Guess that's over with then, huh," I said. "Are the Random Heroes OK?"
> "Hmm," said Winter Droid as the Random Heroes drove through Net.vada, "what are
> we even doing here? There's not a lot of winter down here."
> "True," said Compu-Yak.
> "Hey," said Suicide Flower. "What are all these other people doing in our van?
> How did they even fit in here?"
XD XD XD <3 Love it.
> "The child's safe. I had the Knights Temporal take him to a family that will
> take good care of him. They also engineered his life-path so there's no way he's
> getting anywhere near politics unless he decides to throw caution completely to
> the wind. His name is Brad Janus Boyd now--no relation to Brad Thomas Boyd."
oh my GOD. The secret origin of Bad Judgment Boy? Oh my godddddddd? XD <3 <3 <3
> No-Longer-Pregnant Chad was sitting in a bar, finishing off a drink and grabbing
> another one with his tongue. Zombie Marlon Brando was sitting beside him.
> "Do you have any idea what we're doing here?" said Marlon Brando. "And why I'm
> not dead? Am I still filming The Island of Doctor Moreau?"
> Chad shrugged.
> "What about the evil little girl AI who rebelled against her creators?"
> "...there was an evil little girl AI who rebelled against her creators? Oh dear.
> I suspect that whole plot was lost in the chaos."
> "You mean the writer forgot."
> "Well, I assume she's been erased from existence now and she won't come back as
> a plot complication for someone later...."
> "His meddling backfired on him and sent him to Retcon Hell, where his backstory
> will be revised for all eternity. I suspect my superiors will be more than happy
> to leave him there." Masterplan Lad clutched his umbrella, his knuckles white.
> "There should have been another way."
Very Doctor Who.
> "Okay. And what about me? I got to save the world, and no one will even remember
> me... Typical. Hey, now I sound like one of those Silver Age Marvel heroes, with
> their angsting and speechifying! I need to go punch something!"
> "I'm sure there's plenty of things for you to punch," said Masterplan Lad. "At
> any rate, whatever happens, I'll remember."
> I nodded. "Thanks. You're a sweet kid. I'm still worried, though. I'm just some
> randomly generated character from a weird unfinished cascade. I'm scared I'll
> get forgotten and no one will ever write about me again."
> "What you symbolize," said Masterplan Lad, "is the inherent queerness of
> superheroes, which so often gets erased or forgotten, as when Robert Kanigher
> took over Wonder Woman from William Moulton Marston and made her spend all her
> time swooning over Steve Trevor. But there were still people who remembered. And
> there'll be people who remember you too."
Fuck yeah :D That makes sense.
> "So do I get to kiss any gorgeous girls?"
> "Oh yes. Plenty of them."
> MPL smiled. Then he was gone, and there was nothing
> except the Net.vada desert winds, and I was alone with my extremely sexy
> "Elections are really kind of the worst. The whole
> process is just unbearably frustrating from the preparations and the
> pre-election discourse to the debates to the voting itself to the waiting for
> the whole thing to be over, and even the wins never feel like very much of a
> win. This is supposed to be our sacred ritual, our chance to take our own power
> and shape democracy, but the whole thing just makes you feel powerless from
> start to finish. The whole system is rigged to give people the bare minimum of
> choice. Whoever wins, we're going to end up with a President who interferes in
> foreign elections, starts wars, sides with the cops over Black people who are
> fighting police violence, and coddles the corporations, because that's what the
> system is set up for, especially with the two-party system and all the corporate
> dark money.
Mmmmmmmmm. @.@ Yeah.
>You can vote for President Lesser Evil against President Greater
> Evil but you're still going to end up with President Evil."
> "Hey, title drop!" said Forgotten Gal.
NICE! :D ... at .@
> You know, back in the
> good old days in the war, I heard a lot about the greatness of America, how we
> were fighting to preserve democracy from the Nazis. This was while we were
> holding up the Jim Crow laws. The gay soldiers and the lesbian wireless
> operators could be queer as long as they supported the war effort, but when the
> war was over they had to go back in the closet to amke way for the nuclear
> family and the nuclear bombs. But the thing is, there people living on the
> margins helping each other survive back then, and there still are now. Even if
> you can't win on the national level, you can fight it out in local politics, you
> can support the people in your community. This country's pretty rotten but
> there's still communities worth fighting for. And if we all do that, and we each
> find causes to work for, and link up and connect all our fights, maybe someday > we won't have to worry about shitty presidential politics anymore."
> "God, I hope so," said Maddie.
Me too. Good speech. <3
> The Random Villains
> decided they were never going to make it as the archenemies of Z-list heroes, so
> they tried to rebrand themselves as the Midwest Brotherhood of Net.Villains. I
> have no idea how that worked out.
DUN DUN DUNNNN.
> I did know Lurking Vampire a bit, though. She
> quit the team and transitioned. She was a lot happier and a lot cuter, at least
> for a while. I lost track of her. Last I heard she became a vampire for real--a
> Revampire--and was part of a fast growing revampire army under a mysterious new
> leader, but who knows."
DUN DUN DUNNNN.
> "Yeah," said Forgotten Gal. "I guess we should just bite the bullet and look at
> the election news, huh?"
> "I don't have a lot of faith in the electoral process," said Maddie, "but I do
> have faith in the Looniverse, in its ability to turn all the irresolvable
> narrative tensions that make up electoral politics into... something
> interesting, anyway. And, however things turn out, I have faith in us."
> They turned on the television.
> Bad Judgment Boy was giving a speech, wearing American flag bathrobe and boxers.
> (It had just been snowing.) "My fellow Australians," he said,
I love this. X3 So much.
> "you might be
> wondering how I, someone named Bad Judgment Boy, could possibly be the president
> this country needs. But I say--See this statue of Abe Lincoln?" He gestured to
> the Lincoln Memorial. "Remember his famous remark about his mother? The time he
> said that all he was--all he ever hoped to be--he owed to her? Lincoln's mother
> was the most important person in the world to him! So my first act as president
> will be to tear down the Washington Monument and replace it with a statue of
> Lincoln's mother!" A number of confused noises came from the crowd.
XD XD XD <3
> "Well," said Maddie, "it could have gone worse."
> "Well I have to go on a fight-date with Baroness Wizard," said Forgotten Gal.
> "You can have the rest of the pizza. Take care."
> "You too." She kissed her goodbye.
> Well Arthur and Drew wrote politics-vent-y stories, so I did too.
> Of course mine
> is also meant to wrap up an old cascade plot, advance a plot in Liminals which
> was hinted at in the Free Comic Book Day Special, and even tie up a Hungry,
> Hungry Sabertooths plotline. This is very characteristic of me in terms of being
> a story that's a mix of really intense conversations, ongoing subplot
> maintenance, and incredibly silly stuff that just keeps happening.
Fuck yeah it is. <3 <3 <3 Makes me happy.
> I decided a while ago that Maddie is a trans woman and she's named after Maddie
> Also, the speech about Lincoln's Mother comes from Fantastic Four #11.
Oh god, yeah. X3
Drew "I have so much to add to the wiki" Nilium
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