LNH: Looiverse Chronicles #7: "So You Wanna Play With Magic" (Tales of the Deep Omnilooniverse)

[Drew Nilium]

On 10/17/20 2:16 PM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> LOONIVERSE CHRONICLES
> #7: "So You Wanna Play With Magic"
> Another tale of the Deep Omnilooniverse by Jeanne Morningstar

Oh heck yeah. :D

> Note: this takes place shortly before Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths #8

The second half, I assume~

> TARA GILL'S BAR
> POST-APOCALYPSE TOWN

Yesssssss

> "This just in--" said the crackly signal from the old TV in Tara Gill's bar: 
> "After the breakdown of months of tense negotiations, Morally Ambiguous 
> Utopiaville has officially seceded from the Usnetted States of Ame.rec.a--"
> 
> "hey tara," said Shift, the bouncer, "your ex just seceded."

That is a top-quality line. X3

> "God damn." Tara Gill, bartender, protector of the oppressed, and ass-kicker of 
> Post-Apocalypse Town, took a sip of whiskey. She leaned on the bar, showing off 
> her bicep with a labrys tattoo.

*fans self*

> There was fighting going on outside the bar, as always. After the Big Split, the 
> powers that be had left Post-Apocalypse Town to rot,

Was it called that before, or

> Tara's bar was an important 
> source of community and connection for the survivors of Post-Apocalypse Town. It 
> was also, as a natural nexus of Drama, a place where a lot of fights broke out. 
> There was one starting right now.

Heeheehee

> "Excuse me," she said to the shirtless postapocalyptic gang members, "could you 
> take out your homoerotic tension by just making out and not wreck my bar?"

XD

> A nimbus of energy began to crackle around Shift. He rose up into the air, 
> channeling the power of the enormously destructive cosmic entity that lived in 
> his head. "YOU SHOULD LEAVE NOW," he said.
> 
> The burst of energy knocked the two gangsters outside, along with everyone else, 
> and destroyed the whole bar. Token Girl stood in the rubble. "Not again," she 
> sighed.

heeheeheehee

> "It's OK," said Token Girl, "it'll come back. This happens all the time. Just 
> come by and help me clean up when it does."

How Bugtown-esque~

> MTM surveyed the desolate bombed-out city blocks. "Ah. This doesn't look good," 
> he said, which made Doctor Stomper think about how much he missed Sister 
> State-The-Obvious.

Awwwwww. X3

> "These Dark Omnilooniverse worlds are rather volatile," said Doctor Stomper. "I 
> believe we are currently on Looniearth-Dantalion."

Yessssss

> It was Multi-Tasking Man. The one from this Earth. He was a cyborg, with huge 
> awkward machines sewn into his body. Wires jutted out of his skin.

Niiiiiice

> "Hello there--what's the frequency Kenneth--I am the Multitasker--last, 
> Christmas, I gave you my heart--I pick up all the signals in the world so 
> sometimes it's a little hard for me to carry on a--a little less conversation, a 
> little more--conversation."

*Very* nice.

> Multi-Tasking Man nodded while twiddling his thumb and simultaneously writing 
> several different poems and a LISP program in his head. It was always hard for 
> him to be in situations where he could only do one thing, especially when he was 
> trying to process something like this. He could process things a lot easier when 
> he was doing twenty of them at once.

Oh, that's relatable

> "Ah. You're looking for--your love is fading--the Vor.text in the Secret 
> Military Base Outside Kaiju Grove."

yessssssss

> "Well, he'll probably--I'll take you there--take you there when he notices you."
> 
> "He?" said Doctor Stomper.
> 
> "You," said the Multitasker. But before he could clarify further, a sphere of 
> blue light enveloped Doctor Stomper and Multi-Tasking Man and they were gone.

Ahhhhhh, nice :3

> Vindex stalked through the shadows of the Noir City Grand Hotel, where half of 
> extramarital affairs and one third of murders in the city took place

X3

> He was hunting down of one of the city's biggest and meanest gangsters, Big 
> Jimmy Neutron.

XD XD XD

> A man who 
> wore an honest-to-god gimp suit and carried a mop was always sure to get a 
> reaction.

I mean. Yes.

> Vindex gasped. "You--you're the Lurker! The ghost that haunts Noir City Grand 
> Hotel!"
> 
> "I am? Is that what people say about me? That's so cool--wait no! I don't want 
> people to notice me! Aaaaaa!" She ducked through the wall.

XD XD XD omg I love it

> Vindex frowned and tapped his mop. He thought about the bright blue eyes he'd 
> seen under the girl's hood. They reminded him of a picture he'd seen in the 
> paper, a girl who'd gone missing in the Grand Hotel a few months ago. Her name 
> was Lindsey Gensym.

yessssssss LNH20 counterparts

> Golden Titan and Irony Laq took the captured net.villain into the throne room of 
> Heaven Catalyst.

Yesssss HEAVEN CATALYST :D

> Of course she did. Colonel Panic was someone who lived for chaos and 
> destruction. That was why, when she'd been fired for her job as a software 
> engineer, she turned her ancient malfunctioning Linux machine into a 
> psychotronic device that struck fear into the hearts of her enemies.

Ooooooh, I think this is a Captain Coredump II counterpart, *nice*

> "Ha!" She activated a zapper in her suit, knocking Golden Titan and Irony Laq 
> over with electricity, then pulled out her controller. (Which had three buttons 
> marked "Panic," "Panic" and "Panic.") She pressed all the panic buttons at once.

XD XD XD

> "Kendra, I know you were trapped in a grinding capitalist nightmare of a job. 
> Your bosses didn't value you for what you really are or what you can really do. 
> You're just being used to do pre-determined mechanical tasks with no flexilility 
> and creativity. You could never live with that so you turned against them. You 
> want to get back at society. I totally get that. But I have a question--are your 
> attacks actually doing anything to change that?"

ooooooooooh this is a good morally ambigious utopia

> Instinctively, Colonel Panic kneeled. Heaven Catalyst drew the ceremonial sword 
> from her scabbard and tapped her shoulder with the flat. "By the power invested 
> in me by this fancy sword, I dub thee Knight of the Legion Supreme."

Heeheehee

> Golden Titan stayed behind. "Are you sure it's a good idea to recruit all these 
> villains?" he said.
> 
> In truth, Heaven Catalyst knew that Golden Titan was a bigger risk to her and 
> and her plan than any of the ex-villains could ever be.

Dun dun dunnnnn

> She looked outside over the city she'd built and its people. All of them 
> worshipped her. All of them did exactly what she said. Golden Titan complained 
> about it sometimes, and that was why she kept him around. She hadn't had a a 
> real argument in years. She missed Tara.

Awwwwww.

> In the city of Kaiju Grove, Ultra-Merissa wrestled with Kamisamazilla in the bay 
> and King Seeker fought an onslaught of generic evil minions in the quarry.

Yesssssss <3

> Past 
> the quarry was the Secret Military Base Outside Kaiju Grove, which was the 
> city's biggest tourist attraction. There were signs saying "This Way to Secret 
> Military Base" all along the high way and gift shops with cheap figurines of 
> monsters outside.

XD XD XD Amazing, astounding, delightful

> There were differences, though. For one thing, he was floating in the air, and 
> he had an eye tattooed on his chest in black. For another, he wasn't wearing any 
> clothing. Multi-Tasking Man was too agog to say anything.

omai

> "Ah. Hello. I take it you're the local Dr. Stomper," said Dr. Stomper.
> 
> "Indeed," said the other one. "I am called Deus Ex Stomper."

heeheehee

> Dr. Stomper tried not to stare at his counterpart. He had met versions of 
> himself before, but it was a little strange seeing one just walking around like 
> this with his Doomsday Clock out.

omfg <3

> "We are from another universe--"
> 
> "I knew that," said Deus Ex Stomper. Dr. Stomper sighed, disappointed he didn't 
> get to exposit.

X3

> "As it happens, the issue where that was resolved was written before this one. 
> But I may not be able to send you directly to the end. The paths of narrative 
> are tangled and strange."

Legit tho

> "There was a secret government experiment which pierced the Fifth Wall. I 
> believe you know it as the Omaha Project. In your Earth, it failed. In mine, it 
> succeeded. The cataclysm it made split Net.ropolis into four cities--Post 
> Apocalypse Town, Noir City, Morally Ambiguous Utopiaville and Kaiju Grove. The 
> narrative energies of the LNHQ were split into four nexi--Tara Gill's bar, the 
> Grand Noir City Hotel, the Catalyst Citadel and the Secret Military Base Outside 
> Kaiju Grove, where we stand. I was drawn into the Vor.text of the energy from 
> beyond the Fifth Wall, and I became as you see me now."

Ooooooh, nice tie-together.

> "I am beyond such mortal constructs as clothes," said Deus Ex Stomper.
> 
> "Don't you get cold?" said Dr. Stomper.
> 
> "Not really, no."

X3 X3 X3 <3 <3 <3

> "Wait. There are things you have to know before you leave. Three things. First, 
> there is a third, and a third. A fourth, and a fourth. The third is the fourth. 
> The fourth is the one who will destroy the many."

I'm a writer and even I didn't get that!

>   "Second: there are two spies in your headquarters. One knowing and one 
> unknowing. Beware the machine, and beware the one who came back. And third: 
> she's not from here. She's the 'real' one, the one from your world."

oooooooooh interesting. :o

> So you wanna play with magic
> Boy, you should know whatcha falling for
> Baby do you dare to do this
> 'Cause I'm coming atcha like a dark horse
> --Dark Horse, Katy Perry

Oh I get it. X3

> So yeah, the universe in this story is based on Dark Horse's 90s imprint Comics 
> Greatest World.

:3 Love it

> I'd picked up all the Comics Greatest World launch issues from a 
> dollar bin long ago. I'd had a joke about CGW in issue 4 and there's nothing I 
> love to do more then coming up with a weird running gag and following it to the 
> point where it generates elaborate drama,

yesssssssssss

> Shift=CAPTAIN CAPITALIZE+Motorhead

Ahhhhh okay.

> Vindex=Captain Cleanup+X ("Vindex" is the Latin word for "avenger." The Romans 
> would have pronounced it "Windex")

Niiiiiiice

> King Seeker=Seeker (the new persona Saxon is planning to introduce for Chinese 
> Guy)+King Tiger

yessssss

> Colonel Panic is a new character. It's kind of amazing no one's ever used that 
> name before. In the tradition of alternate universe stories, there's probably a 
> version of her in the main Looniverse who's part of one or another Brotherhood.

:3

> Kamisamazilla: Drew Perron

Thank you so much for this dumb callback. X3

Drew "I love you so much" Nilium