LNH20: Writer's Block Person #47: "A Very Meta Morphosis"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Oct 16 00:15:35 PDT 2020
The door slammed and Library Lad leapt into the apartment. "Writer's Block
Person, come quick! There's a new set of bad guys that are a parody of Kamen
Rider Saber and you need to stop them!"
Writer's Block Person stared at their laptop and siiiiighed. They siiiiiiiighed
and they siiiiiiiiiighed and th--
"Okay okay I get it!!" said Library Lad, coming over and flopping on the couch
next to them. "What's up?"
"So like," they said, "there's a Writer's Block Person arc that I've been
working on in different iterations for like *years* and it's just never come
together and I think I figured out why."
"Hmmmm," said Library Lad. "Is it because memetic spirits from another dimension
are draining your creativity to construct a parallel noosphere?"
"No it's the opposite of that." Writer's Block Person closed their laptop and
put it to the side. "I think... when I added long-term plot arcs to this series,
it helped me express a lot of things, and also helped me learn to actually
complete such arcs. But at this point, the personal stuff I want to express
doesn't really mesh with the structure of big adventure plots, and the big plots
I want to do could use someone who isn't so literally a representation of
"Ohhhhh. Hm." Library Lad stroked his chin. "That's fair... but--"
"--what about the plots I have in motion, especially all that stuff about those
demons from Corporation-Smasher and the guy who was merged with one that I beat
up as Skull Writer's Block Person?"
Library Lad stuck out his tongue. "You know, if you're not gonna let me say my
own dialog, I *could* be off watching the new Carmen Sandiego."
Writer's Block Person giggled. "Okay, okay, sorry, I've just been obsessing
about that a bit."
"As you do." Library Lad smiled.
"Yeah. But I think I've got the perfect solution for that, which is--"
"--introducing some new characters?" Library Lad giggled. "Gotcha back~"
Writer's Block Person stuck out their tongue and blew a raspberry for effect!
"Bah humbug! But yeah that."
"But who will--'
The door slammed open, and in danced a ravishing, rockin' figure, with big black
bat wings, a gothy dress, big stompy boots, dark brown fur with a rust-red
collar, and an *amazing* booty. "Hiiiiii nerds, I'm finally here!" She snapped
her fingers and pointed double fingerguns at them. "Ginger Jackson, at your
Writer's Block Person pondered, a finger on their chin, then pointed back at
Library Lad straightened up and smoothed out his costume. "Pardon me, ma'am, but
does it make sense for you to be an anthro bat in this universe? I thought we
were mostly saving that for Sunsburgh, or maybe the Tooniverse."
"I mean," said Writer's Block Person, "we can totally have some dimensional
immigrants or such..."
"No, no, he's right," said Ginger, grabbing the doorknob. "Besides, I got a
better idea for that. Hang on..." She stepped outside and closed the door.
The door slammed open, and in danced a ravishing, rockin' figure, a tall, badass
black lady in a gothy dress and big stompy boots, with flowing dark-red hair and
an *amazing* booty. "Yo nerds, I'm even more here than I was before!" She struck
a Saturday Night Fever pose. "Ginger Jackson, here for the party!"
"oh gosh," said Writer's Block Person, getting heart eyes, then shaking themself
out. "Yes good. But what's your deal other than being powerful and beautiful and
"Settle down, cutie. And let me show you..." She pulled a chunky camera with a
big, cool, technical-looking lens and pressed it to her waist, a belt appearing
out of it and automatically wrapping around her body. "...how I get flashy!"
Shifting to first-person narration, she slams her hand down on the big red
button atop the camera, and suddenly, blinding lights flash from every angle,
reflecting off a shining silhouette! When the lights fade, there stands a figure
in dark brown armor, a rust-red "V" over her chest with a giant camera lens in
the middle, and a batwing-shaped cape, with a helmet with a protruding visor
with a pair of round lenses and a smiling faceplate! "Burst Beetle..." She
poses, one arm cocked back in a fist, the other a splayed hand high in the air!
Writer's Block Person applauded widly, and Library Lad applauded politely.
"Bravura performance," he said. "So it's going to be a series about Burst Beetle
"Not quite!" said Ginger-Flash, spinning around and grabbing the doorknob. "It's
gonna be... TWO of us!"
She slammed it open, and on the other side stood a woman who jumped and stood up
straight. "Um, hi!" She had periwinkle skin and dark bluish-green hair, with a
pair of antennae poking out of it, one short, the other long. She was short,
well under five feet, and chubby-curvy, with orange eyes and a subtle scent
around her like marigolds, wearing jeans, a T-shirt, and sneakers. An orange
keytar was strapped around her back. "I'm Swatii Kaksik. Um. Nice to meet you!"
She rubbed the back of her head and gave a somewhat awkward smile.
Ginger grabbed and squeezed her close, and Swatii squeaked as she was squished
by the armor. Ginger oop'd and pressed a button on her belt, de-transforming,
then re-hugged. "And we're roommates!"
"oh my god they're roommates," said Writer's Block Person, eyes shining. "Yes I
love this I've been wanting to introduce Swatii to the LNH for a long time now.
She's an original species, right, not a Ho--"
"I'm a Bulbling, yeah!" said Swatii, wriggling out of Ginger's arms in her haste
to interrupt them. "Or if you want to be formal, a member of what was once known
as the Perennial Empire. ...please don't call it that, tho, that's what lesser
jerks and greater assholes call it."
Library Lad made some quick backstory notes in his notebook. "Very good, glad to
expand the universe. Are you a Burst Beetle too, then?"
Writer's Block Person hummmmed. "You know... I don't think they should both be
Burst Beetles, actually. That feels more like, kind of, sort of..." They wiggled
their hands in the air. "...it feels wrong in a vague feelsy way."
Swatii looked off into the distance, thoughtfully... then got a big grin on her
face. "Oooooh. I got something better." She unstrapped her keytar, got it into
position... "Let's see, it goes like..."
She plays the opening riff from Brave Heart (you know, the original Digimon
transformation theme), and silver light bursts from the keys as she holds them
down!! "Shine... *Platinum Hero*!!"
The background fades into shimmering colors, and her keytar becomes a vortex of
silvery liquid, swirling around her as she raises her arms before splashing down
against her body. Her hands reach out of the liquid, clad in black, elbow-length
textured-rubber gloves with orange grips and orange trim; on the middle two
knuckles of each hand are knobs to control pitch, vibrato, portamento, and
sustain, and down her forearms run synthesizer keys in black and silvery-white
platinum. Her feet, in knee-high black boots with flared orange trim. Her body,
in a shimmering platinum bodysuit with an orange skirt that ends just above her
boots. Over her chest and abdomen, a keyboard sash with a pattern of black and
platinum keys, trimmed in orange, with a single shoulder pad designed after the
keytar's neck, and a keytar strap running the other way. Finally, over her head
is an orange helmet, with a visor shaped like cool sunglasses, antennae carefully
tucked into protective platinum sheathes, and a platinum smile over her face.
"The music of the spheres rings in my blood!" The background fades away, and
Swatii poses in front of a galaxy, stars around it twinkling bright with each
syllable she speaks. "Spheresong! The Platinum Melody!" She swings her arm
around in a great ellipse, and points off into the distance, towards the
"oh my goodness you're so *COOL*!" said Ginger, leaping forward and lifting
Spheresong up in her arms for a huge powerful hug. Swatii squeaked again as she
was spun around~
"Ah, yes," said Library Lad, "Deuce's Platinum Line concept. They'll be glad to
see it used." They made some more notes, then snapped their notebook closed and
turned to Writer's Block Person. "So you're going to transfer your ongoing
adventure plots to them?"
"Right," said WBP. "Not that I won't do any more adventure-y stuff, like, that
one about the Battly Fight was good. But I want to focus more on the feels-y
meta slice-of-life stuff."
"Gotcha. Okay, well." He turned to Ginger and Swatii. "Are you ready to face
"Just a sec!" said Ginger, and did her transformation sequence again.
"Um," said Swatii. "Is it okay if I've never watched Kamen Rider Saber?"
"Quite all right. You see, they're actually a parody of the Kamen Rider Saber
*theme song*. Ska musicians with deadly saxophone-swords."
"Huh. Weirdly, that could not be more up my alley..." said Swatii, just before
Ginger grabbed her hand and Library Lad's, and pulled the two of them out the
door and away~
Somewhere, there was a room with people in it, one of them an armored figure.
They were people with evil plots and evil plans, sitting around and looking
significantly at each each other.
An old dot-matrix printer in the corner of the room suddenly came to life,
whirring as a green-and-white-striped strip of paper spooled out of it. One of
the people took the paper, looked at it, smirked, nodded, and handed it to the
armored figure. "It has begun," they said.
The armored figure looked at the paper and nodded significantly. "Now, finally,"
they intoned, "the beginning of the mysterious beginning begins."
Suddenly, the door slammed open and the Ununnilium Stranger ran in with a broom,
thwacking the armored figure around the head and shoulders. "No! Get!" Thwack!
Thwack! "Out of this series!"
"Ow! Jeez! Okay!" The armored figure ran out the door, covering their head.
"You too!" said the Ununnilium Stranger, thwacking the others on the butts,
making them shout and run. "Go bother those two! Out!"
This, too, is a parody of Kamen Rider Saber.
Author's Note: I'm not sure if I'm going to be giving Ginger and Swatii their
own series or what, but look for them in the near future either way!
Drew "just to clarify, nobody thwacks anyone in the butt with a broom in Kamen
Rider Saber" Nilium
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