LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! #35: "Gang Aft Agley"

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Nov 29 18:56:20 PST 2020

Issue #35: "Gang Aft Agley"
A tale of triumph for *someone*, by Drew Nilium


Anti-Christ Lad watched his past self disappear in a burst of flames, and let
out a glorious megalomanical cackle. Finally! His most important goal in this
battle, achieved - and now, to send himself to a completely different battle,
to achieve a much greater goal, and clear the way for his rule once and for all!

He remembered the first of the encrypted messages he'd gotten from someone who
claimed to be a member of the West Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains. He hadn't
taken it at face value, of course, but this source gave him some very choice
pieces of information he'd been able to use to stymie the Crime Empress's
attempts to expand into Net.ropolis.

Once the anonymous source had proven themself, they'd sent him something - a
little thing like a key fob, with a button on it. When he pressed the button,
so the source said, a portal would appear - leading into the heart of the West
Coast Brotherhood's base.

Anti-Christ Lad had had DNSDaemon possess its circuits, to find out more. His
techno-demonic analysis confirmed that all the device did was connect to a
quantum relay and send seven signals - signals that corresponded to the settings
on the Crime Empress's asterisk.gate.

The body of Mister Homage turned and walked out the doors of LNHQ, ignoring the
"Uh, sir, where are you going?" from Polybag Person.

The most powerful of the Empress's forces had been drawn into a battle from
which she could not easily recall them. Anti-Christ Lad had considered taking
DNSDameon or Plotchopper with him, but no - all he needed was his own hellborn

As Anti-Christ Lad walked onto the lawn, a number of Vector-troll-sheep turned
toward him, eyes glowing balefully as they recognized their number one target.
They stamped their feet, making snuffling noises, preparing to attack.

Anti-Christ Lad let out a supercilious laugh. Posing triumphantly, he pressed
the button!

...nothing happened.

...he held the pose for a moment...

...nothing happened.

He pressed the button again. And again. Nothing continued to happen.

Anti-Christ Lad glanced up at the Vector-troll-sheep, getting closer. Damn.
Damn, damn, damn. He dropped the button and summoned hellfire into Mister
Homage's hands, meeting their glowing gaze with one of his own.

Readying for battle, he couldn't help but wonder what his anonymous source's
*true* plan was...


The Crime Empress squinted at the monitors, frowning. The young Anti-Christ Lad
was still alive, she knew that much, but had gone completely off the map. And
the old one was doing *something* with her sheep. What was his game...?

A chime sounded softly in the background, and Lucky Chain Letter Lucy looked up
from the paperwork she was doing. "I'll get that, Empress."

"Yes, please do..." Odd that he'd step away from the main battle to fight the
sheep. That was what they were there for, of course, playing divide-and-conquer
with the East Coasters, but tactically...

A voice the Crime Empress didn't recognize cleared their throat in a
spectacularly unsubtle manner. A sudden chill ran down her spine.

She stood, gracefully, smoothing out her black sequin dress and adjusting her
CRIME hat. She stepped out of her throne, and turned, to face whoever had
managed to take her by surprise.

It was a figure in absolutely hideous plaid armor. Two more armored figures
stood behind them, one with a T-shirt stretched over the armor that read 'Yaks
Go Home', the other resembling an anthropomorphic crab. An albino wearing a
mismatched outfit and holding a guitar floated to their right; to their left
stood what appeared to be a young Arnold Schwarzeneggar, oiled up and holding a
sword and a gun. A glowing bee perched on their left shoulder, and a disembodied
eyeball floated over their right shoulder.

"Crime Empress! How good to make your acquaintance." The figure spread their
hands, gesturing at the odd assemblage. "May I introduce Phantom Weirdo, the
Compuwarlock, the Psychic Crustacean, the Android Barbarian, the Living Bee,
Super Eyeball, and of course myself, Erik the Plaid - the Midwest Brotherhood
of Net.Villains!"

Drew "finally they're in the main plot!" Nilium

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