LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths #INFINITY: "The Waste of Time"

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Tue Nov 24 21:58:36 PST 2020

On 11/25/20 12:15 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> Issue #INFINITY: "The Wastes of Time"


> When the lockdown started, Time Waster Lad wasn't too worried.


> Wasting enough time 
> to get to the lockdown was over would be trivial.


> He could try and write 
> the Great American Novel, or maybe make a GPT-3 script that could do that for 
> him. 


> He could... what was he doing again? Oh yes. He could list out all the 
> things that he could do during while he waited for the lockdown to be over. He 
> could organize all his rubber bands by color. He could... what was he doing again?

Oh dear, *big* ADHD feels
> Usually, once he'd wasted time enough time, something would pull him back. Like 
> aliens invading, or a cheesecake coming to life and rampaging across the LNH 
> cafeteria. Usually he didn't have to waste time *all the time.*

Ohhhhhhhh god, BIG feels now

> His mind felt like a smear on a pair of glasses.


> He tried to rub his eyes but 
> suddenly felt he had no eyes to rub and no hands to rub them with. He was 
> floating outside his own body, drifting through the walls, floating outside the 


> There was a huge battle of different net.heroes, net.villains, kiwis, sheep and 
> other that bursted out of the HQ and violently meandered its way toward the 
> Net.ropolis Bandshell. "Oooh," said Time Waster Lad. Giant robots and monsters 
> lumbered across the city and fought in sped-up, herky-jerky motion.

Love it, love it

> More heroes showed up, more battles broke out over and 
> over again all over the city. Gradually, things started to change. Buildings 
> were torn down and replaced by sleek metallic monstrosities.

Yessssss, sped-up-view-of-decades-passing is my favorite visual time travel 
trope. The 2002 Time Machine movie is good basically just for that.

> It was always 
> night now, because of Drama.

Another extremely good line.

> The LNHQ itself was still there, though, now a museum which people walked into 
> and out of every day. And Time Waster Lad still waited.
> "Man, I wonder if Supernatural ever ended," he said to himself. "I forgot to 
> check."


> A group of anthropomorphic animals milled about the city 
> and soon moved in, their small huts turning into a larger civilization built on 
> top of the old city. They left the LNHQ alone, though some stopped by to leave 
> offerings.
> "Huh. Furries," said Time Waster Lad.

X3 And here we see the Kamandi time period...

> Then new spaceships came down from the sky. The furries were gone; it wasn't 
> clear where. The humans had come back to the city, rebuilding all the ruined 
> towers into shiny sleek vaguely future-y edifices. More spaceships came, 
> bringing aliens from everywhere, converging as one onto the LNHQ.

The LSH time period...

> There were 
> other heroes, some of which Time Waster Lad recognized as alternate future 
> heroes from adventures past [such as the LNH3k possibly?--FG]

That's only like one generation in the future. This would be more like the guys 
from Flame Wars Final that I don't feel like looking up their name.

> Then the sky turned red again, spaceships began to explode and their flaming 
> pieces fell down and wrecked the new towers.

Very Gundam-y.

> New heroes flew through the sky, including a pyramid-like being that Time 
> Waster Lad immediately recognized as Usenet Prime of the Agents of the 
> Intergalactic Network [see Flame Wars Final--FG],

Yeah, those guys! :D So I guess those other guys would be... something else!

> The towers transformed into cathedral-like buildings covered in 
> gargoyles. Dragons began to fly through the air along with robed figures bearing 
> staffs and spellbooks. A world of science had become one of magic, or 
> science-magic or magic-science.

Ahhhhh, yes, of course, the magic-science time period.

> There was a kind of spiritual humidity, a sense of a powerful 
> energy that was slowly dying.

Another incredibly good line.

> The light of the world began to darken. The sky slowly turned red. The towers 
> began to decay. The magic that the battling sorcerers flung at each other had a 
> baneful air.


> Gradually, there were less and less people, and then there were 
> none. The towers gradually crumbled away, leaving a plain of red sand.
> The LNHQ was still there.

Daaaaaaaaaaamn :D :D :D

> Surrounding it were a ring of stone statues, each as large as one of the old 
> towers, that glowed a sickly green. Their forms seemed to slowly (even in this 
> sped-up time) shift and twist.

Ohhhhhhh that's so good. :o Lovecraftian!

> These were the Chaos Gods of the Deep 
> Omnilooniverse, probably, or something like that.

oooooooooh yes :3 :3 :3

> Time Waster Lad wasn't really 
> up on his presbytertheology. [pseudo-Greek for 'study of Elder Gods'--FG]


> "Shit," said Time Waster Lad. "Well, I guess I can't stop now. I'll have to ride 
> this out to the end, whatever that is."

 >:D Yesssssss

> The sun grew larger and larger and the Earth began to crumble. A wall of red 
> fire advanced on him, growing steadily larger and larger, and then swallowed up 
> everything. Then it subsided and faded away, leaving a dim light that faded to 
> nothing. The Earth was gone.
> The LNHQ was still there.


> With the Earth gone, the sub-basements were now 
> exposed to open air, a huge structure that seemed to shift like a hypercube. 


> Time Waster Lad wondered if his body was still in there somewhere, or if even 
> the dust had crumbled away into dust.


> He waited a very, very long time. He saw a floating rock flash by with a Time 
> Crapper talking to an ethereal figure and a group of young net.heroes [Ultimate 
> Mercenary #7--FG]


> And then--
> His nonexistent nostrils were hit by a distinctive horrible stench. He was in 
> the Rear-End of Time, a time when space itself seemed to be rotting away. And 
> there was a fortress in the shape of an outhouse with the symbol of a moon on 
> it, the Time Crapper's citadel--which had once been the LNHQ.


> He wondered what would happen next. There were a number of theories of how the 
> universe would end and, because of the nature of Hypertext-Time, all of them 
> were true. He wondered which one he would end up with.

yesssssssss that's extremely good.

> He had his answer. The remains of space rushed back together. There was light.
> Time Waster Lad saw, for the second time, the creation of the universe.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D I LOVE THIS.

> He wondered if he'd entered into an entirely new universe and was about to 
> become some kind of Galactus analogue, but then he caught a glimpse of him and 
> his teammates fighting the Anti-Drizzt [FWII again] and realized that this was 
> one of those stories where time loops back in on itself in a kind of Nietzschean 
> way.

Aha X3 <3

> He waited. From the glowing cloud of creation stars and planets began to 
> congeal, the Earth itself formed, and he gradually drifted back down into it 
> until he found himself in his own body in the present.
> He rubbed his eyes, finally, and looked at the time on his laptop. One minute 
> had passed.
> "Oh come on," said Time Waster Lad.

This is such a good punchline. <3 <3 <3

> It went on like that for a while. 
> He'd managed to stabilize himself after the first burst of time-wasting, 
> especially when he started playing more games and interacting more with other 
> people, but every so often the time-wasting acceleration would hit him again, 
> giving him a somewhat different future each time but always ending up in the 
> same place.

Holy cow. That's so much @- at v

> It wasn't *all* bad, though. The third time he ended up in the Rear-End of Time, 
> he heard a voice calling to him: "Hi, cutie!"
> He looked up and saw, wearing the Time Crapper's robes, the familiar face of 
> Tamela. "Oh hi!" he said. "What are you doing here?"

Ooooooh! Nice nice! :D Did not expect that.

> "Well," she said, "that was the final outcome after the Time Crapper and I were 
> split. He erased himself from history, in the end, and I took his place."

:o *Fascinating*. Would this be after Retcon Hour, or a different Hypertext 

> "Just like the original Time Trapper and Glorith, I guess," said Time Waster 
> Lad, clearly being written by a writer who had never let go of referencing 
> arcane comics plots.

:3 :3 :3

> "I wonder if he ever really existed apart from me, in a sense. Maybe he created 
> me, as a result of his initial experiments with time, as the person he always 
> wanted to be."

Trans gotta trans.

> They talked for a while, about everything and nothing. Time Waster Lad now had 
> those conversations with the Time Crapper who was Tamela (he had no idea which 
> number she was) when he reached the Rear-End of Time.

Awwwwwwww. <3 That's very good.

> Still, he was getting a 
> little tired of it, and after the seventh time he witnessed the death and 
> rebirth of the universe he decided to talk to someone about it.

Legit. X3

> "Hi," he said. "Listen, I've been going through some stuff..."
> "Me too." Bad Timing Boy laughed. Time Waster Lad wanted to talk, but he 
> coudln't even begin to put it into words.

Yeah. @-@

> "Listen," said Bad Timing Boy. "I know things have been tough lately, but they 
> could be worse. At least we're safe..."
> The alarm went off. The LNHQ was under attack.,


> Well I primarily blame William Hope Hodgson's House of the Borderland for this. 
> Also reading Drew's wonderful recent arc on Burst Beetle Twenseveny.

Awwwwwww gosh. ^#^ I feel very appreciated.

Drew "I am fascinated and delighted by this" Nilium

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