LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! #6pi.0 + 1pi.0: "I Do (Not) Wanna Miss a Thing"

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Nov 22 21:59:22 PST 2020

#6pi.0 + 1pi.0: "I Do (Not) Wanna Miss a Thing"
A tale of gratuitous silliness, by Drew Nilium


A green forest, full of disappearing cats and talking rabbits and tea parties.
Cliche Dude frolicked about, dancing a lobster quadrille.

Suddenly, the skies turned dark and cloudy. A great vortex opened in the clouds,
and a voice boomed out, sounding just like James Earl Jones. "CLICHE DUDE!"

"Great scott!" said Cliche Dude.

"We are the forces of Chaos and Silliness!" boomed the voice. "There is a great
wrong you must redress!"

"The balance of good and evil?" That was what Cliche Dude was usually
redressing, after all.

"No! The balance of Silliness and Tossed-Off Writing versus Structure and
Planned Long-Form Writing!"

"Gasp! Choke!"

"The Writers have forgotten where this whole cascade began!" thundered the
voice. "Quick comedy issues!"

"There's no time to lose!" said Cliche Dude. "To me, my hammer, my board, and
my fiddlers three!"

"And my axe!" said the dwarf, playing a shredding power chord as Cliche Dude
leapt across the cosmos.

"Astoundtastic!" bespoke another mysterious beingness. "Whilst mine erstwhile
sibling lays his devious designs on controlling the multiverse, my mellifluous
shenanigans will encircle the narrative itself!"

Suddenly, Cliche Dude kicked down the door! "I WOULD HAVE WORDS WITH THEE!"

"Trepidations!" An indescribable figure shied back from the light, its
-googlefratches xmorting!

"Of course, it was you all along!" said Cliche Dude. "Simplicity's sibling -
the anthropomorphic personification of Complexity!"

"Curses and lamentations be upon you, Cliche Dude!" Complexity sqombled their
eeleeodacter. "Never shall you forestall my unequivocal dominance of this
storytelling milieu!"

"I don't think so! Take that! And that!" Cliche Dude swung his hammer at
Complexity's therblesnatcher, but Complexity blocked with their hatachamari and
kimbulated their dyzen'thari. Cliche Dude jumped over the astrologaster and
antidisestablishmentarianized their yodelayheehoo, pastrami-gangling the

"I capitulate!" groaned Sincerity, feebly vranding their tallywhatsit. "But
your efforts come tardily - said narrative is already knotted beyond

"Never say die!" said Cliche Dude, and arrived at a beach party, with lots of
bodacious people playing volleyball! He spiked the ball for the winning point,
and Halls Jordan applauded wildly before wrapping around his leg like a winsome
love interest in a movie poster.


"yeah... i'm the greatest..." Cliche Dude turned over in his tangled bedsheets
and snored loudly. He was far too deep in dreamland to notice that the things
that had been exiled for Simplicity's sake were returning...

Drew "li'l bit of momentum maybe" Nilium

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