LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #177: Beige Midnight Part Thirteen

[Arthur Spitzer]

Okay, looks like there's a new version of Google Groups that doesn't
allow me to get the original source of a post.  So, I guess I'll
just try and copy from the RACC mailing list.  See how well that
works out (I mean it's true that I probably have BM #4 some where
on my hard drive and could copy it from that.)  Anyways, Curse you
Google Groups!

You can sift through the racc list archive
https://lists.eyrie.org/pipermail/racc/
or you can try google groups racc for the thirteenth part of Beige Midnight.

Here's the last quarter of issue #4 -- 'The Coronation', by Saxon Brenton
and me (Arthur Spitzer).    Can anyone stop a Cosmic-Plot Device Infused
Hex Luthor?  Maybe Occultism Kid?  The Ultimate Ninja?  Mynabird? Irony
Man?  The Bicycle Liberation Front?  Sing-Along Lass?  Knife Fight Dude?
The Google Groups (Let's Make Google Groups Way Worse) Squad?  (Well,
probably not those guys.  Those guys always suck!)

Find out in...


              _						
             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #177


                         =====================
                     Beige Midnight Part Thirteen
                         =====================

Date: Feb 25 22:30:37 PST 2009


Beginning of Part IV

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Occultism Kid watched as a dimensional vortex swallowed all of Hex 
Luthor's secret occult service.  He guessed most of them were Freedom 
Chippers that had magic abilities.  It was a bit too easy.  He could 
have sworn that there was some greater power protecting Hex Luthor. 
There must be someone else here.  But where?

Suddenly Occultism Kid felt a huge attack that knocked him down.  He 
looked and saw an old LNH foe.  i-Mage.

Occultism Kid frowned.  "I'm surprised," he said to the i-Mage.  "I 
honestly wouldn't have thought you'd be one of Hex's lackeys. 
Everything that Marvel_Zombie Lad reported indicates that you'd be more 
likely to be leading your own group."

The i-Mage sneered and fired off a generic force blast at Occultism Kid. 
  "And you honestly put credence in anything that your Marvel moron 
said?"  Occultism Kid parried with a mystic shield, and he noted to 
himself that Marvel_Zombie Lad had been right about the i-Mage's 
arrogance, at least.  "In any case," continued the i-Mage, "Hex made a 
generous offer for carving up power after he uses the Legion to take 
over the world."

"An offer you couldn't refuse?" Occultism Kid bantered as he conjured 
forth a dazzling array of phantasmal serpents and launched them at his 
opponent.

The i-Mage snarled.  "An offer that Hex Luthor was smart enough to make 
worth my while!"  He effortlessly disposed of the serpents, using his 
powers to grasp by main force the light that the illusions were made up 
of and decohering them into a harmless burst of sparkles.

This sparring continued for a while.  The two mages had never 
encountered each other before, let alone crossed swords, but their 
reputations had preceded them and each wanted to test the other's 
strengths before committing himself to an irrevocable endgame. 
Illusions were cast.  Telepathic assaults were beaten back.  Force 
blasts flew thick and fast.  Goads were made with Bigby's Offensive 
Finger.

Occultism Kid grew a little nonplussed.  He'd been half expecting the 
i-Mage to have a powerful but not particularly deep mastery of magic. 
He'd hoped to do an end-run around the i-Mage's defenses by calling on 
some esoteric spell from the Marvel or DC canon.  But every time he 
tried to do that, or even use something from even more obscure from a 
non-comic book setting, the i-Mage was able to counter it.

How about non-magical combat then?

He dodged a phalanx of grasping tentacles and cast a metamagic spell 
that would exclude all magical energy from the area.  No sooner had 
Occultism Kid done this then he was running forward, intent on catching 
the i-Mage by surprise.  He needn't have bothered.  No sooner was the 
magical exclusion been enacted than the i-Mage collapsed and his head 
fell off!

Occultism Kid stared in astonishment at the fallen figure.  He carefully 
turned over the head, and discovered it to be no more than a generic 
plaster store mannequin.  The body, likewise, was nothing more than a 
plaster figure dressed up in the i-Mage's robes.

"The devil," swore Occultism Kid to himself.  It turned out that the 
i-Mage hadn't bothered to come to the battle after all.

He turned his attention to the rest of the battle that was happening and 
noticed that Hex was now using the Cosmic Plot Device.

Damn.  He had been distracted by i-Mage.  He needed to stop this now.

"Wikiboy revert!  Revert to previous edit!  Wikiboy!  Revert!"  Nothing 
was happening.  Wikiboy wasn't listening to him.  Why wasn't he 
listening to him?  "Wikiboy revert to last edit!  Revert!!"  Nothing.

This wasn't good.

Fortunately for Occultism Kid, Hex wasn't paying attention to him 
either.  Too busy fighting Kid Kirby and Captain Continuity -- and a 
number of other LNH'rs.

He needed to think of something quick.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Hex Luthor hesitated as he looked at Cosmic Plot Device still in his 
hand.  He would have to accept it all.  All of the power.  No more 
slivers of power.  If he were going to defeat the LNH he'd have to take 
it all in.  Some parts of his brain, maybe the Old mad scientist Luthor 
or perhaps the New Business minded Luthor, were telling him not to do 
it.  They were afraid.  Afraid of being devoured by it.  But if he 
didn't then he'd lose.  He'd lose it all.  He had to accept it.  He had 
to.  He couldn't lose.  Not again.

He made his choice.

And he drowned in the power.

The Cosmic Plot Device started to crawl over him.  Soak within him.  It 
was an ocean!  An ocean that went forever!  Larger than all the 
universes that had ever been.  And after awhile within the frozen time 
frame he was in -- he was the Cosmic Plot Device.  And it was him.

His skin was completely gold covered in his business suit.  His eyes 
were black like pieces of obsidian.

He could hear a song.  Where was that song coming from?  It was the 
Cosmic Plot Device.  Talking to him.  It was a wonderful sound.  The 
people below him started to become less and less real.  He muted the 
noise of the rabble and focused on the song.  A song that was the 
reality of the world.  The only reality.

He flew into the air.  It was strange.  Some part of him flashed back to 
when he was a kid.  It was at some birthday party.  Some kid had a tree 
house.  And he had climbed up it with no problem.  But going down was a 
problem.  He couldn't do it.  It was too far up.  He was afraid.  They 
had to call some fire people to get him down.  His father had been very 
disappointed.  Very disappointed.

But now.  It was different.  He could do anything.  He could crush an 
entire galaxy by just thinking of it.  He looked down at all the heroes. 
  They were so little.  So little.

He looked at Bicycle Repair Lad on top of his Very, Very, Big Monster 
Bike.  Hex laughed.  He could kill him.  It wouldn't take much.  Hex let 
time speed up.

He blinked and the Monster Bike disappeared.  Bicycle Repair Lad was 
being held up by nothing.  And he started to fall.  Captain Continuity 
caught him before he hit the ground.  Hex thought about blasting him 
away right then, but no.  That would be no fun.  No.  Bicycle Repair Lad 
would be the last to die.  He'd have to watch Hex make a Mountain of 
Corpses out of his comrades.  Yes.

Captain Continuity quickly flashed over and punched him.  It was a punch 
that could kill a star.  But it just made Hex laugh.  Kid Kirby came to 
join in the fun.  Hex watched as they punched and blasted away at him 
for a few minutes.  And then he started to fight back.  With the snap of 
a finger Hex transformed Kid Kirby into a frog.  He turned Captain 
Continuity into a lifeless action figure still wrapped in a plastic case.

He saw the Ultimate Ninja who had by now broken free of his Freedom Chip 
and was busy throwing ninja bushes and Ginsu Katanas at him.  With a 
blink of the eye, the Ultimate Ninja's bones became jello.

He saw the Gothic Gorilla talking to the Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature 
Man.  Wasn't the gorilla supposed to be dead?  Hex didn't like that. 
That sort of thing really cheapened the meaning of death.  No.  This 
wouldn't do.  He'd have to fix this.  And with that thought, he pointed 
his finger at the Arcane Ape and a blast of energy engulfed the gorilla. 
  What was left were some charred skeletal remains and a black 
trenchcoat.  This time you stay dead.

Hex looked around.  Where were the other potential threats?  Where was 
Occultism Kid?  Ah.  There he was.  Talking to some female LNH'r.  With 
a wave of the hand, he caused Occultism Kid to transform into a New Age 
crystal.  First the legs and then the rest of the body.  And finally the 
head.

Who next?


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Occultism Kid was frantic.  He ran through all the possibilities in his 
head.  Why wasn't Wikiboy reverting?  Was it a communication problem? 
Wikiboy had been turned into inanimate objects before and there had been 
no problem.  But then again turning into a stop sign was one thing -- 
turning into a part and becoming one with the Cosmic Plot Device was 
quite another.  Could the Cosmic Plot Device be preventing Wikiboy from 
hearing any commands?

He needed to communicate with the Cosmic Plot Device.  But how?  Only 
someone who was using the device could understand it -- could...

No wait.  He needed someone who could speak to the Cosmic Plot Devices. 
  There had to be someone in the LNH.

Think.  Who could do that?  Who could...?

Of course!

Occultism Kid quickly scanned the battle and saw whom he needed.  He ran 
over to where Browsing Boy and Linguist Lass were fighting several 
Freedom Chippers.  He chanted a spell and the Freedom Chippers collapsed 
to the ground.

"Uh, thanks, Occultism Kid.  What did you...?" said a puzzled Browsing Boy.

"I put them to sleep.  Will only last a few minutes.  Linguist Lass -- I 
need your help."

"Sure, what for?" asked Linguist Lass.

"I need you to talk to the Cosmic Plot Device.  Wikiboy is part of it. 
I need you to..."

"Occultism Kid!  Your legs are turning to crystal!" shouted Browsing Boy.

"You need to revert -- revert him to previous -- edit.  You need to..." 
  Occultism Kid's face was gripped with pain as his whole body began to 
turn into a New Age crystal.  "The Cosmic Plot Device!  Talk to..."  But 
he couldn't finish.  The lower part of his face was now crystal.  And a 
few seconds later -- all of him.

"What was he talking about, Anne?" said Browsing Boy, who was obviously 
in great need of a hearing aid.

"Wikiboy is part of the Cosmic Plot Device.  And I have to talk to it." 
  She turned her head towards Hex Luthor.  "I have to talk to the Cosmic 
Plot Device."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Linguist Lass focused her mind on the Cosmic Plot Device that was 
wrapped around Hex Luthor's skin.  She'd have to be careful.  She didn't 
want Hex to be aware of what she was doing.  She relaxed and started to 
work.  Using her ability to absorb any language, she began to soak up 
everything.  Every single word.  Although it wasn't really words -- it 
was tunes.  An almost endless amount of musical notes that ranged within 
trillions of octaves.  It was too much.  Linguist Lass ripped herself 
from the bond.

Browsing Boy caught her as she started to fall.  "You okay?  Did you 
connect?"

"Yes.  It was -- It was Beautiful.  Horrible.  Sad.  Funny.  Everything. 
  A Song older than Everything.  Nothing can stop it.  It's beyond -- 
beyond our..."  Linguist Lass stopped and caught her breath.  "I can't 
talk to it.  I can't sing the notes -- the notes.  They're too -- it's 
just not possible!  The ranges are beyond any human.  Any..."

"Even Sing-Along Lass?"

Linguist Lass gave her face a slap.  "Oh my god.  Sing-Along Lass!"  She 
gave Browsing Boy a kiss.  "Now I know why I married you."

"Thought it was for my incredible tongue browsing techniques," grinned 
Browsing Boy.

Linguist Lass gave her husband a playful slap.  "Later.  But right now 
-- we need to find Sing-Along Lass.  Quickly.  God.  Hope this works."

Browsing Boy nodded and used his powers to browse the crowd.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Fuzzy pressed various buttons a few more time.

"Damn it!  Why won't this stupid thing work!?"  Fuzzy resisted the urge 
to throw it at Building Suspense Lad.

"Maybe I could take a crack at it.  Have a knack for fixing stuff."  The 
voice came from a rather large man in a trenchcoat who was standing in 
the shadow of a large tree.  He had a big ass knife in his hand.

"And you are?" said an unimpressed Fuzzy.

"That's the Knife Fight Dude!" piped up Building Suspense Lad.

"Oh right."  Fuzzy rolled her eyes.  "That creepy psychopath that's 
always hanging around the LNHQ.  What's your deal?  Are you a member or 
just some sick LNH groupie?"

"Hey.  I have feelings," said a sad Knife Fight Dude clearly hurt by 
Fuzzy's attack on him.

Fuzzy sighed.  "Right.  Sorry.  It's been a bad day."

"Like I said, I'm good with mechanical objects."  Knife Fight Dude 
pointed his big ass knife at the Sincerity Bomb.

"Fine.  Not like I'm getting anywhere with it.  That's for sure."  Fuzzy 
tossed it to him.

The Knife Fight Dude examined it closely and then carefully placed it on 
the ground.  And then he said in a clear voice, "Strange Looking 
Mechanical Device -- I...  What?  What did you say?  Did you just call 
my mother a whore?  How dare you!  HOW DARE YOU!  My mother was a good 
woman!  A strong woman!  She cooked and cleaned for all of my brothers 
and sisters!  And she taught us all how to knife fight!!  You are a 
liar, sir.  You have no right!  YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!!!  I challenge you, 
sir!  I challenge you to a..."  The Knife Fight Dude cleared his voice 
and continued, "A KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!"  And after that he started 
savagely stabbing at the Sincerity Bomb as his voice raged to the heavens.

Fuzzy put her hand over her head and thought to herself, This isn't 
happening.  I'm having some horrible nightmare and I'll wake up.  Yes. 
I'll wake up.

And after a number of savage stabs, a light started to flash on Dr. 
Stomper's Sincerity Bomb.  And it started to beep loudly.  The Knife 
Fight Dude stepped back.  A beam of light shot out from the bomb.  And a 
huge burst of light flashed out all over the city of Washington, D.C.

Sincerity bathed the air.  Freedom Chips started to click off all over 
the city.

Everyone was free.

Completely Free.

"There.  Fixed it," said the Knife Fight Dude as he walked off into the 
Sunset (well if there had been a Sun in the sky and the time had been 
Sunset time -- so -- I guess not.  I guess he didn't walk off into the 
sunset.  Sue me.)  "And remember Kids," he said facing another 
direction.  "There's no problem in the world so big that it can't be 
solved by clear rational thinking and a..." he rubbed his chin 
thoughtfully, "A KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!!!"  He waved his big ass knife in the 
sky while growling.

"Who's he talking to?" asked Fuzzy.

"I have no idea," shrugged Building Suspense Lad.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Carina Paschell -- also known as Sing Along Lass -- glanced at the frog 
that was hopping near her.  "You'll be all right, Kid Kirby.  We'll find 
a way -- a way to get you back to normal.  Or if not, we'll build you a 
nice pond to swim in."

"Can you do this?" asked Linguist Lass.

"Do I have a choice?  Yeah, I can do it."  Sing Along Lass gargled a bit 
from a cup of water and spat it out.

"Why isn't he looking at us?" said Psionic Lad has he watched Hex Luthor.

"Drunk with power," answered Sing Along Lass.  "I know what it's like. 
When I was one with the Power Kirby -- well, everything becomes a 
shadow.  Nothing feels real.  You've got all this power and -- He can't 
see us.  We're nothing to him."

"For now at least.  I'm not sure he'll keep ignoring us when you start 
singing.  Are you ready to do this?" asked Linguist Lass

"Yes."  The three took each others hands and formed a triangle.

"When I connect with the Cosmic Plot Device -- Laertes -- I want you to 
read all my thoughts and transfer them to Carina."

"Got it," said Psionic Lad.

"And Carina -- you have to get every tune and note right."

"I will," nodded Sing Along Lass.

"Well, let's do this then."  And Linguist Lass connected.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Catalyst Lass.  Yes.

That's who should be next.  She needed to pay.  To pay for what she did. 
  Trying to make me look like a fool, thought Hex to himself.  Make me a 
fool.

Her and that look-a-like of hers.  What could he do to them?  So many 
things.  But what?  Ah, maybe he could merge them into some grotesque 
Siamese twin creature.  Yes, that had possibilities.  Where were they 
anyway?

Hex surveyed the landscape.  Where had they gone to?  As he looked 
around his eyes paused.  Some hero had caught Hex's attention.  Who was he?

Using the Cosmic Plot Device, a search engine in his mind connected to 
the Internet.  At speeds faster than light, he had a name.

Obscure Triva Lad.

Power: The ability to answer any obscure trivia question.

What nonsense.  What utter ridiculous nonsense!

Why was the Cosmic Plot Device fixated on this particular hero?  What 
was he not seeing?

He needed to ignore this.  This was a waste of time.  He didn't care 
what this hero was.

But now he couldn't stop looking.  Why was this hero bothering him so much?

He continued to read Obscure Trivia Lad's roster entry.

Shapeshifter.  Died.  Now was in a Metal Liquid Body.  Android.

Android.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"It was back in '92.  Right after the Cry.Sig.  I had a plan that 
involved the broken pieces of the Cosmic Plot Device," Dr. Killfile 
started to say.

Hex Luthor was in a prison cell.

In the past.

A past that had never been.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

There was something about that.  What was it?

What was it he was trying to remember?

Think!


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"I had found two of the pieces and I used them to build some androids. 
The pieces powered the androids."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"The pieces powered the androids."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"The androids."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

"The androids."

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


"I called one of the androids, Aunt Comic Relief."  Dr. Killfile 
chuckled to himself.

                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The Androids.

The...

This was the android!

The other android that Dr. Killfile had made!

He had the last piece.

The last piece!

But he already had it, it didn't make any...

Hex Luthor's right hand started to crackle with power.  Power from the 
Cosmic Plot Device as he prepared to find out what exactly was inside 
Obscure Trivia Lad.

But before he could do that he felt a burst.  A burst of Sincerity 
Energy.  What caused it?  He could feel all of the Freedom Chips start 
to shut down.  Who?  Who would dare?  Someone would suffer for this. 
Someone would...

And also at that moment, he could hear a song.  It wasn't the Cosmic 
Plot Device's Song.  But it had a similar tune.  Who was singing it? 
Who was...?

To many things to deal with.  Have to choose one.  The singing.  He'd 
deal with that first.

He followed the tune with his ears.  There.  Standing in a triangle -- 
holding hands.  Two women and a man.  He searched for their names. 
Linguist Lass.  Psionic Lad.

And Sing-Along Lass.

He needed to slow time down.  He needed to...

A crack formed in his golden skin.

It wasn't working.  Time wasn't slowing.  Time wasn't...

Another crack formed.

He had been tricked.  Some how he had...

He had to...

He looked at his hand.  It was no longer covered in gold.  No.  It was 
beige.  A beige clay like substance that was cracking.  Flaking.  It was 
flaking away.

It was falling.  Falling to the ground.

And so was he.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

As Hex fell, the piece that Wikiboy had been edited to resemble reverted 
back to his last edit (which was basically a powerless Wikiboy with a 
Beaver tail -- courtesy Master Blaster).

Wikiboy transformed halfway between the inside of Hex's T-shirt and boxers.

As the two (now very, very uncomfortably) fell, Wikiboy thought to 
himself, Why me?

Why oh why?


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

As Linguist Lass watched Hex Luthor fall she remembered about WikiBoy. 
"WikiBoy!  You can teleport!"  WikiBoy teleported a few times before he 
fell down hard.  "Oh, ouch!  Guess I should've given him the power of 
flight too.  Sorry!  WikiBoy!  You have incredibly fast healing factor! 
  And you can shut down any pain feelings!"  She and a few other LNH'rs 
went to check to see if WikiBoy was all right.

As they did that, Hex Luthor, who had fallen even harder opened his 
eyes.  The pain he was feeling was excruciating.  Broken legs.  Broken 
arm.  He wanted to pass out.  But no.  He couldn't do that.  If he did, 
he'd lose.  And he wasn't going to lose.  Not today!

He glared at the heroes who were probably celebrating their defeat of 
him.  "Do you think I'm finished?" he muttered to himself.  "Do you 
think this is it?  Just because you beat my HexFire Club?  Took away my 
Freedom Chips?  Broke my Cosmic Plot Device -- You think it's over?! 
No.  I'm Hex Luthor.  I've always got something -- something up my..." 
He moved his broken arm.  The pain was enormous.  He bit his lip and 
pulled a sleeve up.  Under that sleeve was a wristband.  A wristband 
with a button.  His finger started to...

But before he could push it from out of nowhere came a flying bicycle 
wheel that smacked Hex right in the face knocking him out.

"No, Hex," said Bicycle Repair Lad with another bicycle wheel in his 
hand just incase.  "This time it's over.  No more button pushing.  No 
more reality rewriting.  This time you lose."


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Back in Washington, DC --


This had all happened before.

Obscure Trivia Lad had seen all of this somewhere.  Catalyst Lass was 
walking towards them.

"Hey, gang!  Good job here!" said Catalyst Lass as she went over to 
congratulate Sing Along Lass, Linguist Lass, and the rest of the LNH'rs 
involved in bringing Hex down.

Next Cheesecake Eater Lad would speak.

"Yeah, nice work," said Cheesecake Eater Lad.  He picked up a plastic 
case on the ground that had a Captain Continuity action figure in it. 
"But still -- Cheeezus!  Look at us.  Hex took out all our Big Guns. 
How can we stop Bart or Mynabird -- much less the Bryttle Brothers like 
this?  They're gone.  Ultimate Ninja.  Kid Kirby.  Occultism Kid..."

"We'll figure something out," said Catalyst Lass.

Obscure Triva Lad had seen this all before.  It was a reoccurring dream 
he had.  Not as reoccurring as the one involving him being naked on the 
game-show Jeopardy.  But reoccurring all the same.

He looked at the quivering body of the Ultimate Ninja.  Bones of Jello. 
  Trying to stand up.

Occultism Kid as a big New Age Crystal.

And Obscure Trivia Lad knew what he had to do.  "Catalyst Lass?  Obscure 
Triva Lad has an idea.  Catalyst Lass needs to tell WikiBoy to be able 
to resist being corrupted by the Cosmic Plot Device.  Then you should 
tell WikiBoy that he has the power to absorb all of the Cosmic Plot 
Device pieces within him.  Then tell him to use the fully restored 
Cosmic Plot Device to help undo all of Hex Luthor's damage."

"Hmm.  Well, that could work.  And it's not like we're using WikiBoy as 
a deus ex machina.  More like using the Cosmic Plot Device as a deus ex 
machina.  It's worth a shot."  Catalyst Lass flashed a smile towards 
Obscure Trivia Lad.  "Good idea, Obscury!  Wikiboy?  Need you here, 
sweetie."

And then Catalyst Lass started to edit WikiBoy.  "WikiBoy.  You cannot 
be corrupted by the Cosmic Plot Device.  And can only use it for what I 
tell you to use it for -- Got it?"

WikiBoy nodded.

Obscure Trivia Lad's liquid metal heart began to beat faster.

Catalyst Lass continued.  "You have the power to absorb every single 
piece of the Cosmic Plot Device and put them into you."

Obscure Trivia Lad wondered what would it be like.  What would it...

"Now use that power, WikiBoy.  Use it!"

WikiBoy started to glow.  Pieces of the Cosmic Plot Device began to 
disappear from off the ground.  Obscure Trivia Lad could feel his own 
piece start to move and...

Everything was becoming brighter.  Everything.  So bright.  Brighter.

And...

Then it was all white.

White was originally the national auto racing color of Japan until 
international racing colors were abandoned due to sponsorship, thought 
Obscure Trivia Lad.

And then...


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

Obscure Trivia Lad's eyes grew blank.  And his android body fell.

Catalyst Lass and the rest looked back as they heard the thud. 
"Obscury?  What happened?"

"Probably some aftereffect from the Hex Luthor battle," said Theory Man 
using his power to come up with the completely wrong explanation.  "Or 
maybe not enough Gatorade?"

"Well, hopefully WikiBoy can fix him."  Catalyst Lass looked back at 
WikiBoy.  "Bring them back, WikiBoy."

WikiBoy nodded and walked over to the Ultimate Ninja and gave him back 
his skeleton.  And after that he restored Kid Kirby and Captain 
Continuity.  And then Occultism Kid.  And then the next one and the next 
one.

Until finally he came to the charred remains of the Gothic Gorilla.  He 
tried to use the Cosmic Plot Device to bring the Arcane Ape back to 
life.  But it wasn't working.  He tried and tried, but nothing was 
happening.  The Gothic Gorilla was just a bunch of charred bones.  "I'm 
sorry," he said eventually to the Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man. 
"It's not working.  I can't bring him back.  I'm sorry."

The Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man's sad face gave an understanding nod.

WikiBoy walked over to the lifeless body of Obscure Trivia Lad.  He 
tried again.  Using the power of the Cosmic Plot Device.  But still 
nothing.  WikiBoy looked over towards Occultism Kid.  "Why isn't it 
working?  Why can't I bring back the Gothic Gorilla and Obscure Trivia Lad?"

"You've got the Cosmic Plot Device in you WikiBoy?"  WikiBoy nodded. 
"Maybe it's too much like a Deus Ex Machina.  The Writers told us that 
WikiBoy could never be used as a Deus Ex Machina again.  And maybe they 
feel this comes too close.  Maybe there had to be sacrifices for this to 
work -- And Gothic Gorilla and Obscure Trivia Lad are those sacrifices. 
  I don't know."  Occultism Kid looked at the body of Obscure Trivia 
Lad.  "WikiBoy give me the piece you took from him."

"Obscury had a piece of the Cosmic Plot Device in him?" asked Catalyst Lass.

Occultism Kid nodded.  "It's what was keeping him alive."

"Why didn't he...?" Catalyst Lass started to say.

"He did what he had to do.  To bring the others back.  To bring me..." 
Occultism Kid took the Cosmic Plot Device shard and while chanting a 
spell put it back inside Obscure Trivia Lad.  "Maybe.  Just maybe."

But it didn't work.

Obscure Trivia Lad was still dead.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Bicycle Repair Lad examined the wristband he had taken from Hex.  A 
portable Cosmic Reset Button?  "I wonder what Brave New World Hex was 
going to create this time?"

"Could I have that, my Bicycle Healing friend?" said Kid Kirby.  Bicycle 
Repair Lad nodded and gave it to the Cosmic Crusader.  "Nay!  Tis best 
that we never know!  Tis too dangerous for a device like this to remain 
in this mortal realm!"  Using his finger Kid Kirby created a crack in 
reality.  A pocket dimension.  He put it carefully in this new dimension 
and then using the same finger closed it up again.

"For the best I suppose.  I wonder if we'll ever return reality to what 
it should have been."

"Maybe... Someday!"

"He wasn't like this.  Hex, I mean.  He was evil, but in a goofy sort of 
way.  Pushing the button changed him."

Kid Kirby shook his head.  "Nay!  It was power that changed him!  Power 
magnifies our good -- and our evil!"

"I guess."  Bicycle Repair looked at the bicycle wheel he still had in 
his hand.  Where did it go?  Where did it belong, he thought looking at 
all of the wreckage.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

The Ultimate Ninja walked over to where Hex Luthor was being put into an 
Ambulance.  He could see the Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man limping 
towards Hex too.

"I'm sorry about your friend, Mr. Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man," 
Hex Luthor began to say.  "I was being controlled.  The device was 
controlling me.  It made me do all of those horrible things. 
Unthinkable acts.  In many ways I'm as much of a victim as..."

"You lying piece of..." The Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man punched 
and kicked two of the secret service men that were guarding Hex.  The 
Ultimate Ninja quickly hurled himself over there and pinched one of the 
Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man's nerve clusters.  The 
Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man fell to the ground.

"You."  Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man eyes gazed at the Ultimate 
Ninja.  "You Hypocrite!  You get to kill wReamicus and..." he said with 
rage in his voice.

"In all honesty, I had expected wReamicus to catch the katana.  Speaking 
of -- where is he?"

"Umm, wReamicus?" said Cannon Fodder.  "Well, we have the clones 
Ultimate Ninja body.  But the brain -- well, it's missing."

"Missing?  His brain is missing?  You know there's a joke somewhere 
there, but Jesus!  Why can't these villains -- oh well.  Deal with that 
some other time.  As for not letting you kill Hex, VDSC-Man -- well, as 
much as I'd love to hand him over to you -- No.  At this time an 
assassination would just complicate matters.  I think better to let the 
legal system do its thing."

"You're on my list ninja."  The Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man glared 
at the Ultimate Ninja.  "The list of people who are in for a major 
hurting once I fully heal.  Count on it!"

"Yeah, yeah.  Someone -- get him to a hospital."  Then the Ultimate 
Ninja turned his attention towards Hex Luthor.  "But not you, Hex..." 
The Ultimate Ninja pointed the sharp part of his katana at the 
President.  "We still have stuff to discuss."

Irony Man landed right near then at that moment.  "UN, we should talk."

"You know, Toony, shouldn't you be hiding away in the darkest hole you 
can find?  Because right now -- I'm trying to think of reasons why I 
shouldn't just sever your head and put it on a spike to be displayed in 
the LNHHQ's front yard.  I'm trying to think of one good reason and I 
can't.  So maybe you should be trying to find that hole.  Just maybe." 
The katana in the ninja's hand shifted its direction towards Irony Man.

"Look.  I know I've committed some actions that are hard to comprehend, 
but..."

"Hard to comprehend?" said Cannon Fodder shaking his head.  "You helped 
a bunch of supervillains take over the LNH!"

"I was trying to save the world.  Charlie Hustle came from the future 
and showed me..."

"You did this because Pete Rose told you too?" said the Ultimate Ninja 
with disbelief in his eyes.

"No -- not Pete Rose.  This is a different Charlie Hustle.  Some member 
of the LNH from the future."

"Yeah, I know who he's talking about," said Fuzzy.  "Back during 
Infinite Leadership Crisis, some timetraveler type tried to convince the 
LNH to assassinate the President.  Wonderful guy."  [See LNH Comics 
Presents #58 -- Footnote Girl]

"It wasn't just him -- my future self also told me that I had to ally 
with Hex to save the world from Beige Midnight.  But we don't need Hex 
any more.  It's the Freedom Chips.  That's how we'll be Dekay and 
Diskolor.  We just need to carry out Hex's plan and..."

"And what, Irony Man?  Take control of billions of people's minds. 
Billions of sacrificial lambs for Dekay and Diskolor to kill?" said the 
Ultimate Ninja.

"Yeah, billions might die.  But the Looniverse will still live. 
Humanity will still survive."

The Ultimate Ninja shook his head.  "It's not going to happen.  We're 
the LNH.  We're better than that.  We'll figure something out that 
doesn't involve billions dying."

"There's no point in trying to explain this to them, Toony," said Hex 
Luthor lying on a stretcher in the back of the ambulance.  "Their puny 
Manichean entrenched Neanderthal hero brains just can't handle it.  It's 
funny.  I try to save the world.  And I'm the bad guy.  And now the LNH 
is going to serve the world to the Bryttles on a silver platter.  That's 
funny.  Give yourselves a pat on the back LNH.  You deserve it."  Hex 
started to laugh, which was probably a very bad idea since his ribs were 
broken.  Hex stopped laughing and winced in agony.

"Get him out of here!" yelled the Ultimate Ninja.

"UN?  What are we going to do about the Freedom Chippers?  They're free 
from the chips, but they still have powers.  And the rest of the world 
including all of the Freedom Chippers in the LNHHQ are still under 
Freedom Chip control," interrupted Cheesecake Eater Lad.

"Good point.  Hmm.  Give me you're com.thingee."  The Ultimate Ninja 
grabbed Cheesecake Eater Lad's com.thingee and clicked it on. 
"Multi-Tasking Man?  It's me.  The Real Ultimate Ninja.  I want you to 
send every Freedom Chipper in the LNHHQ to Washington, DC.  Everyone! 
The President needs their help.  Just trust me."  The Ultimate Ninja 
clicked his com.thingee off.  "There.  That should take care of all the 
LNHHQ ones.  We'll deal with the rest later.  As for all of these new 
members of the LNH -- I'm scratching them.  We're going back to a 
Pre-Beige Countdown Roster.  Back to the -- I can't believe I'm saying 
this -- smaller 500 member days."

"Wait!" said PR Kid.  "You can't do that!  I've got a whole line of 
Freedom Chipper action figures ready to be made!  It's going to be the 
big X-mas gift of 2008!  Everyone's going to want one!  Let's just think 
about this clearly and rationally for a moment, Okay?"

The Ultimate Ninja pointed the sharp end of his katana closely towards 
PR Kid's nose.  "This is me being Clear and Rational.  Any questions?"

"Um, nope!  Gotcha!" said PR Kid quickly backing away.  He took out his 
cellphone and pushed a button.  "Hey Louie?!  Yeah, it's me.  Better 
hold on production.  Hey, don't worry!  I'm sure a month from now cooler 
heads will prevail.  Yeah.  Then we'll be swimming in money by X-mas 
time.  Yeah.  Swimming!  Yeah, give my love to the kids and wife.  Ciao!"

"UN," said Occultism Kid making his way towards them.  "I might have a 
way to beat the Bryttles, but we're going to have to get the Insanity 
Gauntlet and Ring of Retconn from Bart."

"Well, I guess that's what we're going to do then," said the Ultimate 
Ninja already running strategies through his brain.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Mynabird walked over to a row of robotic metal arms and picked the 
closest one.  He snapped it on his shoulder and turned it on.  He opened 
the fingers and closed them.  He grabbed a piece of metal off the floor 
and crushed it in his new hand.  Seemed to work.

He looked over at his fellow LNV'rs.  "So, did we gain anything from this?"

"Yi suvved wReamicus Maximus's Brunn!  Yahahahahahah!" said the Robot 
with Lawrence Welk's Brain.  He gestured towards a tank filled with a 
slimy liquid that had a brain in it.

"Um.  Okay.  What else?"

"I converted 12 Freedom Chip Heroes to our cause.  And both Hex Luthor 
and the LNH are weaker after the..." Vector Sublime started to say.

"But Easily-Discovered Man Lite!  He's still alive!"  Mynabird smashed 
his new fist into the wall.  A crack formed.  "That virus!  The virus 
you said Dr. Virus Love was going to create!  How much longer?"

"It's almost ready -- Tomorrow, maybe," said Vector Sublime guesstimating.

"Good.  Then tomorrow it happens.  The Age of Heroes finally ends.  And 
Tomorrow it all Becomes Ours!  Ours!!"

"Or maybe the Day after Tomorrow?" said Vector Sublime.  "Since it might 
not be ready for..."

Mynabird looked back.  "Okay, then.  Whichever comes first.  Just as 
long as Easily-Discovered Man Lite winds up dead."


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


"Where did the time go?" wondered Fearless Leader.  He had found himself 
watching the television news broadcasts in the hospital waiting area. 
Waiting for further news about Ripping Dancer.  The minutes seemed to 
take forever to drag by, but when he thought back he could not account 
for the hours that had passed.  Weird, how you could just loose track of 
time like that.

The news made it pretty clear, however: several hours had passed.  The 
attack by the Legion on the President was all over every channel, and 
now Hexadecimal Luthor was about to give a news conference.  That was 
when Fearless Leader realised the state of fugue he was in.  The White 
House had released a statement that although the President had broken 
several limbs, he had received Urple Ray treatments and was now back to 
full health.  At this time of national crisis - which the press release 
had claimed and which the newshounds had lapped up and repeated - the 
President could not afford to allow any time to go to waste.

Fearless Leader almost chuckled at the grim irony.  Urple Ray healing. 
Derived from .thingy technology, it was ultimately driven by drama, with 
all the capriciousness that it implied.  And so Hex Luthor, possibly one 
of the most dangerous villains the Legion had seen in recent times, and 
certainly one of the most tenacious, was up and about on the same day 
and preparing to make another attack in the public relations war.

Meanwhile Ripping Dancer had also been bathed in Urple Rays.  The cancer 
was not responding to the treatments.

He turned away from the television when the face of Limbaugh Man, his 
features a splotchy lobster red from venting his outrage, came on 
screen.  There was nothing that the rabidly anti-LNH pundit could say 
that Fearless Leader couldn't predict.  Nevertheless the words of the 
media commentator followed him and haunted him as he went and got 
himself another cup of coffee.

"How dare they!" fulminated Limbaugh Man.  "How dare these 
pinko-commie-traitors attack the President like this!  Have they no 
shame!?  Have they no decency!?  Have they no gratitude!?  NO!!!  These 
treacherous vipers have received so many benefits from the President and 
the Ame.rec.an taxpayers, and this is how they repay it!  Hex Luthor has 
poured millions into subsidizing the LNH.  They have more members and 
more equipment that at any time in their misbegotten history.  But mark 
this well my friends, it seems that this just wasn't good enough for 
them!  The Legion is greedy, and wanted more.  And for their power 
crazed minds, the obvious way to get more was to bite the hand that fed 
them and wrest control of the budget for themselves!  That right, this 
is nothing more than an attempt to overthrow the legitimate government 
of the Usenetted States of Ame.rec.a!  This is treachery of the highest 
order, and these so-called heroes should be put before a firing squad 
immediately!"


           ****<<--BM-->>****


They think it's over.  They probably think that.

But he was still President, thought Hex Luthor.  The Most Powerful Man 
in the Free World.  And he knew about enough dirty secrets and closeted 
skeletons that he had control over Congress.  They'd do what he told them.

And his Poll numbers were still high.

That the LNH had figured away to stop his Freedom Chips was a problem. 
But from sources he still had at the LNHHQ, he knew that Dr. Stomper had 
used the last of their Sincerium supply to build that bomb.  And there 
were no more reserves left on Earth.

No.  This wasn't over.

And now he just needed to give a great speech.  Scare the hell out of 
the American people.

Death or Freedom Chips.  He needed to make them believe that was their 
only choice.  Death or Freedom Chips.

And they'd choose Freedom Chips.  They'd have to.

Yes, this wasn't over.  Not by a long shot.

Hex adjusted his tie.

You have to do a whole lot more to stop me.


           ****<<--BM-->>****


"Whatta maroon!" MasterBlaster snarled and threw his own styrofoam cup 
of Mr Paprika (Now there's a ticked off net.heroes pop!) at the screen, 
where it spilled and left a stain across the image of Limbaugh Man's 
ranting.  He slumped down disgruntledly in his chair in the LNH HQ 
cafeteria and loudly said, "Like it isn't as if he's supporting Hex 
Luthor only because Hex is against the Legion."

Catalyst Lass pouted.  "It does look as though Hex is one step ahead of 
us for every move we make.  Poor PR Kid is being run ragged trying to 
spin this to our advantage."

"Unfortunately, PR Kid only has the truth to run with," observed 
Frothing-At-The-Mouth Lad.

"Don't despair!  All is not yet lost!" said Retcon Lad as he and his 
group made a sudden, last minute dramatic entrance.  "Sorry we're late, 
but we had a fight scene on the way back."

We did?" said Anal-Retentive Archive Kid sarcastically.

"Yes, we did," bit back the Net.Elementalist.  "That's why you've got 
bandages all over your face."

"I *mean*," countered ARAK, "what had that got to do with being late? 
The whole fight only lasted half a minute.  And the pilot wasn't 
involved at all."

"It's just an excuse for a dramatic plot contrivance," said Fourth Wall 
Lass.

"People, people, *focus*!" chided Retcon Lad.  He looked around the 
cafeteria.  "Quick, where's WikiBoy?"

"Uh, right here," said WikiBoy.

"Great!  We've got a mission for you.  It's short, but vitally 
important.  You will carry it out, using whatever superpowers you need 
to get the job done.  You'll teleport yourself, this fellow, and his 
lamp," said Retcon Lad, pointing at the djinni, "to where Hex Luthor is 
about to make his speech."

"He's starting now!" hissed the Net.Elementalist urgently as the figure 
on the television screen stepped up to the podium.  "Better use time 
travel!"

"And also back to *when* Hex Luthor is about to make his speech," added 
Retcon Lad.  "You will disguise yourselves as functionaries, so that 
nobody recognises you, nor thinks that your presence at a Presidential 
news conference is unusual.  You will give this script to Hex Luthor, 
telling him that it's the final draft of his notes for his speech." 
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid took out a leaf of papers and handed it to 
the bemused WikiBoy.  Retcon Lad continued, "Hex Luthor will read from 
those notes.  When he gets to the figure of speech in the second 
paragraph, his wish will literally be granted.  You will then protect 
him from getting lynched until such time as his own security or any 
superheroes in the area can ensure his safety.  You got that?"

"I guess so," said WikiBoy.

"Then scoot.  Remember, the fate of the world is depending on this."

WikiBoy and his companion vanished.

As the other Legionnaires stared at them, Retcon Lad sank into a chair, 
Twitter began pacing about nervously and Anal-Retentive Archive Kid 
absently flipped through his Guidebook just to have something to do with 
his hands.  "Is there anything else that we might have forgotten?" the 
Net.Elementalist asked as he continued to watch the TV screen.

"Not that I can think of," admitted ARAK.

"What are you scallywags up to?" demanded Catalyst Lass.

"Oh, you know.  Saving the world," said Retcon Lad distractedly as he 
watched the television.  "Have we got anyone doing security detail at 
the President's address?  I'm pretty sure it's going to be breaking out 
in a riot any second now," he said as the figure on screen began to speak.


           ****<<--BM-->>****


"My fellow Ame.rec.ans," began President Hex Luthor.

"I appear before you at a time of great crisis.  The past few years have 
been a trying time for us all.  From the events of September 11 2001, 
through the long months of Infinite April, and the tragic destruction of 
Spamford, our nation has had to bear more than its fair share of the 
burden of tragedy.

"But there is hope.  There is always hope.  The Ame.rec.an people are 
strong, and my administration has undertaken a number of initiatives to 
rest control from the chaos.  There is, alas, no one quick answer.  Any 
response must necessarily be multifactoral and nuanced.  Nevertheless, I 
am confident that the measures that I have introduced will be adequate 
for the task.  I have worked hard at this.  I have spent long hours 
preparing over the best way to achieve at satisfactory outcome.  The 
vision I have for this nation, indeed for the entire world, is grand and 
sweeping, and I would love to you to see in its entirety.  I wish that 
each and every person could know what I have done, and why I have done 
it, and how it will affect them personally..."

And to the side of the stage, just out of camera shot but not out of 
microphone range, the djinni said "DONE!" in a loud voice.

And instantly, everyone on the planet, even those who had not been 
watching television at the time, knew exactly what Hex Luthor had been 
doing and why he had been doing it, and how it would affect them personally.

The rioting that Retcon Lad had predicted broke out immediately, and for 
the next few minutes WikiBoy had his work cut out for himself trying to 
keep the President from being fragged by his own Secret Service staff.


           ****<<--BM-->>****


Back at the Legion of Net.Heroes headquarters, Anal-Retentive Archive 
Kid, Fourth Wall Lass, Lenny, the Net.Elementalist, Retcon Lad and 
Twitter were radiating vast amounts of smug.  Retcon Lad and the 
Net.Elementalist high fived each other.  "I love it when a plan comes 
together," said ARAK in his best Hannibal Smith of the A-Team impression.

"Okay, I'll admit that was #@?;*% impressive," said Innovative-Offense Boy.

"It's hardly going to shut up the likes of Limbaugh Man or Coulter 
Woman," pointed out MasterBlaster.

"Mister, there's nothing in the *#!/@# world that will shut up !/^? 
Limbaugh man or Coulter Woman," said Innovative-Offense Boy.  "That's 
not the %^@;& point.  The point is that their $>#@*!?$ reputations will 
be in the #=>&@ toilet for the next few weeks at *^>@#! least, and only 
their &)*@!^! fellow travellers will take them seriously."  He rubbed 
his chin thoughtfully before turning to Catalyst Lass.  "This could be 
the break PR Kid needs.  We *>!@&+ well need to talk with Ultimate Ninja 
about taking @=!/#$% advantage of this."

"Goodness, yes," she agreed.  They departed.

"So," said Retcon Lad.  He struck a Significant Kirby Pose and declaimed 
in a stentorian voice, "Virtue has triumphed, thanks to the efforts 
of... the Bicycle Liberation Front."

"Now hold up a second, we were calling ourselves the Bicycle Liberation 
Front at the big fight scene at the Freedom Chip ceremony," said 
Frothing-At-The-Mouth Lad.  "And we had a better psychological reason 
for it too."

"Did not," said Retcon Lad.

"Did too."  And then the first piece of butterscotch ripple cheesecake 
got thrown.

Because, like, this was the Legion of Net.Heroes, and even in the middle 
of a planet threatening crisis there's always time for a food fight in 
the cafeteria.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

1,001,992 BC --

April 29th --

The Planet Querty --


An old Quertian elder with a long white beard held a big jeweled crown 
in his hands.  He was in vast room filled with colorful silk banners and 
hundreds of extravagantly dressed people, some with strange looking 
musical instruments -- all standing silently as the elder spoke.

"Will you solemnly promise and swear to govern the Peoples of the ASDF, 
the Caves of DFGH, The Moons of GHJK, The Cloud Cities of UIOP, The VBNM 
Lava Islands, and of your Possessions and other Territories to any of 
them belonging or pertaining, according to their respective laws and 
customs?"

"I solemnly promise so to do," said the kneeling man.

The Elder continued.  "Will you to your power cause Law and Justice, in 
Mercy, to be executed in all your judgments?"

The man smirked slightly.  "I will."

The Elder continued.  "Will you to the utmost of your power maintain the 
Laws of QWERTYUIOP and the true profession of the Gospel? Will you to 
the utmost of your power maintain in the Qwertian Religion established 
by law? Will you maintain and preserve inviolable the settlement of the 
Church of Qwerty, and the doctrine, worship, discipline, and government 
thereof, as by law established in Qwerty? And will you preserve unto the 
Bishops and Clergy of Qwerty, and to the Churches there committed to 
their charge, all such rights and privileges, as by law do or shall 
appertain to them or any of them?"

"All this I promise to do.  The things, which I have here before 
promised -- I will perform, and keep. So help me QWERTYUIOP."

"Then let the anointing oils be placed."

And the anointing oils were placed on the kneeling man.

And then the crown was placed on the kneeling man's head.

"Then I name you, King Qwert-El!  Protector and Defender of all that is 
Qwerty!  Long may you live!  Please rise your Majesty!"

"That it?" said the newly crowned King.  "I'm King?"

"Yes, Sire!"  Cheers and jubilation rang through the room.

"Good."  And the new king -- King Qwert-El -- or as the LNH knew him  -- 
Bart the Dark Receptionist, smiled.  "Bout time."

He walked over to his gigantic gold throne.  "Well, guess this is where 
the real fun begins."  Bart laughed.

A rather long disconcerting laugh.

And the gems on his Gauntlet sparkled with madness as he laughed.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****

And then Useless Background Music Character clicked the final button.

The song 'Won't get Fooled Again' by The Who started to play.


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


NEXT:                   THE BART AGE!


                      **** <<--BM-->> ****
                      **** <<--BM-->> ****


Credits:

Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins, 
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...

Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger" 
Kogutt, used with permission...

Hexadecimal Luthor created by Chris Hare and reinvented by Saxon Brenton...

HexFire Club

Manga Man - Craig Thomas Judd
Mr. Tiddles - Saxon Brenton
Mr. Nasty (Ultimate Savior) - Martin Phipps
wReamicus Maximus (Ultimate Ninja) - wReam
Irony Man - Doug Moran


LNH'rs

Obscure Trivia Lad - Brian Perler

Bad Timing Boy - Vernon H Harmon
Bicycle Repair Lad - Chris Hare
Browsing Boy - Jeffrey Klein
Building Suspense Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
Captain Continuity - Mystic Mongoose
Cannon Fodder - wReam
Cheesecake Eater Lad - M. Jotham Millheiser
Dr. Stomper - T. M. Neeck
Easily-Discovered Man Lite - Rob Rogers
Fearless Leader - Dave Van Domelen
Frothing-At-The-Mouth Lad
4-Color Kid - Scavenger
Fuzzy - Connie Hirsch
HellCatalyst - Jeff McCoskey
Innovative-Offense Boy -
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Knife Fight Dude - Arthur Spitzer
Linguist Lass - Martin Phipps
Master Blaster -Robert Ra
Namer Boy - Arthur Spitzer
Occultism Kid - Josh Geurick
PR Kid - Jamas Enright
Psionic Lad - Carolyn Vaughan
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Renegade Programmer - wReam
Sing-Along Lass - Drizzt
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Useless Background Music Character - Arthur Spitzer
Wikiboy - Tom Russell
wReamhacker - wReam


The Bicycle Liberation Front - Saxon Brenton

Fourth Wall Lass - Saxon Brenton
Retcon Lad - Saxon Brenton
Anal-Retentive Archive Kid - Saxon Brenton
Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy - Jamas Enright
Lenny the squirrel - Saxon Brenton
Net.Elementalist - Jamas Enright
Twitter - Rob Rogers


LNV'rs -

Legion of Net.Villains - Unknown
Alt.Image Ninja - Rob Rogers
Continuity Porn Star - Arthur Spitzer
Demented Fashion Designer - Drizzt
Dr. F - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Virus Love - Arthur Spitzer
Flying.Altogether.Too.Naked.Villain - Kyle Lucke
Lagneto - Jef Kolodziej
Lucky Chain Letter Lucy - Arthur Spitzer
Mynabird (suit) - Rob Rogers
          (mite) - Arthur Spitzer
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Ripping Dancer  - Arthur Spitzer
Robot with Lawrence Welk's Brain - Arthur Spitzer
Romantic Innuendo II - Martin Phipps (?)
Rumor Monger - wReam
Satan's Barber - Arthur Spitzer
Vector Sublime - Rob Rogers and Arthur Spitzer


Others -

Al-Qaeda Amerika - Saxon Brenton
ApocaLISP - Saxon Brenton
Arc - Tom Russell
Bart the Dark Receptionist - Ken Schmidt
Charlie Hustle - Rob Rogers
Dizzy Collar - Arthur Spitzer
Djinni - Saxon Brenton
Dr. Boom - The Saint
Dr. Killfile - Steven Librande
Ghost of Little-Monkey-wrench Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Ghost of Little-Monkey-wrench Lass - Arthur Spitzer
The Gothic Gorilla - Arthur Spitzer
i-Mage - Drizzt
Incredibly Stupid Man - Martin Phipps
Iron-Fisted Imam -- Saxon Brenton
LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To-Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending-Events-Liberation 
Front - Arthur Spitzer
Limbaugh Man - Martin Phipps
MacLaughlin Man - wReam
Sahar - Saxon Brenton
Saviors of the Net - Arthur Spitzer
Ultimate Savior - Arthur Spitzer
The Very-Disturbed-Scary-Creature Man - Arthur Spitzer


Arthur's Notes:

A third of the way through...

Oh and just incase you're wondering, Beige Midnight takes place around 
March and April 2008...

If you're confused about this story you can read these...

http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Infinite_Leadership_Crisis
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Beige_Countdown
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Beige_Midnight

(Probably won't help)...

25254 words... not quite as big as say Paul Hardy's massive size 44271 
word Legion of Occult Heroes #7, but still pretty big.  Hopefully, the 
rest of the issues will be shorter.

Oh and I should point out that I did get permission from Brian Perler to 
off Obscure Trivia Lad.  Of course this isn't the first time that OTL 
has died.  Stay tune to Beige Midnight to see if this one sticks.

And the Gothic Gorilla is dead.  This time for good.  I know -- it's 
kind of a crappy death.  I guess I could claim that it's some kind of 
metafictional reference to all the crappy Comic Book Deaths, but nah -- 
it's just crappy.  The Gothic Gorilla died mostly because I didn't 
really have any good ideas how to end the whole Mr. Nasty/Ultimate 
Savior thread.  So he died.  Feel free to write any adventures he had 
before Beige Midnight if you want.

I ripped the Coronation text from here...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coronation_of_the_British_monarch
'Cuz I'm lazy.

And I ripped the Hex using 9/11 for his speech from Saxon's Hex 
speech... I just didn't think Saxon went far enough.  So we all have Hex 
to thank for saving America from Jess Willey's Grocery List...

And this issue ends the Hex's President storyline, which began way back 
in Limp Asparagus Lad #45 on May 15 2002.  Took long enough.  Still 
don't know who his Vice President is or was.

This issue also brings a number of stuff back to the status quo.  No 
more bad guys in charge of the LNH.  The Real Ultimate Ninja is in 
charge again.  No more LNH'r vs LNH'r.  Back to a wee 500 membership 
LNH.  The Evil Government story part of Beige Midnight is over.  Now 
onto Space Opera and Ragnarok.  Tom Russell should be relieved.  Wonder 
if the LNHHQ will shrink down.

As for when the next issue comes out, who knows.  I'm going to write 
another issue of Eggplant the EMKD and a On the Deadbeat Beige Midnight 
Tie in before I start working on it.  I am trying to get this finished 
as fast as possible.  Sorry that it isn't coming out faster.

That's about it.

Arthur "Death to Beige Midnight..." Spitzer


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Next Week:  Beige Midnight Part XIV!
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Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer