LNH: Another LNH Title? Really? #11: "Foo Fight!"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Nov 9 18:16:10 PST 2020
On 11/9/20 9:12 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> Another LNH Title? Really? #11:
> "Foo Fight!"
> Another tale of Sabertoothic groundwork-laying, by Jeanne Morningstar
> Note: the framing sequence of this issue takes place after Hungry, Hungry
> Sabertooths! #24. The flashback takes place in late 2019.
> "Masterplan Lad," said Chaos Theory, "tell me what you see." They had taken the
> form of a giant floating screen with a baby-like face on it.
> "Earth-X references? In 2020? Really?" said Masterplan Lad.
> "Why not? People are rereading/watching/listening old media they love in to deal
> with stuff right now, and time isn't real anymore."
> A fleet of LNH starships, the largest gathered since the Beige Midnight crisis,
> surrounded the planet Mars, with the more cosmically-powered members floating
> was Cool S, who wielded the power that was the embodiment of all the angst and
> messed-up identity feelings of teenagers who had ever drawn the Cool S symbol.
I love this, just so you know.
> Their predecessor had blown up Bittsburgh once but luckily, it came back, just
> as Canada did all those times.
X3 Yes good.
> Bitmask, the cosmic being that was their moirail,
> also helped. Finally there was Slasher, a Supermoderator of Webster's World who
> was the granddaughter of a legendary net.hero of Earth, who besides the
> super-strength and flight powers built into her suit had the power to wield the
> combined abilities of any ship drawn at random from her Slash deck.
:D :D :D I *love* Slash references
> "The... Foo?" said Token Girl.
> "Look, the writer is trying to get this issue out as quickly as possible," said
> Halls Jordan.
> If Catalyst Lass was the Guenivere of the LNH, the queen who
> inspired the knights to greatness, than Token Girl was her first of knights, her
> champion. But Cat wasn't into her in that way. Really. She wasn't.
X3 X3 X3
> "The Foo Fighters?' said Painful Pun Person. "Maybe they should've called this
> issue 'Overlong'. Heyo!" The terrible pun shattered several of their ships to
> "HUZZAH!" said Cosmic Himbo as he cannonballed on top of Captain Continuity.
> Slasher struck at him with the combined cosmic existential powers of Friedrich
> Nietzsche/the 2001 Monolith.
I love it so much.
> Space Goth GF blasted the LNHers with Claremontizing rays of her goth magical
> girl staff with black wings, transforming them into Hounds. "Oh no!" said Cliche
> Dude. "This is so wrong and yet so right! I feel so evil, and yet so sexy!"
> "God damn it," said Halls Jordan. "Why are there so many spikes on this thing?
> This costume is itchy and it's kind of riding up my ass."
X3 X3 X3
> "I was doing the whole 'evil goth who turns people into brainwashed pawns' thing
> first. [see Just Another Cascade] Loser!" said Merissa, firing on the two of them.
> Ultimate Ninja II's Super Ninjamorpher grants her a psychic ninja shield
> that conceals her mind from most telepaths. Incidentally, continuity-aware
> beings such as Masterplan Lad, Captain Continuity and myself are aware of her
> identity when we are directly working with continuity involved but forget
> afterwards--Footnote Girl]
I love that, both of that
> Token Girl stood between the two of them. There were now two women fighting for
> control of her mind, which was a confusing but intriguing place to be in.
:3 :3 :3
> "Look, could you both just... stop this for a bit, this is too much. Uh, I guess
> there's not a safeword for superhero fights."
Try dropping a red cape.
> "Damn it!" she said. "Having Cliche Dude's
> mind under my control is rendering me susceptible to cliched character
> motivations! But I will not have a redemption arc! I will not!"
X3 X3 X3
> "You sure?" said Cat. "I mean, being part of the LNH is amazing. There's so much
> cool, fun, silly stuff you can do and so many good character dynamics. That's a
> lot more fun than just going around outer space blowing up planets, right?"
> "Hold!" echoed an impressively cosmic voice in the air. Three large, green
> spectral holographic images appeared. "We are the Foo! We are the masters of the
> architecture of Usenet! Long ago, we seeded life on Earth..."
> "Now wait," said Nit-Pick Lad. "Hold on just a minute. I thought the
> RACCelestials seeded life on Earth."
> The Foo leader tapped xyr foot. "...those RACCelestials take credit for
> everything! It is we who--"
> "And what about the Xinerama Brotherhood from 58.5? I thought they were the ones
> who were the cosmic caretakers of Usenet."
Yessssss. <3 This is basically the problem with Secret Wars's worldbuilding. Er,
> let out a big sigh. "You know what, this part of the cosmos is too silly. You
> can keep it." And with that, they vanished and all their drones shut down.
> Cat stood on the part of Mars the Foo had terraformed (right next to the tripod
> invader base and the sword-and-planet ruins),
> "Nah, I'm not seriously into her. I just... well, I didn't mind the whole mind
> control thing because this was a pretty light one-off story. But I actually did
> like the way that made me feel, a little bit. The whole 'getting in touch with
> parts of yourself you don't normally' thing. Specifically the gay parts." She
> took a deep breath. "I'm going to start dating women."
> "Oh?" said Cat. "Thinking of anyone in particular?"
> "...Not yet."
:3 :3 :3
> "I doubt it," said Masterplan Lad. "The plan seems like the sort that would
> easily go horribly wrong. And indeed, it seems it did..."
> TO BE CONTINUED IN
> LNH V3 #3
> "SEQUELS ARE ALWAYS WORSE"
> COMING TOMORROW!
:D :D :D Love it!!
> So I could have thought of a
> decent name for these aliens, but I won't.
> Slash: Romance Without Boundaries is one of the greatest party games of all time
> and the pairing here is one of the most memorable ones I played in it.
YES. It is the one card game we make *everyone* who visits play.
Drew "and then Heartthrob if we can" Nilium
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