LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #133: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Nine

[Drew Nilium]

On 1/5/2020 4:36 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>    "Unfortunately, no.  Although I have my suspicions."
>    "Well?"
>    "I prefer not to say at this point," Kid Kirby
> admitted.

booooooooooo boring

> I want
> the two of you to go find Super Apathy Lad... but
> don't tell him he's the new leader.  If he doesn't
> know he's been chosen  and, thus, doesn't accept the
> role of LNH leader then he won't disappear, will he?
> That could give us more time to figure out what is
> going on and maybe find a solution."

Reasonable

>    "There's nothing he likes to watch," Procrastination
> Boy told him.  "There's nothing that entertains him.
> He's completely apathetic."

Well that's an instant horrifying tragedy thar. Moving on...

>      And then he had a wonderful idea.
> 
>      Why be the leader -- especially when those in
> charge seemed to disappear at the end of every day
> -- when he could be the man behind the curtain?
> As deputy leader, he could maintain the continuity
> of the Legion's government during this time of
> crisis.  Let the other heroes serve as figureheads.
> As the only one who really knew what was going on
> in the inner workings of the Legion, Adam would
> wield real power.

This is quite brilliant as a character point. :3

>      "Minister Lite reporting for duty, sir," the
> boy said.
> 
>      Adam scowled.  "I see Frat Boy has made you
> part of his cabinet."
> 
>      "Yes, sir.  I'm his Minister of the Ulterior.

Heeheehee

>       There was something about Easily-Discovered
> Man Lite that rankled Adamant-Authority-On-
> Everything -- the way he seemed to slouch when
> standing up straight, or the way his voice sounded
> sarcastic even when he was pretending to be polite.

Yes, he's the best

> "THIS IS DEPUTY LEADER ADAMANT-AUTHORITY-ON-
> EVERYTHING SPEAKING.  WE HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN
> CANNES, AND WE NEED TO GET HIM OUT.  I REPEAT,
> WE'VE GOT PRINCE ALBERT IN CANNES..."

X3 X3 X3 I am way too young to have ever encountered this joke in the wild, yet 
here I am cackling in glee

>      Frat Boy's contribution was a neon "Miller
> High Life" sign illuminating the office's sole
> window.  The Gregarious Guardian of Greek
> Brotherhood basked in its glow behind Ultimate
> Ninja's desk, dressed in the ceremonial toga and
> gilt-leaf tiara he'd designed for the occasion.
> Ultimate Ninja's secretaries were dressed in
> similar robes.

I love it. <3

>      "Not me," Frat Boy said.  "For one thing, my
> powers keep me from getting any older, so I
> never expected to grow up at all.  I feel like
> I've been the same age the entire time we've
> known each other."
> 
>      "So do I," Lite said, "but I chalked that up
> to laziness on the part of my writer.

Heeheehee

>  I feel as though
> I ought to be doing something more important."
> 
>      "Keeping up morale is important," Frat Boy
> said.  "Especially when it's mine."

It's legit true, tho. I mean, being under a crisis where things keep shifting 
and all your normal routines are interrupted and you don't know when it will 
end... feels very familiar now. @-@

> And
> Ripping Dancer is appearing in a series of
> public-service announcements to let people know
> we're still out there, doing our job."

You know, how much the public knew during the ILC seems to have been up in the 
air a bit. I might play with that.

>      "People seem to want to listen to what she
> has to say," Frat Boy said.  "It was Gamer Boy's
> idea."
> 
>      "I'd been wondering what he thought of all
> this," Lite mused.

Heeheehee

> "You know, F.B., you're
> actually doing a great job."

:>

>      "A child abuse case?  Isn't that a little out
> of our jurisdiction?"

Hard disagree, TBH~

>      "Are you questioning my authority?"
> 
>      "Yes," Lite said.  "But I'll go anyway."

heeheehee

>      "Far worse," All-Knowing...etc. said,
> unfurling a scroll of pale yellow parchment.
> "I bring you... the Legion's fuel bill for the
> previous month.  Look upon it, ye mighty, and
> despair!  Also, sign here."

*cackles*

>      "Look," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said.
> "We know that the Chavez government has been
> investing heavily in yellow cake.  Yellow cake!
> And what other reason could there be for them to
> do so other than to lure Cheesecake-Eater-Lad
> -- practically Ultimate Ninja's right-hand-man
> -- to South America?  It's an open-and-shut case!"

I love this whole back-and-forth but this is the best part. X3

> There's a priority alert signal coming through
> from Easily-Discovered Man Lite."
> 
>      "Feh," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said,
> crossing his arms.  "He's just screwing with us."
> 
>      "No," Frat Boy said.  "We've set up a
> separate channel for that.

heeheeheehee

>      "By Reagan's red jellybeans!" Obnoxious
> Ame.rec.a Boy said.  "The Land of Opportunity
> is no place for innocent young men and women
> to be forced into lives of slave labor.  We
> have whole sections of the Third World set
> aside for that!"

Big oof

> And
> then there's the part where the day care manager
> saw me peeking through the factory window and
> came after me with a great big hourglass and a
> scythe."

Heeheehee

>      "Right," Adamant-Authority-on-Everything said,
> crossing his arms.  "And now I'm supposed to say
> 'Really?' and you say 'Scythe!' and everybody has
> a great big laugh at my expense."

omg

>      "Actually, you're supposed to scream as I
> blast you with my time-blade," said a tall woman
> in a glittering grey dress.

Bwahahaha. X3 I sometimes have a hard time commenting on these jokes, just 
because they build and build on each other, but that is not in any way a request 
to stop, because THEY ARE SO GOOD

>      She leveled the weapon at Adamant-Authority-on
> Everything, who opened his mouth to object.  Before
> he could, the scythe made a sound like a swarm of
> bees suddenly holding its breath, and Adam found
> himself looking up at the woman -- as well as his
> own tiny pink toes.
> 
>      "But the laugh at your expense?  Absolutely,"
> the silver-haired woman said.

SEE?

>      "Lady," she said, "we're the Legion of Net.
> Heroes.  We've come here to chew bubblegum and
> kick ass.  And I'm fresh out of... oooh, hold on
> a minute," he said, finding a fresh pack of
> gum in the folds of his robe.  He handed out
> sticks to Easily-Discovered Man Lite, Obnoxious
> Ame.rec.a Boy and Ordinary Lady.
> 
>      A few moments later, when the gum had lost
> its flavor, he continued.

X3 X3 X3

>      "Children, these naughty naughty people have
> made Mother Time very angry," Mother Time said.
> "Show them what happens when someone makes Mother
> angry."
> 
>      Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy and Lite immediately
> adopted Power Rangers-style fighting poses, while
> Infant-Authority-on-Everything began to cry.
> Ordinary Lady merely stood there, waiting.
> 
>      "Now!" Mother Time shouted.
> 
>      One of the transformed children wandered back
> into the day-care center.  The second tried to
> hug Mother Time, while the third picked his nose.

heeheehee yesssssss

>      A stream of clear amber liquid, distilled at
> the Plank Road Brewery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,

The implications of this line are massive

>      "Time to regroup," Mother Time said, picking
> up her scythe and heading back into the day care
> center.
> 
>      "Oh, what the heck," she said a moment later,
> and blasted the still-immobile Ordinary Lady with
> her weapon.

Heeheehee

>      Frat Boy rose, stared at the scene around him,
> and grabbed Lite by the front of his Oxford shirt.
> 
>      "No time for idle chatter," Frat Boy said,
> his voice deep and powerful. "No more jokes.  No
> more pranks.  I've got less than twelve hours now
> to catch that woman, restore our ages, find out
> what happened to our leaders and make this the
> kind of Legion it was always meant to be."
> 
>      "What.. what are you?" Lite gasped.
> 
>      The Legion's leader pulled him closer.
> 
>      "I'm Fratman," he said.

DUN DUN DUNNNNN...

Drew "always liked that line" Nilium