LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #133: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Nine
pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu May 28 08:56:17 PDT 2020
On 1/5/2020 4:36 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> "Unfortunately, no. Although I have my suspicions."
> "I prefer not to say at this point," Kid Kirby
> I want
> the two of you to go find Super Apathy Lad... but
> don't tell him he's the new leader. If he doesn't
> know he's been chosen and, thus, doesn't accept the
> role of LNH leader then he won't disappear, will he?
> That could give us more time to figure out what is
> going on and maybe find a solution."
> "There's nothing he likes to watch," Procrastination
> Boy told him. "There's nothing that entertains him.
> He's completely apathetic."
Well that's an instant horrifying tragedy thar. Moving on...
> And then he had a wonderful idea.
> Why be the leader -- especially when those in
> charge seemed to disappear at the end of every day
> -- when he could be the man behind the curtain?
> As deputy leader, he could maintain the continuity
> of the Legion's government during this time of
> crisis. Let the other heroes serve as figureheads.
> As the only one who really knew what was going on
> in the inner workings of the Legion, Adam would
> wield real power.
This is quite brilliant as a character point. :3
> "Minister Lite reporting for duty, sir," the
> boy said.
> Adam scowled. "I see Frat Boy has made you
> part of his cabinet."
> "Yes, sir. I'm his Minister of the Ulterior.
> There was something about Easily-Discovered
> Man Lite that rankled Adamant-Authority-On-
> Everything -- the way he seemed to slouch when
> standing up straight, or the way his voice sounded
> sarcastic even when he was pretending to be polite.
Yes, he's the best
> "THIS IS DEPUTY LEADER ADAMANT-AUTHORITY-ON-
> EVERYTHING SPEAKING. WE HAVE PRINCE ALBERT IN
> CANNES, AND WE NEED TO GET HIM OUT. I REPEAT,
> WE'VE GOT PRINCE ALBERT IN CANNES..."
X3 X3 X3 I am way too young to have ever encountered this joke in the wild, yet
here I am cackling in glee
> Frat Boy's contribution was a neon "Miller
> High Life" sign illuminating the office's sole
> window. The Gregarious Guardian of Greek
> Brotherhood basked in its glow behind Ultimate
> Ninja's desk, dressed in the ceremonial toga and
> gilt-leaf tiara he'd designed for the occasion.
> Ultimate Ninja's secretaries were dressed in
> similar robes.
I love it. <3
> "Not me," Frat Boy said. "For one thing, my
> powers keep me from getting any older, so I
> never expected to grow up at all. I feel like
> I've been the same age the entire time we've
> known each other."
> "So do I," Lite said, "but I chalked that up
> to laziness on the part of my writer.
> I feel as though
> I ought to be doing something more important."
> "Keeping up morale is important," Frat Boy
> said. "Especially when it's mine."
It's legit true, tho. I mean, being under a crisis where things keep shifting
and all your normal routines are interrupted and you don't know when it will
end... feels very familiar now. @-@
> Ripping Dancer is appearing in a series of
> public-service announcements to let people know
> we're still out there, doing our job."
You know, how much the public knew during the ILC seems to have been up in the
air a bit. I might play with that.
> "People seem to want to listen to what she
> has to say," Frat Boy said. "It was Gamer Boy's
> "I'd been wondering what he thought of all
> this," Lite mused.
> "You know, F.B., you're
> actually doing a great job."
> "A child abuse case? Isn't that a little out
> of our jurisdiction?"
Hard disagree, TBH~
> "Are you questioning my authority?"
> "Yes," Lite said. "But I'll go anyway."
> "Far worse," All-Knowing...etc. said,
> unfurling a scroll of pale yellow parchment.
> "I bring you... the Legion's fuel bill for the
> previous month. Look upon it, ye mighty, and
> despair! Also, sign here."
> "Look," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said.
> "We know that the Chavez government has been
> investing heavily in yellow cake. Yellow cake!
> And what other reason could there be for them to
> do so other than to lure Cheesecake-Eater-Lad
> -- practically Ultimate Ninja's right-hand-man
> -- to South America? It's an open-and-shut case!"
I love this whole back-and-forth but this is the best part. X3
> There's a priority alert signal coming through
> from Easily-Discovered Man Lite."
> "Feh," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said,
> crossing his arms. "He's just screwing with us."
> "No," Frat Boy said. "We've set up a
> separate channel for that.
> "By Reagan's red jellybeans!" Obnoxious
> Ame.rec.a Boy said. "The Land of Opportunity
> is no place for innocent young men and women
> to be forced into lives of slave labor. We
> have whole sections of the Third World set
> aside for that!"
> then there's the part where the day care manager
> saw me peeking through the factory window and
> came after me with a great big hourglass and a
> "Right," Adamant-Authority-on-Everything said,
> crossing his arms. "And now I'm supposed to say
> 'Really?' and you say 'Scythe!' and everybody has
> a great big laugh at my expense."
> "Actually, you're supposed to scream as I
> blast you with my time-blade," said a tall woman
> in a glittering grey dress.
Bwahahaha. X3 I sometimes have a hard time commenting on these jokes, just
because they build and build on each other, but that is not in any way a request
to stop, because THEY ARE SO GOOD
> She leveled the weapon at Adamant-Authority-on
> Everything, who opened his mouth to object. Before
> he could, the scythe made a sound like a swarm of
> bees suddenly holding its breath, and Adam found
> himself looking up at the woman -- as well as his
> own tiny pink toes.
> "But the laugh at your expense? Absolutely,"
> the silver-haired woman said.
> "Lady," she said, "we're the Legion of Net.
> Heroes. We've come here to chew bubblegum and
> kick ass. And I'm fresh out of... oooh, hold on
> a minute," he said, finding a fresh pack of
> gum in the folds of his robe. He handed out
> sticks to Easily-Discovered Man Lite, Obnoxious
> Ame.rec.a Boy and Ordinary Lady.
> A few moments later, when the gum had lost
> its flavor, he continued.
X3 X3 X3
> "Children, these naughty naughty people have
> made Mother Time very angry," Mother Time said.
> "Show them what happens when someone makes Mother
> Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy and Lite immediately
> adopted Power Rangers-style fighting poses, while
> Infant-Authority-on-Everything began to cry.
> Ordinary Lady merely stood there, waiting.
> "Now!" Mother Time shouted.
> One of the transformed children wandered back
> into the day-care center. The second tried to
> hug Mother Time, while the third picked his nose.
> A stream of clear amber liquid, distilled at
> the Plank Road Brewery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
The implications of this line are massive
> "Time to regroup," Mother Time said, picking
> up her scythe and heading back into the day care
> "Oh, what the heck," she said a moment later,
> and blasted the still-immobile Ordinary Lady with
> her weapon.
> Frat Boy rose, stared at the scene around him,
> and grabbed Lite by the front of his Oxford shirt.
> "No time for idle chatter," Frat Boy said,
> his voice deep and powerful. "No more jokes. No
> more pranks. I've got less than twelve hours now
> to catch that woman, restore our ages, find out
> what happened to our leaders and make this the
> kind of Legion it was always meant to be."
> "What.. what are you?" Lite gasped.
> The Legion's leader pulled him closer.
> "I'm Fratman," he said.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...
Drew "always liked that line" Nilium
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