LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #130: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Six

[Drew Nilium]

On 12/8/2019 4:28 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> And will the way Drabble Girl disappears in
> this issue poke a lot of holes into the eventual revelation about how every
> one is disappearing?  Or will we have all completely forgotten about it by
> the time I repost that issue?

Honestly, I just assumed her disappearance was just her powers, separate from 
everybody else's. o3o

> "No, no," Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad consulted the first piece of
> paper. "This time it's... Drabble Girl."
> 
> Drabble Girl looked startled and pleased at being selected, clasping her
> hands together as she thought quickly.
> 
> "We must find out why our leaders are all disappearing. I have a plan..."
> 
> Everyone blinked as, before their very eyes, Drabble Girl suddenly vanished.
> 
> "What the hell?" Sarcastic Lad demanded. "It's not even midnight yet!"
> 
> Fourth Wall Lass counted quickly and then shook her head. "No, she just
> hit the 100 word limit on her appearances and had to go."
> 
> "So, does that count or what?"
> 
> "For now we'll assume that it does," Doctor Stomper said, shrugging. "In
> the meantime, if we could have the second name please?"

Heeheehee. Like that :D

> Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad glanced at the next name. "Writer's Block
> Woman."
> 
> The door to the cafeteria slammed open. Backlit in the doorway posed a
> noble figure.
> 
> "What's this? A plea... nay, a cry for aid. When one is called by the
> winds of need and destiny, one must then answer the call! And so it is
> that I have arrived. Fear not, for I am WRITER'S BLOCK WOMAN! A hero and
> a lady. And a firm supporter of the Net.Zealand Forest and Bird Society!"

gossssssh <3.<3 Perfection!!

> "Me?" Writer's Block Woman went pink, which matched nicely with her
> purple and gold costume. "You picked me? I... I don't know what to say!
> This is so unexpected! Oh gosh. I don't have a speech.

She is *amazing*

> Oh, also,
> thanks to Kiwi, Kiwi and Kiwi Incorporated, the fantastic house-sitting
> service I hire to take care of things at home while I'm out heroing...

I don't think they mean "house-sitting" in quite the same way, TBH

> And also my other Net.Zealand friends
> Amy, Brett, Carolynne, Diana, Edward, Frances..."
> 
> "So... do you think she noticed the bit about disappearing at midnight
> yet?" Fuzzy asked.
> 
> "Kylie, Lisa, Matthew..."
> 
> "I highly doubt it."
> 
> "Stewart, Tane, Ursula..."

Heeheehee

> "OH HELL NO!"
> 
> **
> 
> After Mouse had been calmed down and the resultant destruction repaired
> and cleaned up,

X3 X3 X3

> "We could... team up to fight some gargantuan evil threat from beyond
> the cosmos! Or... split up and go off and battle individually. There's
> so many here, we could do it through two titles. Perhaps Limited LNH
> Comics Presents and Canny LNH Comics Presents? But with matching
> costumes to identify us. Or not? Perhaps we should split up and then
> have internal conflicts between the two teams? I... I can't decide. I
> don't know what to do!"

Oh, *enormous* mood. (I mean, there's a reason I created Writer's Block Person.)

> Mouse watched as various LNHers began to reel indecisively around her,
> and pondered whether or not she felt like helping out. Darn heroing
> instincts.

I love Mouse too. X3

> A chill trickled down Mouse's spine, and then jumped to the next person
> in range who had had experience with WBW's concept of accounting in the
> past.
> 
> "Yipes! That's cold!"

*cackles*

> WBW raised the clipboard high. "The budget must be balanced!" She
> announced loudly. "We must raise our income... so we will now all go out
> and buy expensive things and bring them into the LNH HQ so that there is
> more valuable stuff coming in than going out!"
> 
> Mouse thunked her head into the table.
> 
> Doctor Stomper made a valiant effort to avert the chaos that was about
> to descend. "Writer's Block Woman, that's not exactly how income works..."
> 
> "LET'S GO SHOPPING!!!"
> 
> As a battle cry, it worked surprisingly well.

Jaelle is SO GOOD at the humor!!

> "Are you kidding?" Mouse lifted her head and glared at him. "When
> Ultimate Ninja gets back and finds out about this, she'll be better off
> disappeared!"
> 
> "Not if you find out who the real culprit is and pin all the blame on
> them," Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad pointed out.
> 
> Mouse drummed her fingers on the table thoughtfully. "Good point." She
> gave him a toothy grin. "And if that fails, I can always blame the
> person who drew her name out of the hat!"
> 
> "Argh!"

heeheehee

> "The first thing we should do," Doctor Stomper interrupted hastily. "Is
> try to get some sort of surveillance on Writer's Block Woman. Mouse, is
> there any way we can catch up to her?"
> 
> "Catch up to Writer's Block Woman?? While she's SHOPPING??? Are you
> KIDDING?!!"

X3

> how did her mother manage to find all these disaster
> areas anyway? If Mouse didn't know better she would have sworn that WBW
> was using her powers to cause all this trouble, but, no, they didn't
> work that way. This was just finely honed shopping skills and infective
> enthusiasm),

The loveliest power of all!

> Writer's Block Woman gasped. "Oh my goodness! It's almost midnight!"
> 
> "Yeah and..."
> 
> "It's a one-day only sale! The prices won't be discounted tomorrow!
> Quick, to the cash registers!" WBW cried.
> 
> "No, Mum!" Mouse called futilely. "At midnight the LNH leader
> disappears! Ah. Well, I can see that you've discovered that for
> yourself," she muttered sotto voce as Writer's Block Woman abruptly
> vanished.

X3

> 
> Oh well, it was probably for the best, thought Mouse. At least the LNH
> was saved from complete financial ruin. And her mother couldn't possibly
> get into any more trouble if she was missing.
> 
> Then a nasty thought struck Mouse: but what if she was now getting into
> trouble wherever it was that the leaders were going?

yesssssss. :D

> "Okay ma'am, we've finished ringing up all your purchases. How will you
> be pay... hey, where did she go?"
> 
> Mouse looked up at the group of irate shop assistants closing in on her
> position and turned to run. Unfortunately it was at this point that the
> group that had been lusting after WBW's intended purchase suddenly
> realised that the dress was now up for grabs.
> 
> "I heard that girl call her 'Mum'!"
> 
> "That dress is OURS!!!"
> 
> Mouse looked up and went, "Arghh!" as the scrum closed in.

X3 Perf.

> And, if Politically Correct
> Person was lucky enough, the leader that would shape the disgustingly
> inappropriate Legion up.
>       Loudly enough for everyone present to hear, Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-
> Hats Lad announced, "Politically Correct Person!"
>       All eyes turned to their new leader to hear what he had to say.
>       "Oh. Oh, bother."

An excellent moment of contrast, with the difference between abstractly desiring 
something and having it actually happen starkly illustrated. <3

>       "Are you listening to me at all? You can't just call them turtles
> when they could very well be any one of various shelled creatures. My
> goodness, they could even be snails for all you care, couldn't they?"

So, I'm not sure how much of the 'we have to use these needlessly precise words' 
jokes were based off Tarq's experiences, and how much was based on the cultural 
stereotype of someone who's Politically Correct(tm). But almost all stereotypes 
are exaggerated and decontextualized versions of something real.

While the idea that people who prefer certain words to describe themselves and 
people like them is "whiny" or "pointless" is, let's say, *not super fucking 
great*, there are definitely people out there in the social justice circles I've 
visited who are more concerned with the impact of words, and with saying the 
right things, than with the actual systemic problems that enforce the oppression 
these words symbolize. (And you can really see how carefully I'm picking my own 
words right now, huh. X3) Those people are usually honestly and enthusiastically 
trying to help, but are disconnected from the people they're helping, leading 
them to focus on the things that feel wrong to them, instead of the things that 
are actually hurting people. And if you look at this story thru that lens, it's 
for the most part a beautiful satire of that attitude - one that I drew on for 
the PC Person/Non-Binary storyline in The Core LNH. <3

Which is all to say: I think this story does a good job. :>

>       "Of course. As part of my team, I'm responsible for you. How am I
> meant to be able to keep track of you if you don't stand out in a
> crowd?"

Like, very well-intentioned, very disconnected from actual needs. Exaggerated, 
but again, that's the LNH.

>       "Well, not slipping our best friends into spandex pouches would
> be a good start, wouldn't it?"

Master Blaster, you are emphatically not PC Person's best friend. X3

>       "Because it was wrong," came their snappish reply. "We are not a
> Legion -- indeed, nor are we a Fellowship -- of _only_ net.heroes, are
> we? We have net.heroines, too, you know. Not to mention a variety of
> net.ahumans who fit into neither category, and then, of course, there
> are the members who aren't even net.ahumans. What would Cauliflower
> think if he were here right now to hear you say such things? Really,
> do try to have some respect."

See, I consider both "net.hero" and "superhero" not only gender-neutral but 
species-neutral.

>       "Because," replied Time-Waster Lad with a sly grin on his face,
> "it's been far too long since someone else has wasted _my_ time."

Heeheehee

>       Meanwhile, in downtown Net.ropolis, Turtles of Apocalyptic
> Proportions roared as only those few special turtles that are, in
> fact, of apocalyptic proportions can.

A unique experience!

>       Kid Recap shrugged. "Yeah, s'pose. I'm done here anyway. Later,
> guys." And with that he grabbed the only parachute and jumped out.

Welp. X3

> For if
> a pause should be followed by a second pause, or even a third or
> fourth or however many pauses (say it out loud... heh heh heh...
> politically correct indeed...), it is not a second pause, third pause,
> fourth pause, or whatever-ordinal-number-you-want-to-use pause, but
> rather just a notably longer pause. However, this is completely
> irrelevant to our current situation, as the pause was not followed by
> a pause, but by Multi-Tasking Man saying, "Yeah, you can consider him
> gone..."

Heeheehee

>       "Aha!" cried Politically Correct Person. "Look at those feet, eh?
> I knew they could be tortoises! And now I can say, certainly, that
> they are Uncommonly Large Tortoises.

I mean, fair

>       Distracted by his thoughts, he stepped on a loose something or
> other and tripped, landing flat on his face, and rather conveniently
> knocking himself out. I should probably end this with an ellipsis,
> just for dramatic effect...

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

>       Politically Correct Person sat up groggily, rubbing his sore
> face. Leaning down to see what he had tripped on, he picked up a small
> turtle-shaped remote control, on which there were two buttons. One was
> labelled 'Turn people into Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions'. The
> other said 'Turn Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions into just normal
> sized turtles because I couldn't quite get the settings right to turn
> them back into people'.

X3

>       He was just about to hit the button when he turned around in time
> to witness a giant Tortoise foot coming down and about to squish him
> into a hundred tiny pieces. He could feel the rough skin pressing down
> on him, lowering him to the ground.
>       "Oh, f-!" [*]
>       And then he was gone.
> 
> [* = "Oh, for crying out loud!", of course... - Footnote Girl]

Heeheehee

>       Cannon Fodder's eyes widened. He looked desperately at the clock.
> Had PC Person disappeared in time? Had whomsoever had been kidnapping
> their leaders actually saved him? Or had he been mashed under the
> giant leathery foot of an Uncommonly Large Tortoise, nee Turtle of
> Apocalyptic Proportions?

DUN DUN DUNNNNN...

>       He found no corpse, but a small remote control. Intrigued, he hit
> the button.
>       All over the grand city of Net.ropolis, there was loud
> 'shwoomp!'s as giant tortoises shrunk to usual tortoise size, and then
> fell to the ground. Civilians stuck their heads out of buildings,
> cheering and clapping and celebrating their survival. "Can-non Fod-
> der! Can-non Fod-der!" they cheered, unaware that anything in the
> Legion had changed since Ultimate Ninja had left or even, indeed, that
> Ultimate Ninja had ever left the building.

Heeheehee

>       Overwhelmed, Cannon Fodder raised his hands into the air
> victoriously. The crowd screamed and applauded. This was the first
> time in a long time that he'd ever actually survived to the end of a
> mission. That he was recognized as a hero. It felt goooood.
>       Then a normal-size tortoise shell fell from the sky, smashing his
> skull and killing him instantly.
>       The citizens of Net.ropolis went quiet. After a moment, one
> grunted, "Eh well."

Oh come on XP

Drew "give a guy a break" Nilium