LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #125: Infinite Leadership Cri.Sig Part One
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri May 15 19:31:25 PDT 2020
And now, going back to the beginning!
On 10/27/2019 5:38 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> "LNH dice?? Are you kidding me? No, I'm not going to sign the contract!"
> Ultimate Ninja slammed the phone down, glaring at it to stop it from
> immediately ringing again. That didn't work, so the ninja decided to
> storm out of the office instead.
> "Um, sir... the Peril Room is currently off line," John called
> out after him, not in his strongest voice.
> Ultimate Ninja stopped mid-stride, with one leg off the ground.
> John and Sally were suitably impressed by this, especially when he
> didn't tremble in the slightest, but as the minutes passed, they became
> ever more increasingly worried.
I love this gag. X3
> "Well, someone else is bound to notice him like this..."
> "Hey, Ninja, what's up?" asked Unperceptive Lad, patting the
> pseudo-ninja statue on the arm as he passed by.
> "Okay, bad example. The next person..."
> "Hi leader," Browsing Boy called out as he walked on, his head
> buried in a book.
> "Okay, the _next_ person..."
> "What up, Ninja!" Master Blaster yelled, high-fiving the ninja
> on his slightly upraised hand (but not budging him an inch), before
> continuing on, whistling.
> "These people are doing this deliberately!"
Heeheehee I love the Rule of Three
> "I doubt that's exactly the case, but I think we'll need help
> with this." Doctor Stomper picked up the telephone, dialled the
> extension for LNHQ-wide announcements, and said, "Wikiboy to Ultimate
> Ninja's office. Wikiboy to Ultimate Ninja's office." After a pause, he
> added, "By the way, you have teleportation ability and like to use it to
> go places."
> "Sorry about that, Wikiboy, but I... why are you yellow with
> pink polka dots?" Right before Wikiboy replied, Doctor Stomper clicked
> on the answer and they said in tandem, "Master Blaster."
> "Right, well, revert all edits," Doctor Stomper announced.
> Wikiboy blinked a few times, then smiled in appreciation. "Thank
> you for that, Doctor."
Yessssss. <3 Be nice to WikiBoy day
> "You are an expert on ninjas, with a speciality in ultimate
> ones," Doctor Stomper declared.
> After the edit took effect, Wikiboy retrieved a pair of glasses,
> perched them on his nose, then peered over them at Ultimate Ninja.
> "Vell, your nenja is a verry fragile kreature.
> "Well, when was the last time he took a holiday?" Doctor Stomper
> "Does when he was replaced by the evil Ultimate Ninja count?"
> John asked, flipping back through the pages of the day planner before
> "Wikiboy, you're our current HR expert. How much leave does
> Ultimate Ninja have owning him?" Doctor Stomper asked, turning to
> Putting the glasses away, Wikiboy took out a tie and put it on.
> The rest of them couldn't be sure, but a faint sheen of slime seemed to
> cover him, an image not offset by the too-wide smile of "I'm your
> friend" that he wore.
Yeah, fuckin' legit
> Leading close so he could directly whisper into the ninja's ear,
> Doctor Stomper said, "They are remaking 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'.
> PR Kid has plans involving you and a pet store."
> The resulting ninja explosion took several hours to repair.
> Reports from Doctor Stomper had come in to say that
> he had landed in the outskirts but might stay there for a while.
> "Well... I don't quite think you understand... people are
> talking about the 'Habeas Corps' clause."
> "As in?"
> "As in... the LNH will own your body, whether you agree or not,
> and... well... whether your alive or not. And then you'd literally be
> leader in perpetuity."
Wow. X3; That's uh. Who put that in the-- oh yeah Bjorn. Fair.
> "Ultimate Ninja... sir... we need you to sign some forms before
> you take off. Leave forms, reassignment sheets, cheesecake recipes, that
> sort of thing." He held up a clipboard of pages as proof. "Oh, and we
> also need the key to the building."
> "Right." Pausing in his packing, the ninja reached over, grabbed
> a large metal key the size of a book, and tossed it to OABoy, who had to
> think fast to catch it.
I'm sad that I don't remember that being used comedically.
> "Hey, Ultimate Ninja," Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy called out.
> "Who's in charge?"
> Ultimate Ninja paused for a moment on the final step, reached
> into his clothes and withdrew a shuriken. Without looking back, he threw
> it over his shoulder. "That person."
> As the ninja vanished onto the street, the LNHers turned to see
> where the shuriken had ended up, and saw it embedded in the wall, still
> vibrating, close to a throat which was very careful not to move too
> Walking over, Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy held out the key.
> "Congratulations, Fearless Leader. Looks like you're our new leader."
Dun dun dunnnnnn!
Huh, that's weird, it didn't auto-quote after this. Ah well, copy and paste as
> <<This here is DJ Dr. Flipseid grooving you to another hour of the best
> bellbottom dance music that a mood ring can buy. So rub your lava lamps
> and get our your boogie shoes and get ready to shake your booties...
> But first before we do that the Doctor has a little message for all you
> Far Out Cosmic Cats out there...>>
> "There's something wrong with your radio, Felix. Can't seem to change
> it." Linda laughed to herself. "God, this guy is so corny."
> Felix wanted to laugh also, but there was something about that voice
> that put a chill into him. He had heard that voice before. Why was he
> scared of that voice? "Turn off the radio, Linda. Please."
> <<i cannot fight you now, but know that my time will come again.>>
Gaaaaaaaah the dread <3
> "You killed us all," said the one who looked like Organic Lass.
> "No! It wasn't my... Please! I'm sinking."
> "You can still save us though," said a Dr. Stomper like man.
> "How? How can I? Please...?"
> "BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!" said the Sarcastic Lad like figure.
This also really works as a setup for Beige Countdown/Midnight!
> Can't seem to move, Fearless Leader thought to himself. He seemed to be
> paralyzed from the neck down. What was wrong with him?
> BEEP! BEEP!
> Hell. It was his pajamas. Someone had sewn his PJs to the bed!
> "This bomb we're dealing with feeds on seriousness and angst. If the
> LNHQ gets too serious today, this thing is going to destroy us all."
> Doctor Stomper showed Fearless Leader his scanner. "Right now we're at
> a Silliness level of 5.33. If the silliness level drops to below 5.00
> this device could very well detonate."
I love this idea so much and I've got to reuse it.
> We believe this device was some congratulation present for
> getting RACC passed back in '94 from the netizens of alt.shenanigans.
> It was kept in a storage area that no one had bothered to go into since
> that time until last night when Bad Timing Boy accidentally knocked a
> basketball into the room, which accidentally triggered the device. And
> here we are now.
Amazing. X3 I'd forgotten this detail.
> "Of course." Fearless Leader sighed to himself. "So, how can I help
> with this?"
> "You can wear this on your head." Dr. Stomper handed Fearless Leader a
> Carmen Miranda style fruit hat.
> Fearless looked at the fruit hat. "You're serious?"
> "I wouldn't be wearing this gorilla suit if I weren't completely serious."
> "And you should probably also wear this." Dr. Stomper handed Fearless
> Leader a coconut bra.
> "No. I'm not wearing that. I am not. I am not..."
> "Every bit of silliness helps," Dr. Stomper pointed out.
Yes. Yes it does. :D
> Fearless Leader coughed to himself. "Well. What happened? How did he
> get this way?"
> "Oh, you know... the usual. Popped in from the future and started
> screaming, 'No Future! No Future!'
Hmmmmm yeah the usual.
> Fearless Leader shook his head and sighed. And then looked over to the
> door. Pulls Paper out of Hats Lad was standing by it waiting for something.
> "Can I help you Pulls Paper out of Hats Lad?" Fearless Leader asked.
I can't remember if he'd appeared before this!
> "Oh, it's nothing really -- just that every time now that I grab a piece
> of paper -- the paper -- well the paper is yellowish and kind of
> brittle. Like it's been aged. I don't know. Might be a fungus or
> had nailed all of Ultimate Ninja's furniture (well -- now it was his.
> At least for the month.) to the ceiling. The LNH phone lines were being
> swamped with prank calls. People were leaving burning bags of poop by
> the door, ringing the bell, and then quickly leaving. All the glassware
> had been replace by dribble glasses. 'Kick Me' signs were appearing on
> almost everyone's back. And someone had put a whole bottle of Tabasco
> Sauce into his soup.
I love it so much. <3
> "Still it's fun -- in its way. Right? It beats all the angst and
> seriousness that usually hovers around this place."
> "I suppose so. I could live with a little less silliness myself."
> "You like to eat alone. Don't you?"
> Fearless Leader hesitated a bit before he answered. "No. I -- I don't
> like to eat alone. It's just the way it is. It's just hard to -- to --
> I don't know how to put it."
> "Why not? It's okay. You know. I've got an idea. We could go out for
> coffee sometime. Just the two of us. And just talk. Are you interested?"
> Fearless Leader looked over at another table. People seemed to staring
> at him. Laughing at him. Laughing. And laughing. "Oh, I get it.
> This is a prank, right? That's what it is. Of course -- a joke. You
> guys are really hilarious. What do you have planned next?"
> "I -- uh..." Ripping Dancers face had a very pained and flustered
> expression on it. "I -- wasn't -- wasn't... I'm sorry. I'll leave." A
> shaken Ripping Dancer stood up quickly and started to walk away.
OMEGA MUST HUG!
> "Okay." They sort of paused and just looked at each other. And then
> Ripping Dancer told Fearless Leader she had to leave and waved bye. And
> Fearless Leader waved bye back.
> Coffee. A smile broke out of Fearless Leader's face. Well, this day
> might not be so horrible.
(Also I'm surprised the bomb didn't nearly go off there)
> Irony Man shook his head. "Other than ramping up some additional
> silliness, we still can't figure out how to disarm it. And we think the
> first team we sent to alt.shenanigans might be being held prisoner. We
> might have to send a second team to rescue the first team."
This is definitely a shenanigan.
> Irony Man walked over to the window and briefly opened the blinds before
> shutting them. "Well, take the LNH Registration Act. Now everyone in
> the LNH hates it, but -- you see the public wants it to happen. It's
> going to happen. We can't stop it from happening. We need a leader who
> understands that. We need a leader who can play ball with the
> government. Who can make the LNH Registration Act work for us instead
> of against us."
Ah, I didn't realize that was already a plot. :o
> Irony Man laughed. "There you go. Thinking in black and white terms.
> It's a complex world. Well. I've got to go. Been nice talking to you.
> Hope you can survive the month."
> With that Irony Man straightened up his blonde wig and leather lingerie
> and made his way out of Fearless Leader's office.
> Fearless Leader straightened his Carmen Miranda fruit hat and coconut
> bra. That had to be the most absurd conversation he had ever had.
> Hope you enjoyed your first day.
> The fun has just begun.
> Your ever loving Legionnaires in the LNH'
> A little smile broke from Fearless Leader's face.
> Oh well, at least it
> was midnight. He could finally take off this stupid hat and coconut bra.
> But fate, alas, had other plans for Fearless Leader. And Fearless
> Leader vanished right as the clock hit midnight. Fruit hat, coconut
> bra, and the rest of him.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...
And I love so much that he's wearing it when he comes back. X3
Drew "an excellent event, I must say" Nilium
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