LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #144: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Twenty
pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu May 14 20:26:34 PDT 2020
On 3/22/2020 5:17 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> You can sift through the racc list archive
> or you can try google groups racc for these stories that make up the twentieth
> section of Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig (or Crisis).
What an event. X3
> "Morning, eight eyes," she says.
> "You're beautiful," he says, and she is: his eyes roam the
> pale, gentle curves of her carapace until she blushes, covering
> herself with his bedsheet. "And you're still here. That has to
> be a good sign."
> "'Course I'm still here," Arachne yawns. "You think I'd
> spend the night laying six million eggs in order to walk out
> before breakfast the next morning?"
Like... fuck, Rob is a good writer. This isn't just a joke about turning life as
an arachnid into a very archetypal domestic romance scene, tho it is that - he
actually puts the genuine emotions across.
> Ollie sits up. Behind Arachne, resting against the side of
> his mattress, is the fullest, most perfect sphere he's ever seen:
> a firm, silky ball that's warm to his touch and pulsing with life.
oh no feeeeeeeeeels
> "It's just that it seems like it was yesterday that I saw you
> for the first time," he says, shaking his head.
> "It was yesterday," she says. "One of the benefits of having
> an extremely brief life cycle."
> "Morning, Ollie," says old Mr. Blatta, the postman. "Funny
> weather we're having today."
w-what kind of mail do bran mites get
> "Mr. Blatta?" Ollie says, running to the postman's side as his
> bag spills and a thousand letters blend with the falling white
Like?? This imagery???
> Ollie grabs Blatta by the shoulder, which already feels
> cool and stiff, though his mouth hangs open as though he had
> something more to say.
> Two human faces fill the screen as a
> spinning logo grows larger beneath them: Amazing Products!
> Please, he thinks. Let Arachne be all right.
aaaaaaaaaa the silly and the tragic aaaaaaaaaa ;.;
> "But what about your cereal?" the man on the television asks.
> "Easily-Discovered Bran? Our sources tell us that several boxes
> had to be recalled because they were infested with mites."
> "That's no longer a problem, Bob," his companion says, holding
> up a bag of bright white powder. "Every box of Easily-Discovered
> Bran now comes with a free bag of Easily-Discovered Brand
> Sweetener, the non-fattening sugar substitute that's also a
> powerful arachnicide."
Heeheeheehee aaaaaaaaa ;.;
> "And you say it's safe for people and pets?"
> "Why would you be feeding breakfast cereal to your pets, Bob?"
> "Let's just say that you did."
> "That's bizarre, Bob."
> "People have been known to do bizarre things, Lite."
Oh this is great aaaaaaaaa ;.;
> "They sure have, Bob. But I'm here to tell you that Easily-
> Discovered Brand Sweetener is better than safe. In fact, one out
> of every billion life-forms who use this amazing product will
> develop the incredible power to glow and be detected by a Geiger
> counter, just like your hero and mine -- Easily-Discovered Man!"
> Ollie stares from the stiffening body of his lover to his own
> arms and legs -- which have begun to emanate a weird orange light
> -- to the smiling face on the television screen who has pronounced
> a death sentence on his people.
> "And you say it will kill every last one of those mites,
> Easily-Discovered Man Lite?"
> "Every last one, Bob," Lite grins. "Deader than the Clinton
> health plan. You have Easily-Discovered Man Lite's guarantee."
Bwahahaha this is glorious comedy aaaaaaaaa ;.;
> "It wasn't enough for you to take Arachne, Easily-Discovered
> Man Lite," Ollie says, raising a tiny glowing fist -- then another,
> and another -- at the enormous television screen. "It wasn't
> enough for you to take my children. My family. My friends.
> "You vowed to destroy my species," the Easily-Discovered Bran
> Mite cries. "And for that, you shall pay. I will have my revenge
> on you, Easily-Discovered Man Lite! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!"
aaaaaaaaaaaaaa somehow you made me feel deep sorry and sympathy for the
Easily-Discovered Bran Mite I will have my revenge too ;;;;.;;;;
> The armor itself -- sleek, dark, and so well-polished it seemed
> almost frictionless -- gave Mynabird the appearance of a football
> linebacker who had decided to wear the Batmobile to work.
Just as hilarious, and less tragic!
> The news had come as an unwelcome shock to Easily-Discovered
> Bran Mite -- who in the world would want to make a duplicate of
> Easily-Discovered Man Lite, anyway?
> However, if the last 13
> years had taught him anything, it was that standing around
> screaming and feeling sorry for himself rarely accomplished much,
> while putting on an atom-powered suit of armor and pillaging the
> city could be both productive and cathartic.
Boy do I know it!
> "So this is the office of the Ultimate Ninja," the master
> criminal said, lifting a battered, battle-stained cavalry saber
> from its display rack. "Fascinating," he said, unsheathing the
> sword and examining the "CSA" stamped on its blade. "I had no
> idea the leader of the LNH was a Civil War buff."
> "Nor did I," Mynabird said. "Particularly the way they
> characterized Iron Man. And that whole business with the clone
> of Thor..."
X3 God, it's nice to be able to view *that* particular crossover from a safe
distance. Thankfully, exactly zero awful megacrossovers have happened in comics
since! Ha... ha ha...
> Within Mynabird's helmet, Easily-Discovered Bran Mite adjusted
> a dial on the "Laughter" panel from "Maniacal Cackle" to "Deep,
> Braying Guffaw."
> "Let's face it, Homage -- for all that you claim to have done,
> you've been about as successful against the Legion as King
> Konqueror," Mynabird said.
Damn, what a burn.
> "He's wrong! Tell them he's wrong!" Mynabird shouted, reaching
> into the wastebasket beside his desk and pulling the disembodied
> head of Dr. Stomper's robot duplicate out by its hair. "Tell them,
> "I'm afraid that Homage was correct," the robot Dr. Stomper
> droned. "The LNH will ultimately prevail in every conflict within
> this Looniverse."
Disembodied oracular heads are a good theme!
> "No," Father Brown croaked. "That plan, too, has failed me in
> the past."
> "It's failed him in the paaaast," the monks sang.
So are musical Greek choruses~
> "What is the meaning of this?" Mynabird shouted.
> "It's a pronoun. It has no intrinsic meaning," the Alt.Imate
> Ninja replied.
> "The city would like to honor you," McLaughlin Man said,
> throwing a thick, sausage-like arm around Mynabird's iron
> shoulders. "You think they loved the LNH? You think people went
> wild for the Saviors of the Net? Brother, you ain't seen nuthin'
I love the irony of this so much.
> Mostly they clapped, cheered, blew kisses, or waved,
> showering the super-villains with goodwill. None of those onstage,
> with the possible exception of Uma Thurman, the replacement Waffle
> Queen, had ever experienced anything like it.
Man. This is such a lovely character moment. :>
> "This feels... wrong, somehow," said Downyflake, clutching a
> pair of women's undergarments he'd just been thrown from the
> crowd. "I mean, sure, we were trying to stop those LNH robots
> that'd gone berserk. But I was just doing it because I'm sick of
> having to drive all the way to Utah to be able to shoot robots."
> The recording continued. "You're bluffing! You wouldn't cause
> so many innocent deaths," said the sepulchral voice of the LNH
> Robot Duplicator Machine.
> "I wouldn't?" Cannon Fodder's voice said. "I think you should
> remember that I'm human, therefore completely irrational! Why
> wouldn't I do that? The question you need to ask yourself is can
> you afford to take the chance?"
> The recording ended.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. The re-contextualization of that is ASTOUNDING. :3
> "Are you ready to take control of your own lives? To be the
> authors of your own destiny?"
> The audience thought about that for a moment.
> "NO!" they shouted.
> "Come again?" Mynabird said.
> "YOU DO IT!" they screamed. "LNV! LNV! LNV!"
> "I'm starting to think this thing could go all night," said
> Uma Thurman, swirling her cocktail. "Hey Pointless, does the fact
> that this infinite April thing is over mean that you can finally
> get on with hosting the RACCie Awards? I've got this new dress
> I've been dying to wear..."
> Pointless Awards Man II shot the replacement Waffle Queen a
> look saturated with malice. "Ixnay on the acciesray," he said.
> "They'll happen when they happen."
> Turning back to his microphone, he continued, "And how about a
> big hand for our friends at Cowling Propane and Propane
> Accessories, who donated all of the equipment we're using to burn
> LNH products tonight?
Heck that's a deep-cut
> He shook his head in wonder at the black-armored villain, who
> was, at that moment, allowing a small group of orphans to eat
> miniature waffles out of his hand.
> "To bollix this up now, we'd have to do something really,
> really, stupid," Londonbroil said.
oh no X3
> "Wow! I guess a cheesecake really can fly," Pointless Awards
> Man II said. "Hope those fish are hungry... because in addition
> to all those unjust desserts, our deep-sea denizens are going
> to be getting their fiber in a big way tonight. The city's
> Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks has just announced that
> they're ready to dump the tri-state area's entire supply of Easily-
> Discovered Bran into Net.ropolis Harbor."
A Homeric use of the tragic flaw! Shakespearian! And it's also like people who
annoyingly anglocentric scholars don't like who are good!
> Mynabird shook off Downyflake's hand. Inside his helmet,
> the Easily-Discovered Bran Mite turned the speech control dial from
> "Suave, Self-Assured Demagogue" to "Hysterical Dalek."
> "YOU'RE ALL THE SAME!" he screeched. "ALL OF YOU! YOU'RE
> EITHER IMBECILES OR KILLERS...AND I SAY, EXTERMINATE ALL OF YOU
> "Ladies and gentlemen," Pointless Awards Man II said, as
> hundreds of people burst into applause. "The Legion of Net.Heroes
> has returned!"
Presenters gotta present
> It was one thing to watch Irony Man soaring in to save the
> victims of a blasted blimp, thought Londonbroil, and quite another
> to hear the distant cough of his rocket boots, see him loop around
> in the sky, like a vengeful falling star, see the lights of the
> city and the bonfire reflected in his armor and the thirty
> thousand ways it had of hurting a person and know that the soul
> inside that metal shell -- growing bigger and closer with each
> second -- was very, very angry.
> With you.
God this is so powerful and cool.
> "Have to switch to manual control," he said, toggling a tiny
> switch inside his right gauntlet. With a shudder, his arms and
> legs were free to move. He pulled himself into a ball -- it was
> so hard to fight against the onrushing wind -- and fumbled, his
> fingers feeling fat and clumsy and useless -- until he managed to
> detach his left boot from the rest of his armor.
This feels more cinematic than any decompressed comic ever did - and before
there were any Iron Man movies!
> He had no idea who or what he was facing. The Net.ropolis he
> had arrived in was so far removed from the one he had left -- so
> much destruction, so much chaos, and so much news about Paris
> Hilton everywhere he looked -- that the former Felix Landers
> wondered if fate had, once again, thrown him into another parallel
Jeez, that's intense. I love FL.
> "Crowd control? Are you sure I couldn't be more helpful where
> the action is?" Catalyst Lass asked, her wide green eyes searching
> "Getting those people out of the way is the most important
> thing we can do right now, and nobody is better at persuading
> people to do the right thing than you are," Fearless Leader said,
> placing a hand on the young woman's shoulder. "I'm counting on
He's pretty damn persuasive too.
> Girlwatcher, what's
> the situation at the front?"
> He heard a burst of static. Then, "...fantastic, Fearless
> Leader. That Uma Thurman is so much more beautiful than the
> last Waffle Queen. And the Melissa virus..."
> "Wow. I mean, wow, Fearless Leader," Girlwatcher's voice
> crackled. "I mean... I probably shouldn't be mentioning this right
> now, but... you do know I was rejected for membership in the
> Legion, right?"
> Fearless Leader smiled. "There are no rejects today,
> Girlwatcher. No back-benchers. And that goes for all of you," he
> said, turning to the crowd of Legionnaires preparing for battle.
> "Our enemies think they've already won," he said. "They think
> they've scared us into giving up! They think by grabbing us one by
> one for more than a year that they've divided us. What they've
> done is turn all of us into leaders.
HELL YEAH!!! God, that's a good line, I gotta steal that.
> Each of you," he said,
> looking from face to face along the line of muster, "has learned
> what it means to command. You know what it's like to be
> responsible for the safety of this world. If need be, you would
> face what we have to face today alone. And you would prevail.
> "But you will not be alone.
> "You will fight as brothers. As sisters. As champions. And
> by God, you will make me proud. Alone, you are heroes.
> "...we are LEGION!"
HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
> "Well said," Catalyst Lass said, as the Legion of Net.Heroes
> charged onto the battlefield. "Can I make one suggestion?"
> "Of course, Cat."
> "April... this long April... it's finally over, right?"
> "Yes. Thank God," Fearless Leader said.
> "In that case," Catalyst Lass said, touching Fearless Leader
> under the chin, "it's probably all right for you to take off that
> coconut bra and grass skirt Dr. Stomper made you wear on April
> Fools' Day."
...aaaaaaaaaa it's so good X3 <3 <3 <3
> "Time to even the odds," Vector Prime said, concentrating. As
> Londonbroil watched, the woman in the black catsuit seemed to blur,
> then separate in two... then four... then eight... Within moments,
> the stage was filled with women of every conceivable ethnicity,
> hairstyle and height. All were beautiful. All were heavily
> "Nice trick, that," Londonbroil said, as the crowd of women
> leapt from the stage, shouting "Time to be evil!" "Let's rock!"
> "Badness is cool!" and, inexplicably, "Kitty Pryde/Shadowcat is
The all-new all-different X-Intruder!
> The little gray cat lifted his paw. "Time for a fastball
> special," he said, concentrating. Beside him, the squat, surly
> super-villain called Plummet began to rise.
> Barrage maneuvered the magenta-clad villain higher and higher
> into the air, until he was just above where Writers Block Woman
> hovered. The net.heroine seemed not to notice, her attention
> focused on the battle below.
> "And now," Barrage said, his tail twitching back and forth,
> "here's how you break through a case of writer's block."
*scribbles down notes - get a psychic cat to throw a giant magenta man at me*
> "What's going on over there?" the heroine added, turning to her
> side just as Plummet tore past, missing her by a hair's breadth.
> Hundreds of feet below her, the hero in question stood up,
> wiped the dust from his tights, and grinned at Plummet.
> "Boy," said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, "did you
> ever pick the wrong guy to smash into."
:D :D :D <3 <3 <3 Love it
> "This could be the greatest night of my life," Master Blaster
> said, shell casings spilling from his rifle like freshly-minted
> coins from a slot machine. "Here I am, completely surrounded by
> women... each long-legged beauty more luscious than the last..."
> "Your wife happens to be right here," Sister State-the Obvious
> said, bashing one of the Vector clones with her purse.
> "...each one more delicious than the next, and they're all
> viruses, so I can shoot them without worrying about the paperwork,"
> the Legion's sharp-shooting satyr sighed. "I must have done
> something pretty damn wonderful in a previous life."
> "I will never understand why you abuse that boy the way you
> do," Sister-State-the Obvious began, than gasped. "Husband! It's
> coming right for you..."
I love how if I didn't know what her powers were, I wouldn't realize from the
> "Thanks, big guy! This is just what I needed!" said Kid Pocky,
> who had been defending a nearby Sanrio store from a crowd of
> The net.hero began pushing the ball of dough in front of him.
> As the sticky sphere gained momentum, it began to catch and hold
> everything in its path, from bits of glass and rubble to a few
> unhappy Vector clones.
> "Da DA da dada DAda da da, katamari damacy," Kid Pocky sang, as
> another group of Vectors ran screaming from the ball.
omfg I love it so much X3
> Carassion writhed
> and shivered in his grasp, but Very Big Boy kept his grip just long
> enough to swing the fish around and clobber Pencil Rain. With a
> loud, wet smack, the gestalt villain soared through space, arcing
> over Writers Block Woman and splashing down in the Net.ropolis
I gotta say this is also well-written action!
> To Very Big Boy's
> surprise, however, the building's debris did not collapse.
> Instead, it hung in the air for a moment, like the coyote in a Road
> Runner cartoon, before flying through the air to strike him in the
I'm imagining it going "Donk! Donk! Donk!"
> "Now don't go falling all over the city just yet," said Kid-Not-
> Appearing-In-Any-Beige-Midnight-Story, flying through the maelstrom
> of mortar and bracing himself behind Very Big Boy's hill-sized
> shoulder blade.
God, fight scenes where the *whole* LNH shows up are truly epic, huh?
> Catching one iron bar
> with her left hand, she swung from the rickety metal surface into
> the middle of the brickstorm, where -- using skills she'd learned
> spending hour after hour in the Legion's Peril Room -- she sprang
> from one chunk of rocky debris to another, finally landing on the
> balls of her feet beside Barrage himself.
> Still crouching, Ordinary Lady drew a pair of nunchaku sticks
> from the sash around her waist, and dangled them in front of
> Barrage. The small gray cat meowed with delight, batting a few
> times at the chained stick. He blinked his yellow eyes at Ordinary
> ...whereupon she backhanded the creature into
> "It is considered a mark of honor among his kind to play with
> your enemy before defeating him," Ordinary Lady explained.
> "Someone... a cat-girl, a fellow warrior... told me of this once.
> For some reason, I cannot remember her name."
aaaaaaaaaa even Panta gets to help ;-;
> "Odd," Cheesecake-Eater Lad said. "Well, at least you nabbed
> him. I'm beginning to think our side might end up winning this
> after all."
> "Perhaps," Ordinary Lady said, taking in the two ruined
> buildings, the shattered streetlamps, the haze and smoky dust that
> clung to the battlefield like a pall. "But to those innocents now
> running and screaming for their lives, I doubt this feels like
Just the end of Act One!
> Suddenly-Exploding Boy Memorial Grove,
> Pointless Awards Man II weaved, elbowed and shoved his way
> through the crowd fleeing from the battle before the Bandshell.
> His eyes stung and his throat itched from the smoke of the bonfire,
> which had burned out of control, as well as the dust and soot
> kicked up by the various heroes and villains fighting all around
> him. He had stopped running with a purpose long ago, and now was
> moving out of fear, convinced that if he paused for a moment
> something or someone would drop on him or set him on fire or
Speaking of fleeing civilians! Excellent perspective!
> "It's all right," the Dismal Hope Kid was saying. "I know
> you're going to defeat me. I really don't have a chance against
> you. We might as well get this over with."
> "Now you're just rubbing it in," Easily-Discouraged Man
> replied. "As though I had even the slightest possibility of
> victory in any aspect of my life! I don't know why I even bother
> to get up in the morning any more."
> The little villain began to cry, prompting the Dismal Hope Kid
> to hand him a handkerchief from his futility belt.
> Suddenly, he felt a sense of deep and abiding peace. His
> shoulders relaxed; he let himself drop the People's Choice Award he
> had been using as a club and turned to smile at the refugee beside
> him. This wasn't so bad, he thought. Everything was going to be
> all right.
> "Everything is going to be all right," Special Bonding Boy
> repeated, shouting through a megaphone from the top of a scorched
> gazebo. "Just keep walking in an orderly fashion toward the
> Pointless Man II stared through the swirling mists of dust and
> smoke. He saw the glimmering green outline of a man shining
> through the darkness. Safety, he thought. Follow the green light
> to safety.
Ohhhhh that's smart.
> "Not sure... how much longer I can do this," Special Bonding
> Boy said, lowering his bullhorn. "But it's worth it, if we can get
> everybody out of here without someone getting hurt."
Hell yeah everyone's heroic scene!
> It's not like anyone could
> get lost looking for Easily-Discovered Man..."
> * * *
> 1:15 a.m., May 2, 2007
> Somewhere in the Net.ropolis Map District
> "Is this the best of times, or what?" the Incredibly Stupid Man
> said, walking with arms draped around Weirdness Magnet and Bad-
> Timing Boy through the empty streets of Net.ropolis.
> "Uh, sure," Bad Timing Boy said, turning a well-creased sheet
> of paper over and over in his hands. "Listen, I've been checking
> out this map we picked up at the Surrealist Map Shop, and I'm
> thinking we should've taken that left turn at my raining dance
> harvest is set about with stars."
> "I think we're in someplace called 'Accidental Self-
> Immolation Alley,' if that helps," Weirdness Magnet said.
> "Wow! That's the greatest thing I've ever heard in my life!"
> the Incredibly Stupid Man said.
> "Are you kidding?" the Incredibly Stupid Man said, squeezing
> his comrades-in-arms a little harder. "I'm wandering through the
> greatest city in the world with two seasoned, professional super-
> heroes. What could possibly happen to me?"
> "YEEEE-HAAAAH!" screamed a small rodent riding a cow, galloping
> into view at the end of the alley.
> "Yeah," Weirdness Magnet said. "That's pretty much what I was
> worried about."
This is amazing.
> "Whoooah!" Bad-Timing Boy said, stumbling over an untied
> shoelace. The Incredibly Stupid Man, unable to stop his forward
> momentum, tumbled over Bad-Timing Boy, flying forward and knocking
> a startled mind-controlling rodent from the back of the cow.
> "Wow!" the Incredibly Stupid Man said, climbing to his feet.
> "Now that's what I call teamwork!
EVERYONE'S heroic scene. u.u
> Hey... this lemming doesn't look
> too good. Do either of you guys know how to give mouth-to-mouth to
> a rodent?"
> Weirdness Magnet sighed.
> "I always knew that particular skill would come in handy one
> day," he said, kneeling down. "And yet I'd always hoped it
> Arthur E.L. Presence tasted the wine -- a 2002 Cotes-de Bourg
> -- and found it excellent, which was hardly surprising, since he'd
> written it to taste that way. During most of his career as an
> international assassin, Presence had accepted much of what the
> world had thrown at him, allowing himself to forget his peculiar
> status as both a self-aware fictional character and a surrogate
> author. But he never took chances with his wine.
> "It's my Opinion that the weather is exactly right for this
> coat," snapped the stranger.
Ahhhhh, interesting. X3
> "The hell you did," Opinionated Lad said. "You look to me like
> a joke character somebody wrote for a one-off story who somehow
> managed to stick around. In my Opinion, you should never have
> become a member of the Legion."
> The Incredibly Stupid Man vanished.
> "Wham! Bam! And down goes spam," said Easily-Discovered Man
> Lite, swinging a spatula like a baseball bat to clobber Make Money
> Fast Mo.
> "Somebody should have told Triple-X Girl -- and the rest of
> these Seven Deadly Sphammers -- that there's room for only one
> beautiful, half-naked siren in this town," Ripping Dancer said,
> rubbing the knuckles of her right hand.
Ah yes, the continuity-insert version~
> "You may have defeated the Sphammers," droned a robotic voice
> with the trace of a Polish accent, as a boxy silhouette lumbered
> across the infield, an accordion grasped between its pincer-like
> claws. "But you will soon fall before the combined might of the
> ROBOT WITH LAWRENCE WELK'S BRAIN..."
> "...and the deadly DOCTOR GLOCKENSPIEL!" said a caped man at
> shortstop, holding the aforementioned musical instrument as though
> there were a perfectly good reason for him to be doing so.
heeheehee I love Doctor Glockenspiel
> "Damn straight," sang the Dancers, as the zombified former
> President gyrated to the wockachicka sounds of his theme music.
I love sentences like that
> "Hey! Leave that butt of hers alone!" Easily-Discovered Man
> Lite shouted, using his spatula to hold off the slavering fangs of
> Thread Bear. "That butt is a sacred treasure! It belongs to the
> "Thanks, F.B.," he added, holding out a hand to Frat Boy as
> the bear thudded to the floor. "Listen, I know some things were
> said between us the last time we saw each other...when you were
> leading the LNH..."
> "Some things were said," Frat Boy said, letting Lite's hand
> hang in the air.
> Lite lowered his hand.
> "I was kind of hoping we could let bygones be bygones," he
> said, looking his friend in the eye.
> "I'm willing to forgive," Frat Boy said. "But the forgetting
> part might take me a while."
> "Hey!" shouted Ripping Dancer, whose clothing had almost
> completely gone gold. "How about putting the characterization on
> hold for a minute, and dealing with the plot complication over
heeheeheehee X3 aaaaaa the winding-together of drama and comedy is SO GOOD
> "Foul refugees from the netherworld!" Occultism Kid spat, as
> the translucent serpents bared their fangs in his face. "They have
> no place on this level of reality! Somebody get these
> mother*@#$%^ing snakes off this mother@#$%^&ing plane!"
Ahhhhh, memes aged like a fine wine.
> Side by side, the two heroic sorcerers began their incantation,
> chanting together in a low voice.
> "By the Maple Leafs of Toronto
> "And Dion's flaring skirt
> "I bind you with the threefold pow'r
> "Of Lifeson, Lee and Peart!"
> "NOOOOOO!" Ol' Scratch screamed, as a circle of red flame
> flared to life in the dirt beneath Taft's feet. A pentagram
> appeared in the circle, and three swirling hoops of pure energy
> surrounded the demonic President, who pounded his fleshless fists
> against them, to no avail.
> "You've trapped me with the power of Rush... the one band that
> can never be broken!" the demon cried.
I don't understand! <3
> "Lou, you should see this guy!" PR Kid said, nodding and
> smiling at the Chuggernaut while continuing his cell phone
> conversation. "He's got charisma that cannot be denied! What? See
> how he likes the LNH dice? Well, it seems like the wrong time for
> a product demo, but nobody knows 'em like you, Lou!"
This is just so fun. X3
> "This is the way the world ends," Cynical Lass said, freezing a
> Doughboy in mid-attack with her withering stare. "Not with a bang,
> but with yet another long, pointless fight scene."
> "It's just like you to take the fun out of a perfectly nice
> campaign of senseless -- huh! -- violence," Footnote Girl said,
> smashing the frozen golem into a thousand pieces with her hockey
> stick. "After being cooped up in that nether-realm for all those
> months, it's nice to have a little fresh air and exercise for a
Oh I love both of these characters so much. :D
> "We have our battles there for the same reason they test
> nuclear weapons underground," Cynical Lass said. "Because if
> people were ever able to see how much damage they really did, they
> might get upset enough to do something about it."
I mean, that seems like a good thing! <3
> "It's not that," Footnote Girl explained. "It's... oh, if
> either of you could see the footnote..."
> "What is she talking about?" Downyflake said, looking down.
> "This," said Footnote Girl, driving the blade of her hockey
> stick into his foot, and then jerking up, hard.
> Footnote Girl stared at the half-human, half-robotic form of
> the Alt.Imate Ninja twirling its staff in front of her and
> "How am I supposed to do that?" she asked.
Dun dun dunnnnn!
Drew "this is super fun" Nilium
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