LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #133: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Nine

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jan 5 13:36:41 PST 2020

You can sift through the racc list archive
or you can try google groups racc for these stories that make up the ninth 
section of Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig (or Crisis).

LNH Comics Presents #51 is by Martin Phipps.  And our new dear leader is --
Super Apathy Lad.  Feh.

And LNHCP #52 is finally a non-Martin issue by Rob Rogers.  Here we begin
a three parter (Rob was clever in bunching up his issues like that).  It's
Frat Boy's turn -- but will the job turn him from a boy to a -- Frat Man?

Find out in..

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #133

                Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Nine

From: "Martin Phipps" <martin... at yahoo.com>
Subject: LNH: LNH Comics Presents #51: Infinite Leadership Crisis Episode 16
Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007 23:00:12 +0000 (UTC)


                      EPISODE 16

April 16th, 2007

  Ordinary Lady knocked on the door to Kid Kirby's
laboratory.  "Kid Kirby?  Are you busy?" she asked.
  She heard a voice from inside the laboratory.  "Come
in," it said.  "It's not locked."
  She did as she was told and entered the laboratory.
"So... any luck?"
  Kid Kirby shook his head.  "I must apologize.  The
energy signature that Doctor Stomper had recorded
before he disappeared looked familiar.  But I was
unable to determine where your teammates had been
taken to."
  "Have you at least been able to determine who or
what is behind this?"
  "Unfortunately, no.  Although I have my suspicions."
  "I prefer not to say at this point," Kid Kirby
admitted.  "What I can say is that whoever is behind
this would be capable of taking all of us if he wanted
but has chosen to only take the leaders."
  "What does that tell us?  Are we just being toyed
  "Perhaps.  Or perhaps a legionaire becomes more
valuable once he or she has had a turn as leader."
  "Valuable?  In what sense?"
  Kid Kirby shrugged his shoulders.  "I can only
  "Please do."
  "There are two possibilities, either an LNH leader
serves a practical purpose to the fiend that is taking
them... or we are just being taken one by one to fill
some madman's collection."  He sighed.  "Now, please
go.  I may have more to say once I have finished
analyzing the data from Sister State-the-Obvious's
disappearance last night."
  "Okay."  She left Kid Kirby to his work.

  When Ordinary Lady stepped back out into the
hallway, she was greeted by Frat Boy and Adamant
  "So has he figured it out?" Frat Boy asked.
  "Not yet," she said.
  Adamant Authority-on-Everything nodded.  "I could
have told you he wouldn't be any help.  If _I_
couldn't figure it out then I don't see how he could."
  Ordinary Lady nodded.  "Let's go.  It's almost

  The three of them headed downstairs to where
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad was about to announce the
next leader of the LNH.
  Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad looked at the slip of
paper he had pulled out of the hat that he had been
using to select legion leaders for the past couple of
weeks.  "The next LNH leader is... Super Apathy Lad."
  There was no reaction from the crowd of legionaires
present until finally Sarcastic Lad spoke up.  "Well,
it was bound to happen eventually, I suppose."
  "Is Super Apathy Lad even here?"
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad asked.
  "I guess somebody could go look for him,"
Procrastination Boy said.
  "He's probably up in his room watching TV," Adamant
Authority-on-Everything said.  "That's all he ever
  "You know, if Super Apathy Lad doesn't even know
that he's been chosen will he still disappear?" Frat
Boy asked.
  "Hmm," Ordinary Lady said.  "That's a good
question."  She pointed to Time Waster Lad.  "Time
Waster Lad, you go with Procrastination Boy.  I want
the two of you to go find Super Apathy Lad... but
don't tell him he's the new leader.  If he doesn't
know he's been chosen  and, thus, doesn't accept the
role of LNH leader then he won't disappear, will he?
That could give us more time to figure out what is
going on and maybe find a solution."
  "Okay," Time Waster Lad said and the two of them
slowly began to make their way up to Super Apathy
Lad's room.
  "In the meantime, we don't have a leader then, do
we?" Sarcastic Lad said.
  "I suppose not."
  "Then I guess it's time to party!" Sarcastic Lad
  "How do you figure that?  We still haven't found our
missing teammates."
  "Maybe not, but I figure the rest of us have a good
reason to celebrate every time our name isn't called,"
he said with a smile.
  Ordinary Lady placed a tongue firmly in her cheek.
"We could always elect you leader right here and now."
  Sarcastic Lad gave her a dirty look.  "Party

  By the time Time Waster Lad and Procrastination Boy
had arrived in front of Super Apathy Lad's room the
morning was almost over.  Time Waster Lad knocked on
the door.  "Super Apathy Lad?  Are you there?"
  "He's not going to answer you," Procrastination Boy
told him.
  "We can't just walk in."
  "Why not?  He won't care."
  Time Waster Lad and Procrastination Boy walked into
Super Apathy Lad's room.  Sure enough, Super Apathy
Lad was watching TV.  They sat down on either side of
him on the sofa.  Super Apathy Lad did not acknowledge
them: he just continued flipping through channels with
his remote control.
  "What are you watching?" Time Waster Lad asked him.
  "He doesn't seem to be watching anything,"
Procrastination Boy noted.  "He's just flipping
through channels."
  "He's probably just looking for something good to
  Super Apathy Lad continued flipping through channels
and still continued flipping even after he had flipped
through all the channels available on his TV.
  "This is getting silly," Time Waster Lad said.  "Why
can't he find something he wants to watch and stick to
  "There's nothing he likes to watch," Procrastination
Boy told him.  "There's nothing that entertains him.
He's completely apathetic."
  "Then why does he even bother turning on the TV?"
Time Waster Lad asked.
  Procrastination Boy shrugged his shoulders.  "I'll
ask him.  Hey, Super Apathy Lad, why are you watching
TV if there's nothing on?"
  Super Apathy Lad didn't answer: he just continued
flipping through channels.
  "Well this is getting on my nerves," Time Waster Lad
said.  He grabbed the remote from Super Apathy Lad.
Super Apathy Lad didn't put up a fight: if anything,
he was relieved because he didn't have to expend any
effort changing channels any more.  Time Waster Lad
started flipping through channels himself but had no
more luck than Super Apathy Lad.  "There really is
nothing on," he said.
  Hours later, the three of them were still sitting in
front of the TV.  They'd watched several music videos
on several music channels, about a half hour of
sports, the last half hour of some action movie which
made no sense to them because they hadn't been
watching it up to that point, a few minutes of a talk
show interview with some celebrity they hadn't heard
of promoting a movie that none of them were going to
go see and almost a full hour of some documentary
about the mating habits of fruit flies.

  Finally, it was evening and it was time for the top
rated show in the Loonited States: American Convict.
It was elimination night so people all over the
country were watching.  The show's host came out and
gave the people at home a big smile as he spoke into
his microphone.
  "Good evening and welcome to American Convict!
Tonight's the big night!  One of our contestants will
not becoming back next week!  But first, let's remind
everybody just what they've been accused of and what
the evidence against them is."
  The next twenty minutes of the show was devoted to a
graphic description of twelve brutal murders.  The
accused were all charged with the murders and
sentenced to death row but the winner of American
Convict would get to have his death sentence commuted
to life in prison.  With the recap over, the show's
host went down the list of contestants and announced
which ones were coming back until he got down to
the final two contestants.
  "Larry, Bob," he said, "one of you will be back next
week and the other... won't.  Larry?"
  "Yes, Ryan?"
  "The people at home are going to see you..."
  "Oh God."
  "Come back next week!  That means you, Bob, will
have to come with me."
  "NOOO!" Bob screamed.
  The host suspected he might have a problem.
"Security?" he said.  Two big burly men in uniform
came out and grabbed Bob and led him over to the
execution area where the electric chair had already
been set up.
  "Hmm," Time Waster Lad said.  "I actually thought
that Bob might have been innocent."
  "Yeah," Procrastination Boy said.  "Me too."
  Super Apathy Lad just shrugged his shoulders.
  With Bob having been executed, Time Waster Lad went
back to flipping through the channels.

  Finally, it was almost midnight.  Time Waster Lad
looked at his watch.  "Hey, Procrastination Boy.  What
time do you have?"
  "So I guess we'll know any second now if Super
Apathy Lad is going to disappear."
  Super Apathy Lad looked at them quizically.
  "Yeah," Time Waster Lad said.  "This morning you
were elected LNH leader.  We all figured that if you
didn't know you were the leader then you wouldn't
  "Really?" he said.  "I'm the leader of the --"
Super Apathy Lad disappeared.
  "Oops," Procrastination Boy said.
  Time Waster Lad's eyes widenned.  "Let's not tell
anybody I told him."

                    TO BE CONTINUED

Sister State-the-Obvious and Adamant Authority on Everything are
Frat Boy is uplink's
Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad is Arthur Spitzer's
Kid Kirby is H. Jameel AlKhafiz's
Doctor Stomper is T. M. Neeck's
Sarcastic Lad is Gary St. Lawrence's
Time Waster Lad is Ray Rich's
Procrastination Boy is Jason Kanner's
Super Apathy Lad is Jacob Lesgold's
Ordinary Lady is mine.


From: EDMLite <robro... at gmail.com>
Subject: LNH: LNH Comics Presents #52: Infinite Leadership Cry.sig #17
Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:26:10 +0000 (UTC)

LNH Comics Presents #52:


"Growing Pains"

By Rob Rogers

8:30 a.m., Tuesday, April 17

    Really, Adamant-Authority-On-Everything
thought, the only difficult part about leading the
Legion of Net.Heroes was having to deal with all of
the Legionnaires.

   Of course, that wasn't his problem.

    At first, Adam had been annoyed when the Legion
had turned to Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats-Lad for help
in choosing a new leader, rather than asking for
his advice.  His frustration had turned to anger
as invariably, that walking lottery machine had
selected Legionnaires who were distinguished only
by their obvious incompetence at leadership.
Master Blaster?  Faq Boy?  Adamant-Authority-On-
Everything shook his head. He'd never liked
Ultimate Ninja's style of leadership -- too much
discipline, too little finesse, in his opinion --
but at least the Ninja knew how to make
the flight.thingees run on time.  What this crew
really needed was a babysitter.

    And then he had a wonderful idea.

    Why be the leader -- especially when those in
charge seemed to disappear at the end of every day
-- when he could be the man behind the curtain?
As deputy leader, he could maintain the continuity
of the Legion's government during this time of
crisis.  Let the other heroes serve as figureheads.
As the only one who really knew what was going on
in the inner workings of the Legion, Adam would
wield real power.  And that, he thought was worth
everything, even if it sometimes meant having to
deal with people like Easily-Discovered Man Lite.

    "Minister Lite reporting for duty, sir," the
boy said.

    Adam scowled.  "I see Frat Boy has made you
part of his cabinet."

    "Yes, sir.  I'm his Minister of the Ulterior.
His Leadership Frat Boy asked me to seek your
advice regarding the situation in France."

     There was something about Easily-Discovered
Man Lite that rankled Adamant-Authority-On-
Everything -- the way he seemed to slouch when
standing up straight, or the way his voice sounded
sarcastic even when he was pretending to be polite.
Still, a request for advice was a request for

    "What situation in France?  Why wasn't I
informed of this?"

    "We've only just learned of it, sir.
Apparently, Crown Prince Albert of Monaco has been
forcibly detained while attending the Cannes
film festival.  No one is sure whether it's
terrorists, super-villains, or someone from the
'E' network.  Frat Boy has been considering our
diplomatic options..."

    "Diplomatic options, my aunt Petunia!"
Adamant-Authority-On-Everything snorted.  "Hand
me that microphone."

    Lite did as he was told.  Adam turned on the
Legion's public address system.

    "NOW HEAR THIS!  NOW HEAR THIS!" he bellowed.

    Lite slowly backed out of the room, doing his
best to keep a straight face until he reached
Ultimate Ninja's corner office, presently
occupied by Frat Boy.

    Never one for unnecessary ornamentation,
Ultimate Ninja had kept his office Spartan,
its bare white walls accentuated only by a
miniature waterfall and a pair of ceremonial
swords.  During the last two weeks however,
each of the Legion's temporary leaders -- with
the exception of Suddenly-Exploding-Boy --
had added something of themselves to the chamber.
Writers Block Woman had left behind a row of
expensive-looking handbags.  Master Blaster had
included an autographed picture of Seka.  Even
Sister-State-the-Obvious had placed a sign on
the desk that read "Property of Sister State-

    Frat Boy's contribution was a neon "Miller
High Life" sign illuminating the office's sole
window.  The Gregarious Guardian of Greek
Brotherhood basked in its glow behind Ultimate
Ninja's desk, dressed in the ceremonial toga and
gilt-leaf tiara he'd designed for the occasion.
Ultimate Ninja's secretaries were dressed in
similar robes.  John, a thin blond man who
constantly looked like he smelled something
unpleasant, held a telephone, while frizzy-
haired Sally carried a plate covered with

    "Lite!" Frat Boy said, standing up to shake
his fellow sidekick's hand and reach for a
couple of grapes at the same time.  "I heard the
announcement.  Nice one."

    "Thanks," Lite said.  "But I really don't
feel like I'm doing my best work.  I mean, I'm
always happy to take the piss out of Adamant-

    "I'll drink to that," Frat Boy said, and did.

    "...but sticking it to the man just isn't the
same when one of my best friends is The Man.
Who'd've thought you'd ever grow up to be
leader of this bunch?"

    "Not me," Frat Boy said.  "For one thing, my
powers keep me from getting any older, so I
never expected to grow up at all.  I feel like
I've been the same age the entire time we've
known each other."

    "So do I," Lite said, "but I chalked that up
to laziness on the part of my writer.  What
worries me, though -- and I'd never admit to this
outside of this room -- is that I'm running
around playing pranks on the senior staff while
our leaders keep disappearing.  I feel as though
I ought to be doing something more important."

    "Keeping up morale is important," Frat Boy
said.  "Especially when it's mine."

    He tossed a grape to Lite, who caught it in

    "But since you asked," Frat Boy said.  "I've
asked Gorilla Grad and Squidman to try to make
sense of what Dr. Stomper was working on before
he disappeared.  Master Roster Man and Anal
Retentive Archive Kid are looking for any
patterns in the disappearances we might have
missed.  Luke and Emily Jones are trying to find
out if any mystic forces are at work.  And
Ripping Dancer is appearing in a series of
public-service announcements to let people know
we're still out there, doing our job."

    "Ripping Dancer?"

    "People seem to want to listen to what she
has to say," Frat Boy said.  "It was Gamer Boy's

    "I'd been wondering what he thought of all
this," Lite mused.  "You know, F.B., you're
actually doing a great job."

    "Don't tell anyone," Frat Boy grinned.  "I've
got a reputation to keep up."

    "LIIIIITE!" the loudspeaker barked.

    "Sounds like our deputy leader wants to have
a word with you," Frat Boy said.  "Keep me
posted.  Personally, I stopped listening to him
ever since he put No-Sense-Of-Direction-Man
in charge of the expedition to find Ultimate

    "I'll let you know how it goes," Lite said.

    "So," seethed Adamant-Authority-On-Everything,
as Easily-Discovered Man Lite entered his
undisclosed office location.  "I suppose you think
it's terribly funny to nearly involve the Legion
in an international incident simply to make me look

    "It would be wrong of me to try to improve
upon nature," Lite said.  "But I do the best I can."

    "Very well," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything
said.  "Since you obviously don't have enough
to keep you occupied here at headquarters, why
don't you investigate this request we've just
received?  A group of parents is complaining
about the possibility of abuse at a day-care
center a few blocks from here, and want us to

    "A child abuse case?  Isn't that a little out
of our jurisdiction?"

    "Are you questioning my authority?"

    "Yes," Lite said.  "But I'll go anyway."

    The door had just irised shut on Easily-
Discovered Man Lite when All-Knowing-Last-
Chance-Whiner-Destiny-Woman materialized beside
a potted plant, dressed in a Federal Express

    "I bring you tidings of fear and despair,"
the Apocalyptic Adventuress intoned.

    "At last," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything
said, knitting his fingers together.  "You have
news of the missing leaders?"

    "Far worse," All-Knowing...etc. said,
unfurling a scroll of pale yellow parchment.
"I bring you... the Legion's fuel bill for the
previous month.  Look upon it, ye mighty, and
despair!  Also, sign here."

    Adamant-Authority-on-Everything signed, and
gasped at the document as All-Knowing-Last-Chance-
Whiner-Destiny-Woman disappeared.

    "There's nothing in the budget for this," he
said. "And it's been getting more and more
difficult to get the Stork Foundation to agree
to any funding increases since Irony Man
disappeared.  I suppose I could always ask Gorilla
Grad to come up with another source of power,
but I've never been a big believer in alternative
fuel sources.  If only..."

    He slammed his fist down upon his desk.

    "That's it!" he shouted, enjoying the deep
sense of satisfaction that always came with
shouting.  Rising from his seat, he raced down the
hall and burst into Frat Boy's office.

    "We need to invade Ve.net.zuela!" he gasped.

    Frat Boy raised an eyebrow.

    "Is someone holding our leaders there?" he

    "If there was even a one percent chance that
the Chavez government was involved," Adamant-
Authority-On-Everything said, "wouldn't it be
worth sending a team down there to make sure?"


    "But they have barrels and barrels of sweet,
precious crude... not to mention weapons of
mass destruction," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything


    "Doesn't it follow that anyone with reserves
of oil would have weapons of mass destruction to
protect them?"

    "Adam, you've been doing a helluva job,"
Frat Boy said.  "But you've also been working
awfully hard.  What you need is a beer."

    "Look," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said.
"We know that the Chavez government has been
investing heavily in yellow cake.  Yellow cake!
And what other reason could there be for them to
do so other than to lure Cheesecake-Eater-Lad
-- practically Ultimate Ninja's right-hand-man
-- to South America?  It's an open-and-shut case!"

    "Okay," Frat Boy said, "you can invade


    "No," the Scion of Sybarism said.  "Are you
out of your freaking mind?  Get back to... hold it.
There's a priority alert signal coming through
from Easily-Discovered Man Lite."

    "Feh," Adamant-Authority-On-Everything said,
crossing his arms.  "He's just screwing with us."

    "No," Frat Boy said.  "We've set up a
separate channel for that.  Whatever he's dealing
with must be serious.  Let's check it out."

    Moments later, a Legion landspeeder purred to
a halt before a grey stone building in the
garment district.  A plastic banner suspended
over the entrance bore the words "Mother Time's
Bide-A-Wee Day Care."  Below the sign stood
Easily-Discovered Man Lite, anxious and out of

    "We could have walked here," Adamant-Authority
-On-Everything said.  "Do you have any idea how
much fuel this thing uses?"

    "Yeah, but I've always wanted to drive it,
and this might be my only chance," Frat Boy said,
as Ordinary Lady and Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy
leapt from the back of the vehicle.

    "Thank God you guys are here," Easily-
Discovered Man Lite said.  "The woman who runs
this place has some kind of power over time.
She's been aging the kids in her care and
sending them to work at the factory next door,
then de-aging them at the end of the day and
sending them home to their parents."

    "By Reagan's red jellybeans!" Obnoxious
Ame.rec.a Boy said.  "The Land of Opportunity
is no place for innocent young men and women
to be forced into lives of slave labor.  We
have whole sections of the Third World set
aside for that!"

    "Those are serious charges," Adamant-
Authority-On-Everything said.  "What
evidence have you collected?"

    "Well, first it occurred to me that the day
care center seemed awfully big and expensive for
the number of children it was serving," Lite said.
"Then I noticed that every one of the children I
saw had calluses on their fingers, which you don't
often find in a three-year-old."

    "Circumstantial," Adamant-Authority-On-
Everything said.

    "I thought so too," Lite continued.  "But I
found it odd that the factory next door would
be blasting Raffi through its loudspeakers.  And
then there's the part where the day care manager
saw me peeking through the factory window and
came after me with a great big hourglass and a

    "Right," Adamant-Authority-on-Everything said,
crossing his arms.  "And now I'm supposed to say
'Really?' and you say 'Scythe!' and everybody has
a great big laugh at my expense."

    "Actually, you're supposed to scream as I
blast you with my time-blade," said a tall woman
in a glittering grey dress.  She had high heels,
a massive, snaggle-bladed scythe and the kind of
pale silver hair one sees only on grandmothers
and comic-book femme fatales.

    She leveled the weapon at Adamant-Authority-on
Everything, who opened his mouth to object.  Before
he could, the scythe made a sound like a swarm of
bees suddenly holding its breath, and Adam found
himself looking up at the woman -- as well as his
own tiny pink toes.

    "But the laugh at your expense?  Absolutely,"
the silver-haired woman said.

    "She's made a baby out of Adam!" Ordinary Lady

    "Self-defense," the woman said.  "You invaded
my business.  What's a mother supposed to do?"

    Frat Boy stepped forward, the edges of his toga
catching the breeze.

    "Lady," she said, "we're the Legion of Net.
Heroes.  We've come here to chew bubblegum and
kick ass.  And I'm fresh out of... oooh, hold on
a minute," he said, finding a fresh pack of
gum in the folds of his robe.  He handed out
sticks to Easily-Discovered Man Lite, Obnoxious
Ame.rec.a Boy and Ordinary Lady.

    A few moments later, when the gum had lost
its flavor, he continued.

    "As I was saying," he said, "nobody turns a
bunch of children into mindless slaves on our

    "Now you're just provoking me," the woman said,
firing her scythe through the doorway behind her.
Three massive, muscled adults -- a woman and two
men -- toddled through, peering at the assembled
heroes with wide, unblinking eyes.

    "Children, these naughty naughty people have
made Mother Time very angry," Mother Time said.
"Show them what happens when someone makes Mother

    Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy and Lite immediately
adopted Power Rangers-style fighting poses, while
Infant-Authority-on-Everything began to cry.
Ordinary Lady merely stood there, waiting.

    "Now!" Mother Time shouted.

    One of the transformed children wandered back
into the day-care center.  The second tried to
hug Mother Time, while the third picked his nose.

    "Of all the!  Fine," Mother Time snapped,
pushing the affectionate henchman away.  "I suppose
I'll have to do this myself."

    "So are you really a day care administrator,
or just another angry b***h with a scythe to
grind?" Easily-Discovered Man Lite asked.

    "Depends on the time of the month," Mother
Time snarled, whipping around and firing her
weapon at Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy, who'd been
trying to flank her.

    "My arms!  My voice!" America's Proudest Hero
gasped, as his voice climbed several octaves.
"You've made me into Ame.rec.a's future!"

    "You want to know what time it is?" Frat Boy
said, stretching his arms out so that he
resembled a Street Fighter character.  "It's
Miller time!"

    A stream of clear amber liquid, distilled at
the Plank Road Brewery in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
burst from Frat Boy's palms and shot toward
Mother Time...

    ...only to be countered by a blast from her
scythe, which transformed the liquid into something
dark, foul-smelling and flat.

    Frat Boy fell to his knees.

    "You... you... skunked my beer," he moaned.

    "F.B.!  No!" Lite shouted, leaping to his
friend's side just in time for the silver-haired
woman to catch them both in a blast from her

    "If I'd known it would be this easy to take
down the LNH, I'd have done this a long -- hold
on," Mother Time said, as Ordinary Lady spiraled
toward her, a sword shining in each fist.

    Mother Time dropped her scythe and reached
into the pocket of her dress.  With Ordinary
Lady's blades only a half-inch from her throat,
she held up a small hourglass attached to a chain.
Ordinary Lady hung motionless in the air, arms
raised, eyes focused and cold.

    "Time to regroup," Mother Time said, picking
up her scythe and heading back into the day care

    "Oh, what the heck," she said a moment later,
and blasted the still-immobile Ordinary Lady with
her weapon.

    Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy was the first to

    "She's gone," he chirped.  "Place looks cleared
out, too.  She's probably on her way south of the
border by now."

    He looked at Ordinary Lady.  "Looks like you
got through all of it okay."

    "I'll manage," Ordinary Lady said, smoothing
her hair, which now included a long white streak.
I've always looked younger than my age."

    "Poopie!" screamed Infant-Authority-On-
Everything, kicking his arms and legs.

    "I couldn't have put it better myself," said
a taller, slightly heavier Easily-Discovered
Man Lite.  "At least I'm finally old enough to
date Mouse."

    He reached an arm out to Frat Boy, who was now
dressed in a blue three-piece suit.

    "Hey, F.B...." Lite began.

    Frat Boy rose, stared at the scene around him,
and grabbed Lite by the front of his Oxford shirt.

    "No time for idle chatter," Frat Boy said,
his voice deep and powerful. "No more jokes.  No
more pranks.  I've got less than twelve hours now
to catch that woman, restore our ages, find out
what happened to our leaders and make this the
kind of Legion it was always meant to be."

    "What.. what are you?" Lite gasped.

    The Legion's leader pulled him closer.

    "I'm Fratman," he said.



    Destiny Woman, Sister State-The-
    Obvious and Ultimate Ninja.... wReam

    Anal-Retentive Archive Kid
    .... Saxon Brenton

    Cheesecake-Eater Lad
    .... Matthew Jotham Millheiser

    Doctor Stomper.... T.M. Neeck

    Easily Discovered Man Lite
    .... Rob Rogers

    Faq Boy, Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy
    and Suddenly Exploding Boy
    .... Jamas Enright

    Frat Boy and Gamer Boy
    .... upLink

    Gorilla Grad.... Tony Pi

    Irony Man.... Doug Moran

    John and Sally.... Descrii

    Luke and Emily Jones
    ....Ben Rawluk

    Master Blaster and Ordinary Lady
    .... Martin Phipps

    No Sense of Direction Man
    .... Steven Howard

    Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats-Lad and
    Ripping Dancer.... Arthur Spitzer

    Squidman.... David Goldfarb and
    Dave Van Domelen

    Writers Block Woman
    ....Jessica Ihimaera-Smiler

    "Nature gives you the face you have at
    twenty.  It is up to you to merit the
    face you have at fifty."
        --Coco Chanel

Next Week:  More leaders!  More disappearing -- Part X!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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