LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #140: Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig Part Sixteen

Drew Nilium pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Aug 31 19:33:20 PDT 2020


On 2/23/20 4:26 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> LNH Comics Presents #60 is by Jessica "Jaelle" Ihimaera-Smiler.  The Mouse
> is now the Master -- but more importantly will King Konqueror finally
> get his picture on the cover of Villains Monthly?  Or will we have to suffer
> another month of Mouse's Boyfriend.. hey, hey just kidding Mouse!  Put down
> the knife.  Put down the.. *ahem*..

I love that whole deal. X3

> And #61 is by Mitchell "Tarq" Crouch.  It's Bad Timing Boy's Time.  Will
> there be blood, and will there be pants falling down as that blood gushes?

...I hope not o.o;

> As the sun rose over the city of Net.ropolis on the 26th of April, the
> LNH... was mostly asleep, as they tended not to be a bunch of early
> risers. Would-be world conquerors take note: take over the place at 5am
> in the morning. No one will notice. Or care. At least not until after
> the first cup of coffee, by which point you should have had enough time
> to consolidate your position.

I should absolutely write a story based on this.

> "You have got to be freaking kidding me. I have a bad enough time
> managing ONE costumed lunatic, and she's my MOTHER. There is absolutely
> no way I am running the whole crazy lot of you!"

Heeheeheehee

> "Is it true?" An excited voice replied. "You, Mouse, are now Leader of
> the LNH?"
> 
> "Yeah. How did you know and who are you?"
> 
> "Oh wow, this is so great. Um... right... hang on a second. I'll hang up
> and call back and then we'll start over again, okay?"

X3 X3 X3

> The phone rang again.
> 
> Mouse scowled at it and answered. "Hello, Boot City Mortuary. You stab
> 'em, we slab 'em!"
> 
> "Beware my nemesis for I have... what? Damn! Wrong number, sorry!"
> 
> "It's you isn't it," Mouse said flatly. "King Konqueror."
> 
> "Gah, you tricked me! Curse you!" King Konqueror sputtered (for it was
> indeed he).

XD XD XD

> "It's not MY fault," King Konqueror's tone was sulky. "Your author
> hardly ever puts out issues anymore. I haven't had the chance to show
> off my true evil genius! But then I heard you'd gotten promoted to
> leader of the LNH, and I knew this was my big chance to make it into the
> villainous big leagues! If I take out Mouse, the sidekick, who would
> care? But if I bring down the leader of the LNH, that's huge! I could
> finally get my picture on the cover of Villains Monthly! It's so unfair!
> They've never picked me, but Tsar Chasm is on it every other month and
> he's barely even villainous anymore! Who the hell keeps voting for him?"
> 
> Mouse blushed somewhat guiltily.

X3 X3 X3 AMAZING

> "Okay, look, hang on a moment." Mouse picked up a nearby phonebook and
> flipped through it loudly for a few seconds. "Right. Well I have some
> bad news. I've just checked in the LNH Leader's Ultimate Guidebook, and
> I'm afraid that with a threat rating of only 1.3 on the Claremont scale,
> your evil plan is too stupid for me to bother thwarting it. Sorry."
> 
> There was a long pause.
> 
> "The LNH has... standards?"
> 
> "Believe me, I'm as shocked as you are." Mouse replied.

eeeeeeeeheeheeheeheehee X3 <3

> Sometime after lunch, just after Mouse had finished holding a short
> meeting with Anal-Retentive Archive Kid, Bibliography Boy, and Browsing
> Boy about the search for the former Leaders (these three being the first
> names on the excellent list she had found on the desk summarising who
> was doing what for the investigation), 

Limp-Asparagus Lad probably had that put together.

> "An army of robot duplicates of myself!"
> 
> "Hmmm... okay, TECHNICALLY that would qualify..."
> 
> "YES!"
> 
> "Buuuutttt... I'm afraid we would only be able to send out an army of
> robot duplicates of LNH members to fight them," Mouse finished smugly.
> "We do actually have one of those on hand at the moment, where would you
> like your duplicates to be meeting them?"
> 
> "Wait, only duplicates? You wouldn't be coming yourself?"
> 
> "Yeah, sorry, but there's this whole union thing," Mouse waved a hand
> vaguely.

*cackles*

> "But, it breathes fire!"
> 
> "Big whoop."
> 
> "Lives would be in danger!"
> 
> "Don't care."
> 
> "It's an endangered, indigenous Net.Zealand species!"
> 
> "I..." Mouse ground to a halt. "DAMN!"

XD XD XD OF COURSE

> "I thought you said that this thing breathed fire," Mouse said, standing
> over the comatose giant tuatara.
> 
> "Well... it WOULD have breathed fire, if you'd just given it enough time
> to soak up solar energy through the panels I installed on its back,"
> King Konqueror replied sulkily, as New Look Lass finished tying him up.

X3

> "It's not even that gigantic. It's only 2, maybe 2 and a half metres
> tall tops!"
> 
> "The growth formula was designed for snakes! I wasn't sure how it would
> work on tuataras, and I didn't want to kill the poor thing, so I had to
> dilute it." KK shifted guiltily. "How IS Mr Spiky doing?"

D'awwwww!

> Mouse stared at him. "Are you telling me that you've known about the
> state of leadership flux at the LNH ALL MONTH???"
> 
> "Yeah."
> 
> "And..." Mouse continued. "It never occurred to you even ONCE to spread
> the word amongst your fellow villains so that you could all team up and
> take advantage of this?!"
> 
> KK stared at her, a horrified expression spreading over his face.
> 
> "You," Mouse began, "are undoubtedly the biggest, DUMBEST, most moronic
> excuse for an arch-villain that I have ever..."
> 
> And then she was gone.
> 
> King Konqueror looked at the empty space where Mouse had been sitting.
> 
> "Um, does this mean I win?"

*happy sigh* <3 <3 <3

>       Bad-Timing Boy crawled through the ducts as quickly as he could.
> He'd been having fun in the ventilation shafts until he looked at his
> watch and realised that he would miss the daily ritual of picking a
> leader.

I like the idea that he just... loves hanging around in the vents. X3

>       "Because, you see," grunted a voice from just ahead of him,
> "every other leader that the LNH has had since the Ultimate Ninja went
> away on vacation on March 31st has disappeared without a trace at
> midnight. So now Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad has been appointed leader-
> picker, and is just about to announce who today's leader shall be."
>       "...Kid Recap?! What are you doing here?"

XD XD XD I love this so much

>       "Oh, not much. I'm going now anyway. See you tomorrow maybe. If
> Saxon decides to write me in. Later." And with that, there was a loud
> clatter, and a beam of light shot up from the bottom of the shaft. Kid
> Recap's features were briefly illuminated before he skilfully slid
> down it the open grate.

That's such a good description, and it sets up the next bit of comedic business 
so well. Damn.

>       Unfortunately, he was then cut off by Bad-Timing Boy landing on
> his head. The hat flew up, and small pieces of paper with various
> Legionnaires names on them scattered everywhere. Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-
> Hats Lad himself was in a very uncomfortable position, with one arm
> sticking up past Bad-Timing Boy's face. One lone piece of paper
> flittered down into the palm of PPOOH Lad's four-fingered two-thumbed
> hand. All eyes turned to Bad-Timing Boy expectantly.

This is a really good description.

>       After a moment of letting him whimper agonisingly, Dr. Bad-
> Bedside-Manner sighed, went over to PPOOHLad, and dragged him away. As
> he dragged him through the crowd, Bizarre Boy leant forward and lifted
> the piece of paper out of his hand. Reading it out so everyone present
> could hear, he announced, "Bad-Timing Boy!"
>       There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, before Innovative-
> Offence Boy spoke up. "Oh, @#$%!!"

 >:D

>       "...an' I dunno, you should probably have some sleep or something,"
> shrugged Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner. "I mean, Hell, you're a net.hero.
> You'll be fine by tomorrow, right?"
>       Pulls-Paper-Out-Of-Hats Lad, who had been dumped on a bed and had
> a pre-used bandaid slapped onto his reflex-angle elbow, whimpered.

X3;;;;;

>       "Yeah. Cool. So... go to sleep. Get some rest. That kinda stuff.
> Here, have some of this random drug, which I'm sure will put you to
> sleep one way or another. Later." The good doctor injected a foul-
> smelling purple serum into PPOOHLad, got up to leave, and had just
> reached for the door handle when-
>       WHACK!!
>       Bad-Timing Boy rushed in, unknowingly smashing the door into Dr.
> Bad-Bedside-Manner's face.

I mean. Can we say he didn't deserve it.

>       Dragging his feet along the corridor, he paused at the corner and
> muttered to himself, "Wait a second. I thought _I_ was supposed to be
> the leader of the LNH!" He sighed miserably. "If only I'd remembered
> that two minutes ago..."

X3 Sweetie.

>       Elvis Man sighed heavily, and wiped some tears from his eyes.
> "Bad-Timing Boy, I'm holding a memorial to remember one of our great
> country's _other_ great singers. It's a very solemn moment. Not a time
> for dancing."
>       "Oh." Bad-Timing Boy looked about him, really rather embarrassed.
> "Sorry." Letting out a sigh of his own, he moonwalked back out through
> the door.

Heeheeheehee

>       "Oh." Bad-Timing Boy looked down. "So, what's for breakfast?"
>       "Bad-Timing Boy, you just missed lunch."
>       "But I haven't had breakfast yet!"
>       "Cool. I'm just bumping off duty. See you at dinner!" And with
> that, Steak-And-Potatoes Man exited the now-deserted cafeteria.

*Honey*

>       "Where is everyone?!" he screamed. The only reply was his own
> echo. And some kiwis running past. Bothersome kiwis.
>       Kid Recap poked his head out of a nearby door. "I already told
> you! They've all been made leader of the LNH and disappeared!"

XD

>       "Oh, blimey. Really?"
>       "Yes!"
>       "So who's the leader now?"
>       "You are!" Kid Recap sighed. "Bad-Timing Boy, you're not usually
> this forgetful. I'm pretty sure you bumped your head when you feel out
> of the ducts today."
>       "What ducks?"

X3;;;;;;

>       Kid Recap sighed, and thought deeply to himself for a mo. "I'll
> call Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner later.

I mean he needs a doctor now but not that one

>       "Nudist Man...?"
>       Nudist Man stuck his head out just above Kid Recap's, in what I'm
> sure you'll agree was a very comical style indeed. "That's me!"

heeheeheehee

>       "Hrm. You're a 'Man'. That implies responsibility and basic life
> skills. I don't suppose you could make me some breakfast?"
>       An awkward silence descended. Kid Recap looked at Nudist Man.
> Nudist Man looked at Kid Recap. Kid Recap looking at Bad-Timing Boy.
> Bad-Timing Boy looked at Nudist Man. Nudist Man looked at Kid Recap.
> Kid Recap looked at Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy looked at Kid
> Recap. Nudist Man looked at Bizarre Boy, who decided to come out and
> join in the fun. Bizarre Boy looked at Kid Recap. Kid Recap Looked at
> Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy looked at Nudist Man. Nudist Man looked
> at Bad-Timing Boy. Bad-Timing Boy's pants fell down.
>       "Aaw..."

_ASTOUNDING_

>       Bad-Timing Boy nodded miserably. "Yeah. I only have a few hours
> left to enjoy this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!" He jumped out of
> bed. "I'm not going to lay around and waste these few hours!"
>       "Well," said an angry Dr. Bad-Bedside-Manner, "I wish you'd told
> me that _before_ I injected you with this tranquilizer serum!"
>       Bad-Timing Boy's legs began to shake. "Aaw, man!"

Gosh dangit. X3

>       A few hours later, Bad-Timing Boy was running for what was
> formerly the Ninja's office. He had only a few minutes to complete all
> of his leadery duties! Rounding the corner, he bumped straight into
> Time-Waster Lad.
>       "Oh, hey, Bad-Timing Boy!"

heeheehee

>       "Oh, right! How's that going for you, buddy?"
>       "Not so good, actua-" And then he was gone.

Astounding.

Drew "good writers good stories" Nilium


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