LNH: The Namer Boy -- Documentary Project: Season One #1
pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Oct 31 15:04:40 PDT 2019
On 10/30/2019 10:42 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> The Namer Boy -- Documentary Project: Season One #1
Aaaaaa YAY an all-new LNH story by Arthur! :D
> The Ultimate Ninja looked at the various papers he had just been handed with a
> suspicious expression. "What is this?"
> "They're umm papers," said Namer Boy with a slightly worried look on his face.
> "Papers that I need you to sign because of this Documentary that's being made about
Oooooooh, fascinating concept.
> "Yep! It's going to be like a 24 episodes documentary (each an hour long) that's
> going to air on USENetflix.
Yes *good* pun.
> "No," said the ninja shaking his head. "This sounds like a prank. Probably by
> Sarcastic Lad -- Frat Boy -- maybe Invisible Incendiary. Yes. That's probably it."
> "Why? Why would anyone in their right mind do a documentary about you of all people?
> I mean there are literally over a thousand members of the LNH that would make a more
> interesting subject than you would. I mean pretty much every single LNH'r there has
> ever been or every will be would be a better choice (well of course ignoring Never-
> Should-Have-A-Documentary-Made-About-Them Pirate Gorilla Robohunk)."
> "Err -- umm..."
*So* harsh. X3 X3 X3
> "Yes, that could be it. It makes perfect sense. Any mastermind worth their salt
> would know that I would never ever approve of a Namer Boy documentary -- that it
> would never ever happen on my watch. And that's how it begins. How it all begins!
> Some dark timeline leading to an apocalyptic future that could have been easily
> stopped if only I had done this stupid and absurd act of signing these papers. Hmm."
> And then there was some more dramatic silence as the Ultimate Ninja just gazed at the
> papers deep in thought -- deep in calculation of all the possible timelines that
> could happen. And Namer Boy was also very silent -- afraid to say anything or even
> And finally, "Okay. Guess I'll sign them."
God that's a perfect line of ridiculous logic, of the kind Arthur is the best at. X3
> "Umm, thanks," said a nervous Namer Boy edging slowly towards the door.
> "And if this turns out to be a prank?" the Ultimate Ninja made a gesture towards his
> Ginsu Katana and then made some stabby motions with it.
> "YES!!" chortled a (man?) wearing a ski mask over (his?) face gazing into a monitor
> screen that showed the Ultimate Ninja and Namer Boy. This mysterious person wore a
> shirt with the words 'Dr. You'll-Never-Guess-Which-Arthur-Spitzer-Character-I-Am-
> NEVER!' in bold print. And he (okay, he's a male -- I don't have the patience to
> keep adding these parentheses) was also sporting some flashy looking MC Hammer
> parachute pants.
oh my god. X3 I love this nerd and the nerd writing surrounding it.
> Two guys in cop uniforms were busy filming him while he continued cackling. "Yes.
> All my carefully planned machinations have all led to this! All the Flame Wars,
> Killfile Wars, Infinite Aprils, Beige Midnights, Beige Beer o'Clocks, Wikilulls,
> 9-11s, the Comboverthing Presidency -- all of it.
*GASPS* of course! The only thing that could explain this bullshit!
> "So should we keep filming," said one of the camera guys by the name of Sarge.
> "Yes, yes!! Keep filming! I'm just having a long dramatic pause! But keep filming!
XD XD XD
> "I dunno. Maybe it will be about Brad Pitt?" asked Kid.
> "God. That would be so freakin' lame!" said Sarge shaking his head.
*cackles fiendishly* OF COURSE.
> "It's going to be about me!!! Yes, ME!!!!! All me!!!! All the billions of people
> in the Looniverse that will watch this Namer Boy documentary..."
> "Hmm. Billions seems a bit high. Maybe more like.." said Kid counting his fingers
> on one hand.
> "They're going to see a documentary about me instead!!
> they'll wonder who is this sexy hunk of mysterious MASTERMIND.
> They'll be so
> completely riveted by that question -- Yes. They'll talk about it with their work
> mates at the old water cooler! It will be a bigger trender on the old social media
XD XD XD
> They'll have to wait for the final episode where it will be revealed who
> I am! And they'll think to themselves, 'Ah! Should've guessed that! That was quite
> obvious really! Of course it would be him! The most awesome, greatest, sexiest of
> all of the LNH villains!!'
:D :D :D <3 <3 <3
> "Wow. That sounds great -- and we're going to be the regular film crew for this
> whole thingee, right? Because I could really use the steady paycheck," asked Sarge.
Are you... actually *in* the police, or...
> "Yes, yes, yes. Anyways... oh," the mysterious ski-masked man winced his face and
> clutched his hand on his chest. "Uhggg. Don't feel so good. Maybe too much
> Halloween candy? Oh, Jesus." He suddenly had a panicked look as if he could feel
> something horrible was about to happen.
> And then a huge red geyser started spraying out of his chest as a parakeet covered in
> that same blood and wearing a tiny witches hat burst out of it. The parakeet
> screeched like a demon from hell.
oh my fucking GOD. XD Why. How. Amazing. What the heck. XD
> And Sarge (still filming all this) shouted, "No! Stop shooting, Kid! That's Pumpkin
> the Halloween Miracle Parakeet!! She really hates people who try to shoot at her!
> Plus she's got like this blood that's stronger than the strongest acid so you really
> don't want to wound her!"
OF COURSE. I was wondering yesterday if there was a Halloween Miracle Pet! :D
> "Oh!" An embarrassed Kid pulled his weapon down, "Sorry, Pumpkin! I didn't realize
> you were one of the Holiday Miracle Pets! I thought you were just your every day
> typical parakeet that bursts out of people's chests! My bad!"
XD XD XD
> Pumpkin didn't bother responding back -- instead she burst out of one of the windows
> as if she had way betters things to do than accept some stupid human's apology. This
> was Halloween after all! There would be Miracles. And there would be Blood!
> "Hey, hey, hey!!" shouted a naked Charlie Sheen who had just come out of one of the
> second floor rooms. "Could you assholes keep it down? I'm trying to snort coke off
> of my sabertooth tiger Binky's testicles!! Jesus! This is Halloween! Show some
There's so much to unpack here
> "Oh, man, Sarge," said a very distressed Kid. "Is ski mask guy dead?"
> Sarge examined the body. "'Fraid so. I mean I think he could have survived the
> burst chest, but all those gunshots he took..."
> "Whoops!" said Kid looking very sheepishly at his gun.
Whoops indeed. X3
> Hmm. Guess we'll never find out who
> this guy really was."
> "Oh, I wouldn't say that," said Sarge as he removed the ski mask off the man. "Then
> again. Yeah, I don't who the hell this guy is."
> "Me either!" said Kid with a shrug.
> Writer's Notes: When I first thought of doing this story I wasn't planning on
> being as obvious about who the mysterious villain was, but since Drew posted
> that link to Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man I might as well
> be more obvious.
:D I mean, that in and of itself is an amazing joke
> And I'll assume he's way too
> awesome to die from a burst chest and multiple gun wounds -- so if anyone still
> wants to use him for stuff -- go ahead.
> And I've got an idea for a second issue -- so maybe expect that in 2020..
Looking forward to it! :3
> Here's some roster stuff for Pumpkin:
> Name: Pumpkin the Halloween Miracle Parakeet
> Appearance: She's a parakeet that's the same color as candy corn (although
> a lot of time splattered in blood. Where's a tiny witches hat.
> Powers: Can transform into any type of Halloween candy. Also very good at
> bursting out of people's chests. And various other Halloween miracle powers.
> Usability: Free for use (although only during the Halloween season)
> Hollywood Celebrity Totem: Charlie Sheen
Yes! :D Adding all of this tout suite!
Drew "astounding silliness" Nilium
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