MISC/CW(racism): Super Horse Friendship Force Five! EP#3 Astro Not ~or~ Five technicolor horses reveal their motives to a misplaced man from misplaced space.
kingpiratedragonfire at gmail.com
Sat May 18 10:29:25 PDT 2019
Super Horse Friendship Force Five!
Five technicolor horses reveal their motives to a misplaced man from misplaced space.
It was yet another lovely morning at sugar beach as a few of our heroes relaxed on one of the few eponymous beaches not wholly owned by a real estate developer, Stacy "Forgiveness" Watts laid out on her beach towel with a tanning mirror as Senni "Determination" Argan helped her apply lotion. "Isn't it so nice to go off on our own for once Senni?" Said Stacy, adjusting her sunglasses as Senni chimed in "Ddefinitely Stacy, especially with you!"
Stacy adjusted her mirror as it reflected a bright yellow glare, before realizing that shock of yellow light was getting larger at an alarming pace. "Senni, we have to move, now!" she said as she stood up, Senni looking quite annoyed "Why Stacy? I just got comfortaBLE OH MY GOSH!" Our heroes immediately made a run for it as a gleaming golden rocket crashed down into the shoreline, missing their heads by a matter of inches.
After regaining their composure, our two heroes went foreward to check out the crater.
The rocket spewed glowing green smoke from two stark white canisters at it's base and a few holes where it's gold plated rivets had been blown off by the crash. "Stacy" said Senni "Call the rest of the team, this looks like trouble." It was a matter of minutes before the rest of the team was on the scene, Harla "Humility" Hargrave brought warm blankets which she wrapped around the shaken ponies as she arrived "Here, I hope this helps me be a better freind." she said as Amity "Devotion" Jane and Irma "Hard work" Avaglade made their way to the crater. "I can't believe it" said Irma, already setting up a perimeter around the crater "A real honest to goodness alien spaceship, basically landing in our backyards. Think of the progress we could make together Amity." she said as Amity was busy daydreaming of what she would have called interplanetary relations, but in actuality was an excuse to have sex with an alien "Sorry what was that? I hope not hearing doesn't make you leave me!" she said, waking slightly from her betentacled daydream.
"Okay team" said Senni, moving in to help direct "this alien jerk almost knocked my block off when he parked his ship, be ready for anything." Irma set up equipment to scan it with before jumping back in horror. "Senni this thing is radioactive!" Senni looked on obliviously "That's bad right?" A few doses of prussian blue later, our heroes were suiting up to start trying to contain the hazardous material. As Irma pried one of the lead lined cans off the back, a loud thump was made from inside the ship.
This thump was followed by a clatter, then a bang, then only heavy breathing as a hatch on the ship opened, a tall humanoid figure emerged in a gold plated spacesuit with a glowing atom symbol on its chest, toting a large golden box in its hands.
It brought the box to its face and pressed a button "Astro date 4519 to the tenth, Star Cruiser's log, Using my best information I have landed on what I believe to be earth, initial observations are consistent with that hypothesis, no sign of human life anywhere, strange horselike creatures seem to populate the area, attempting to communicate" He pulled his hand from the button and brought it up as if to wave "Hau, I am Star Cruiser" he said as he turned to our hazmat suited heroes "who are your people and why are you on my people's beach?"
Senni spoke first for our confused heroes, of which Amity was visibly disappointed by his lack of tentacles "Um hello Star Cruiser, we're the Freindship Force!. Welcome to the planet!"
The man relaxed a bit and lowered his hand, smiling as he knew what she meant "Good to see I'm not the only superhero anymore."
After cleanup detail finished our heroes and new friend returned to headquarters at Irma's place."Star Cruiser's log" said Star Cruiser as he entered the pony sized home "New hero force appears to lack a proper headquarters, do not insult it to their faces" Irma looked insulted, but kept her cool. "So, Horse Force" he said, forgetting their group name "Nice place you have here, really it is, but I can admire your species architectural prowess another time. There are important matters to attend to." he said, taking a seat on the floor "I have returned from my self imposed space exile to train the next generation of superheroes, and YOU lucky racehorses have the honor of being my first pupils." Stacy chimed in "What do we need training for? We've been fighting evil just fine for awhile now without help." Amity rebutted "Assuming we're serious about this hero business, we really should consult a professional. Iif its okay with you gals." Senni spoke up "Alright Mr Cruiser, we accept your training, but fair warning, we might blow your mind with how good we already are."
"Wonderful." said Star Cruiser as he pulled a piece of microfilm from his pocket, shooting light through it from his fingertips and projecting a diagram on the wall.
"First order of business, power effectiveness testing." he said as he put the microfilm away and produced a wind-up robot from his pocket. "Show off your powers on this little guy." Senni stepped foreward first "Um, are you really asking us to beat up a baby robot? Oh wait it's just a toy." She said as she caught the wind up with a right hook, punching it into the wall. "Nice form, but I'm talking about your superpowers." said Star Cruiser, somewhat annoyed.
"Super what now?" The whole team said quizzically. "Y'know, the stuff that sets you apart from your common everyday man, err, stallion in your case." said Star Cruiser.
"You mean depression and abandonment issues?" Amity responded, still bummed about him not having tentacles.
"No I mean stuff like" Star Cruiser pulled off a glove, revealing his whole hand to be glowing like the sun "this!" he said as he finger gunned at a nearby tree, engulfing it in hydrogen plasma.
Our shaken heroes stared on as Star Cruiser pulled out his recorder "Star Cruiser's log, this new hero force seems to be completely comprised of powerless individuals, will remedy with a healthy addition of uranium to their breakfast cereal, do not let them know."
Irma whispered to Senni "He does know we can hear him right?" Senni whispered back "I don't know but I'm not eating anything he's touched." as Star Cruiser stood there exasperated "Okay, so you don't have powers, alright, that's fine, I used to share a headquarters with a guy who didn't have powers back when I was fighting the Klan, so we can make this work." he said as he pulled out the microfilm, showing off another diagram with his finger light "Next on the itinerary, uniforms, every hero needs their spandex, cape, and mask to be an effective crime fighter, I'd like to think you can trust me enough to drop the civilian getups and show me how you really dress." He said as the horses looked back and forth awkwardly "What's wrong with how we dress?" said Senni, quite happy with the outfits that Stacy had picked for them all before Stacy chimed in "Capes? How impractical! I could spend all day picking apart the ways that could turn from an outfit into a tragedy, especially when fighting evil." she said as she was visibly straining imagining those possibilities. "And I don't know who is supplying YOUR wardrobe budget, but that much spandex costs way more than we can afford. Believe me, I tried."
Star Cruiser pinched the bridge of his nose "But you can't" he exhaled loudly and cut himself off "You know what? It's fine, you're already brightly colored, I can work with that. PLEASE tell me you already have a Supervillian to fight." Senni responded "Oh yeah sure, 3vilh0r53!" He let out a sigh of relief "Oh thank goodness, at least you're doing THAT right, what's his goal?" Senni smiled and responded "World domination and gentrification!"
Star Cruiser pulled out his recorder "Star Cruiser's log, I am about to learn a new word from these backwards horse savages" our heroes were visibly annoyed as he said this. "World Domination I understand, classic villain motive, but what does Gentrification mean?" he said before Senni rebutted "Basically speaking when real estate developers buy up land in classically poor communities, and as a result that area gets too expensive to live in." Star Cruiser was puzzled "What is the problem here? If the poor and the blacks can't afford to live there, then they should just make more money."
Our heroes were speechless as he continued "What? Upset that the injustice you're fighting isn't a real problem?" he said as a homeless horse trotted by outside the window behind him "Just as I feared, you simply are NOT real superheroes.
Senni twitched "What do you mean "not real heroes?" he rebutted "I mean you powerless, plainclothes wearing, progress halting pinko commie horses are just a bunch of hippies," He said as he removed his gloves, cracking his glowing knuckles "And I hate hippies." Not a second later Senni was blasted through the wall on a jet of hot solar plasma, catching the eye of a very dapper villain from his penthouse balcony.
3vilh0r53 stared at the distant fight through his binoculars, not focusing too long on one spot lest the miniature stars being created blind him and his fez. "Well well well, look what we have here." he said as he turned and went back inside "Hopper, pen a message to Lord Dark Star." Hopper immediately began typing up an email "What should I say Mr 3vilh0r53 sir?" 3vilh0r53 sat down on a couch and lounged lazily "Tell him" he paused for a moment and brought his hoof to his chin before continuing "tell him that this "Normie" is about to deal with his old nemesis."
Meanwhile our heroes were attempting to surround Star Cruiser, Irma snuck up behind him with a wrench before getting solar uppercut into a nearby building "For shame, a real superhero faces his problems" he shot foreward and headbutted Stacy before blasting them with star stuff. "head on." Harla defensively blocked Amity before being wrapped up by a glowing solar whip and chucked across the skyline. Amity, having already put in her heart eye contacts, looked up at him nervously with her eyes and said "HHhey big guy, you wanna" before she could finish she received a swift solar punch to the gut "Sorry ma'am but I'm married, to JUSTICE!"
Senni slowly stood up from the rubble pile she had been knocked into beforehand, coughing as the glow fisted spaceman walked up "Star Cruiser's log, the horses are hippies. homosexual communist hippies, will need to begin removing them from our land as soon as possible so the true owners of earth can start repopulating." as he put up the box he turned to Senni "All you had to do was listen and do as I said, and this all could have been avoided, but no, your dangerous communism has earned your entire species a death warrant" he assumed a pose and cast solar light behind himself "Let this be a lesson to all would be crooks and commies, truth always prevails over deceit, power over ignorance, and justice over commun" before he could finish Senni lunged at the distracted man and caught him in the chin with a right hook, shattering his jaw. he doubled over backwards in pain into the hot solar plasma he had created. He screamed as it burned and melted his skin "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? I'M THE LAST HERO, I'M THE LAAAAAAST HEROooooooooooo." his melodramatic whining fell silent.
Senni stood up and started limping to help the rest of her team before Star Cruiser got up, completely unharmed and ripping off his fake skin, revealing himself to be pure solar plasma all the way down.
The shockwave could be heard for miles around as a halo of solar plasma radiated out from Star Cruiser, carving a deep crater wherever he walked as he closed in on our heroes "Evildoers, you have the honor of being the first communists to fall by my hand in Issue One of The Great American Cleansing. Anything to say?" He said as our heroes cowered in fear.
"I have something to say Star LOSER" said 3vilh0r53, standing behind him.
Star Cruiser turned around to face the befezzed villain "Young man that's no way to talk to a superhero, or anyone for that matter."
"Whatever you say Star SCHMOOZER, I am here to relay a message" 3vilh0r53 said, an army of heatproof robots surrounding the has been hero "Lord Dark Star sends his regards."
The perimeter of heat shielded robots closed in on Star Cruiser, coated in heat resistant ceramics. They surrounded him before he shot out of his space suit, attempting to fly away like the amorphous blob of plasma he had been all along. "Live to fight another day horse villain, LIVE TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY!" said Star Cruiser as a robot with the solar equivalent of a fishing net grabbed him and stuffed him into a comically small glass jar, which 3vilh0r53 trotted up to and picked up, poking at the glass. "Well well well, looks like you CAN catch the sun in a bottle" he said as the disgruntled blob screamed incoherently behind the glass. "Hopper, have our captive sent to The Academy" he said as he walked towards our heroes "I have some business to attend to."
Senni was helping her bruised team get collected as 3vilh0r53 stood above them , cackling "Well well well Friendship Farce, it appears that you've been sunburnt" he said as some boxing glove wearing robots surrounded our heroes "now submit to my doom squad willingly, or you will need more than just lotion to heal up after this!"
Our exhausted heroes attempted to fight back to no avail, as 3vilh0r53 and his robots carried away our heroes to parts unknown.
What will become of our beloved heroes? Tune for the answer in the next part of this thrilling escapade with the Super Horse Friendship Force Five! Same horse time, same horse channel.
Wasn't entirely sure if I should post this one, I figured it might be too controversial. But nonetheless I think it turned out okay.
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Thank you for reading!~
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