MISC: Super Horse Friendship Force Five! EP #1 "Macho Mania ~or~ Five technicolor horses murder the concept of gender to gain entrance into a discotech"
kingpiratedragonfire at gmail.com
Thu May 16 19:09:42 PDT 2019
Super Horse Friendship Force Five!
Five technicolor horses murder the concept of gender to gain entrance into a discotech
It was a cool sunday morning at sugar beach, as our heroes felt quite cool indeed, sitting at a picnic table outside a gas station with some slushies.
Senni "Determination" Argan slammed her empty cup on the table, crushing it with her bandaged hoof. "Ha, told you I wouldn't get brain freeze." Said Senni, with a horrible case of brain freeze she was pretending not to have.
Stacy "Forgiveness" Watts gently set her water flavored slushie on the table."I never said you would, but thats probably my fault." she said, double checking the calories of her water flavored water with water flavored ice in it.
Amity "Devotion" Jane chimed in with her fake accent "I believed in you! I believe in all of you please don't leave me." she said before casually slurping her slush. Harla "Humility" Hargrave gently rubbed Amity's back to remind her she isn't alone "Very nice Senni, would I be a better freind if I got you another one?"
"No thanks" said Senni, sucking the few remaining drops of slush from her straw. "It's alright Harla, I'm paying for everyone." Said Irma "Hard work" Avaglade, slurping her coffee slush and pulling a piece of machinery from her pocket with a tiny wrench before starting to tighten bolts on it. Suddenly her wrench fell from her hoof and her ears perked up. "Do you gals hear that?"
Across the street, a dapper villain and his floating robotic assistant were trotting down the sidewalk.
"I've always wanted to go to one of these disco things Hopper, and with all of this inheritance I can finally afford to build my own!" Said the gentlemanly villain, adjusting his fez. "But Mr 3vilh0r53 sir, your father died years ago, you could have used some of the money to build it any number of times before now." said the robotic assistant, adjusting his tie and checking an expense clipboard.
"I was busy getting my sleep schedule in check, cleaning the penthouse, and building an army of robots to help me take over the world." Said 3vilh0r53, playfully poking his airborne assistant "It's called self-care Hopper, look it up."
Hopper's eyes went bright blue as his A.I. started finding meanings for the term "self-care". Meanwhile our heroes were now standing in front of the befezzed malefactor.
"Well well well if it isn't the Friendship farce!" cackled 3vilh0r53 "Come to see the grand opening?"
"Grand opening of what you..." Senni paused for a moment "Bad.. horse man guy!"
"Allow me to direct your attention to THE SIGN" said 3vilh0r53 as he pressed a button on his remote "OF DOOOOOOOOM!"
As the button was pressed a red neon sign lit up above a nearby doorway.
"Pay very close attention to that sign, because it says YOU CAN'T ENTER, YOU CODEPENDENT COLLARBONES!" cackled 3vilh0r53. Hopper, who's database had just finished updating, chimed in "Technically speaking it says "DISCO-TECH OF DOOM, very gay, MACHO MEN ONLY" but it does communicate a similar message overall."
"Regardless" said 3vilh0r53, smiling a wicked smile and getting directly in Senni's scarred face "that means that you will NEVER be able to get in and stop all of the EVIL I'm gonna do in there Ms Crispy." he said before backing away.
"But thats enough time wasted associating with the commoners, there is dancing to be done and evil to be accomplished." he said, clapping his hooves as two robots in sunglasses walked out, standing either side of the door. "Brobots, keep the rif-raf out for me." he tipped his fez to our heroes as he stepped inside "Ta-ta friendship dorks!~"
Senni almost immediately charged after him before being stopped by a Brobot "Like, sorry bro, but you're not manly enough bro." He said as he was dismantled by Irma.
Irma looked at the brobots sunglasses ."Weird, their software seems to define manliness as... " said Irma as another Brobot walked out to replace the one she just
reduced to scrap "Like, OUCH" he said, grabbing his sunglasses from her "That's totally rude bro. Anyways bros, you gotta get way more manly before the boss bro will let you in bro. Sorry, them's the rules bro." His silent twin pointed directly at the neon "MACHO MEN ONLY" sign above their heads.
Senni was twitching slightly after being told no and yelled "FREINDSHIP FORCE, PLAN MODE!" as our heroes huddled into a circle to discuss a course of action. "Any ideas?". Stacy chimed in "Maybe we could get more slushies and forget about this nonsense?" She said hopefully. "No Stacy" said Senni "That is the worst idea anyone has ever had, and you should be ashamed for having it." "That's okay" said Stacy "I already am". Harla protectively cuddled Stacy and glared at Senni, about to say something before exhaling with exhaustion. A few seconds later she spoke "Okay, Irma, what was it you said about their soft wear?" Irma barked back "It's SOFTWARE, and I was trying to say it defines "manly" as being able to completely hide how much pain you are in." Amity chimed in "Wait darlings, I have an idea!" she then broke from the huddle and trotted to the Brobots.
"Hey hot stuff" said Amity, leaning on his metal frame "I'm sorry, but I don't think I know what it means to be a macho man. Maybe you could take me somewhere private and" she quickly slid in her heart eye contacts "teach me all about being a real man like yourself?"The Brobot politely pushed her away "I'm flattered bro, but bro you seriously aren't my type bro." Amity looked puzzled "Then who is this "type" you speak of?" The Brobot pointed directly to his silent compatriot "This bro right here." The silent Brobot glowed red as his sunglasses flashed 1s and 0s in rapid succession. "Woah bro" said the other Brobot, also glowing red. "I am totally down later bro, but save it for our break in five k bro?"
Amity returned to the huddle "I'm sorry for failing my plan, please don't leave me friends. I at least figured out they take a break in five minutes! Maybe we could"she said before being cut off by Senni "So our plan is to build sunglasses that let us pretend we aren't in constant pain. that's what were doing. Team vote! Anyone who says no is off the team!" Everyone begrudgingly raised their hooves, and with that they were off to the gas station to buy some cheap sunglasses.
Senni slid five pairs of sunglasses across the counter to the cashier "That will be twenty five dollars ma'am." they said as Senni slid five dollars in pocket change on the counter "Here you go, this should cover it!." she said as the cashier looked at her, puzzled "Ma'am, this is not some sort of bazaar, we do not haggle here, this will not cover it." Senni's eye's twitched "Wwhat do you mean "this will not cover it"? I just said it would you minimum wage GOOD FOR NOTHING LITTLE" she was gently shushed by Harla "Senni I think I saw an evil robot in the bathroom, you should go deal with it for us cause you're so strong and good!"
Senni ran off to deal with the "robot" while Harla payed for the sunglasses "Sorry about her, she has issues. Here's an extra five for your trouble." the cashier nodded silently as a robot loudly ran out of the store trailing toilet paper from her foot.
"Sorry! I didn't know there was anyone in there!" Harla yelled to the robot as Senni walked to her, covered in grease "I dealt with it!" she said triumphantly.
Back at our heroes' headquarters, Irma was hard at work on emotion suppressor chips while the rest of the crew customized their sunglasses with their craft tools of choice. "Do my hearts look okay friends? Please don't hate them because then you'll hate me by extension!" said Amity, showing off some love hearts doodled on the frames in red marker. "I LOVE them Amity!" said Senni, wrapping bandages around her own pair so they wouldn't hurt the burnt spots on her head. "You're looking pretty cool too Harla!" she said as Harla was busy marking hers with stencils and a white crayon "Very Men In Black." said Senni, really enjoying how things were coming together. "Amateurs" said Stacy as she professionally patterned hers with painter's tape and glitter glue before putting them on. "One does not model clothes for as long as I have without picking up a few things." The rest of our heroes looked on in awe, Senni especially let her mouth hang open in awe "Yyyyou're a fashion goddess Stacy!" Irma walked in with her own pair, hydrodipped in leftover car paint "Okay everyone" she said "The chips are ready, clip them to your frames and they will officially be "Irma-tech Super-Deluxe Hide-The-Pain sunglasses" !" she said as she gave everyone a computer chip."
They all clipped on their chips and put on their sunglasses at once. All at once it was like a weight was lifted from their shoulders and beautiful manly music played as they embraced True Masculinity. Or at least that's what they were seeing.
"Okay gentlemen" Said Senni to our heroes as they giggled "Lets get into that club and show 3vilh0r53 what REAL macho men look like!"
They confidently strutted down the street to the Brobots "Woah bros, you cleaned up your acts my bros" The Brobot said, having just returned from his "break" "that is
some SERIOUS masculinity bros, slide me some hoof and head right inside bros." One fistbump later, our heroes were inside the hive of scum, villany, and disco.
3vilh0r53 was sitting perched above the dance floor on a long couch with a harem of pleasurebots when our heroes walked up to him.
"Well well well" Senni said, slightly tipping down her sunglasses at 3vilh0r53, "Fancy seeing YOU here, WEEVILHORSE" she said faking a laugh with the group. "That's right, I can do snappy insults now too you fez wearing orphan."
3vilh0r53 fell silent before bursting into manic laughter "You BOUGHT it, how PRICELESS." He said, wiping a tear from his eyes, "I haven't been doing any evil here,
unless any of these fine ponies are named evil. Hopper, check that for me." Hopper emerged from a very damp pile of robots with a list before adjusting his eyes like
spectacles "Out of 6900 robots and non robots at the location currently, the only ones in the database with a name even close to that are yourself and one named
Sinister Sam, so you are safe in making that claim Mr 3vilh0r53 sir." He said before slowly slinking back into the pile.
"By the way" said 3vilh0r53, standing up from his lecherous activities "I hope the toxic masculinity sunglasses have been a good experience for you, but like the last song on the disk jockey's playlist" he said as he pulled out a laser pistol "all good things must come to an end." With that he expertly shot the sunglasses off of Stacy, who's repressed emotions flooded back to her all at once.
"iii'm sorry guys I, i i got shot i I fucked up i'm a fuck up i'm a failure it's all my fault it's going to shit and it's ALL MY FAULT" she cried as she collapsed on the floor. Senni glared back at 3vilh0r53 who was blowing the ozone gas off of his pistol. "Who's next?" Senni gritted her teeth and twitched as she yelled "FREINDSHIP FORCE, ATTACK MODE!" Harla immediately jumped to tend to Stacy, who was physically okay but in the middle
of a panic attack, Before she could be dragged to safety a swarm of afro wearing robots surrounded them. "Don't try to fight back or it will be more than just your emotions that get murdered on my dance floor, Friendship Forks!" cackled 3vilh0r53 as disco music blared.
Defiantly Amity and Irma jumped to defend their teammates, smacking and disassembling robots left and right as Senni focused on 3vilh0r53, her movements were sluggish as she dodged "You won't get away with this 3vilh0r53, we won't let that happen!" she said, as 3vilh0r53 dodged her left hoof "I admire your tenacity Senni" he said as he dodged her right hoof "but you really need to learn when to get off the dance floor. because" he grabbed her incoming left hook and came to her face with surprising speed "I've already gotten away with it." 3vilh0r53 cackled as he shot off Senni's glasses, leaving her to crumple to the randomly color changing dance floor.
"Anyone else want some? Or are you going to submit to my disco doom squad willingly, Friendship Fools?" Said 3vilh0r53 as he reloaded his pistol. Meanwhile Senni was slowly rising from the floor as a particular song played in the background. "I'll take a piece EvilBOREse." Said Senni, catching him with a surprise right hook. 3vilh0r53 pushed his jaw back into place and jumped away from her, clutching his pistol. "WHAT?" he screamed in confusion as Senni rapidly gained on him, moving at full speed in time with the music "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A CRYING MASS ON THE FLOOR" he said as he fell to the floor, just barely dodging under a surprise kick, shakily clutching his pistol, too afraid to fire. "HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THE EMOTIONAL OVERFLOW?" Senni strutted up to him as the chorus roared behind her swaying gait "What, never seen a real man?" she said, uppercutting him directly into the ceiling.
Our heroes returned to the gas station as the police arrived to clean up 3vilh0r53 for the fifth time that week. Having de-chipped their sunglasses, they sat there silently as Senni slowly slurped her slushie. Enjoying eachother's company as another exciting adventure drew to a close.
Tune in next time for another thrilling escapade with the Super Horse Friendship Force Five! Same horse time, same horse channel.
Hope you enjoyed~ I didn't have much besides this earlier but in the interim I was so excited that I finished out the first arc, still though there's one other non comics related project on my patreon. At least I think its not comic related, assuming you don't count catalogs as comics.
Relatedly here's my patreon~ https://www.patreon.com/AnnaBeesPatreon/overview
Feedback is appreciated, thank you for reading~!
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