LNHY: The Death of Trophy Wife #9 -- 'Goodbye, LNHY'

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Mar 18 13:16:11 PDT 2019

On 3/17/2019 5:19 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
>                  Issue Nine: 'Goodbye, LNHY' by Arthur Spitzer

OMG <3 <3 <3 THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY. :D Even if it's your last one, that you 
jumped in makes me. Sohappy.

> Kid Kicked Out looked at the white cloth that he was
> clutching against his stomach that kept getting redder and
> redder.  "Aw, man.  This is not good!"  And he sighed.
> "This is how it ends, isn't it?"
> <:It's going to be okay,:> said the New LNH Member Detector
> floating above Kid Kicked Out trying to comfort him.  They
> were in some kind of a tool shed that was very dusty.
> Cobwebs covered everything.  <:We're going to get out of
> this.  Get you patched up.:>

Holy shit. <3 <3 <3 This is AMAZING. It absolutely wrecks the plans I had and I 
love it. :D

> <:Okay.  Look.  I've made a few mistakes.  Is there some
> stuff, I wish I could take back?  Sure.  Maybe allying
> myself with the First Wondersock wasn't the best move.:>
> "Maybe?  Maybe?!"

X3 <3 <3 <3

> <:But I'm here with you right now.  I'm not with
> Exclamation!Missy!'s vast army of darkness.  In the end, I
> made the right choice.  That's got to count for something,
> right?  I mean sure I made some bad judgments.  And maybe
> people got hurt.  And maybe some of those people died.
> But.  There's got to be a path to redemption, right?  I
> mean we don't really want to live in such an unforgiving
> world where there's no path of redemption for a New LNH
> Member Detector?  Right?:>


> Outside the toolshed in the center of a big courtyard, a
> number of Bolivian soldiers up above on the balcony of the
> surrounding building readied their rifles.  Some were
> already aiming at the toolshed where Kid Kicked Out and the
> New LNH Member Detector were holed up and some were running
> up and down to see if they could get into a better
> position.
> Outside even that building, an even vaster army surrounded.
> There were chainsaw wielding maniacs, Satanists, Nazis,
> vampires, bankers, zombies, werewolves, bikers for Trump,
> cultists, vegans, wondersocks, and all kinds of other nasty
> folk.  The huge hulking presence of Hipster H Hippo banged
> on his bongo drums.  And by him danced Billy and Sally in
> their new duds made from the skin and fur of Dr. Cool J
> Dog.
> And above them all floated Exclamation!Missy! next to a
> full blood moon, her fingers crackling with Exclamation
> energy.

Holy shit. :D That's amazing. An army of darkness!

> "Man, is someone playing a bongo drum?"
> <:Bolivians love their bongo drums.:>

D... do they? X3

> "Wish I had my powers.  Wouldn't be dying right now.  Would
> just feel pain.  Funny that I don't feel any pain right
> now. 

awwwwwwww ;.; Kid Kicked-Out ;.;

> Wonder how Buxom's doing?  Think she's still alive?"
> <:Yeah.  She's a fighter.  She's still alive.:>
> "Wish I had just asked her out one time.  Maybe we could've
> gone on a date and.."
> <:Actually, I'm pretty sure you asked her out a number of
> times.  And she rejected you every single time.:>


> "Goddammit!  I'm dying here!  You could at least tell me
> some lies.."
> <:You're not dying.  We're going to get out of this.

Oh no it keeps beautifully emotionally whiplashing ;;;.;;;

> <:Yeah.  We can start all over.  Do it right this time.  It
> won't be about the ego.  It won't be about the money.  It
> won't be about the coke orgies..:>
> "Coke orgies?  Wait, what coke orgies?"
> <:Oh, that's right.  The coke orgies happened after we
> kicked you out.  Don't worry, it wasn't all that great.
> Just a bunch of naked humans having sex and doing drugs.
> Very boring stuff.  You didn't miss much.:>
> "Jesus," said Kid Kicked Out biting his lip.

OMG. X3 I'm just imagining Exclamation!Master! being carefully shephered out 
beforehand with Princess Robot...

> <:But this time it will be about doing good.  Helping
> people.  Saving old ladies.  Saving orphans.  Saving
> puppies.  That sort of thing.  We're going to do it right
> this time.:>
> "I don't know.  Don't think I want to be a superhero
> anymore.  Just want a simple life.  An ordinary life."
> <:We can do that too.  Get some new identities.  Get a bait
> and tackle shop in Montana by some lake.  We can disappear
> there.:>
> "Well, I don't know about a bait and tackle shop.  I was
> thinking more along the lines of like a strip club.  I mean
> it could be in Montana."
> <:Okay.  A strip club in Montana.  That works.  We've got a
> plan.

This is better than any meandering conversation Quentin Tarantino has ever 
written, I'll tell you that.

> "Yeah.  Think so."  Kid Kicked Out took his hand off the
> bloody rag he was holding.  He grabbed a gun and shoved a
> cartridge into it and then did the same to another gun.
> "Oh, Jesus.  Just had this horrible thought.  This all
> feels like the ending of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance
> Kid.  Why do we have fucking horses?  Why are we in fucking
> Bolivia?!!!"
Ohhhhh, I see. X3 <3

> "Yeah.  Let's do this!"  And with that, Kid Kicked Out gave
> the tool shed door a hard kick opening it all the way up.
> And then both he and the New LNH Member Detector bounded
> out of the shed with guns a blazing.  And time froze.
> Time froze and then time became like some old black and
> white photo.  And the only sound behind this photo was the
> sound of gunfire.
> And then the credits rolled.

DAMN :D :D :D I am absolutely going to do something with this!!!

> Title logo by Drew Perron (maybe?)

Totally <3 <3 <3

> Writer's Notes:  Well, that's done with.  Of course maybe
> some Deus ex Machina rescues Kid Kicked Out and the New LNH
> Member Detector before their grisly demise.  If you want to
> write that story you're welcome to that. 

I'm absolutely going to do something with it. :D :D :D (For one thing, I have, 
like... four half-written issues of Death of Trophy Wife X3)

> That being said, this is it for me.  Whatever depraved
> goofiness I had for the LNHY, I now channel totally into my
> webcomics.  That's probably when the LNHY days were truly
> numbered when I first made Ripping Off King Arthur.  And
> other stuff like Martin burning all his bridges with RACC
> also probably didn't help.

That's entirely fair. :> Honestly, I'm so happy you made it in the first place; 
it didn't really become The New LNH, but it became its own weird, self-contained 
ecosystem for weird, off-kilter stories.

> I kind of wish this imprint could survive without me
> writing and I suppose in some ways it has survived a bit.
> But, yeah, this is probably it for LNHY.

I'm absolutely going to finish out Death of Trophy Wife, and if it becomes the 
final LNHY story, it'll at least be a good ending. <3

Drew "and hopefully go back and backfill some of those Looniverse Y issues I 
promised" Perron

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