MISC: GODLING # 61 Supernatural! Part 1 - Blood on the streets by J. Vandersteen
joltcity at gmail.com
Fri Jun 28 13:14:34 PDT 2019
One of the things I love about Godling as a series is stuff like King Vampire. Please keep coming up with crazy ideas and taking them seriously.
A _mild_ bit of feedback? I think sometimes the action sequences would be a bit punchier if you didn't jam the action into the same sentence as the dialogue. Something like
"Sorry, but first you let go off me," Godling says and uses the strength of Heracles to pry off the pale man's fingers off his hair.
doesn't have the same energy as it would if it was
"Sorry, but first you let go of me," Godling says. He uses the strength of Heracles to pry the pale man's fingers off his hair.
"Sorry, but first you let go of me!" Using the strength of Heracles, Godling pries the pale fingers from his hair.
Again, just a friendly suggestion, please take it or leave it as you wish. One of the things I like about your series is its headlong energy, and I think the ["Dialogue," says character, while doing action thing] construction sometimes puts the breaks on that.
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