LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #109: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! Part Eight
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jun 9 14:29:35 PDT 2019
In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
we have the eighth section of Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies!
Jamie Rosen returns with issue 16. Will Bluetooth finally get some
credit for his dialogue?
And I, Arthur Spitzer, join the cascade with #17. Did I join this
cascade solely to make sure the Cauliflower mini was in continuity?
And will we have to wait till Beige Countdown for this Manga Man
Masterplan stuff?
Find that out and more in...
_
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ | [] | | [] | | | | [] | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
||
|_| OF NET.HEROES
ADVENTURES #109
=====================
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! Part Eight
=====================
From: "Jamie Rosen" <jamie.rosen at sunlife.com>
Subject: Re: [LNH] [RACCIES] Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #15
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Date: 3 Feb 2005 16:43:31 -0000
All right, I gave you almost a full day presents:
Just Imagine... Saxon Brenton's RACCies! #16
Bluetooth grimaced. His deal with the Shoe Devil had not gone as he had
hoped -- yes, he had been granted increased strength and speed,
razor-sharp teeth, and a net.ahuman healing factor. But all that power
had been offset with a marked increase in his personal angst -- and he
*still* didn't get credit for his dialogue.
"I wish I'd never made that deal."
See?
He moved stealthily through the sub-sub-sub-basement in search of his
quarry. It wasn't something he wanted to do, but he was forced --
compelled against his will to carry out the wishes of the evil being
that had granted him his newfound powers. He knew it would torment him
in his thoughts as he tried to sleep -- a weight that wound haunt him
until the day he die--
"Oh stop it," said a voice from behind him.
Bluetooth turned around. There was no one to be seen, nothing out of
the ordinary -- just an empty hallway with the usual oddly-coloured
liquid puddled on the ground.
"Who said that?"
"I did," came the voice. One of the puddles on the ground began to
ripple, then extrude upward into a humanoid form that quickly regained
its features. "I -- the Grapety Purple Man!"
Bluetooth took a step back in fear. "But -- but you're dead!"
"Bah. Do you think that would stop me? I am the Grapety Purple Man! And
you shall be my new herald, what with them having filed a lawsuit
against the Kool-Aid Man and all."
"I can't. I've already sold my soles to the Shoe Devil."
"I know," said the Grapety Purple Man. "And that is why you are the
perfect choice." He moved closer, still dripping Grapety Purple juice.
"Allow me to explain..."
***
Eons ago, my young friend, the Looniverse was shapeless and without
form. It was not until the Writers came that the world began to
coalesce -- and through their power, it gained not just a present and a
future, but a past as well. It is the past that we all know and share,
but it is also a past that had not been until the arrival of the
Writers.
Many beings believe that this is the past that has always been, or in
the very least, the only past there has ever been. But I, the Grapety
Purple Man, know all too well that this was not the case. For I have
pulled back the curtain and pierced the veil of ignorance to witness
the world that came before that history. I have seen it, and known
fear.
Yes, I -- the Grapety Purple Man, have known fear! For this pre-history
is a great gaping maw of nothingness, a hunger that knows no bounds and
no satiation. It was in the face of this hunger that I transformed
myself into the being you see before me, hoping to slake this hunger's
thirst with the cool refreshing Power Grapety Purple. But it was not to
be! I could only repress the hunger, casting it into the deep, from
which I hoped it would not return.
Alas, that day has come, and the past has reawakened.
***
"I don't understand."
"I did not expect you to," the Grapety Purple Man said. "This virus the
LNH has been warned about -- this virus is the doing of the hungry
past!"
"But I thought the anti-virus companies had it under control."
The Grapety Purple Man shook his head sadly. "And therein lies the
problem. For the virus bears the same signature as the works of the
Writers themselves! When the anti-virus programmes come on-line, they
will detect as virii the very archived stories they are meant to
protect -- and wipe them out, and with them, the Looniverse!"
Bluetooth recoiled in horror.
"Only then will this hungry past be satisfied -- for only then will it
have returned to the world it was born into, the world before the
Writers gave us shape and meaning, such as it is."
Bluetooth still wasn't sure what this had to do with him.
"Now, Bluetooth, I see that you still aren't sure what this has to do
with you.
"I learned long ago that even the Power Grapety Purple is not
sufficient to put an end to this hungry past," the Grapety Purple Man
said, "but that may be because I am only one part of the puzzle. For
even with Grapety Purple Juice, we need something more filling.
Something more solid. Something like... fillet of sole!"
-)-)-(-(-
WHAT will the Shoe Demon thing of his servant being co-opted?
WHAT was he going to do with those soles, anyway?
WHAT is going on with the two Manga Men?
WHAT will be the outcome of the various court cases involved in this
cascade?
WHAT do you people think of this explanation?
Find out... later!
(I figured it might be a good idea to tie everythiing -- well, some
things -- together at this point in the cascade.)
From: arspitzer at aol.com (Arspitzer)
Subject: LNH: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies #17(or 18 (or maybe even
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Date: 5 Feb 2005 23:24:55 -0000
December 26, 2004
Five members of the LNH walked along a road next to a cornfield. Off in
the distance, there was an abandoned shack. A windmill next to it
slightly turned.
"Cat? You *&%#@&* feeling all right? You look kinda @#$%#*&!" said a
concerned Innovative Offense Boy.
Catalyst Lass turned her head. "Sorry. I guess I'm still thinking
about Cauliflower."
Innovative Offense Boy gave an understanding nod. "It's okay. I
shouldn't have brought it @#$@$ up."
"And me and Hood had a fight over some stupid little thing before I left
on this mission. God. This has just been one horrible week. I want to
smile about something. But I can't. It's like I've forgotten what
happiness is."
"We all have &*#$@*& weeks like that. Look. We're going to find out
what Manga Man's &*#$@#@ plan is. And then we're going to *&#%@*& stomp
the living #$#*@& out of it. *&@#$%$ fight scenes. They're the @#*&$%
chicken soup for the @#@*&&@ superhero soul. I know what I'm talking
about."
Catalyst Lass gave a slight smile. "Maybe you're right. Worth a shot,
I guess."
"Hey, guys," interrupted Namer Boy. "Is it just me, or is anyone else
picking up this really weird feeling."
"Well this is alt.tv.x-files.creative," explained Pulls-Paper-Out-of-
Hats Lad, "Wouldn't it be more strange if we weren't experiencing weird
feelings?"
"Yeah, maybe. But still. Are you people sure this shack's the right
place? I mean if I were going to destabilize the economy of a
newsgroup, I'd probably do it from a place like Wall Street or
something. Not in some stupid shack."
"Well," said Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. "This is the place that Ultimate
Ninja's source gave us. I mean it probably is a trap, but it's our best
lead. So do we go in?"
"Wait!" said Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad as he took his top hat off. "I
have the ability to pull any kind of paper out of any hat. I'd like to
try and pull something from that shack. Maybe I can snag some secret
documents, or something."
"Sure. @#$*&@# go for it." Innovative Offense Boy gave a thumbs up.
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad reached into his top hat. "This is
strange," he said as he pulled a black piece of paper out of the hat.
Oh no.." Suddenly, Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad's body collapsed to the
ground. And before his teammates could do anything about it, they
joined him twitching and convulsing on the dirt road.
I Became a Killer Robot Duplicate
and
All I Got Was This Lousy Story
Now -- As in right as you're reading this story (well unless you're
looking at it from the archives. Okay, better make that Now if you're
reading just after I posted the story)...
Catalyst Lass was lying on her bed reading a Hardly Kin Romance novel.
She heard a knocking on the door. "Come in! It's unlocked." She
placed the book next to her pillow. And she put on one of her patented
super sunshine day smiles.
"Hi, Cat," Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. said as he made his way inside her
room. He shut the door behind him.
"Oh. It's you." The smile on her face soured. A cold expressionless
look took over her face. "What do you want?"
"It's -- I guess it's a problem with my programming."
"What do you mean?"
"I seem to have forgotten my mission. What we're trying to accomplish
here."
"How long has this been going on?"
"I don't know. It seemed to happen this morning. How did I get here?"
A troubled look made its way to Catalyst Lass's face. "Hmm. We might
need to get you fixed. Can you tell me anything you do remember?"
"I know I was created by Manga Man, but that's about it. And that I
took Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.'s place."
"Right. Well here's what you need to know, feel free and ask any
questions. Several weeks ago, the LNH sent three teams with five heroes
apiece to three different fanfiction newsgroups. They were checking out
false rumors given to them by certain of our affiliates. Each team fell
to a trap that was laid for them. They were separated and each one was
stripped of their powers. Their powers were then transferred to evil
robot duplicates."
"Where are they now?"
"That information is not for you to know. All that I can say is each
one of the heroes has been placed in a different newsgroup. Each one is
heavily guarded in a very secret location."
"So they're still alive?"
"Yes. For now."
"So we took these heroes places, but for what purpose?"
"At this point we're at stage two of the plan. Our master, Manga Man,
has triggered events that might destroy the RACCies, Saxon Brenton, and
perhaps reality itself. And he is also the only person who can save
these three things."
"Why does Manga Man want to destroy the RACCies, Saxon Brenton, and
reality?"
"He doesn't. He triggered these events so he could save them from these
events. When this chaotic add-on cascade reaches the point where it
looks completely hopeless, Manga Man will step in and save the day.
This new reformed superheroic Manga Man will ask to join the LNH and
with a little help from me, he will easily get in. The Ultimate Ninja
might put up a little fight, but ultimately he will be putty in my
hands. A few months later there will be an election for a new LNH
Leader. And with the help from my powers as well as the evil robot
duplicates like yourself, he will be a shoe-in. Once he becomes leader
of the LNH a purging will occur of all those heroes who aren't
submissive to his rule. He will then expand the membership to those
superbeings that won't question his decisions. Eventually, Manga Man
will use the LNH as a force to prevent potential threats that harm the
security of the Looniverse. He will use the LNH to take down what he
perceives as rogue newsgroups. Eventually, one by one, these newsgroups
will begin to fall down. And one day, people will wake up to find that
Manga Man's new Otaku Empire runs from the shores of alt.-1d all the way
to the mountains of talk.rumors."
"God," Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. said to himself. "And who are my fellow
evil robot duplicates?"
"That information doesn't concern you. If you need to talk to someone
talk to me. Your purpose right now is to act exactly like Ubiquitous
Boy Lad Jr. and to do whatever you can to help Manga Man defeat the
RACCies virus. That is all. You will be informed when stage three of
the plan begins. Oh another thing -- there are three robot duplicates
of Manga Man running around the LNHQ."
"Three? Umm why?"
"Because Manga Man is a genius," the evil robot duplicate of Catalyst
Lass said it in a way that made it seem that that completely explained
the question. "Each one has a purpose to fulfill."
"So how do you know that the Manga Man that you're taking orders from is
the real one?"
Suddenly, Catalyst Lass had an uneasy expression on her face. "What do
mean real? Of course he's real! He has to be real! He's my master!
He created me!"
"Right! Sorry, about that. Just some programming glitch, or something
else."
"Very well. All the things that you have heard in this room, you are
not to speak of, or even think about them. You are..." Catalyst Lass
stopped speaking as she heard a tiny ruffling noise. She looked over
and saw that it was coming from a small bird. A kiwi.
She looked at the kiwi with a very gentle expression. "C'mere, sweetie.
Was that you making all that noise? Come on. Over here. I promise I
won't bite. Honest."
The kiwi had a very frightened look on its face. It knew it should just
run. Get out of this room, but the voice of Catalyst Lass was too
powerful to be ignored. Kiwi #1238 made its way towards Catalyst Lass
and hopped right on to her hand. The Catalyst Lass robot lightly petted
the bird's feathers with her finger while the other hand gripped it
tightly. "Now tell your Aunt Catty what you heard. Everything."
And Kiwi #1238 said, "Kiwi! Kiwi! Kiwi! Kiwi!"
"I see," Catalyst Lass responded. Then a sickening sound followed.
Like a chicken bone being snapped.
"Oh, God. You didn't have to do that!"
The Catalyst Lass gave Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. a very strange look as she
put the lifeless body of the kiwi into a pillow case. "Of course I did.
What's wrong with you? This creature would have jeopardized our
Master's entire plan." She gave Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. the pillow case
with the dead kiwi. "Now, I want you to dispose of this body. Can you
do that?"
Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. reluctantly took the pillow and nodded his head.
"Good. Now please exit my room. We will deal with your programming
glitches later."
==--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--==
As Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr. walked down the hallway carrying the
pillowcase which contained a kiwi's corpse, he thought back on how he
had arrived to this point. He did remember being captured. He
remembered having his powers transferred to an evil robot duplicate.
The thing was though, the way his powers worked he became the evil robot
duplicate. And the evil robot duplicate became him. He was here right
now in the LNHQ and he was also blindfolded and strapped to some table
in some dungeon on some newsgroup out there somewhere. It had taken him
over a month to try and take control of his body, and even now he could
feel the evil robot duplicate deep inside him trying to take control.
What was he going to do? He had to tell someone about this. Innovative
Offense Boy, Catalyst Lass, Namer Boy, and Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad
were obviously out of the picture. He wondered who the other ten were.
The Ultimate Ninja would be safe. He hadn't gone on any of the
missions. Maybe there was a mission log somewhere. Still, what would
happen if he did tell someone? He didn't know who all the robot
duplicates were. And what if he told Ultimate Ninja and they defeated
them? They would still have to deal with this RACCie virus. And what
if the evil Robot Catalyst Lass was right? Maybe Manga Man was the only
person who could defeat it. Maybe it would be best if he waited till
the chaotic add-on cascade was over before he exposed Manga Man's plan.
That made the most sense. Yes, he'd have to wait. Defeating the RACCie
virus was the most important thing right now. He just hoped he was
making the right decision. And he hoped he could survive this chaotic
add-on cascade.
==--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--==
The Evil Robot Catalyst Lass took out her comm.thingee. "Hi? Doctor
Stomper? Is that you?"
<~Yes, Cat? What can I do for you?~>
"I think there might be something wrong with the Ubiquitous Boy Lad Jr.
I think it might be necessary to take care of him. Do you understand?"
==--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--==
"Yes. I understand."
Dr. Stomper clicked his comm.thingee off. He grabbed a weird looking
gun out of one of his drawers. A sinister grin took over his face.
==--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--====--== ==--==
What happened to the Grapety Purple Man?
Is Shoe Devil a poor man's Wondersock?
Who are the remaining nine evil robot duplicates?
Will the next issue actually be funny?
Does this make everything more or less confusing?
Will Manga Man's evil plan work?
How long will it be till Saxon bites the dust?
Will any of these questions actually be answered?
All this and more in....
Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies!
Credits:
Innovative Offense Boy is uplink's
Catalyst Lass is Elisabeth Anne Riba's
This cascade is Andrew Perron's
This was inspired by Saxon's question about what happened to the LNH
teams that the Ultimate Ninja sent to check out the fanfiction
newsgroups. I of course prefer evil scheming Manga Man myself.
Arthur "Rest in Peace Kiwi #1238" Spitzer
==========
Next Week: Just Imagine Saxon Brenton's RACCies! Now Imagine Part IX!
==========
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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