LNHY/REPOST: Death of Trophy Wife #5

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Feb 10 19:41:09 PST 2019

Pointless Interviews Man:  Well, to get started let's talk about the tragic 
death of the beloved super heroine Trophy Wife.  How has her death affected you?

Dr. Cool J Dog:  Hmm. Good question.  How has it affected me?  Well, I guess it 
made me kind of sad.  Trophy Wife was a good friend and this death of hers has 
kind of been a real drag.  A Real Drag (as opposed to the fake kind of drag.)

PIM:  But weren't you at one time married to her?

Dr. CJD:  Was I?  Hmm.  (thinking -- thinking hard)  Oh, yeah!  Guess I was. 
Forgot all about that marriage.  That was like -- umm 2007?  Yeah, 2007.  I 
think it was a week before I was killed by that group of Killer Ninja Gorillas. 
Hmm.  Say wait a sec!  Weren't you also killed by those SAME Killer Ninja Gorillas?

PIM:  Oh, yeah!  I was!  They brought me back to life -- I guess.

Dr. CJD:  That' makes no sense.  Why would they bring you back to life of all 
people!  I mean I at least have a huge fan base so it makes sense bringing me 
back to life.  But you?  No offense, but who cares if Pointless Interviews Man 
is alive or dead?

PIM:  My family are glad that I'm alive.

Dr. CJD:  I mean I guess.  I suppose that's possible.  Of course they probably 
wouldn't tell you if they were happier when you were dead.  Probably not.  Oh 
well.  Guess it doesn't matter.  Next question.

PIM:  Uh huh.  Yeah.   You recently did some work for the webcomic Ripping Off 
King Arthur adapting that first story you ever appeared in -- A Suicide in 
Destiny City -- how was it like working in the webcomic medium?

Dr. CJD:  Correction -- The story you're talking about is called a Suicide on 
Destiny's Child.  It was written by my good buddy Eliot Spitzer -- who alas 
despite being an excellent connoisseur of expensive prostitutes -- isn't the 
greatest writer, let me tell you.  But, hell, what can I say -- I needed the 
money.  But yeah -- everyone should check it out -- well, at least the part that 
I appear in.

PIM:  Will you be appearing in any upcoming works?

Dr. CJD:  Yeah.  Going to be making an appearance in that whole Death of Trophy 
Wife event thingee.

PIM:  Are the rumors about your greatest arch-enemy Hipster H Hippo destroying 
you in that true?

Dr. CJD:  What --  you're talking about that lame loser who is constantly 
shilling for that lame Unfinished Sentence-Verse?  He's my greatest arch-enemy 
only in his sad pathetic dreams.  Everyone knows my real greatest archenemy is 
-- The Man!  Well, that and herpes.

PIM:  Really.  Then I suppose if I were to do this -- (rips mask off to reveal 
his true identity (The Huge Hulking Hip-Hopping Hiptakulas Hipster H Hippo!) (A 
rather large anthropomorphic hippo wearing a beatnik outfit, a beret, hipster 
glasses, and a bongo drum) -- it wouldn't cause you much concern?  Or how about 
this?  Your -- HIghschool Yearbook!!!!

Dr.  CJD:  NO!!!!!  Don't do it!!  Don't do it!!  Have some mercy, Hipster H 
Hippo!!  All that talk about you being this lame loser -- it was just me yanking 
your chain a bit -- and that time I slept with your wife -- that was an 
accident!  An accident!  I thought I was sleeping with some other person's wife! 
  Don't do it.  I can pay you.  I can pay you any amount.  Just don't do it. 
Please!  For the love of God!!

Hipster H Hippo:   (shakes his head)  It's already been done.  It's all across 
the internet.  Right now every man, woman, and child is looking at your dorky 
high school photos of you in your dorky sweater vest and dorky glasses.  They're 
looking at your president of the chess club, math club,  and accordion music 
club photos.  They're all looking.  And they cannot look away.  And they will 
never be able to get that image out of their minds.  Never!  It is over, Dr. 
Cool J Dog.  It's all over.  The Dr. Cool J Dog Age is over.  It is now the time 
of the -- Hipster H Hippo AGE!!!!!!

Dr. CJD:  Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!! (Dr. Cool J Dog screams as he huddles himself 
on the floor -- a shriveled lump of his former greatness)  God, I need to really 
stop doing these stupid interviews.  God.

Hipster H Hippo:  Oh and kids -- remember the only way to true hipness is 
writing for the Unfinished Sentence-Verse!

Dr. CJD:  (lying on the floor he gazes up towards the sky in a catatonic state.)

To be continued?


Dr. Cool J Dog, Pointless Interviews Man, and Hipster H Hippo -- Arthur Spitzer
Trophy Wife -- Tom Russell

Arthur "With it.." Spitzer


Drew "sorry for lateness, life keeps Comin' At Me" Perron

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