LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #117: LNH vII #8 and 9

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Aug 18 14:51:01 PDT 2019

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
we have the eighth and ninth issue of LNH volume II.

For LNH vII #8 Martin Phipps continues his glimpse into the LNH's past
(well a past that's probably been retconned away several times by the
time you're reading this) -- will the LNH leave their clubhouse?  And
will people mistakenly think that they're the Legion of Net.Hippies
(well not if Irony Man has his way…)

And Martin Phipps writes #9 also to wrap up his LNH in the 80s trilogy.
(Okay, this one is set in 1992.  I guess it took them seven years to
move in).  Who are the mysterious people in suspended animation in the
sub-sub bastements?

Find out in..

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                    ADVENTURES #117

                            LNH vII #8 and 9

From: martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Subject: [LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #8
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2005 10:17:16 -0700 (PDT)

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \
| |-| []                        /
| | | [] egion of               \
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / #8 "The So-So
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \ Seven Start Out"
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \
| |-|___________________________≠≠/
| |
| | (The cover shows California Kid, Irony Man,
| | Lurking Girl, Bandwagon Chick, Kid Yesterdaze,
| | Loquacious Lad and Marvel Zombie Lad with all
| | standing ready with Y-Plex Burp omininously
| | hoving over them.)

August, 1985.  Downtown Net.ropolis.

  "This is a bad idea," Irony Man said.
  "Trust me!" Marvel Zombie Lad said.
  Irony Man shook his head.  "Why do we need a downtown headquarters
anyway?  Why don't we just find a place near our current clubhouse?  Or
just build an annex?"
  "It's the perfect location!" Marvel Zombie Lad insisted.  "And it's
already known for being the headquarters of a previous legion!"
  "Exactly!" Irony Man grimaced.  "I don't know if I want people
thinking we're the Net.Hippies!"
  "People are going to make that association anyway.  Why not move into
a location that has historical significance?"
  Irony Man mused for a moment.  "Oh, maybe because the place is an old
dump!  And, besides, the man who owns it will never sell!"
  "I thought you said your father was rich!"
  "He is, but the location is prime real estate."
  "So the current owner is probably going to want to use it to build a
shopping centre or something."
  "Nonsense!  We will reason with him!  Appeal top his better nature!"
  "Good luck!"
  Marvel Zombie Lad laughed.  "Trust me!  We need a new HQ and Y-Plex
Burp is the man who is going to help us!"

Meanwhile, at the LNH Clubhouse.

  "Why do we need to move anyway?" California Kid asked.  "What's wrong
with this place?"
  "It's too small," Kid Yesterdaze explained.
  "Huh?  There's only seven of us!"
  "So far."
  "How big is this team going to get?"
  "I project that there will be dozens of legionaires," Loquacious Lad
predicted.  "I've received several e-mails recently from people saying
they want to join our group.  Off the top of my head I can recall
getting e-mail from Bibliography Boy who has the ability to answer any
obscure question, Browsing Boy who has the ability to read several
comics at the same time, Catalyst Lass
who has the power to make others share her interests,
Inacoustic Kid who has the ability to silence flame wars, Obscure
Trivia Lad who has the ability to remember the stupidest bits of
trivia, Cheese Cake Eater Lad, Fuzzy, the Incredible Unsleeping Man,
Late-Night Lad, Lurker Lad, Mainstream Man, Myk-El, Multi-Tasking Lad,
Nit-Pick Lad, Spelling Boy, Grammar Lad, Organic Lass, Parking Karma
Kid, Pompous Lad, Sardonic Boy, Sidewinder, Squid Boy, Time-Waster Lad,
The Forgetting One, The Invisible Incendiary, Trivia King and The
Incredible Man-With-No-Life!  We are also trying to contact Rebel Yell
in Net Orleans to ask him to join our group but so far there is no
answer from his hotline!  We will also need to hire a janitor and a
receptionist for the new HQ."
  California Kid shook his head and laughed.  "What a bunch of losers!
It doesn't sound as though any of them are worthy to join the LNH!"
  Kid Yesterdaze shrugged his shoulders.  "I don't know.  We accepted
you," he said with a sibg smile on his face.
  California Kid mused for a moment.  "Well, that's true, you guys did
accept me so I guess then that some of these losers... wait a minute...
  Kid Yesterdaze started laughing and quickly ran away.

Meanwhile, at Y-Plex Burp's corporate headquarters.

  "Mr. Burp will see you now," Y-Plex Burp's receptionist told them.
  Irony Man and Marvel Zombie Lad made their way into Y-Plex Burp's
office.  It was huge, with the ceiling extending up one hundred feet,
which was very odd becasue the building only appeared to be three
storeys high from outside.
  "We're here to ask about your property on Rackham Avenue," Irony Man
told him.
  "What about it?" Y-Plex Burp asked.
  "We want to buy it," Marvel Zombie Lad said.
  Y-Plex Birp smiled.  "Absolutely not."
  "But we're forming a legion.  A legion of net.heroes.  We need a
headquarters in just that location."
  "Nostalgic reasons I guess.  See, we're the LNH."
  "The Legion of Net.Hippies?" Y-Plex Burp asked.  "I thought they had
  "No, not the Net.Hippies.  The Net.Heroes.  But still, the LNH."
  Y-Plex Burp nodded.  "I see."
  "I imagine then that you have plans for the location yourself," Irony
Man said.
  "Indeed," Y-Plex Burp said, proudly.  "Follow me."
  Irony Man and Marvel Zombie Lad followed Y-Plex Burp to the farthest
corner of his office where he had a scale replica of his vision laid
out on the table.
  "Here!" Y-Plex Burp said, grinning from ear to ear.  "The old
Net.ropolis Hotel will be torn down along with the buildings on either
side of it!  Here I am going to have built a new RACCies department
store, here I will have expensive boutiques and stores, upstairs I will
have a cineplex, downstairs there will be a food court and, at the
other end, for those on a budget, I'm going to have a Key-Mart built!
I call it Y-Plex World!"
  "It's very nice," Irony Man said.
  "Oh no no no!" Marvel Zombie Lad said.  "This just won't do!  Please,
Mr. Burp, please!"
  A couple of thugs suddenly appeared behind Y-Plex Burp.  "Do you want
us to do something, Mr. Burp?"
  Y-Plex Burp shook his head.  "No," Y-Plex Burp said flatly.  "Mr.
Stork and his associate were just leaving."

  Later, Bandwagon Chick drove the bandwagon to the old Net.ropolis
Hotel with California Kid, Irony Man, Lurking Girl, Kid Yesterdaze,
Loquacious Lad and Marvel Zombie Lad sitting in the back.  They had
gone to take a look at the site.
  "This is it," Bandwagon Chick said.
  "Wow!" California Kid said.  "Cool!  It's like, so retro!"
  "It is indeed a throwback to an earlier period, perhaps as far back
as the post-colonial era, pre-Victorian era," Loquacious Lad said.
  "It's old," Kid Yesterdaze said flatly.
  "It's a dump," Irony Man said.
  "Oh, I don't know," Lurking Girl said.  "It might just need a bit of
fixing up."
  Marvel Zombie Lad got out first.  "See, now the reception area we can
keep pretty much as is, that and the ball room and the dining room.
Over there we can put in sophisticated computer hardware.  We will need
to reinforce the roof here so we can have flight.thingees take off and
land.  We are building a fleet of flight thingees, right?  Oh and of
course there are plenty of rooms.  I mean, it's a hotel right?  Plenty
of room for all the members we're going to have."
  "You know," Kid Yesterdaze said, "I've been reading up on this place:
apparently this building was already around during the civil war and
there were sub-basements built to house troops and supplies.  And below
that there were sub-sub basements.  I couldn't find out how far down
the basements go, because the records were never de-classified."
  Marvel Zombie Lad sighed.  "We really need this place."
  Lurking Girl spoke up.  "What's Y-Plex Burp planning to do with it?"
  "Tear it down," Irony Man said.  "And build his commercial empire in
its place."
  Lurking Girl smiled.  "Well, that's it then, we go to city hall and
complain.  Maybe it can be declared a historic site!"
  "Hey!" Bandwagon Chick said, "my father's a lawyer!  Maybe he can
  Marvel Zombie Lad smiled.  "Hey, yeah!  And then if Y-Plex Burp can't
tear the place down then he's going to want to sell it!  Alright!"

  Later, at Y-Plex Burp's corporate headquarters, following several
years of litigation, "The judge has handed down his final verdict,"
Thug #1 said.
  "And?" Y-Plex Burp asked.
  "He found in favour of the LNH's claim that the building is a
historical site.  You won't be able to tear it down."
  "Damn them!" Y-Plex Burp swore.
  "Stork senior is offering ten million dollars for the site," Thug #2
informed him.
  Y-Plex Burp thought for a moment.  "Contact Stork senior.  Tell him
that I'll sell for twenty million and not a dollar less!"
  "Twenty million!" Thug #1 said.  "Wow!  That's a pretty good return
on what you paid for--"
  "FOOL!  DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!"  Y-Plex Burp was raving.  "The deal
was done!  RACCies!  Key-Mart!  RACCDonald's!  They had all signed on!
Now I will have to cancel all those deals!  I'll be ruined!"
  Y-Plex Burp slammed his fist onto his desk.  "I'll get them!  I'll
get those net.heroes!  From now on I will use every resource at my
command to see that the legion is destroed!  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
  The two thugs looked at each other and each of them shrugged their
shoulders.  "Oh well, I guess it's okay as long as he continues to pay
us," Thug #2 said.

                     THE BEGINNING

Bandwagon Chick created by Sue Clark
Lurking Girl created by Tori Fike
Marvel Zombie Lad created by Benjamin R Pierce
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Yesterdaze created by Karthik P. Sheka
Y-Plex Burp created by Benjamin R Pierce 


From: martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Subject: [LNH] Legion of Net.Heroes Volume II #9
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Date: Sat, 23 Jul 2005 23:19:19 -0700 (PDT)

___  ___________________________
| |-|                           \
| |-| []                        /
| | | [] egion of               \
| | | []__ [] []   []  []       / #9 "Moving In"
| | | [___][ \[]et.[]__[]eroes  \
| | |      []\ ]   [ __ ]       /
| |-|      [] []   []  []       \
| |-|___________________________≠≠≠/
| |
| | (The cover shows Marvel Zombie Lad, Kid
| | Yesterdaze, Loquacious Lad, Irony Man and Doctor | | Stomper, all
moving furniture into LNH HQ.)

May, 1992.

  "I can't believe we're finally moving into our new Headquarters!" Kid
Yesterdaze said.
  "Indeed," Loquacious Lad said, "this is a truly auspicious moment for
the Legion of Net.Heroes!"
  "Did the cable guy already come by?" Marvel Zombie Lad asked.  "I
want to see the game tonight on the big screen!"
  "Lurker Lad said he came by this morning around 11:00," Irony Man
told him.
  "In that case we should remember to set the VCR so we can catch The
Mysteries of Ancient Sci.mer on The Learning Channel," Doctor Stomper
said.  "It's on during the game and I don't want to miss it."
  "Fair enough," Irony Man said.


  "Whew!" said Spelling Boy.  "Is that it?  I'm tired?"
  "Bandwagon Chick and Parking Karma Kid are going back to the Legion
Clubhouse to get the rest of the furniture," Marvel Zombie Lad said,
"but that's it for now, yes."
  "I want to go play Net.ris!" Grammar Lad said.  "Are the computers
set up yet?"
  "Not yet," Irony Man said.  "Multi-Tasking Man is coming by this
evening.  But don't worry!  He says he'll be able to set up the
network, program the peril room and update the database all at the same
  "Who wants cheesecake?" asked Cheesecake Eater Lad with a smile.
"I've just broken in the kitchen with my latest creation!"
  "Alright!  Cheesecake!" said Mainstream Man.  "I'm starving!"
  "Hmm," said Comics Snob Boy.  "It seems to me that heroes should
consider a more nutritional diet than cheesecake!"
  Irony Man pulled Doctor Stomper to one side.  "If you don't mind, I
thought I would go explore some of the sub-sub-basements.  I thought
you might be interested in joining me."
  "Absolutely," Doctor Stomper said.

  Irony man and Doctor Stomper travelled down darkened stairways until
finally they came across a room with functioning machines.  Irony man
activated the flood light on his hard suit so they could get a better
look: they saw two glass chambers with people frozen inside, presumably
in suspended animation!
  "We'd better get them out of there!" Irony man said.  "Any idea how
these machines work?"
  "So happens I've had experience with this kind of technology," Doctor
Stomper informed him.  "This should just take a few minutes."

A few minutes later...

  "Are you two okay?" Irony Man asked.
  "I think so," the taller of the two patients replied.
  "Who are you?" Doctor Stomper asked.
  "I'm Procastination Lad and this is Super Apathy Lad."  Super Apathy
Lad shrugged his shoulders.  "We're members of the Legion of
  "The Legion of Net.Hippies disbanded fifteen years ago."
  "Oh," Procrastination Lad said.
  "Your friend seems to be suffering after effects from the suspended
animation process," Doctor Stomper said.  "He doesn't say very much and
he doesn't seem to respond when spoken to."
  "Actually, no," Procrastination Lad said.  "He's always been like
  "I see."
  "Why were you put into suspended animation?" Irony Man asked.
  "We were put into suspended animation when Nixon was elected,"
Procrastination lad said.  "We decided that we wanted to be frozen
until a democrat would be elected again.  Well, I decided anyway: my
friend here just went along with the idea."
  "And what, exactly, is wrong with a republican president?" Irony man
asked indignantly.
  "I don't think this is the time to argue politics," Doctor Stomper
said.  "We need to get these two up to the med lab."

Later, in the med lab...

  "What happened to these two?" Organic lass asked.
  "They were put into suspended animation twenty years ago," Irony Man
told her.
  "So am I to understand there hasn't been a democratic president in
twenty years?" Procrastination Lad asked.
  "Actually, there has been," Doctor Stomper said.  "You missed the
Carter administration."
  "They didn't miss much," Irony Man said.
  "Well, they did miss Nixon's resignation," Doctor Stomper pointed
  "Nixon resigned?" Procrastination Lad said.  "Cool."
  "I imagine you weren't revived because the Net.Hippies disbanded soon
afterwards: I guess there was less motivation for them to continue with
their main enemy having abdicated his position."
  "I would have liked to have seen that," Procratination Lad said.
Super Apathy lad just shrugged his shoulders.
  "Well, that is what happens when you go to sleep and let the world
pass you by," Irony man said.
  "Yeah," Procrastination Lad said.  "I'll have to change my ways."  He
mused for a moment.  "Maybe tomorrow."
  "Well, you could be in luck!" Doctor Stomper said.  "This is an
election year and Bill Clinton had an excellent start in the New
Hampshire Primaries!"
  "No way!" Irony Man said.  "George Bush is way ahead in the polls!
It's four more years by a landslide!"
  Procrastination Lad's eyes narrowed.  "If the Net.Hippies disbanded
then who are you people?"
  Organic Lass smiled.  "We're the Legion of Net.Heroes.  Welcome."
  "Hold on!" Irony Man said.  "These aren't applicants: they're
  "We'd be happy to join your group!" Procrastination Lad said with a
smile.  "Super Apathy Lad, what do you say?"
  "Feh," he said.

  The next morning, on Rackham Avenue, in front of Legion HQ, an
onimous figure appeared.
  "I, the ingenious Dr. Killfile," the villian(sic) declared, "will
soon release the awesome force of my patented Kill-O-Ray, destroying
all posts about you blithering Net.Heroes!!  Beware, you have all met
your match!!!"

                          THE BEGINNING

Soctor Stomper created by T. M. Neeck
Marvel Zombie Lad created by Benjamin R Pierce
Irony Man created by Doug Moran
Kid Yesterdaze created by Karthik P. Sheka


Next Week: Let's say LNH vII #11 since I'm skipping 10...

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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