LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #63: Birth Of A Villain Part Three

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun May 27 13:56:19 PDT 2018


In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
we have the third section of a Birth Of A Villain.

Joining the Birth of a Villain cascade with #8 is Tom Russell who has
Coward Lad join the scary fun.  And also Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better
Lad's nephews Authorial and Lad because -- hey, you can never have too many
characters -- right?

And finally #9, Rob Rogers returns with a big issue to try and wrangle all of
the chaos into something a bit more coherent -- will he succeed?  Only one way
to find out.  (And that way involves reading the issue -- just incase you were
wondering!)



And now..


              _						
             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #63


                         =====================
                      Birth Of A Villain Part Three
                         =====================





Birth Of A Villain #8
From: tiffer003 at aol.com (TIFFER003)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: LNH: Re: LNH: Birth of a Villain - the saga continues (sorta)
Date: 1 Apr 1999 12:31:22 GMT
Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com

    "So!" a voice boomed from the back, approaching the mess of heroes 
and the villain.  "THIS is where I find you!"
    Vector's evil countenance faded momentarily as she glanced at the guy 
entering the scene.  "No!  You'll not stop me now!"
    "Melissa," he said sternly.
    "But Daddy . . . I'm *trying* to be a villain."
    "Stop this nonsense and come on back home."
    "But I'm a grown woman now . . ."
    "Melissa . . ."
    "Well . . . All right."  Vector began to walk towards her father and 
stopped abruptly as a sound whistling from above became audible.  It 
resembled that you would find on a cartoon before a certain coyote made 
screaming contact with a certain broad, flat surface.
    As the scrawny figure from above landed on her father, sending him 
into the basement, and crawled his way up, he did not realize that he had 
done a very bad thing.  "Well!" he said, brushing himself up.  "I did it! 
I faced my fear of falling!"
    "Who are you?" asked Easily-Discovered Man Lite.
    "I am Coward Lad," he said.  "Or I once was!  But now . . . I am no 
longer afraid!"  He paused for a moment.  "So, what's happening here?"
    Lite pointed to Vector.  "You just killed the father of a maniacal 
villain, losing all hope of reaching her."
    "Oh," Coward Lad said.  
    "I'll kill you!" Vector growled.
    "But . . . I'm scared of dying!" Coward Lad said with a howl, leaving 
as fast as his feet would carry him.  Vector ignored him, and turned back 
to the congregation of heroes.
    "Now . . . where were we again?"
    "Halt, evil villain!"
    "What now?" the people asked.
    *I think I've seen those two before,* IIL said.  *But I can't quite 
put my finger on it.*
    "I am Lad, and this is Authorial!" one of the two young spandex-clad 
boys said. "Cease and desist, or we'll have to use physical force!"
    "Though, in your case," Authorial said to Vector, "I certainly 
wouldn't mind."

    WILL ANYTHING-YOU-CAN-DO-I-CAN-DO-BETTER-LAD'S NEPHEWS MUCK THINGS UP?
    WILL THEY TRY TO HIT ON MOUSE?
    WILL THIS END ANYTIME SOON?
    OR, WILL EACH AUTHOR CONTINUE TO ADD MORE AND MORE CHARACTERS TO THE FRAY?

---------------------
Tom Russell, Jnr. (Russ-Man)

"I masticate frequently. Three times a day. With my whole family. At family
reunions, too."
     -Drew Sanders



Birth Of A Villain #9
From: Rob Rogers <rogersr at shore.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: LNH: Re: LNH: Birth of a Villain - the saga continues (sorta)
Date: 2 Apr 1999 04:29:05 GMT
Organization: Alliance for World Takeover

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: In an effort to destroy the Internet, a
villainess named Vector (try saying that five times fast) has established
herself at Planet Kirby -- a theme restaurant dedicated to LNH legends --
and unleashed her "Legionaires' Disease" at an unsuspecting Easily-Discovered
Man Lite.  Coming to Lite's aid, a group of Legionaires and other assorted
heroes fought Vector to a standstill, until she disappeared during an
explosion caused by Gorilla Grad.  While one group of heroes has left to
track down the missing villain, a second confronts another incarnation of
Vector within the restaurant...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "Birth of a Villain, Part 9"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        Gorilla Grad awoke.  That, in itself, had not been so bad, although
it was certainly something he tried to avoid most mornings of the week.
Today, however, it proved to be the least painful of his activities.  His
arms hurt.  His shoulders hurt.  His knees hurt in new and particularly
grating ways.  His head felt like the percussion section at a Pops concert.
        "This can't be the afterlife," Gorilla Grad muttered.  "Even
allowing for the theories of energetic transference put forth by Hersh
during that interminable lecture my colleagues found so amusing, I...wait.
What's this?"
        He reached forward with one hand, and again felt it -- a smooth
surface, probably plastic, curving downward.  He pushed harder, and felt
the world lurch suddenly beneath his feet as his sphere of imprisonment
rolled forward in the dark.  Gasping and grunting to remain standing,
Gorilla Grad shuffled about in panic until the ball struck something solid.
The impact triggered a light at the end of a long hallway, a location Grad
estimated as being 200 meters to his left.  Having nothing else to do and
not knowing whether his plastic prison was airtight, Gorilla Grad began
rolling his ball in the direction of the light.
        The tunnel led to another tunnel, and then another.  The Action Ape
found himself near exhaustion by the time the network of tunnels opened
into a cavern-like antechamber whose principal feature was an enormous
television set.
        Gorilla Grad gaped.  Surrounding the television in every direction
were dozens, perhaps hundreds, of tall, red-headed women identical to those
Grad had hoped to fuse together during the battle at Planet Kirby that
now seemed so long ago.  The women carried clipboards, operated computer
terminals or adjusted dials on machinery complex enough to have driven a
lesser being to madness.  Gorilla Grad merely raised one furred eyebrow.
        "Not bad," he said.
        "I should say not," said a robed figure, turning to face Grad from
his position facing the television.  "I'm glad to see our guest has
finally arrived."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        *                       *                              *
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "Last...offer..." gasped Authorial, clutching his arms to his chest
in agony as a wave of Legionaire's Disease made every movement an exercise
in frustration.  "Dinner...and...movie...pick...up...at...six."
        "Can...top," Lad wheezed, as two Vectors held his arms while a
third pummeled his stomach.  "Make...dinner...for...you...followed...by...
box...at...theater."
        "Unbelievable," said Vector -- or, at least, said the copy of the
living virus directing her clones in the fight against the two net.heroes.
"Wracked by disease, hanging by the tips of your fingernails from the
precipice of defeat, and yet the two of you continue to hit on me.  How is
this possible?"
        "Did...I...mention...hot...tub?" Authorial moaned.  Vector's eyes
narrowed to electric green slits, and energy crackled from her scarlet
fingers as she stretched out her arms toward the hapless hero.
        At that moment, however, a scale model of spaceQuest: Raven
toppled from its place near the restaurant's ceiling and bounced off the
villain's cranium with a pleasant-sounding "bong."
        "Looks like your ship just came in, boys," Narcoleptic Lad said,
his hands gripped around the handle of a tremendous claymore recently
liberated from a display case.  "You know, you really ought to be more
careful with the women you meet.  You never know what you might catch."
        The remaining, conscious Vectors spoke as one: "Get them."
        "Bring it on, ladies!" Narcoleptic Lad said.  "I've got thirty-six
inches of steel right here that's going to send each and every one of you
back to...oh, crap."  He toppled to the floor and began snoring.
        "You know, I had a dog that used to do that," Lad said.  "Do you
remember him, Authorial?  Hey, Authorial?"
        From her post behind the juke box, Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible
Lass gasped.  *Authorial isn't even fighting back,* she said.  *He's just
walking forward like a drunk, his eyes fixated on that woman.  She must be
doing something to his mind...*
        Rubbing her head with one hand, the toppled Vector used the other
to pull herself up along the back of a chair.  Staring about the room in
confusion, she turned to one of her sisters.  "There is another here," she
said.  "A Lurker.  Find her.  Destroy her."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        *                       *                              *
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "The little twerp," Mouse said, maneuvering her way toward the back
of the van.  "Says he's afraid of my driving.  Says he wants Mum to drive.
Two hundred and forty heroes in Net.ropolis, and I have to share a van
with Coward Lad.  So what have you been doing back here?"
        Easily-Discovered Man Lite sighed.  "Trying to make some sense out
of all of this."  He held up a yellow legal pad, and Mouse peered down to
make out the ball-point scrawlings on the page.  Between inkblots, crossed-
out words and a doodle of what appeared to be the Ultimate Ninja were the
words "virus," "gorilla," "fusion bomb," and "what would Gamer Boy think?"
        "First this Vector person shows up, rendering all of us useless with
that Legionaire's Disease of hers," Lite said.
        "Some of you were already there," Mouse said.  "Besides, you seemed
to be able to withstand whatever that was better than the rest of us."
        "I know," Lite said.  "She claimed she occupied the 'spaces between
each of us.'  Maybe it's just that I'm a really shallow person.
        "This is _my_ energy rifle, and I'll keep it loaded if I damn well
please," shouted a female voice from the front of the van.
        "But Twaeila, think of what might happen if it went off," Coward Lad
whined.  "Can you really afford to take the chance?"
        "If Deductive Logic Man were here, he'd have the whole thing
figured out by now," Lite continued.  "Or that Nick Naime guy Cynical Lass
is always reading about in her pulp magazines.  Or Decibel Dude.  He was
good about these kinds of things.  Instead, we've got you, and me, and...
him," he said, indicating a muscular Chinese man with a squirrel on his
shoulder seated on the other side of the van.  "Who the heck are you
supposed to be, anyway?"
        A moment went by before the man replied.  "I'm sorry.  Are you
talking to me?  I thought you were addressing the squirrel."
        The rodent in question solemnly handed Lite a walnut.
        "Thanks," Lite said.  "We're doomed."
        "Stop that," Mouse said.  "All right, so none of those people you
mentioned are here.  But you're here, and you're all we've got, so...Good
God.  We _are_ doomed."
        "Thanks for the vote of confidence," Lite said.
        "You're being so...serious," Mouse said.  "It's unnatural."
        "I know," Lite said.  "But I have this funny feeling, like this
thing we're in right now could be the biggest thing that's ever happened to
me.  And that scares me.  I mean, all I've ever done is run around making
stupid jokes and trying to keep Easily-Discovered Man from getting killed.
I never know if this is going to be the day when being a wiseass isn't going
to save my life."
        Mouse slumped down beside her fellow sidekick.  "I guess I know what
you mean.  I never wanted to be a super-hero, much less the object of
affection of every male that walks or crawls in the Legion roster.  I wish
some of these heroes would treat me less like a girl, and more like a
colleague."
        "Except for Tsar Chasm, of course," Lite said.  "Well, maybe this is
it.  Maybe this is the moment when the two of us shed our images as comic
relief and become the kind of disciplined leaders the new Legion of Net.
Heroes needs to survive."
        The road rumbled beneath them as the van continued its progress.
        "That was an April fool, right?" Mouse asked.
        "Well, duh," Lite said.  "Say, you're a girl, right?  Do you think
that Twaeila Brock will be impressed that I can burp out the lyrics to
'One Night in Bangkok' on one can of Mr. Paprika?"
        "Mouse, dear," Writers Block Woman called from the driver's seat.
"And Lite.  There's something up here I think you really should see."
        "Really should see, as in we want to see it, or really should see
as in this could well be the last thing we ever see?" Lite asked.
        "Well, you know, it sees us, and it seems rather unhappy about what
it sees, and I thought perhaps there might be something we ought to do
about that," Writers Block Woman replied.
        Mouse and Lite looked at each other.  "Oy," they said.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        *                       *                              *
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "Everything is going according to plan," the robed figure continued.
"As you can see, by creating a threat to the Internet, we have managed to
lure most active members of the Legion of Net.Heroes to a single location,
removing them from their respective series and playing havoc with
continuity.  Soon, the moment will be at hand when we will be able to
obliterate all of these inferior creations with a single stroke -- leaving
the net open to the glorious coming of the One True Author!"
        "That's very interesting," Gorilla Grad said.  "But tell me again
how you managed to achieve rapid resequencing of Vector's DNA without
causing instability in the resulting being's genetic structure?"
        "Oh, you with your details," the figure sighed.  "Very well.  By
preparing a special nutrient bath drawn from the research of the eminent..."
        Gorilla Grad memorized every detail as his white-robed host droned
on.  He had not yet discovered a means of escape from the plastic ball
surrounding him, although he had determined that it was air-permeable.  Of
one thing he was certain, however: if and when he escaped this particular
situation, it would be with every morsel of information he needed to defeat
Vector and her creators.  Every morsel.
        "I am sorry to interrupt you, acolyte," said an older, slender man
wearing robes darker than those of Gorilla Grad's host.  "I thought you
might like to know that our forces at the restaurant continue to battle the
three Legionaires therein, while our foes in the van have encountered a
most unexpected adversary."
        "Much of the unexpected occurs today," the host said.  "Of course,
chaos and entropy are exactly the kind of environment in which I thrive.
Which was, of course, precisely the reason you and your Church of the Fourth
Wall allied with me for this endeavor -- right, Father Brown?"
        "Your strategy has proven effective, although I question your
decision to summon the cabbage-wielder to this plane," Father Brown replied.
"His involvement seems unnecessary at this stage, and his methods are...
unsound."
        "The angel's presence is crucial to my plans," the acolyte said.
"I will not rest until I am assured that no communication may take place
between Net.ropolis and Sig.ago.  We must rule out any involvement by
Dvandom Force in this matter, or all is lost.  In addition, several of our
foes have not yet been accounted for: Tsar Chasm, Limp Asparagus Lad,
the so-called 'Saviors of the Net,' Rebel Yell..."
        "Rebel Yell?" Father Brown gasped.  "You don't really think..."
        "You've never fought the Legion of Net.Heroes before," the acolyte
said.  "With this group, anything is possible."
        "It appears you are correct," Father Brown said, staring at the
massive television screen that overshadowed the rest of the chamber.  Gorilla
Grad peered past the cleric's robed head to glance at the picture.
"Apparently, some of those we face today are visitors from...other
universes."
        "Other universes?" the acolyte asked.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        *                       *                              *
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        WILL AUTHORIAL OVERCOME THE POWER OF HIS OWN HORMONES?

        WHAT DREAD FATE AWAITS THOSE IN...THE VAN OF DOOM?

        WILL THE CREATOR OF THIS EPISODE'S MYSTERY GUEST VILLAIN BE UPSET
        THAT I BORROWED HIS CHARACTER WITHOUT ASKING?

        WILL PETA PICKET ME FOR PUTTING A GORILLA IN A HAMSTER BALL?

        WILL THIS CASCADE CONTINUE OR DIE A SLOW AND PAINFUL DEATH OVER
        THE WEEKEND?

        ONLY YOU CAN SAY...IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF "BIRTH OF A VILLAIN!"

        POST YOUR RESPONSE OR SEND IT TO:
        rogersr at shore.net

        --Rob Rogers
        --Is keeping an archive of everything, among other things

        "All interest in disease and death is only another expression of
interest in life."
                --Thomas Mann
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continued in part 2
-----
Saxon Brenton     City library of the Uni of Technology, Sydney, Australia
Saxon.Brenton at uts.edu.au  


==========
Next Week: It's Birth of a Villain Time!!! (Part Four)!!!!
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer


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