LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #61: Birth Of A Villain Part One

[Arthur Spitzer]

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
we have the first section of a Birth Of A Villain.

Birth of a Villain was started off by Rob Rogers and as the title
suggests a brand new supervillain debuts -- Melissa the virus or
as she called herself back then -- VECTOR, THE WOMAN WHO DESTROYED
THE NET!

Jessica "Jaelle" Ihimaera-Smiler also drags her characters Writer's
Block Woman and Mouse in a confrontation with -- VECTOR, THE WOMAN WHO 
DESTROYED THE NET!

And Dave "Dvandom" Van Domelen joins the fun bringing a muscular Chinese man
with a squirrel into the chaos.  Who is this muscular Chinese man with a 
squirrel?  And can they stop -- VECTOR, THE WOMAN WHO DESTROYED
THE NET!?

Also if you're not satisfied with this intro -- I also copied Saxon
Brenton's intro for the Birth of the Villain TEB.  Just ignore the
parts where it talks about more than three issues.


And now..


              _						
             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #61


                         =====================
                      Birth Of A Villain Part One
                         =====================




Date: 9 Jan 2000 23:52:07 -0000
From: Saxon Brenton <Saxon.Brenton at uts.edu.au>
Subject: [LNH] TEB: Birth Of A Villain #1-13 [1 of 2]
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh

Birth Of A Villain Trade Etherback: Introduction:

     Chaotic add-on cascade type storylines are fun.
     They are also very messy.
     This particular compilation of the first dozen or so posts of the 
Birth Of A Villain cascade, which Rob Rogers had the audacity to inflict 
on rec.arts.comics.creative in early 1999, should show you why. Most of 
the early, shorter episodes were posted with no issue number, which had 
to be assigned after the fact, and those that were posted with issue 
numbers sometimes contradicted each others' order of continuity. All of 
which explains (but does not necessarily excuse) the use of fractional 
issue numbers. A lot of the editing herein deals with trying to cope with 
this problem.
     This Trade Etherback collects Birth Of A Villain issues 1-11, 11.5, 
12, 12.25, 12.5 and 13. Note that because of the fractional issue 
numbers, there were no issues 14 or 15, nor 18 or 19, although a 
hypothetical future TEB edition for the full run of the series could be 
used as an excuse to fix that.


Birth Of A Villain #1
From: Rob Rogers <rogersr at shore.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: LNH: Birth of a Villain
Date: 31 Mar 1999 04:14:04 GMT
Organization: Alliance for World Takeover

Quiet fell on Net.ropolis with the afternoon sunshine, covering the
barren streets, abandoned pushcarts and empty office buildings like a
shroud.  No footsteps echoed on Scavenger Avenue; no crush of tires, wail of
sirens or rumble of a passing super-battle disturbed the stillness of the
day.  A gust of wind gasped through the barren glass canyons of Four Color
Square, sailing the crumpled sheets of a newspaper past the statue of Lost
Cause Boy and depositing them at the feet of a tall, red-haired woman.
         The woman smiled.  Kicking the newspaper from her black, patent-
leather boots, she strode with pride through the lonely plaza and passed
through the doors of the newly-opened Planet Kirby.  Pausing inside the
vestibule of the brightly-colored restaurant, she cast her eyes at some of
the framed portraits on the wall -- some autographed -- and smiled.
        "Dr. Killfile," she sneered.  "Pathetic.  Master Workload.  Hardly
worth the notice.  The Brotherhood of Net.Villains.  Jokes, all of them.
Even the mighty Acton Lord never dreamed of accomplishing what I have done."
        She withdrew a chair beneath a faded suit of armor in a glass case,
her blood-red nails reflected in the brass plaque that otherwise read
"Tsar Chasm," and sat down.  The scraping of her chair against the
restaurant's newly-tiled floor reverberated with a dull echo.  "One week
ago, you'd have had to kill someone to get a table at this place," she mused.
"Then again, I always did have exquisite timing."
        The plan had come together perfectly.  The Legion of Net.Heroes
was in disarray.  Its most powerful and experienced members were mostly
retired, on extended leave, or busy with other affairs, and the new
generation of heroes rising to take their place had not yet developed the
cohesion and discipline that had distinguished the Legion in its heyday.
At the same time, the Internet that formed the Legion's home connected more
of the world than anyone had ever thought possible, linking together
millions of people with various degrees of computer understanding.
        It was, in other words, exactly the right time to strike.
        And now that news of her contagion had spread throughout the city,
no one, she realized, was left to oppose her, unless someone should be so
brave -- or so completely and utterly clueless -- as to...
        "I don't believe it!" shouted a sixteen-year-old boy in rumpled
jeans and a black They Might Be Giants T-shirt who burst through the doors
of Planet Kirby with the decorum of a drunken wildebeest.  "Quarter past
lunch and I'm just about the only one in the place.  These theme restaurants
must really be doing as badly as everyone says."
        "Excuse me?" the woman said, irritated.
        "Oh, sorry.  Are you the owner?" the boy asked.  Without waiting for
her to answer, he continued.  "Didn't mean to offend you, but it would
probably have happened eventually, so it's best to get it out of the way.
Hey, are you still serving breakfast?"
        "Don't you know who I am?" the woman asked, pushing back her chair
and drawing herself up to her full height.
        "Well, let's see," the teen said.  "Either you're somebody who's
going to take my lunch order, in which case I'd like a KirbyBurger, an
Organic shake and a super-size order of Pocket fries, or you're not, in
which case you might want to point me toward someone who will."
        "Don't you watch the news?" the woman demanded.
        "Hey, I'm an American high school student.  We pride ourselves on
our utter disregard for anything that doesn't involve rap music, the WB
network, or some combination of the two.  Is this a test?"  the youth asked.
        "Read this," the woman said, throwing a newspaper at the teen.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        Cyber chain letter 'Melissa' clogs nation's e-mail system*
        By Chris Allbritton / Associated Press Cyberspace Writer

	NEW YORK -- The "Melissa" computer virus has proved to be a very
unwelcome guest, turning the digital superhighway against its own users by
swamping thousands of computers with bogus e-mail. 
	The virus began to show up Friday and spread rapidly on Monday,
slipping into systems via e-mail and forcing computers to fire off dozens of
infected messages to friends and colleagues.
	Once opened, the virus immediately reads the user's e-mail address
book and sends an infected message to the first 50 entries. 
        The Melissa virus comes in the form of an e-mail, usually containing
the subject line "Important Message." It appears to be from a friend or
colleague.
	The body of the e-mail message says, "Here is that document you asked
for ... don't show it to anyone else" with a winking smiley face formed by
the punctuation marks ;-).
                         
       *Copyright 1999, The Detroit News
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
        "So you're Melissa," the teen said, quietly fingering a pin at the
hem of his T-shirt with the letters "LNH" embossed on its surface.
        "Once, I was known as Melissa," the woman said.  "But today, the
world will know me as...VECTOR, THE WOMAN WHO DESTROYED THE NET!"
        "Why is it that villains are always naming themselves whenever I'm
around?" the teen asked.  "I'm beginning to feel like everybody's godfather."
        "Scoff if you like, Easily-Discovered Man Lite," Melissa said.
        "You know who I am?" Lite gasped, then turned to look behind him.
There, hanging on a support beam, was a picture of himself with Kid Anarky,
Sig.Lad and Easily-Discovered Man.  In the photograph he was holding up a
cotton shirt whose legend blared "I Invaded the Pocket Bureaucracy And All
I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt."
        "You never know when your early career will come back to haunt you,"
Lite groaned.  "I'll bet this happens to Traci Lords all the time."
        "You'll never live to find out," Melissa said.  "By the time the
Legion of Net.Heroes discovers your corpse, you'll long since have become
the first victim...of the Legionaires' disease!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        WILL ANYONE RESPOND TO LITE'S DISTRESS SIGNAL?

        WILL MELISSA SUCCEED IN HER PLAN TO BRING THE INTERNET TO ITS KNEES?

        ARE THEME RESTAURANTS REALLY A BAD IDEA IN TODAY'S MARKET?

        ONLY YOU CAN ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS!

        POST YOUR RESPONSE OR SEND IT TO:
        rogersr at shore.net

        KEEP THE CASCADE TRADITION ALIVE!

        "Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers."
                --Pablo Picasso



Birth Of A Villain #2
From: Jessica <jaelle at ihug.co.nz>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: LNH: Re: LNH: Birth of a Villain - the saga continues (sorta)
Date: 31 Mar 1999 11:10:15 GMT

I just know I'm going to regret this but...

***

Cue opening theme. In Japanese. Subtitles appear below:

"I once knew fear and pain and loss
 But then I met you
 And was rewarded in the instant of meeting
 For our eyes met and I was forever warmed

 Writers Block Woman, save us from despair
 Writers Block Woman, rescue us
 Writers Block Woman, heroine of this planet
 And Mouse
 
 Peace and hope sang in your eyes
 And hung on your hair [1]
 Nothing more than an instant
 A recognition across the ages
 
 Writers Block Woman, only you can wield the love that saves us
 Writers Block Woman, champion of justice
 Writers Block Woman, heroine of this planet
 And Mouse."

    "Fear not Lite, Writers Block Woman pledges her aid to your cause."
Writers Block Woman sprang onto the street outside Planet Kirby.
"I stand ready and waiting to help you against this most evil of 
fiends! For this noble deed I will even squash my natural impeccable
sense of taste and enter this, ugh, 'theme restaurant'. How eighties." 
With this mighty condemnation and a flash of her cape, she turned on 
her heel and sprang into Planet Kirby.
    Mouse slouched around behind her. "Of course, it's 10.30 at night,
Jaelle still has to pack for the sci fi con she's spending all 
tomorrow driving to, get some sleep, take out the trash and psyche 
herself up for the two anime talks she's hosting, so what does she 
do? Volunteer us for a storyline! Genius! Sheer genius! What's it 
about anyway?"
    The narrator handed her the first part of Birth of a Villain. Mouse
browsed it. "What's this? Send the Legion of Net. Heroes into a
mass panic? That's _my_ job! Damn fricking.... toyota commercial,
toyota commercial, toyota commercial."[2] She sulked. "I suppose
I'd better come along and help, before you all hurt yourselves."
She stalked into the restaurant. Writers Block Woman was already
posing in front of the self-proclaimed "ultimate villain" [3] 
Vector. Lite looked surprised to see her. "Mouse, this isn't your 
normal gig. What happened? Carmen send you on a scavenger hunt?
Or have you come to drool over Tsar Chasm's armour?"
    Mouse ignored the last question. "Procrastination Lad came round 
for the evening." she replied. "And besides, this way my writer 
gets out of coming up with a new storyline for a while."
    "Ah, wisdom from the ancients." intoned Lite. Mouse sneered and 
sized up Vector.
    Vector looked at the two new heroes and snickered. "Is this truly
the best the Legion has?"
    "We are few but mighty!" said Writers Block Woman.
    "Yes," said Mouse at the same time.
    Vector coloured, her face now matched her fingernails. "How dare
you insult me?"
    "Weren't you paying attention to your enemies?" asked Mouse. "Lite
insults everyone! He even insults himself where there's noone around."
    "Hey!" Lite protested. "I can't help but feel that this is a case 
of the pot calling the kettle not only black but metal and hot!"
    Mouse waved a hand airily. "Whatever, so, do we wait for more
reinforcements or shall we just arrest her now?"
    Vector smiled, "And what makes you think you can stop me?"
    "Stop you? You haven't even said what you actually plan on doing.
And as for the other, well," Mouse paused. "You haven't really 
demonstrated any powers yet, so what makes you think you can take 
us on?"
    Vector stared at her, and then laughed. "So you dare to try my
strength... then feel the wrath of the Legionaires disease!!!!"

DOES VECTOR HAVE ANY POWERS?

WHAT'S THIS LEGIONAIRES DISEASE?

IS IT LIKE INDUSTRIAL DISEASE?

ARE WBW AND MOUSE THE BEST THE LEGION HAS TO OFFER?

AREN'T WE RIGHT BACK AT WHERE THE FIRST PART LEFT US?

IF LITE INSULTS HIMSELF AND THERE'S NOONE AROUND TO HEAR HIM,
IS IT FUNNY?

Find out the answers to at least one of these questions (maybe) when 
the next person writes a section of this thing. It's 11.05 and I 
haven't started packing - argh! See you on Tuesday!

Jaelle

[1] There's always one line of a translated anime theme that doesn't
make much sense. Must... watch... more... anime...
[2] Sorry, local joke.
[3] Yeah, like we haven't heard that one before.



Birth Of A Villain #3
From: dvandom at eyrie.org (Dave Van Domelen)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: LNH: Re: LNH: Birth of a Villain - the saga continues (sorta)
Date: 31 Mar 1999 17:28:51 GMT
Organization: Coherent Comics UnInc

     Just as the teaser questions were echoing away, a muscular Chinese man
with a squirrel on his shoulder poked his head into the restaurant.  
     "Er, hello?  I heard Vector was here, and I kinda wanted to apologize
for what I did to his car..." the man started.
     "Wrong Vector," Lite pointed out.
     "NO CROSSOVERS!" Mouse screamed, throwing a tray of empty Planet Kirby
glasses at the newcomer.  The man ducked, and ran out as Mouse continued to
pelt him with various bits of tacky "memorabilia" from the gift shop.
     "Ahem," Vector brought the center of attention back to herself.  "My
powers are many, including the already demonstrated power to make myself the
center of attention at will."
     "Big deal, any five-year-old can do that," Lite snarked.
     "But I can also replicate myself," Vector added in two-part harmony.  "I
fill space, slow down processes, and can transmit myself to any location in
the world with the speed of thought," four of her chorused.  "Even as we
speak, I'm occupying the spaces between spaces inside each of the
Legionnaires, slowing them to a crawl," an octet of Vector cackled.  "Can you
feel it?  Getting a little Sluggy...er, sluggish?"
     "Erg," Mouse erged.  "And here I thought it was just my Writer's lack of
sleep and/or sense...."
     "I think I'm going to have a bit of a lie down," Writer's Block Woman
added.  
     "It...won't work...against me..." Lite shatnered.  "I managed...to pass
Calculus...while in REM sleep...."
     The once empty restaurant was now packed to the gills.
     "HAHAHA!" the Vectors exulted.  "Maybe if Rebel Yell were still active,
with his Mac-based Eudora mailer, you fools would stand a chance.  But he's
about as likely to write as the media is to stop talking about Y2K!"
     "NOT SO FAST!" came a voice from the entryway.

WHO IS THIS NEWCOMER?

IS IT REBEL YELL?  (Yeah, right)

WHO'S ARCHIVING THIS THING, ANYWAY?

HOW LONG BEFORE THIS STORY SPLITS INTO MULTIPLE TIMELINES?

     Some of this and more, in the next....OW, stop throwing ashtrays at me,
Mouse!

Dave Van Domelen, "I'd let you watch, I would invite you, but the queens
we use would not excite you." - on the radio at the moment....




==========
Next Week: It's Birth of a Villain Time!!! (Part Two)!!!!
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer