LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #66: Birth Of A Villain Part Six

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Jun 24 13:39:28 PDT 2018

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
we have the fifth section of a Birth Of A Villain.

Returning to the Birth of a Villain cascade with #16 (and where did
#14 and 15 go.. who knows) is Rob Rogers.  And with all the characters
already in this cascade is there anymore room for -- the undead corpse of
William H Taft?

And Saxon Brenton follows up with #17 -- with a 'Spotlight On:
Chinese Guy With Squirrel'  Will we get some crazy Superguy/LNH
action going or just the hint of some crazy Superguy/LNH action?

And now..

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #66

                      Birth Of A Villain Part Six

From: Rob Rogers <rogersr at shore.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: Re: LNH: Birth of a Villain
Date: 24 Apr 1999 00:24:47 GMT

        WHAT HAS GONE BEFORE: After using her Legionnaire's Disease to place
much of Net.ropolis into a catatonic trance, the living virus named Vector
has sent multiple versions of herself to combat the few net.heroes who still
walk the city streets.  Meanwhile, the captured Gorilla Grad has learned
that Vector is playing only a small role in a scheme plotted by the
mysterious Acolyte and his ally, the Church of the Fourth Wall.  While Grad
seeks some means by which he can free his cell and share what he knows with
his fellow heroes, a new and sinister force seeks to eliminate both Vector
and her foes by conjuring up the ghost of a fallen leader...
        "Birth of a Villain, Part 16"

                William Howard Taft Walks At Midnight
                         In Net.ropolis
                 (With apologies to Vachel Lindsay)

                HE IS portentous.  Once a head of state
                A president of world renown
                A spectral figure lifts its heavy weight
                About the streets of our hometown
                Near the college, or the Legion house
                Where super-heroes would unite
                (Now Lite and Coward, Twaeila and Mouse
                Have flown off to wage another fight)
                He staggers, rests, stumbles some more
                How weary are his long unused feet!
                Yet summoned from that unvisited shore
                He lumbers on, his destiny to meet
                Though thousands cry in Belgrade's blood-paved streets
                And Baghdad's skies are darkened still with smoke
                'Twas not their cries unwound him from his sheets
                He hearkens not to screams of wretched folk
                The voice that finally called him from his grave
                Came from one powerful, rich constituent
                Its laws to be enforced, its hide to save --
                At its command a fallen president
        *                       *                              *
        The blade of the claymore sliced the air beside Lad's head, tearing
a long, jagged gash from a nearby support beam.  The lights blinked, and a
framed photograph of Cheesecake-Eater Lad, Ordinary Lady and Special Bonding
Boy at the wedding of Pocket Man and Organic Lass shattered on the hardwood
floor below.  At the other end of the sword, Authorial narrowed his eyes.

        "Hey," Lad said, holding the nunchaku he'd retrieved from a fallen
display like a magic wand before him.  "Hey.  Look, brother.  I know we've
fought over girls before...and I've always said, you can't let them control
you like this.  I mean today, she's making you trash this restaurant and try
to destroy the Legion of Net.Heroes.  Tomorrow she could be taking you
shopping at Victoria's Secret.  You've just got to see where these things can
lead, you know?"

        "Your brother is beyond hearing, beyond reason," Vector said.  "This
city's greatest warriors have already fallen to me; a handful of others
have fled, as though flight would save them.  You alone stand between me
and the conquest of Net.ropolis."

        Authorial loomed closer.  Lad flicked his wrist, and the nunchaku
sticks (a donation to the restaurant from the Got.ham City Museum) became
a blur of spinning colors in his hand.

        "Sorry, brother," Lad said.  "But you heard the lady.  I can't just
stand around and let the city fall into the hands of just any broad with an
attitude.  Although I might make an exception for Sarah Michelle Gellar."

        Less than ten feet away, Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible Lass
picked her way through an oncoming wall of Vector clones, all of whom seemed
aware of her presence in the room, if not her immediate location.  At her
feet, an unconscious Narcoleptic Lad continued to slumber.

        *Trapped,* she thought.  *And even if I weren't, there's nothing I
can do to help Lad, nothing I can do to warn the rest of the Legion...*

        "Great," Lad said, as Authorial's blade tore through the chain
connecting his nunchaku sticks, stopping less than an inch from his throat.
"I can't believe I'm going to die before I can review the latest issue of
Teacher Legion.  I always thought my life would at least have that much

        Authorial smiled, raised his sword, and then stopped.  He blinked,
shook his head, and stared down in bewilderment.  "Lad?"

        "What?" Vector snarled.  "Something is blocking my control!"

        *It's me,* Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible Lass realized.  *By
standing between Vector and Authorial, I'm somehow canceling out her ability
to control his mind.  At last, I...*

        Invisible-Intangible-Inaudible Lass gasped.  She fell to her knees,
writhing in the grip of a pain her intangible body had not known existed.

        *Surprise,* Vector said.
        *                       *                              *
        "So," Mouse asked, smoothing back a long strand of hair that had
fallen, like a chestnut waterfall, across her forehead, "does anyone know
where to find Alice Springs?"

        "No, but if you hum a few bars, I can play it," Lite said.

        "No, but I know where Carmen Sandiego is, and it only took me one
issue," Coward Lad said.

        "Alice Springs is just another waypost on the road to find yourself,"
said DeadHead Man.

        "Chirrup!" offered the squirrel.

        Mouse sighed, fingered the childproof cap to her bottle of Ludicrous
Strength Pain-Relief Tablets and shook two chalky pills into her palm.  It
had been like this ever since the Legion of Net.Heroes flight.thingee had
lifted off over Net.ropolis.  The heroes gathered aboard the craft --
Coward Lad, DeadHead Man, Easily-Discovered Man Lite, Insomnia Lad, a
muscle-bound Chinese Man whose name was on the very tip of her tongue, a
helpful squirrel, and her mother, Writers Block Woman -- seemed more
interested in capping one another's one-liners than in tracking down the
destructive course of their nemesis: the living virus known as Vector.

        "Cheer up, dear," Writers Block Woman said, holding out a glass of
water.  "Nobody ever likes to see a heroine charging off to battle with a
pout on her pretty face.  Except for Lori Petty, of course."

        "We don't even know where we're charging _TO_!" Mouse snapped,
accepting the glass of water and swallowing the pills.  "Granted, I realize
that's your strategy for dealing with most major retail chains."

        "But we will, you see," Writers Block Woman said.  "That nice Asian
fellow is helping Insomnia Lad enter an hypnotic trance so that he can
remember where Alice Springs is located.  Apparently, Insomnia Lad has
caught glimpses of nearly every community in the world while watching late
night infomercials.  So you see, all that remains is for us to figure out
Vector's evil plan and do something nasty to it."

        "We're doomed," said Coward Lad, muttering into the side of the
fuselage.  "Utterly, irrevocably, hopelessly, pointlessly..."

        "I have a theory," Lite said.  Groans filled the .thingee cabin.

        "No, really," Lite continued.  "Listen, when Vector hit us with that
whammy of hers that knocked out most of the rest of Net.ropolis, she called
it the 'Legionaries' disease.'  That means she -- or somebody -- created it
specifically to stop us.  Somebody wanted us out of the way."

        "Or the Legion of Doom," Mouse said.  "Between Black Manta and
Solomon Grundy, they were a pretty nasty bunch."

        "But why?  And why use sleep to defeat us?" Lite asked.  "My theory
is that Vector is somehow stealing our dreams.  She thrives on dream energy,
and she needed to capture the Legion's dreams in order to conquer the world."

        Silence filled the cabin for a moment.

        "Absolutely, positively, definitively, totally..." Coward Lad said.

        "It really is a nice theory," Writers Block Woman offered.  "Only
there's no evidence to support it, really, and it doesn't explain why the
nine of us -- and Punctuality Lad, apparently -- are still walking and

        Lite sunk lower into his seat.  "I might as well leave this
'figuring out the villain's secret plan' thing to the real super-heroes,"
he said.  "I'm just not cut out for it.  It's too hard.  I don't see why
Batman gets credit for being such a great detective.  Any time a crime
happens in Gotham City, he just has to figure out whether it's to do with
birds, snow, riddles, fear, or the number two, and he knows who did it.
Anybody could do that.  Hell, I could do that."

        "Hey, now," the Chinese man said, turning from the dazed Insomnia
Lad to shake one index finger at Lite.  "There are only two rules by which
I live: never doubt your place in or your connection to the great Chain of
Being that unites all of us, and never dis Batman.  I advise you to do the

        "Assuredly, rapidly, decisively, passively..." Coward Lad said.

        "So you're not a detective," Writers Block Woman said, patting Lite
on the shoulder.  "Concentrate on all of the wonderful things you _are_.
What would your employer -- Easily-Discovered Man -- say at a time like

        "The Prof?" Lite asked.  "He'd probably say that super-heroes aren't
supposed to be detectives, that being a super-hero has nothing to do with
crime fighting.  He'd say that the whole point of being a super-hero isn't
stopping bad guys, that the point is to inspire all of the good guys in the
world to go out and do the things they didn't think they could do."

        "Well?" Writers Block Woman asked.

        "But the Prof," Lite said, "is a loon."  The squirrel held two
walnuts toward the heroes, as if to confirm this diagnosis.

        "True," Writers Block Woman asked.  "But he is a dear loon, for all

        "Hey!  Heroes!" Twaeila Brock barked from the cockpit intercom.
"We've found what we're looking for."

        "Would that be Alice Springs, or the number of licks it takes to get
to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie pop?" Lite asked.

        "That would be Vector," Brock replied.  "And from the looks of
things, she's ready to greet us."
        *                       *                              *
        Gorilla Grad looked up to see a red-haired Amazon striding toward his
captors with a small piece of plastic in her hand.

        "The information you requested from Legion of Net.Heroes
headquarters," the woman said, placing the plastic disk in the Acolyte's

        "Who's your daddy now?" the Acolyte said, flashing a grin of triumph
at his companion.  Father Brown merely raised one eyebrow in response.

        "Sorry," the acolyte said.  "It's just that I've been waiting all
afternoon for an excuse to say that."

        "The time for jocularity is past, Acolyte," Father Brown said.
"Particularly now that the security of our installation has been

        "You mean the untimely arrival of Tsar Chasm?" The Acolyte grinned,
reached into his robe, and withdrew a sheet of paper.  "True, he remains a
threat, but the fool has unwittingly provided us with evidence of a chink
in his armor -- an emotional weakness.  I fully intend to manipulate that
flaw to our purposes."

        "And you penetrated the very heart of the enemy lair," Father Brown
said.  "I'm impressed."

        "As I said earlier, you have never tussled with the Legion before,"
the Acolyte said, withdrawing the disk from its plastic casing and inserting
it into a waist-high metallic post at the edge of an obsidian dais.
"Breaking into LNH headquarters is laughably easy.  Retrieving specific
information from their private files, however, is a task that requires
finesse.  You are to be complimented, Vector."

        Vector bowed her head slightly and stepped backward as a shimmering,
six-foot translucent figure appeared on the metallic disk and began speaking.

        "Stomper Files, 11 November 1993," the figure said.  "Contraption
Man passed on the following information to me today regarding the history
of interdimensional teleportation.  I have recorded it here in the belief
that it may become useful, should scientists of our time develop the
required technology to actualize it."

        Gorilla Grad's mind sprang somersaults.  Contraption Man, he knew,
was the technologically-gifted hero who had supposedly joined the Legion from
some point in the far future.  The holographic projection addressing the
Acolyte, Father Brown, and Vector, on the other hand, could only be Dr.
Stomper, the LNH's legendary master of explaining the unexplainable.

        "According to Contraption Man, the first controlled teleportation
experiments took place in the spring of 1999, when a young woman in Net.
Zealand noticed that one of a favorite pair of blue socks had materialized
in a grove of trees less than a mile from her home," Dr. Stomper said.

        "Having apparently a great deal of time on her hands and not nearly
enough with which to fill it, the young woman fell to investigating the
phenomenon.  After weeks of careful scrutiny and a great many loads of
laundry, the woman discovered that upon reaching a certain point in its
cycle, her dryer would begin vibrating at a specific frequency, and one or
more items from its interior would dematerialize, reappearing some time later
within a mile of her home," the projection continued.

        "Following several further experiments, which resulted in the death
of her cat and some unpleasant scenes with neighbors, the young scientist
found that by controlling the frequency of her dryer's vibrations, she could
control the range and location of her laundry's rematerializations.  Analysis
of her garments revealed that each had apparently traveled through another
dimension during its time away from the dryer -- again, a different
dimension depending upon the vibration frequency of the appliance.

        "Had the young woman harnessed this newfound technology for
interstellar exploration or instantaneous energy transference, the world of
the future might have been a very different place, Contraption Man reported.
Unfortunately, the woman rebuilt her dryer into a device for teleporting her
friends from overseas back and forth into her home.  After about three weeks
of unannounced visits, day and night, from everyone she had ever met or heard
of, the woman destroyed the device in a fit of sleeplessness and rage,
unfortunately trapping an acquaintance from the States in the lint filter
for all eternity.  Interdimensional teleportation would be lost to science
for another 150 years..."

        Although fascinated by the story, Gorilla Grad found himself even
more captivated by the holographic machine used to project it.  It was the
same model used at his university, the same model he had used in the past
to create a projection of himself working diligently in his carrel -- or so
his professors thought -- while he caught a few extra hours of sleep.  If
Father Brown and the others left the room for just a moment, Grad thought,
he might be able to roll his prison ball just close enough to the machine...

        "I'm sorry to interrupt, gentlemen, but our agents in the field
are issuing a priority report," Vector said.  "On screen, please."

        The three figures turned from Dr. Stopper's projection to the
enormous television screen filling the chamber.  In their faces and in the
walls of his spherical plastic prison Grad saw the reflection of a dozen
Vectors fleeing before the approach of what appeared to be the animated
corpse of President William Howard Taft.

        "Now this," the Acolyte said, "this is just plain silly."

        "I'm inclined to agree," Vector said.  "However, it presents a
problem.  My Legionnaire's Disease has no effect on the undead, and the ghost
of a former president -- even Taft -- provides a powerful symbol behind
which others could unite.  That would be antithetical to our plans."

        "True," the Acolyte said.  "No, Vector, you cannot battle the
undead, but there is one who can -- a spirit so powerful even Taft shall
quake at the mere mention of his name.  And here the good padre said we
wouldn't need him."

        "I still believe summoning the Cabbage Wielding Angel of Death will
prove to be a mistake," Father Brown said.  "However, I see no other
recourse at this time.  Perhaps we should adjourn to the Cathedral of Hate."

        This is it, Gorilla Grad thought.  As soon as they leave the

        "Of course," Father Brown said, turning toward Gorilla Grad, "there
is the small matter of a sacrifice."
        *                       *                              *
        "Into the valley of death rode the...uh, nine," Easily-Discovered
Man Lite said.  "Vectors to the right of them.  Vectors to the left of them.
Vectors in front of them...And this sassy little Vector with the black
beret is showing us what all the fashion-conscious super-villains will be
wearing in '99.  It says, 'I could destroy the world and all its people,
or I could put on a pair of black patent-leather boots and go dancing.' "

        "Does he _ever_ shut up?" Twaeila Brock asked Mouse.

        "Yes," Mouse said.  "But you have to kiss him."

        Brock wrinkled her nose.  "Maybe I could just stuff a sweatsock in
his mouth."

        "This is it, heroes," Insomnia Lad said.  "It's time to go out there
and show this two-bit minx what the Legion of Net.Heroes is made of."

        Nobody moved.

        "Time to deploy for battle!" Insomnia Lad said.  "Let's kick some
world-conquering butt!"

        Those aboard the flight.thingee remained immobile.

        "Last one out of the shuttle has to sit next to Coward Lad and listen
to his problems on the way home," Mouse yelled.  The bay cleared in seconds.

        "People, I believe we have a battle cry!" Lite said, as Writers
Block Woman placed him and Mouse on the ground before a crowd of Vectors.

        "So," Vector said, "you've found me."

        "Well, a huge crowd of statuesque redheads in black leather _does_
sort of stick out in a crowd, unless you're at an Ani DiFranco concert,"
Lite said.

        "Whatever your plan, whatever your purpose, the Legion of Net.Heroes
is here to stop you," Insomnia Lad said.  Behind him the squirrel shook its
tiny fist for emphasis.

        Had Vector shouted, or hissed, or sprang into attack position in
response, Lite would have been prepared, might even have felt comfortable.
Instead, Vector laughed, a high laugh that sounded as though it came from a
very young girl.  Lite shivered.

        "The Legion of Net.Heroes?" Vector sneered.  "_You're_ the Legion
of Net.Heroes?" I...don't...think...so."

        "We'd thought about calling ourselves 'Hootie and the Blowfish,'
but didn't think anyone would take us seriously," Mouse said.

        "I'll show you what the Legion of Net.Heroes is _supposed_ to look
like," Vector said, as the clones beside her blurred and shifted into
familiar shapes.

        "It's can't be," Insomnia Lad said.  "She's turned them into evil
duplicates of Rebel Yell, Kid Kirby, Lurking Girl, Organic Lass, Pocket Man,
Marvel Zombie Lad, Comics Snob Boy, Lost Cause Boy and Continuity Champ!"

        "It was bound to happen," Lite said.  "First they brought back the
VW Beetle.  Then they resurrected roller derby.  I knew either this or
the return of Molly Ringwald's career was coming next, and I'm not sure
we aren't getting the better of the deal."

        "Inalterably, unquestionably, resolutely..." droned Coward Lad.

        "Enough," Vector said.  "May the best Legion win."
        *                       *                              *








        WHO _IS_ YOUR DADDY?


        rogersr at shore.net

        --Rob Rogers

         " The obligation on the part of those responsible for the
        expenditures made to carry on the Government, to be as
        economical as possible, and to make the burden of
        taxation as light as possible, is plain, and should be
        affirmed in every declaration of government policy.
        This is especially true when we are face to face with a
        heavy deficit.  But when the desire to win the popular
        approval leads to the cutting off of expenditures
        really needed to make the Government effective and to
        enable it to accomplish its proper objects, the result
        is as much to be condemned as the waste of government
        funds in unnecessary expenditure."
                --William Howard Taft

From: Saxon Brenton <Saxon.Brenton at uts.edu.au>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: LNH: Birth Of A Villain  part 17
Date: 5 May 1999 04:49:50 GMT

Blue Light Productions presents:

Birth Of A Villain
a chaotic add-on cascade-type Legion of Net.Heroes story
part 17 (I think)

"Spotlight On: Chinese Guy With Squirrel"
Perpetrated by Saxon Brenton

Continuity note: This bit is set sometime during Rob's part 16. I 
guess that makes this part 16-and-a-half, but to be honest I'm getting 
tired of that of that schtick.
     The otherwise anonymous hero referred to (but not named) as the 
Chinese Guy With The Squirrel On His Shoulder was staring out the window 
of the LNH net.thingee as it flew towards Washing.net. On board where 
himself, his squirrel, Writers Block Woman and Mouse, Easily-Discovered 
Man Lite, Twaelia Brock, Coward Lad, Insomnia Lad, and Deadhead Man.
     It had been a frantic crossover. Actually, it still was - and would 
probably continue to be, come to think of it.
     Barely had the net.villainess and living virus named Vector strutted 
into the Planet Kirby theme restaurant in downtown Net.ropolis and 
announced her plans of internet wide conquest than sundry assorted heroes 
had popped up out of the woodwork to oppose her. Predictably, mayhem had 
been the result.
     Gorilla Grad had vanished trying to defuse a bomb, while Vector had 
used her 'Legionnaire's Disease' to put most of Net.ropolis to sleep and 
then began replicating herself across the net. While the net.heroes Lad 
and Authorial had distracted her the remaining versions of Vector at 
Planet Kirby, the other heroes had piled into a van and headed off to the 
Legion of Net.Heroes headquarters, encountering the Writers Block Beast 
along the way. Now those same heroes had swapped the van for a 
flight.thingee and were heading for Washing.net to confront Vector. Or at 
least her prime self. Or something.
     Still, it was exciting; an action packed adventure fit for the 
movies. But right now all the excitement seemed to be catching up on him. 
He felt drowsy. He'd leant years ago to catch short bursts of sleep 
whenever the opportunity presented itself, so he leaned his head against 
cabin wall and nodded off.
     Almost immediately, he was awake again, and not on the 
flight.thingee. There were two other people there. Three, if you counted 
the squirrel, who was also looking around and who chittered, "Now what?"
     "Comic book summons, I'm afraid," said one of the other two 
people - a woman with a rounded body that had the LNH logo on it. "I'm 
Wheezie Alt.comics.lnh, the continuity cop for the Looniverse, Jack. This 
is Ron Kaylor," she added, indicating the man in the sharp-looking 
business suit and power tie beside her, "a member of the Lethal Lawyer 
Corps for district 856728768346/b-3, which includes the Earth."
     "Uhm," said Jack, taking a peek at the top of the posting to confirm 
that he was correct in believing that he was still in an LNH post. "You're 
giving away my secret identity, you know."
     "It is precisely your secret identity that is of concern to us, 
Jack, aka Crazy Guy of 973HONGKONGFILMS, and current resident of 
000SUPERGUY," replied Kaylor. He took out a sheath of papers and 
consulted them. "Pursuant of the postings of your Author, David Van 
Domelen, on 31st March, 6th April, and 3rd May 1999, you are contractually 
obliged to make only one cameo in the chaotic add-on cascade-type Legion 
of Net.Heroes story 'Birth Of A Villain', and are furthermore explicitly 
forbidden from making further appearances. You will desist from having 
any physical, mental, and/or spiritual presence in the Looniverse of both 
alt.comics.lnh and rec.arts.comics.creative, and return at once to the 
Superguy Altiverse or the nearest convenient plane of existence."
     "Argh!" lamented Louie the squirrel. "Legalese! More legalese. As if 
the shysters of Hell(tm) weren't bad enough!"
     "Well, hey," said Jack, his lips slightly out-of-sync with the words 
he was saying. "I *tried* to leave, but the LNH Writers kept dragging me 
back into their story. They're almost as thick and unable to take a hint 
as the Authors are. And now the other heroes are kind of depending on me 
to help against Vector."
     "Irrelevant," said Kaylor.
     "I'm not so sure about that," interjected Wheezie. "This is a 
fictional universe. Narrative is everything, especially character 
development generated by heroes wrestling with moral imperatives."
     Kaylor looked at her as if she was something he just scraped off of 
his shoe. He opened his mouth to utter a legal threat, when a voice was 
     "Once I would have helped prosecute the case, render verdict, and 
then post bail. But for now I must remain..."
     "An overly cryptic pain in the butt," observed Wheezie with a 
sardonic smile. "Hello, Stranger."
     The Dvandom Stranger stepped from the shadows, dipping his fedora in 
greeting to the continuity cop. If he had any irritation at Wheezie's 
comments - unlikely given his character brief - he gave no sign. In his 
hand was held his Editorial Staff, capped with a tip of Ebon Unobtainium.
     "As a direct representative of the Author whose wishes are to be 
adjudicated in this matter, I am here to see those wishes fulfilled. Crazy 
Guy will make only one authorised appearance in this storyline. Moreover, 
said appearance will take the form of humour, such that it is not an 
official crossover, and all subsequent appearances will be retconned away.
     "However," continued the Stranger, "I am also prepared to offer a 
     "There will be no compromises," stated the Lethal Lawyer.
     "Silence, Kaylor," commanded the Stranger, pointing his Staff at the 
Lawyer. At once, Kaylor found himself unable to speak or act. The 
Stranger continued in pontification mode: "The continuity cop is correct 
that narrative logic must be preserved. In fact, in a fictional universe 
such as this narrative logic must take precedence over all other rules. If 
necessary, there are means of appeal to have all other rules, including 
those you enforce, amended."
     "And there's always room for an Emerald Twilight pastiche. With a more 
tragic ending, this time" added Wheezie in explicit threat.
     The Stranger turned to Crazy Guy. "It has been arranged so that your 
presence in this storyline after issue #3 can be taken over by your direct 
Looniversal counterpart, Chinese Guy, and his sidekick Lenny the squirrel. 
Do you both agree to this change?"
     Jack considered this. He glanced at Louie, who shrugged a 'why not?' 
"Okay, seems fair."
     "Very well," said the Stranger, and lifting his Staff again, he 
pointed it at Jack and brought it down in a cleaving motion. Suddenly, 
there were two of him, and two squirrels.
     "Whoa!" exclaimed Jack as he stared at his counterpart.
     "That's amazing!" added Bruce, equally overcome.
     Louie and Lenny waved paws at each other.
     "Okay you two," came the no-nonsense voice of someone new. Up from 
behind the Dvandom Stranger flew a small form. It was a female figure some 
15 centimetres tall - closer inspection showed that she was a red and 
green robot who flew on dragon wings. "It's time to get you back to 
000SUPERGUY," said Kat. "We've got to get you back in time for the 
dream sequence in #30 of your SG title. No dawdling now; move it."
     They watched as the Dvandroid's muse ushered them away. Then, Wheezie 
Alt.comics.lnh commented, "Time for you two to get back to the LNH 
flight.thingee, just in time for an attack by Vector."
     Chinese Guy and Lenny vanished. Wheezie took out her clipboard and 
scribbled something on it. To no-one in particular she commented, "It 
occurs to me that the Legion had an opening for a martial artist 




I dunno. I guess we'll just have to wait and see, in the next episode of: 
                    BIRTH OF A VILLAIN!

Add Notes:
     Okay, that's *that* tidied up then.
     On a more serious note: The events of this episode were more-or-less 
necessitated after Dvandom's comment on my issue 11-and-a-half of this 
story, and his follow-up parody of the situation as a bad dream in _Crazy 
Guy_ #30. After all the crap he had to put up with a couple of years ago 
during the Red Gauntlet Affair with Chris Ireland, I figure that if the 
poor fellow says that he doesn't want his Superguy character appearing in 
this thread, then we should respect his wishes.
     Of course, I *could* have done something that radically altered the 
premise behind Chinese Guy being so like Crazy Guy - making him an 
imposter or an amnesiac martial artist or an alien shapeshifter or 
somesuch. You know, something *innocuous*. But - without in any way 
wanting to be malicious - this way was much more fun. After all, Chinese 
Guy *was* originally Crazy Guy for a brief cameo that got out of hand. 
Making Bruce the Looniverse's analogue of Jack as a result of the various 
cosmic entities rushing about like chooks with their heads chopped off 
trying to deal with the situation is a rather delicious parallel of the 
antics of the Writers in trying to sort the mess out (well, myself and 
Dvandom, anyway; I'm not sure if anybody else is anything other than an 
amused observer). As above so below.
     In other matters. The Dvandom Stranger should be unknown to very few; 
he's the cosmic entity who is Dvandom's counterpart in the Looniverse. Kat 
is Dvandom's muse in the Superguy Altiverse; or more specifically, the 
Dvandroid's muse. Wheezie Alt.comics.lnh is probably more obscure; she's 
the continuity cop of the Looniverse who's turned up in my stories a few 
times. Ron Kaylor was named in _Stranger Tales_ #6 as being a Lethal 
Lawyer assigned to the Looniearth's sector of space in an alt.universe; 
I'm not sure what his link is to the Lethal Lawyer who hangs around on 
Limbaugh Man's television show is, but I suspect there may be more than 
one to a district.
     All characters in this story belong to their creators, Writers, 
Authors, owners, and/or possessors, and used with permission. All rights 
reserved. All wrongs battled in the name of Truth and Justice. The 
oozlefinches were feeling lethargic and couldn't have been induced to do 
something dangerous even if we had wanted to harm them in the making of 
this post. Fnord.
Saxon Brenton     City library of the Uni of Technology, Sydney, Australia
Saxon.Brenton at uts.edu.au  

Next Week: It's Birth of a Villain Time!!! (Part Seven)!!!!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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