LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #46: The Crimes of the Brotherhood Part Nine

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Jun 16 22:02:23 PDT 2018

On 1/28/2018 4:00 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
> https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
> we have the ninth section of the whole EMPLOYEE-EMPOWERED, PARADIGM-SHIFTED,
> Firstly, we have Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes with the number 18 of his
> Continuity Champ and the Drizzt Defenders series that is part
> one of the Fall From Space storyline -- where RetConan dares
> Continuity Champ to shut down his powers 24 hours, which he foolishly does
> and before you know it there's a bounty on him and every lame
> two bit villain comes out of the woodwork to collect on that bounty.

So, looking at the LNH Timeline, there's a footnote which says that the "Fall 
 From Space" storyline "apparently takes place after the Crimes of the 
Brotherhood crossover". Searching the group, this footnote goes back to at least 
the mid-90s, and the maintainer admitted at the time that they just hadn't had 
time to read all the stories. With that in mind, I'm removing it and moving the 
storyline into CotB.


I remembered CC&DDs being a really fun series when I read it back in the day. I 
tried to re-read it and... well, I got as far as the issue dedicated to Rush 
Limbaugh and stopped. ^^; But this is significantly after that, so let's see how 
it goes...

> 	CC's thoughts flashed back to the vision of his mask in his hand, and
> his own question: "Where does the mask end and the man begin?"  He noticed
> then that Judak's eyes were upon him.
> 	"No," CC answered.  "I'm more than just the sum of my powers."

Okay, this is a strong conflict.

> 	"So be it, then," CC repeated.  He began systematically shutting off
> his powers, using his Knight of Continuity abilities to block them one by
> one.  First went his flight powers, then the nanites in his blood, which
> provided him with increased strength and rapid healing.  Next went his mutant
> powers to affect reality, then those he'd gained from the bite of a
> radioactive wombat.

I always enjoyed his ridiculous origins and arrays of powers.

> 	Lethal Lawyer jumped, his eyes not yet adjusted to the gloom.  "Y-yes.

"Someone who can unnerve a Lethal Lawyer" is a big thing to say about your 
character. Do they live up to it? u.U

> 	It would not be long until Analith Darryth Rath was no more.
> 	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*
> 	The end began in earnest an hour later.

That's a good sentence.

> 	The grave hadn't kept him, though; a few months afterward, strange
> retcotheric energies had revived him -- as a zombie.  Those same energies now
> also powered his shotgun, energies that Continuity Champ was particularly
> vulnerable to.


> He raised
> his gun and fired.
> 	On pure reflex, CC ignited his scimitar with a snap-hiss and dove to
> one knee, dodging the retcotheric plasma.

I would've thought one's reflexes would mostly concentrate on the dodging. o3o

> 	Both combatants rocked back on their heels, momentarily startled by
> the unexpected turn of events.  Then Clint raised his gun...
> 	... and time slowed to a crawl...
> 	... and CC reached forward...
> 	... and Clint squeezed the trigger...
> 	... and CC's hand was on the barrel...
> 	... and Clint felt the gun begin to kick...
> 	... and CC twisted the gun's barrel away from him...
> 	... and then the gun discharged...
> 	... and then time resumed its normal course, as the blast whizzed
> past CC to gouge a crater in the wall.

That's pretty rad.

> Clint was reborn in CC&DDs #6 by recotheric (magical) energies associated
> with the RISE OF THE MID.NET SONS incidents (which, incidentally, Josh
> tells me is still a work in progress =).

As far as I'm aware, this never became a thing. X3

> 	"Ah, zis iz just an experiment.  Of zorts.  You probably don't
> remember me, but my name iz Vapid Vetrinarian."


> 	"Of course.  I knew you looked familiar.  The LNH hasn't heard
> from you in a long time.  Not since Bad-Timing Boy took you down single-
> handed."

Nice. X3

> 	It was then that the wall crumbled in.  A strangely armored figure
> jumped through the hole, weapons at the ready.  "IKUZEIIIIII!!!!!"  CC
> recognized him as longtime LNH foe Manga Man.
> 	Manga Man dashed over to where CC was imprisioned and slashed the
> straps holding him.  "Quickly, Champion, before the scientist unveils his
> plan."  CC sat up.

Interesting that this happens right after Manga Man's hero turn in Unlikely Aliens.

> 	"It's like this: we rodents have been picked on for too long.  We
> need someone to stand up for us.  And that's gonna be me."  The mouse
> lept toward -- and through -- the ceiling.  As he flew away, he could be
> heard exclaming, "Here I come to save the day!"


> 	CC gazed after the vetrinarian for a moment, shrugged, then turned
> back to Manga Man.  "I suppose I owe you for freeing me, or that mouse
> might have gotten all my power."
> 	"Think nothing of it.  But there is one thing I do ask in return."
> 	"What's that?"
> 	"Die, gaijin dog!"  Manga Man produced a sword from nowhere and
> sliced at CC.  The Champion ducked just in time to keep his head attached
> to his body.

I should incorporate this into my characterization at some point.

> 	"Fight me, Champion!  For I am Thread Bear!  I am your doom!"
> 	CC turned to the fourth wall.  "Oh, brother..."


> 	"I'm sure he's fine," Crossword Master said, though he was not
> sure of anything of the sort.  "After all, this is Continuity Champ we're
> talking about.  And the Drizzt did confirm that the energy signature from
> when he disappeared was a teleportational one.

Well that takes the tension out of it. X3

> 	"Yes, that's right,"  CC said over the telephone.  "Two supervillains,
> not one.  Yes, I was attacked by another one right after I talked to you
> last."  He paused, listening to the testy words of the cop on the other
> line.  "No,I don't know how much it costs to house prisoners in the
> superhuman wing."

I mean, this is Net.ropolis. They have to have a pretty big one.

> 	"Your arrogance will be your undoing!" CC said.
> 	"And your ability to rehash old movie lines will be yours!" MudMerc
> responded.


> 	"You seem to be enjoying this too much for a true villain!" CC said
> as the fight continued.

...wouldn't enjoying fighting a hero be *more* villainous?

> 	Suddenly, it emerged from out of the shadows... a large purple
> dinosaur with felt-like skin. It was approximately 10-feet tall, but
> it had a menacing grin that easily could have been two feet across.
> 	He had heard stories of such a monster. It was called Barry, the
> Grinning Purple Nightmare. From what he had heard of the mindless
> minion of sponge, it was nearly impossible to kill.

Surprising that such a being would be driven by money. X3

> 	His name was Homage, and his goal was to be rich.  Rich beyond
> his wildest imaginations.  Filthy rich, with enough money to get clean
> and then filthy again.


> 	Above Net.ropolis, four slacker giants played volleyball amongst
> the stately skyscrapers.  Every smash brought more wanton destruction to
> the scenic downtown.

What the... O.o Is this a reference to something?

> Champ clenched his hands in fury.  If ever there
> was a reason to reclaim his powers, surely this was it.  Even RetConan
> would understand...but no.  He had given his word.

Also I thought you literally couldn't right now

> 	"Of course, some sort of dimensional shift!  My former cosmic
> awareness must have sensitized my normal faculties to see this hidden
> crime. 

Sure, why not?

> 	"Where were you during Retcon Hour?"  The answer was hip-deep in a
> game of Jenga, but no way would Champ admit that.


> 	"I am Continuity Champ..."
> 	"Oooh I, ah, see.  Sorry sir, I'll just be popping off for a quick
>   drink...."
> 	"...even though I renounced my powers."
> 	"Do tell.


> His eyes boggled under his mask, then he leapt at the
> reflecting pane.  CC had appeared to be a giant, irresistable bottle of
> an adult beverage!
> 	A massive thirst assailed him, and Darryth found himself thinking
> how delicious he'd be, once he pried his own head off.

That's intense. X3

> There was
> indignant fury in the Timeline Troubadour's voice.  "Using innocent,
> thirsty citizens for his nefarious means.  This Time Whino will be
> stopped...cold.  Powers or no."

Okay, points for both using an alliterative epithet and giving a nicely heroic 

> 	"Is this how we'll die?  Trapped in a black and white photo?"
> 	"It's not an escape ploy I use often," TW snapped.


> 	"Lord Ebon or Time Crapper?"
> 	"Crapper!  He was the genius that created me."
> 	CC whispered, "Time Crapper was a moron."
> 	"You'll pay for that, Eyesore!"  In his fury, Time Whino actually
> moved, slamming a can to the black-and-white tarmac.

That's pretty good, TBH. X3

> [Next time:  Time runs out, as CC faces the unleashed might of the
>   Brotherhood of Net.Villains!  This is the one you've been waiting for,
>   the one you can't live without!

I mean. I'm mildly interested.

> 	Vapid Vetrinarian and Manga Man must belong to somebody.  <shrug>


Drew "SHEESH" Perron

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