LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #40: The Crimes of the Brotherhood Part Three

[Drew Perron]

On 12/17/2017 8:27 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> Firstly, we have Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes with the first issue ofInsanity Unlimited that
> deals with the David Lynch film 'Eraserhead' or maybe it's the Brotherhood
> of Net.Villain.. guess you'll have to read it to find out.

Drizzt seems like the kind of person who would reference that.

>                             INSANITY UNLIMITED #1
>                            "Big Monsters And Stuff"

Scary Monsters and Super Freaks

> 	Deep beneath the streets of Net.ropolis, in a secret subterranean
> chamber, lived a beast known only as the Egaboo.  Its true origins are
> unknown, having been retconned at least half a dozen times.  However, they
> are not important.  What is important about the Egaboo is that it has
> spawned over one hundred eggs, and in a matter of months, or perhaps weeks,
> or perhaps days, its brood will hatch, burrow up through the earth, and
> attack the denizens of Net.ropolis.
> 
> 	Unfortunately, this story is not about the Egaboo.  I just thought
> you'd like to know in case you live in the city, what with insurance rates
> already going through the roof.

*snerk*

> 	What this story is about is a man named Mr. Homage.  Well, actually,
> that isn't his name at all, but it is the title he has taken at present.

He stole it from the Silver Age Mister Homage.

> 	There was one member of the Brotherhood, though, for whom this
> proved difficult.  His name was Eraserhead.

Oh, that guy

> 	After long years of scrimping and saving, he'd at last accumulated
> enough purchase points to get his dream machine from the Villain Home
> Shopping Network.

I want a story about VHSN

> 	"No, you mylar moron!  The Massmaster 2000 is the cutting edge of
> hypergrowth technology!  It allows a living subject who wears it to grow
> in size and mass by importing it from an extradimensional source."  He
> whirled dramatically, his cape flaring.
> 
> 	"And I know exactly who that subject should be..."

DUN DUN DUNNNNN

> 	They called him Eraserhead.  This, of course, was no more his
> name that Mr. Homage was Mr. Homage's true name. 

Oh, that's strange and mystical and--

> His true name was the
> word "Graaauhhhh" said with just the precise tone and inflection.

ah X3

> 	Where was I?  Ah, yes.  Mr. Homage had encountered the creature he
> dubbed Eraserhead during his transdimensional jaunt.  Why did it follow him?
> Even he had no explanation.  All he knew was that it followed him everywhere,
> did as he bade it, and protected him from harm.  Its orgins and its motives
> mattered nothing to him, since Eraserhead appeared to be mindless.

Imperialism.jpg

> 	Unfortunately, while this made Eraserhead the perfect minion, it
> made his developing a plan somewhat problematic.  But now, with the
> Massmaster 2000, Homage had the perfect plan.
> 
> 	Net.ropolis was used to disasters, but what havoc would a 100 foot
> tall Eraserhead cause?

Wait, how will this achieve profit

> 	Substitute Lad was leisurely sipping his Bola Cola (the official
> soft drink of the LNH)

Mr. Paprika *definitely* existed by this point, that's all I'm saying

> 	"All right, you asked for it!"  Chloro Phil summoned his plant-based
> powers and caused a giant dandelion to grow almost instantly.  "You sow the
> wind, creature.  Now reap my whirlwind!"  He puffed mightily, scattering the
> fuzzy weed upward, into Eraserhead's face.  For the first time, the giant
> monster stopped.
> 
> 	"GRRRA-" it moaned.
> 
> 	"GRRRA-" it growled.
> 
> 	"GRRRA-" it began again.
> 
> 	"GRRRAAAAA-CHOOOOO!!!!!!"

Okay, that's pretty good.

> 	Kid Yesterdaze bent over the unconscious plant-man.  "Looks like he's
> still alive.  I guess."  He shook Chloro Phil, earning a groan from the
> prone hero.  "Yep, he's alive."

I was honestly unsure, so that's a relief.

> Supernatural energies
> flowed through him, weaving together to form the shape of a Rabid Wombat.
> 
> 	"I looove that picture," he muttered to himself, gesturing the
> wombat forward and heaping enchantments upon it. 

SAME. :D

> 	It was about that time that he stomped on yet another net.hero.
> 
> 	He was proud.  He was powerful.  He was Canadian.
> 
> 	And he was in an Insanity comic, so he was dead.

Siiiiiiiigh. ^^; "Lame character is overconfident and dies gorily" is one of my 
least favorite superhero tropes.

> 	"Hmmmm," CM said, furrowing his brow in concentration.  "It's
> possible... but it would take me at least 15 minutes.  And we'd have to
> shunt him to another dimension.  Space travel is too iffy.  And we'd need a
> refractor.  And some mangoes, of course.  Can't build an extradimensional
> transposer without mango juice.  And a power source of some kind.

I love this characterization.

> 	"And Sue can do the same," Yesterdaze said.  "Go ahead," he said to
> Psuedonymph.  "Copy Sub Lad copying Contraption Man."

This really reminds me of the Lee/Kirby Fantastic Four... in that it has the man 
telling the woman to use her powers instead of the woman just using her powers. @-@
> 	"What about a power source?  We'll need something with a lot of
> kick," Contraption Man #3 said.
> 
> 	"Will a fireball suffice?" the Master of the Gathering asked.  "Or
> several Lightning Bolts?"

I really enjoy the "diverse characters combining powersets to achieve their 
goal" trope, though. <3

> 	Mr. Homage watched as his most loyal follower disappeared.  He sighed,
> then turned back to his clone-making machine, inserting his cell sample
> for Eraserhead.  If at first you don't succeed...

Nice.

> 	Graaauhhh? he thought to himself (which, when translated from
> Eraserheadese, means "Is this the one I have looked for for so long?").
> 
> 	Graaauhhh, he noted silently (which means, "It sure looks like her.")
> 
> 	At last, he made a decision and spoke to the other.  "Graaauhhh?"
> (translation: "Momma?")
> 
> 	The other spoke back.  "Graaauhhh?  Graaauhhh!"  ("Junior?  My, how
> you've grown since the last time I saw you...")

D'awwwww.

> AMNESIA in "Precious Memories"
> 
> 	Amnesia sat in the briefing room.  It had been minutes since Mr.
> Homage's briefing.  That much she remembered.  But what had he said?  It
> had been important, she was certain.  If only she could remember...  She
> began her usual subject litanty.
> 
> 	Aardvarks?  No, not ardvaarks...

Awwwwwww. <3

Drew "that's good stuff" Perron