LNH20: LNH20 Comics Presents #21 [1/2]

[Drew Perron]

On 1/19/2018 12:24 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> Over five years ago, on the somehow still-existing newsgroup called 
> rec.arts.comics.creative, a bunch of people decided to make a new LNH world to 
> celebrate its 20th anniversary, because why not. This spawned a surprisingly 
> elaborate superhero and complex shared universe that never quite died out.
> 
> Now, a new era in the history of the Legion of Net.Heroes of Earth-20 begins with…
> 
> ————
> LNH20 Comics Presents #21:
> "New Americana"
> by Jeanne Morningstar
> ————

I got to read the first draft of this a while ago, and I was So Pumped for this 
new status quo. It's taken a bit of Surviving the Rough Times, but 2018 is 
absolutely ready for this. :D

> FIVE YEARS LATER:
> It started when Facebook fired their human moderators and switched their 
> newsfeed to a machine algorithm. A powerful machine intelligence was on hand to
> shape this to their advantage: Ultravac. It now controlled the flow of 
> information that a vast majority of Americans saw.
> 
> Within six months it ruled the world.

You know, this is funny, but on the other hand it isn't @-@

> Welcome to the age of WHATEVER.

"Which age did you say it was?"
"The age of WHATEVER."
"Look, it's okay if you don't really care, but at least tell me--"

> Asma Abdul was preparing to go to the mall to grab some chili cheese fries, but 
> was interrupted by a knock on the door.
Oh yeah, I forgot she was a Jubilee homage. :D

> It was three skull-faced cyborgs with 
> worryingly large guns. Must be door-to-door missionaries again, she thought.

Heeheehee

> She recognized these things--Newsreavers, state-of-the-art anti-terror cyborgs 
> developed by the US military.

That is such a good pun.

> She'd been told they were only eviscerating people 
> who deserved it, but now they were being used increasingly on US soil.

Remember when people getting taken from their homes and places of work on US 
soil was just a horrible vision of a dark future? Ahahaha fuck the immigration 
system @@

> "Ah'm as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room fulla rockin' chairs!" said the 
> Phonetic Accent Kid.

Heeheeheehee

> "Hey, don't worry too much," said Pantra. "You're the new member with kinda 
> goofy powers who's never been seen before and is charging into a big scary 
> battle... Yeah, you're probably gonna die. Sorry."

I mean, to be fair, it's the LNH, we *all* have kinda goofy powers. You're 
standing next to Nerf Girl.

> "We don't know that!" said Sigrid. "I mean... okay, the odds aren't great. 
> But..." She shrugged. "I'm not so great with this whole hope thing. I wish 
> Otherkin Lad were here. But... yeah. If you die, I'll kick your killers' asses 
> so hard they'll feel it in the afterlife. Promise."

That's extremely badass

> Then she unsheathed her crossbow and made a flying 
> leap. "KIYAAAAA---" She was knocked out of the air by a passing pigeon and 
> crashlanded in the bushes. "OK, let's try that again..."

I love it X3

> "Skull emoji skull emoji skull emoji skull emoji!" shouted Asma. "Dang it. Why 
> can't I use emojis on usenet?"

<Library Lad> See!?

> Their conversation was interrupted by dramatic slow clapping and gutiar strings.
> 
> "Wha--"
> 
> _Well you can run for a long time, run on for a long time, run on for a long 
> time, sooner or later God'll cut you down._

NICE.

> A young woman landed on the head of the car. Her short hair was dyed a deep 
> blue. She wore bright femme-y clothing under a black trenchcoat that flapped 
> dramatically in the wind. In her hand she held a pink and white Nerf Rebelle 
> crossbow, and a Nerf sword was sheathed by her side.
> 
> "Like, whoa! It's Nerf Girl!"

The Nerf Rebelle line is so perfect for her??? Like unnecessary gendering on the 
one hand, but on the other, hard femme badassery

> "Argh! It'll take forever to fill out the paperwork to repair that guy! You 
> dollar sign pound sign at sign exclamation point!"
> 
> "Uh, those you can actually say," said the decapitated Newsreaver.

Heeheehee

> She dusted off her hand. "I'm Nerf Girl. What do you think?
> 
> "Like, that was really cool, but the car's going to crash."
> 
> "Oh."

*snerk*

> "Damn it," she muttered. 
> "Whenever I get somewhere with a girl, there's always cyborgs. Or demons. Or 
> cowboys. I hate all those things."

...do we have any cowboy LNHers? And if not, why not?

> "Look, kid, I'm the experienced hero here. You just have to do what I say."
> 
> "Aren't you, like, four years older than me?"
> 
> "That's forever in superhero years."

It's true

> By then, the other Legionnaires had caught up with them. "Hi!" said Pantra. "I'm 
> Pantra. I'm a cat."

You *are*! :D

> "Look, could you try to stick to one accent per conversation?" said Sigrid. Then 
> she saw laser pointers of the sniper rifles pointing at them. Pantra started 
> batting hers around.

Heeheehee

> "Are those cyborgs?" said Pantra.
> 
> "Yep," said Nerf Girl.
> 
> "Can I rip out their body parts?"
> 
> "Yep."
> 
> "Good!"

Heeheeheehee

> Meanwhile, Sigrid blasted away at more of the robots, while Phonetic Accent Kid, 
> who didn't really have anything to add to this fight scene, made himself a 
> cappuccino.

*snerk*

> *****
> 
> THE LEGION OF NET.HEROES
> will outlast all social networks and dance on the grave of Twitter
> 
> *****

:D :D :D Yessss

> Something charged through the room and crashed through the window. It was... A 
> hulking armored cyborg with a horse's head, wielding a massive sword, riding 
> atop a mechanical horse with the head of a balding middle-aged man.
> 
> "I am the Horse-Man!" said the Horse-Man, raising its massive meat cleaver of a 
> sword. "And this is my Man-Horse!"
> 
> The Man-Horse reared on its hind legs. "Moooo!" it bellowed.

I just bust out laughing at "Moooo!" Like, it's super silly and then that just 
kicks it over the top. X3

> She slung her crossbow on her back and drew her sword with a smooth, practiced 
> motion (probably it was stock footage).

Heeheehee

> Her own Nerf blade cut a notch into the side 
> of Horse-Man's cleaver.

That is such a good sentence.

> As the Horse-Man pressed his sword against hers, 
> fighting to strike her down, Pantra, wiggling her butt, leaped up for an attack.

D'awwww who's a good girl

> She saw this queer, biracial girl, 
> who wasn't much older than her, fighting it out with the giant 
> horse-man-cyborg,. Looking at Nerf Girl, she felt like she could be a hero.

Awwwwww. <3

> Somehow even though they were going at top speed, they never 
> ran into anyone or hit any red lights. Obviously this was a hero's car.

Heeheehee

> "Look out!" said Sigrid. "Something's following us!" A red streak came through 
> the sky--a man with long hair, and a blue cape and a belt with "N" written on 
> it. It was none other than the man who had been a founding member of the Legion 
> and was now a champion of the SPAMMER Initiative--Doc Nostalgia.

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Drew "TO BE CONTINUED..." Perron